He
heard his scream bounce off the walls and bounce back to him, startling him
from his stupor. Confused, feeling the panic growing inside, he started to
shout whatever came to mind.
Movement.
He felt movement in front of him, but he couldn't see through the haze that
covered his eyes. Occasionally, it would snap into focus and then blur again,
threatening to send him back to the abyss.
He
would not go back.
Fighting
with more ferocity, he cried out again, backing away from the movement, this
time making the effort to formulate his words into something someone might
understand.
"Jack!
Sam! Teal'c! Anyone!"
Hearing
no reply, Daniel continued to focus on where he was and how to escape. He felt the restraints on his hands, but
couldn't seem to detach himself from them.
He also felt the insistent clawing at the base of his skull.
I
have to get it out, he thought to himself, trying to grasp for his neck, angry that he
couldn't reach it.
"Stand
down, airmen!"
Hammond's
voice. He could hear him, but he
couldn't see him. What? Where was he?
Had he done something? He hoped he
hadn't done something…
Daniel
heard increased movement in front of him, along with some shouts and calls he
couldn't understand. His mind froze when he saw the shadow of something large
moving towards him. Instinctively, he moved back, still struggling with his
restraints as he sensed the presence reach out to him.
"DanielJackson! It is I, Teal'c," came the concerned
voice.
"Teal'c?"
he asked weakly. "I can't see you."
Daniel
winced, feeling the buzzing enter his brain.
He ground his teeth, struggling against the onslaught of pain at the
base of his skull and the noise in his mind.
With a quick jerk, he whacked his head against the wall.
"There
is no need to harm yourself, DanielJackson." He felt Teal'c's arms slip around his waist and drag him away
from the wall. "You are only with friends."
Dazed
from the blow, Daniel nodded, feeling his body unwind in Teal'c's grip.
Breathing out, he slumped into Teal'c, resting his head on his chest.
"Oh,
no you don't," he heard Jack say.
Daniel felt a hand shake him. "You're staying with us this time."
"Jack?"
Daniel asked, blinking. Part of his vision came into focus, but most of it
remained blurry.
"Yeah,
it's me. You okay?"
Daniel
pushed against the restraints and sighed. "No."
"DanielJackson
has stated that he lacks the ability to see," Teal'c announced.
"Put
him on the floor, Teal'c."
Daniel
felt his body shift, and he moved downward, still pressed against Teal'c. His
friend's grip remained firm, but gentle.
"Do
you understand what is happening, Daniel?"
Sam's
voice.
"Yeah.
No. I don't know."
Daniel
moaned, knocking his head back as the clawing at his head became increasingly
brutal. The more he fought, the worse it became.
"Daniel?"
Daniel jerked, hearing two snaps in front of his face. "Stay with us."
"Jack,"
he said, breathing out. He blinked
against, watching as Jack almost came into focus. "I can see you."
"That's
great, but you have to stay focused, okay?"
He
sighed, closing his eyes, and nodded.
Jack shook him again.
"Focused,
remember?"
"Right."
He started to fumble with the restraints, while he concentrated on fighting the
buzzing in his mind. "I think I dropped my glasses," he said.
Jack
handed him his glasses and he accepted them gratefully. Daniel closed his eyes.
"Dammit."
Daniel
snapped his eyes open, shocked by the slap to his face. He blinked at Jack, who
was glaring at him.
"No
time for sleep."
Daniel
nodded, searching the room with his eyes, trying to concentrate through the
muddled haze in his head. The clawing intensified and he winced, a flare of
pain and panic seizing him.
He
suddenly remembered.
"Get
it out!" he shouted, struggling against Teal'c. "Get it out! Now! Get
it out!"
"Daniel,
we've called the Tok'ra," Sam told him. "As soon as they get here,
they'll be able to remove it from you."
"I
can't wait that long," Daniel uttered, nearly breathless. He brought his
pleading eyes to Jack. "Just take it out. Shoot me. Do something."
"Just
hang on a little longer, Daniel," Jack told him, the lines in his face
deep with worry. "That's an order."
"Jack,
I can't wait. Get him out."
"You're
not thinking rationally," Sam insisted. "You have to keep
fighting."
Squeezing
his eyes shut, Daniel resisted the numbness he felt, and denied the pull back
to that other place. When he felt Jack's hand on his shoulder, he opened his
eyes again.
"I
don't even remember! I don't
remember."
"What?
What don't you remember?" Jack asked, adjusting himself to allow Janet
room to move.
