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  • You know you've spent too much time on the computer when you spill milk and the first thing you think is, 'edit, undo.'

  • Someday I'll find that peer and reset his connection!

  • The truth is out there? Does anyone know the URL?

  • Home is where you hang your @

  • Claiming that your operating system is the best in the world because more people use it is like saying McDonalds makes the best food in the world.

  • DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.

  • Love is Hate. War is Peace. Windows is stable.

  • Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I...

  • A computer without Microsoft is like a chocolate cake without mustard.

  • Failure is not acceptable. It comes bundled with Windows.

  • W.I.N.D.O.W.S - Will Install Necessary Drivers, Or Won't Start

  • The Windows98 Eveready Bunny: It's still loading, and loading...

  • If an infinite number of computer programmers programmed for an infinite number of years, they would eventually come up with a working operating system. Bill Gates, being impatient, gave them two days and took the first one that was finished.

  • Hidden DOS secret: add BUGS=OFF to your CONFIG.SYS

  • 'Apple Macintosh' - An anagram of 'Complaints Heap'

  • If Bill Gates had a dime for every time a Windows box crashed...oh, wait a minute - he already does.

  • Customer: "I'm running Windows '98" Tech: "Yes." Customer: "My computer isn't working now." Tech: "Yes, you said that."

  • M.A.C.I.N.T.O.S.H. - Machine Always Crashes, If Not, The Operating System Hangs

  • The best accelerator available for a Mac is one that causes it to go at 9.8 m/s2

  • Your mouse has moved. Windows must be restarted for the change to take effect. Reboot now? [ OK ]

  • Back in the mid to late 80's, an IBM compatible computer wasn't considered a hundred percent compatible unless it could run Microsoft's Flight Simulator.

  • "There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home." --Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977.

  • "If I'm not on-line, I'm waiting for Windows to restart"

  • In 1949, forecasting the relentless march of science, Popular Mechanics said "Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons."

  • VMS is a text-only adventure game. If you win you can use Unix.

  • When you open Windows, bugs get in!

  • The big difference between UNIX and VMS: To do anything on UNIX, you need to know an obscure command. To do anything on VMS, you need to know an obscure option to SET.

  • A Windows user spends 1/3 of his life sleeping, 1/3 working, 1/3 waiting

  • Windows isn't a virus, viruses do something

  • Beat me, whip me, make me use Windows !

  • Difference between a virus and windows? Viruses rarely fail

  • A computer is like an air-conditioned house, so don't open Windows!

  • Error #152 - Windows not found: (C)heer (P)arty (D)ance

  • Have you crashed your Windows today ?

  • Windows 3.1 - The best $89 solitaire game you can buy

  • Windows NT: Insert wallet into Drive A: and press any key to empty

  • "When the grammar checker identifies an error, it suggests a correction and can even makes some changes for you." - Microsoft Word for Windows 2.0 User's Guide.

  • Microsoft Windows: Proof that P.T. Barnum was correct

  • The software said Windows 95 or better, so I got a Mac...

  • The biggest problem with Macs is the incessant whine that comes from the user.

  • I don't do .INI, .BAT, or .SYS files. I don't assign apps to files... I don't configure peripherals or networks before using them... I have a computer to do all that... I have a Macintosh.

  • Windows users often swear at their PC's whereas Mac users often swear by their Macs.

  • A computer without a Microsoft operating system is like a dog without bricks tied to its head.

  • FreeBSD is like a Wigwam. No Windows, no Gates, and an Apache inside.

  • Linux... because I'm better than you.

  • Linux. The choice of a GNU generation.

  • Name one nice thing about Windows? It doesn't just crash, it displays a dialog box and lets you press 'OK' first.

  • Unix is user friendly - it's just picky about it's friends.

  • "Windows 95 - All you ever wanted in an operating system, and less..."

  • Microsoft is not the answer. Microsoft is the question. "No" is the answer!

  • Microsoft manager to programmer: "You start coding. I'll go find out what they want."

  • Linux renders ships. NT is rendering ships useless...

  • Linux means productivity and fun. NT means "Not Today".

  • If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce today would cost $100, get a million miles to the gallon, and explode once every few weeks, killing everyone inside.

  • Linux: Because rebooting is for adding new hardware.

  • Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.

  • Students nowadays, complaining they only get 5MBs of disk space! In my day we were lucky if we had one file, and that was /dev/null. 

  • Excuse me for butting in, but I'm interrupt-driven...

  • Back when I was a boy, we carved our own IC's out of wood.

