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"Svengali Meditation"

Your twilight comes quickly
on my lusting savannah
as all nights fall.

Yet I had hopes this dusk would stay its hand
at tender persistance
from your sultry fingers,
so swift to caress,
complementing eyes so hesistant to anger.

Awakening in breeze-kissed grasses
inundated by velvet indigo,
I sigh, malcontent,
awaiting daybreak.
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"Ophelia"

Flesh so white,
for the blood which ran fervent,
tinging it pink,
has chilled.

Woman
Reverted to sleeping child
Converted to silent tableau
of madness.

Her lover's away;
Strange fingers lap gently
against her body, rocking her
in slumber.

Ophelia,
newfound sea nymph,
her glory robbed by cruel water,
breath stolen from her lips.
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"The Wall"

Fingertips splayed,
I press to the glass that shadows light,
standing in dusk
my breath misting.
A crack appears beneath my palm,
a tiny spiderweb.
The flash of my reflected eye,
more knowing from the other side,
catches a glint from beyond my cloaked half-madness,
taunting me;
for this barrier will not shatter
to relieve my muddled spirit.

Fractures compound
into a latticework that refracts the hiding glow
bringing blindness deeper
rather than revelation.
Dry sobs come
with my forehead gracing this wall;
relief stays distant
for I cannot break through.
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"Rehearsal"

Standing in the limelight
Contemplating applause,
I anticipate the audience.

Adrenaline courses through me.
Glaring follow spot and
Sweat beneath makeup
Distract my character.
My voice warms to scripted lines,
Resounding among empty seats
Of unending red upholstery.

Sudden metamorphosis
Patterns shift as I,
A woman who is a moth,
Become a butterfly
Graceful in unfamiliar garb.
Diaphanous wings luminesce
In borrowed colors.
Myself, yet not myself,
I await the crowd,
Transforming, for no one.

Absorbed,
I do not see the hollow house before me;
I play the orchestrated motions
Until the spotlight slips away.

The red curtain,
Swaying,
Draws to a close.
I long for applause
As I come back to myself,
Grovelling to a vacant room.

Blackout
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Sorrow

Dry wind
Sweeping into my car
Hair blowing in hot desert air
Driving, forever
Sand stretched out as far as I can see
Vast emptiness, nothingness
Dried tears on my face and a broken radio
Your mournful guitar on my mind
So far from home
Infinitely travelling with no end in sight
Flatness, a void
Storm rolling over the desert sky
Darkness that is only a veil, not true
The sun is hiding
But no rain comes.
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"She"

She walks
alone
on a rusty, barren plain
her throat is raw
from echoing screams
She walks
She walks
She walks
the pounding in her head
makes her wish she were dead
the sun bears down
blinding her eyes
baking her flesh
her sightless eyes search still
for peace
She walks on
She walks on
She crawls
choking on dry dust
the color of red rust
She mingles with the ants
She lives in hell
She still has hope
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"Indecision"

I stared, amazed, at the empty doorway
A threshold into so many black nights
Without stars, without glory
Golden sun setting on a bleak tomorrow behind me
One last glitter behind bleak horizons
Then no more.
My lover is Out There. Somewhere.
I can only go forward into night, cloaked night
For every minute I hesitate
An endless vista separates us
Terrains and sorrows both
My heaven is gone behind me
Like a path in an enchanted forest
I do not wish to stay
Alone, in this purgatorio, though
The inferno lies ahead
"Go forward," I tell him silently,
Though he is but a memory
And needs no encouragement from me
"I will follow." And I will.
But where? And wherefore?
"Love." I respond to air.
I gently plant a foot ouside; the rains have begun
Gooseflesh swells on my thighs
I have a foot in my grave
But somewhere, he calls
He will leave me behind
If I choose to stay
"Go forward," I tell him.
"I will follow"
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"hitchhiker"