"Don't
remember it," he muttered, feeling his body go slack.
"Daniel!"
"Jack?"
Daniel
forced himself to stay alert, barely feeling Janet's hand as she checked his
pulse. She was talking to him, her face full of concern, but Daniel found it
increasingly difficult to concentrate. When he found himself drifting again, he
pulled on his reserve energy to fight harder. His gaze instead fell to Sam and
to the notebook she was holding.
"Is
that mine?" he asked her.
She
nodded, shooting Jack an uneasy glance.
"You've
been talking to it?" Daniel asked, astonished.
"Only
so we could get to you," Jack told him.
Daniel
blinked. They had been talking to Thoth and he didn't even know it. How did that work? He thought the host could see, hear, and feel whatever the
symbiote did.
"Well,
wha-what did it say?" Daniel asked curiously.
Sam
looked flustered, caught off-guard by his question. "Well, Daniel, he's a
little different than—"
"Carter,
save it for later," Jack said coolly. He kept his gaze on Daniel.
"Whatever the hell you're doing, keep it up. Don't let him win, you got that?"
Daniel
nodded, but felt the pressure in his skull increase. The buzzing became
insistent. "No time," he whispered.
"No,
Daniel!" Jack shouted, shaking him. "Make time! Daniel?"
Daniel
could hear him, but he now lacked the strength to respond. Everything was falling away from him,
becoming more distant. He wasn't sure
how much time he had left.
"Colonel,
I need to get him on the gurney," Janet instructed.
Daniel
remained silent as he felt Teal'c lift him while Jack grabbed his legs. The two men grunted, quickly side-stepping
to the nearby gurney, placing him on top. Daniel felt his head flop while they
adjusted his weight and began securing him.
More
restraints.
Teal'c
had his hand on his shoulder.
More
restraints.
Jack
was saying something. No, Sam. They both were talking to him, but he couldn't
understand. Their mouths seemed to move
wordlessly, their faces full of insistence. He wished he could reach out to
them, talk to them. He needed something to ground him.
As
he struggled to find a new tactic, he realized he was already gone, and had
been swept away to a different reality.
"I
hope that you are satisfied," Thoth admonished with a snarl, pacing in
front of Daniel. "I am no longer able to sustain us both."
Daniel
didn't answer. Right now, he couldn't care less about the feelings or thoughts
of the Goa'uld that had managed to take over his mind. He knew he had to
concentrate on finding a way to defeat him and win back his body.
Which
he knew wouldn't be easy. Daniel glanced down at the ropes that bound his hands
and feet. It seemed the Goa'uld wasn't
going to take any chances.
Though,
despite his situation, he couldn't help but wonder what was going on
here—wherever here was—while his body interacted with people in the real world.
Sha're and Skaara had known what was happening to them when they had been
taken. Kendra was aware enough to even influence her symbiote. And most
recently, there was Sarah, who had sobbed while she told him the nightmare she
had lived while being possessed by Osiris.
So,
why was this any different?
Daniel
thought back to several years ago, remembering Kalwalsky and his black outs.
Thoth couldn't be an immature symbiote.
That didn't make sense. But was it possible?
"I
know you have many questions, but this is not the time for them," Thoth
said, stopping. "If you had just allowed—"
"Allowed?
What-what, for you to just take over my mind?" Daniel asked angrily. "I never asked for this. You can't just
take people. You can't just take me."
Thoth
shrugged. "I can. And I always have."
"Not
anymore." Daniel twisted his hands, trying to loosen the rope. "I
won't let you."
Thoth
sighed, walking towards Daniel. "You make things difficult. If you abide by my counsel, no pain will
come to you."
"I
don't take well to threats, you know," Daniel muttered, still struggling.
"This
is no threat, Daniel. It is to save us both.
The more you fight, the less power I have."
Good, Daniel thought. That's
exactly what he wanted.
"I
don't have a problem with that," Daniel said hotly.
"I
do. I have no intention of losing
myself and the host."
Host.
He was just a host.
"You
are not just a host," Thoth stated, coming to sit beside Daniel as he read
his thoughts. "You are the strongest I have ever encountered."
"Bit
of a problem?" Daniel asked.
"More
of a challenge," Thoth said with a grin.
Daniel
sighed, staring at his wrists. How was he going to get free?
"I
won't be a prisoner in my own mind," Daniel informed him. "I won't let
you do this. And I won't let you hurt
my friends."
Thoth
chuckled, shaking his head. "At times so open. At times so closed."