  • God is real... unless declared an integer.

  • C.O.B.O.L - Completely Obsolete Boring Old Language.

  • Beta testers who lie! Next time on Geraldo!

  • Sleep: A completely inadequate substitute for caffeine.

  • Programmers never die: They just GOSUB without RETURN.

  • C Programmers do it recursively

  • Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.

  • Error: Sector not found -- search behind couch? (Y/N)

  • As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.

  • File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)

  • Three things are certain: Death, taxes, and lost data. Guess which has occurred...

  • "Historically speaking, the presence of wheels in Unix has never precluded their reinvention." - Larry Wall

  • Epigram: Ada is the 400-pound gorilla of programming languages.

  • The programmer's national anthem is 'AAAAAAAARRRRGHHHHH!!'.

  • I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.

  • FATAL ERROR! SYSTEM HALTED! - Press any key to do nothing...

  • Application has reported a 'Not My Fault' in module KRNL.EXE in line 0200:103F

  • BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go!

  • A computer is like an Old Testament god, with a lot of rules and no mercy. - Joseph Campbell

  • Hey! It compiles! Ship it!

  • Real programmers don't document. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to understand.

  • Whip me. Beat me. Make me maintain AIX.

  • APATHY ERROR: Don't bother striking any key.

  • "If the Start Windows Restart when Windows starts check box is checked Windows Restart will start automatically every time Windows is started." - Actual excerpt from a windows program help file!

  • Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay...

  • Press any key to continue or any other key to quit...

  • I read the FM, and it didn't work.

  • PCMCIA - People Can't Memorise Computer Industry Acronyms

  • Life's unfair - but root password helps!

  • You've heard about the computer programmer that died while washing his hair in the shower. The instructions said, 'Lather, rinse, repeat.'

  • C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot. C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg. - Bjarne 'Stumpy' Stroustrup

  • Finish the project. We'll buy you a new family.

  • 665.9238429876 - Number of the Pentium Beast

  • Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.

  • Linux renders ships, NT is rendering ships useless.

  • Carpe Aptenodytes! (Seize the Penguins!)

  • Computer Science: solving today's problems tomorrow.

  • Programming graphics in X is like finding sqrt(pi) using Roman numerals.

  • RTFM: No just an acronym, it's the LAW!

  • Software isn't released, it's allowed to escape.

  • This message has been brought to you by the language C and the number F.

  • Fine, fine, everything is fine. But using your GUI's breaking my mind! Change this, don't change that, can't you redesign!!! (to the tune of 'read the signs')

  • I feel like a genocidal maniac when emacs asks me if I want to kill 10789 characters.

  • ACK and you shall receive.

  • The three most dangerous things are a programmer with a soldering iron, a manager who codes, and a user who gets ideas.

  • Once we've got the bugs ironed out, we'll be running on flat bugs.

  • Let's face the obvious. Yesterday we were nerds. Today we're the cognitive elite. Let's conquer. - Chester G. Edwards

  • 'The Geek shall inherit the earth.' - Linus 5:5

  • To know recursion, you must first know recursion.

  • Behind every good computer -- is a jumble of wires 'n stuff.

  • A program is a device used to convert data into error messages.

  • Standards are industry's way of codifying obsolescence.

  • A bad random number generator: 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 4.33e+67, 1, 1, 1...

  • ICMP: The protocol that goes PING!

  • Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning. - Rich Cook

  • Beta. Software undergoes beta testing shortly before it's released. Beta is Latin for 'still doesn't work.'

  • VI VI VI The editor of the beast.

  • My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.

  • Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue...

  • A)bort, R)etry, I)nfluence with large hammer.

  • There are two ways to write error-free programs. Only the third one works.

  • Intel: We put the 'um...' in Pentium.

  • Unix, BASIC, C, PASCAL, APL, ADA, and PROFANITY spoken here.

  • Universe.SYS corrupted. Reboot? [Y/N]

  • A good programmer is someone who looks both ways before crossing a one-way street. - Doug Linder

  • Remaining time multiplied by distress is constant.

  • Mountain Dew and doughnuts... because breakfast is the most important meal of the day.

  • My operat~1 system unders~1 long filena~1 , does yours?

  • Being married to a programmer is like having a cat. You talk to it but you're never really sure if it hears you, much less comprehends what you say.

  • Real_men_don't_need_spacebars.

  • Calculating in binary code is as easy as 01,10,11.

  • You know you're obsessed with computer graphics when you're outside and you look up at the trees and think, "Wow! That's spectacular resolution!"

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