i catch a ride with a dark haired stranger
standing alone in a heat mirage
desolate in sight and sound and feeling
his metal chariot rolls my way
he asks where i am going
i tell him i am following the wind
going wherever it goes when it passes
he considers this and lights a cigarette
through the heat, cold wind slices me
lifts the veils from our faces
there are millenia in his eyes, galaxies in his gaze
in the smoke rings he puffs into the breeze
where it picks up his exhalation, smoke dances on an icy wind
i watch enviously; they so easily, of no substance, go where i go
i commit their path to memory; they fade as he looks at me
tells me he can take me
where i wish to go
he has been there; he remembers the way
i jump into his iron cage; we then ride for an age
graying hair plastered to my head in strings
he hums a song; the melody is lost on me
the words i do not know
scenes change with subtleties, ancient features sprout wings
skies darken, overcast clouds grow obscene
trees slither, colors melt like crayons in the sun
i'm back to the horrid shades of grey
still but before the fall
we arrive after time to this glory i covet
here in the void of half-heartedness i belong
the center of a black glacier
gnarled trees devoid of leaves litter the landscape
which has not grass nor greenery
abuses my eyesight
no delicate pools of sunlight
the only existance is that caught by the wind
like me
unheard whispers of violent rage
ghosts of raindrops
and the smoke rings
beams of light shattered in fog
angry shouts, lonesome sobs, naked willow branches
lost melodies
evil shadows beneath a wicked sun
where the tide never comes
where demons reside
where banshees rule minds
echoes of their screams resounding in my head
like music
the sharp edge of a copper blade that, even clean, smells of blood
my stranger a wistful apparition
the ground is saturated
my feet are stained
i have attained my fate
a cold hell for a cold woman
like me
Back to Top




I sit and stare out my window
as the sun sets on my paradise
flinging carelessly upon it cold night
and dark thoughts pervade my mind
seeking refuge
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"Shepherd"

I have my dark nights of soul
and you stand
firmly by me
like a gentle man to lead back
lost sheep.
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"Selfish

My soul cries out to yours
knowing
I've caused pain
my tears flow and
wet the page and
blur the ink
there must be a better existance for us
than what I create.
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lost my sight and found it
in your eyes
lost my way and found it
in your footsteps
lost my heart and found it
in your hands
Back to Top




a world where shape is meaningless
sharp corners are blurred
into soft angles where one thing
merges into another doors never
open and somehow that is the
freest form of movement hands
of a dali clock count days and
millennia
never hours melting swords of steel fall
through the air and nestle in the sand feels
hot between my toes
we hold hands
across a tiny canyon you kiss me
but not me, a shell of a woman
who roamed the earth and never knew
what love was. my eyes
are tunnels
to my soul love won't you fall in?
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"Lovechild"

Do you see
when you look at me
a child?
I can be your lovechild
start a garden
and chase the butterflies away
young and free while the sun flies high
until the sky is shadowed
we light fires within us
I become a woman
no longer a child
we sweat and love and sleep
until the rising sun
lovechild returns
our garden of love flourishes
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"Storm Clouds"

Fury unleashed raves in the sky
Barely held in check by whatever gods there may be
Threatening terrible wrath to bear down
Something above weeps
Persephone has not attended her mother
What deserves such scorn?
Darkness spreads, a disease, infectious
Clouds slide along in drones, hordes
Sailing along like a silent Roman army
Pulled like a blanket over us
Are we to suffocate?
I feel this is so.
I'm cold
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"Polaris"

The first star of twilight
Embedded in a sky that is still
So blue
I wonder if its nearby
Too close to remain hidden
Until the sun as left us
Or
Maybe the brightest star
Shining with its special lustre
As darkness cloaks a drowsing earth
Still the only star to be seen
Unto the twilight hours
When other stars are veiled by the fading sun
Already flashing
Demanding to be seen
Before night comes, and it's lost
Among a sea of light.
Back to Top




"Guilty

Has our innocence been
Stolen and beaten in
Never to be captured again
Torn without thread to mend
Have our souls been sold?
We've been falsely told
Pushed out in the cold
As my conscience rolled
Let my feelings show?
Heart of ice and snow
You ought to know
I finally hit a low
Can't ask Him to forgive
Wondering how I'll live
Treading lightly, ever furtive
Give and take, or merely give?
And if I ask, will I be let in?
I want to be washed of sin
Guilt like needles and pins
I might as well seek salvation again.
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"Dark Philosophy"