Daniel
really did not have the patience for these games right now. Closing his eyes,
he focused harder on fighting against the pressure in his mind, and blocking
out the words of his unwanted guest.
"You
are stubborn indeed," Thoth said, breaking Daniel's concentration by
placing his hand on his shoulder.
Opening
his eyes, he glared at Thoth, shrugging him off. Thoth sighed, drawing his hand
back, but gazing at Daniel sternly.
"If
you would just listen, and trust—"
Daniel
raised his eyebrows disbelievingly. Trust? Him? Daniel felt like he was on the
verge of insanity, not knowing whether to laugh or cry. Here he was, trapped in what he could only
guess was some deluded state of mind, with a symbiote controlling his motions,
blocking him from the outside world, and Daniel didn't have a clue how it
happened. Effectively a prisoner in his
own mind, Daniel wasn't about to trust his oppressor.
"What's
happening to me?" Daniel demanded.
"What is this place and what's going on in reality?"
"We
have very little time for—"
"I
don't care." Daniel pursed his lips. "What do you mean you-you can't
sustain us both? I have witnessed first
hand how symbiotes react with their hosts. This," he motioned with his
bound hands to the room, "this is not normal. At least, I don't think it
is," he muttered.
"You
are correct," Thoth answered, sounding defeated. "My methods are
different than others."
"Your
methods? Can you elaborate on that a bit?"
Thoth
appeared pensive. "We don't have time."
"Why
not? Didn't you just say—not too long ago I might add, unless I have lost all
concept of time—that the knowledge would take years to process?" Daniel
laughed nervously, pointing to the scrolls and then to the tablets that rested
on the floor. "So, why the hurry?"
To
Daniel's surprise, Thoth actually appeared apprehensive. Scared maybe?
"What's
going on?" Daniel demanded again.
"I
am weak," Thoth admitted. "I cannot continue to create this reality
in your mind and exist in one outside your mind in unison."
Frowning,
Daniel allowed himself a moment to absorb the new information. Was that even possible? Thoth was blocking his consciousness? Why
couldn't he seem to remember anything?
"All
in due time, Daniel."
And
why could Thoth seem to read his thoughts, but Daniel couldn't tap into his?
Was this what being oppressed by a symbiote was really like? He knew that
wasn't right. His experiences told him better.
"So
many questions, Daniel," Thoth muttered tiredly, rubbing his forehead.
"Please, time is short and I grow more weary."
Jack
told him to hang on…
"What's
happening in the real world? What's
going on with my body?"
"I
cannot sustain it as I once did." Thoth placed his hand on Daniel's
shoulder. "Time…"
"What
happened? How did you enter my body?"
"Daniel…"
"What
about SG-11 and SG-17? They were with me on P9R-139. What about Jack, Sam, and
Teal'c? Have you hurt them?" he asked
menacingly.
"I
have hurt no one."
"How
did you end up on P9R-139?" Daniel continued, ignoring the new throbbing
sensation in his head. "Were you hiding from someone?"
"Daniel…"
Thoth
squeezed his shoulder and Daniel gasped, feeling a sudden rush of energy flood
his body…or mind. He wasn't entirely
sure. Breathing out, Daniel attempted to steady himself and focus, startled as
the energy ebbed into a warm, soothing sensation. He started to forget about
the pain, the buzzing, and slumped into the wall behind him.
"Stop
it," Daniel said, trying to remain strong.
"You
do not listen. It is for your own good.
For the good of us both."
"No,"
Daniel muttered defiantly.
Another
wave of contentment took hold.
"No,"
Daniel mumbled, feeling sleepy. He had
to keep fighting. He couldn't allow
Thoth to keep exercising influence over him.
"You
need to relax," Thoth said calmly, rubbing Daniel's arm tenderly,
"and to end this battle. You will destroy us both. That is not
acceptable."
"What?"
Daniel managed to ask. He felt hazy, as
if someone had filled the room with a thick fog.
"The
blending. We cannot blend unless you
let go." Thoth smiled gently at him. "This is what you want, right?
For the pain to end?"
An
end to the noise in his mind? Some
silence and peace? The idea was
immediately appealing to Daniel.
"I
know you wish this," Thoth said, bringing Daniel closer. "The
knowledge, and the wisdom, you shall gain from me over time will be like
nothing you have ever experienced. I
hold information that people can only dream of," he whispered into
Daniel's ear. "All I ask in return
is just one simple thing."
"Wha-?"
Daniel asked again, feeling his speech slur. The contentment was quickly forming
into a desire, a yearning for the information that Thoth had promised. More than just a wish, it morphed into an
urgent need, a craving that flooded his senses.
He
had always sought truth, wisdom, and knowledge. He had always been driven to discover the secrets behind life and
the universe, pondering existence itself.
The
Ascended had begun to show him this path. Was this how he was to continue his
journey?
Daniel
pushed aside the warnings flashing in his mind and leaned into Thoth. He needed
this—the power, the knowledge, the way it made him feel. Energetic, full of
life. Yes, to feel alive…
Frowning,
Daniel caught himself, shaking as the thoughts passed through his mind. Fearful, Daniel gaped at Thoth, feeling his
body beginning to tremble.
"See? It may already be too late," Thoth
muttered angrily, seizing Daniel. "I cannot shield you any longer!"
Memories
of the sarcophagus, Daniel realized, growing pale. He was feeling the need of the sarcophagus. Only, they weren't
his memories.
"Daniel,
I cannot stress the urgency of this situation."
"You're
using me!" Daniel shouted, trying to pull away. "You're using your memories to control me!"
"We
swore off the sarcophagus many, many years ago," Thoth said quickly. "I have knowledge that you understand
its pull as well."
"I
don't want this," Daniel muttered, fighting against Thoth. He couldn't go
through that dependency or withdrawal again.
He couldn’t.
"I
would not subject you to the powers of the sarcophagus," Thoth stated
sternly.
"All
Goa'uld use the sarcophagus." Daniel gritted his teeth, trying to slide
his hands out of the bonds. "I won't go through that again."
"I
am not Goa'uld," Thoth snapped defensively, causing Daniel to jump. "We swore off use of the
sarcophagus. The continued use only
brought us unease and lack of clarity. We could no longer learn and study as we
once did while using it. It destroys
focus."
We?
Daniel struggled again.
"If
you're not Goa'uld then are you Tok'ra?" Daniel asked, somehow knowing neither
was the case.
"No,"
Thoth answered simply.
"Then
what are you?"
"Not
now. Your mind is pliable, and I am weak. We must blend."
Blend.
Blend. None of this made any sense. Daniel knew that when a symbiote took a
host, they began blending immediately.
The host was aware of everything that was happening, but was powerless
to stop it. Even the long-lived host of Apophis knew the atrocities he had
committed under the pervasive control of the Goa'uld.
"We
haven't blended? Why?" Daniel asked, trying to buy more time.
The
pain was overwhelming.
Thoth
mumbled something incoherent, shaking his head angrily. "Questions. Why
must you have so many questions?"
That's
what you get for choosing me, Daniel wanted to snap, but received the glare
before he had even finished his thought.
"You
hold so much knowledge, so much for me to learn. New languages for me to study.
New cultures. New experiences."
"Then,
I'm just one big feast for you."
Thoth
bowed his head. "In a sense. But
in return, I would show you the Egypt of old. I would allow you to explore what
you have only been able to read in your text books."
"I
lived on Abydos for a year, which, of course, you already know," Daniel
retorted. "I lived it. I don't
need it from you."
"I
can give you all the knowledge of the Goa'uld language, and that of Egyptian
hieroglyphs," Thoth offered. "I created both."
He
did? Daniel shook his head, refusing to
be bought. "I am fluent in both."
"I
can give you knowledge of the Stargate system and how it operates."
"We
know how it works," Daniel told him.
"You
opened it, I know," Thoth conceded. "As did I."
"You
did?" Daniel was starting to get a little nervous.
"I
can show you the cultures you have always dreamed of seeing. And I can show you races that you have never
encountered."
Now,
that was information that piqued Daniel's curiosity. But he wouldn't be swayed.
"I
am an explorer. If you just give me all this information without allowing me to
find it myself, figure it out for myself, then it's all pointless." He
shook his head. "You have nothing that I want."
"And
yet, you have everything that I want."
Daniel
eyed him curiously, finding concentration increasingly difficult.
"Then,
it seems that I am the one who is really in control here," Daniel said
with a listless smile.
Thoth
did not answer. But Daniel read into the silence, his eyes widening as he
realized the consequences of his comment.
Could
it be true?
Frowning,
Thoth sighed, wringing his hands nervously. "I already have full access to
your mind." Thoth's tone surprised Daniel. They were the words of a
desperate man. "I know all that you know."
Which
made Daniel a liability. A serious liability.
"I
have all your memories and feelings within me now."