Torrents of rain circle my thoughts
Like wardrums, and screams of righteous pain
Morose thoughts, neither black nor white but
Sinister shades of grey
Like the night. Silent and cold
There are no answers tonight, only questions
And variations of the same
Shadows cross my face as I stare at the ceiling
Clear shadows, raindrops on the fabric of time
This night I face my mortality
I fear this a good day to die.
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"Undercurrents"

Self-contained
and I can be alone in the middle of a crowd
in music
when words do not entice me
I pick up the melody of the strings and let the violin
carry me away
finding new depths.
Back to Top




"Campus"

Walking where the trees are
Misillumined
Roses bloom in rainbows
Unwilting
Fountains spill their water shamelessly
From sprigots and cherubs' urns
while I watch.
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My childish anguish
in my woman's eyes
being so far from you.
Back to Top




A charade of a thousand voices
A parade of a thousand masks
Grotesque in their Mardi Gras grandiosity
Smiling lips and screaming, hollow eyes
Such as it is
Such as it is.
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"Burning Incense"

A stream of smoke writhing
Blossoming
While sun filters through
Filtering
Into gossamer dragons
And spun-sugar scrolls
Spinning
Endlessly tumbling
An intricate dance
To melt into shadows.
Melting
Dripping ghostly prisms
Without rainbows
Without puddles
Once
So often
The pinnacle
Convenit
(orchestral)
A collapsing universe
But it all fades away.
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"Inebriation"


You are the wine in my glass
Swirling darkly in my open palm
Glinting light
Sending up your intoxicating fumes for my perusal
I taste your richness on my tongue
Dizzying
Soft vertigo
Sending me drifting warmly
Falling into burgundy slumber
And you
My breathless passion
You are the empty bottle in the morning.
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-=Haiku Series=-

Shimmer reflections
Vague in soft autumn moonlight
I see my own face.


Passion swells between
Lovemaking in green grasses
Rising temperature.


Stiffened courtesy
As we sit in our silence
Waiting politely.


Fumbling embarrassed
Searching for missing car keys
Watching the dawn break.


My heart thus breaking
Emptiness flowing around
My soul is sinking


Rapidly beating
Fear crashing, coursing through me
Heart shatters as ice


These are the best times
Silence, golden memory
Watching the sun set


Beautiful you are
Watching a warm glow lighting
Upon tender flesh


Stroke of artist's brush
Worth much more than all of this
Language diminishes


Find you lost from me
Turning and seeing you're gone
Tears pricking my eyes


my soul splits like atoms
repulsed by sudden loneliness
I've lost you




My reckless heart falls
Unadnorned, within, without
Love to last an age.




-=End Haiku=-
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"Oblivious"

Dreamily fading from reality
Words lose meaning
Noise buzzing in my ears
Fluorescents abusing my sight
Words forget their sense
Droning in thick air
Fading away
Fading away
Oblivious
Sinister overtones that I cannot comprehend
Electric around me
I am the eye of the hurricane
Fading away
Fading away
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"Amnesia Sunrise

Embers fade
Glowing grown chilled
Time for you to go
Find the frigid morning
Warm sheets falling from hot skin
Stare at me with pleading eyes
I turn from you
Daylight breaks and leaves me lonesome
For I send you away.
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"Later"

Do not think to leave me
When sunsets die and youth melts away
protect me from the passing years
As passion and fire dull to strong warmth
Our hands familiar
Eroded by gentle time to fit
Silences full of knowing
Do not think to leave me
When rosy flesh weathers
And beauty's ideal alters
Encompassing all my yearnings to have you near me always
Don't ever think to leave me
Remain by my side
Kiss my tender flesh
And watch the time pass further by
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"Neptune's Bride"

He danced with me atop the sea
Riding restless waves
The water glass, light glinting brass
His warmth my body craved
Thus we twirled as water swirled
Eyes becoming heated
We reached the sand, welcomed dry land
As lust became conceited
We lost the time, 'twas quite sublime
Kisses grew more bold
We raced such heat with caresses sweet
Before the shore grew cold.
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