"You
said we hadn't blended," Daniel mentioned pointedly.
"We haven't. But, I am a parasite, as you would call me, and my very nature is to seek out a host for my survival. I have access to my host's memories instantaneously."
"So,
then, in essence, you really are a Goa'uld." Daniel narrowed his
eyes. "You've taken everything
away from me and have come pretending to beg for my help, just to push me
further into submission."
"That
is not true. My methods are different."
"What
are your methods, Thoth? What makes you
so different from the Goa'uld?"
Thoth
buried his head in his hands, curling his fingers into his dark hair. Surprised, Daniel studied him quietly,
wondering what was going on with the man beside him.
Symbiote, he reminded himself. This was all an illusion.
"Would
you have preferred me to come to you as a giant talking symbiote head?"
Thoth muttered sarcastically.
Daniel
blinked, surprised at the sudden outburst.
He also hated to admit he was a little unnerved by the fluctuations in
the Goa'uld's personality. And where were Kemsa and Sadji?
"So
many questions…" Thoth's weary voice trailed off as he shook his
head. "I knew you would be a
challenge, but I also knew you would be my greatest asset." He lifted his
head, his dark eyes sparkling. "We can spend a wonderful life together,
Daniel."
Asset?
Daniel frowned.
Why
did it sound like this Goa'uld was trying to court him?
"Daniel,
please, we can be happy together. I can shelter you. Protect you. Allow you to
be whatever you want to be." Thoth
opened his arms to him. "I will respect you. You would never be alone again.
You would never have to feel isolated as long as we're together."
Daniel
shivered at Thoth's words, not realizing before how much they shook him at his
core. Did he really have these
desires? Had he left the Ancients only
to come back to a life where he felt out of place?
No,
he told himself. Jack, Sam, Teal'c…they cared for him. They had mourned him.
"But
do they show it, Daniel? Do you feel
loved?"
Daniel
squeezed his eyes shut, trying to fight Thoth, push him out of his minds. Empty promises. Falsehoods.
"I
am here for you, Daniel. A companion
that would never leave you. Always
there for you. Always—"
"No,"
Daniel said firmly.
Thoth
groaned.
Was
he weakening? Was Daniel winning? Jack
told him to hang on, to keep up the fight…Jack cared. They all did. They were
fighting for him. Maybe there was a chance he could overcome this.
"Your
Jack is an ass," Thoth said bluntly.
"Wha-what?"
Daniel stammered, bewildered.
"You
heard correctly. I dislike him
immensely."
"Maybe
because he can see you for who you really are?"
"No,
because he can see you for who you really are."
Daniel
took a moment to mull over that thought, jerking when he saw Thoth produce a
knife.
"Um…"
Thoth
cut the rope that bound Daniel's ankles, sheathing the knife quickly as he
grabbed Daniel by the neck, pulling him to his feet. Gasping, Daniel squirmed
in the tight grip, momentarily seeing spots until Thoth had steadied him.
"We
need to blend, now!" Thoth cried urgently.
"No!"
"Don't
resist me, Daniel, or you will die."
"I
would rather die than to spend my life as a prisoner in my own body,"
Daniel admitted.
Thoth
studied his face, frowning slightly, the confusion wrinkling his brow. He shook it off, holding Daniel more
tightly.
"You
do not understand," Thoth said levelly. "I teach incrementally, once
accepted. To do otherwise would crush your mind. If we do not begin the blending now, I will be unable to hold
back any longer. You will be flooded by
my years of knowledge and existence." He glared at Daniel with his
piercing eyes. "I have no use for you if your mind is destroyed."
"What?"
Daniel asked exasperated.
"You
have much intelligence, Daniel. I need not explain this to you. Bring down this
petty resistance and give in. I have no need of a host who is a slave to
me."
Oh
God, Daniel
thought, feeling the pain flare in his head. Images began to overwhelm him, and
he saw faces, people he never meant, but knew somehow.
"You're
not even a System Lord," Daniel said, surprised, struggling to talk.
"You never had any Jaffa."
"I
never had the need. They are mere toys, created by Hathor for her own
pleasure." He squeezed harder. "By her, all System Lords came to know
the service of the Jaffa."
I
know this,
Daniel thought, amazed and horrified. I
don't want to know this.
"I
am weak," Thoth said again, noting the expression on Daniel's face.
"I have difficulty sheltering you from my memory."
"I
don't want to be you!" Daniel blurted out, his voice hoarse.
"Then
allow me to do my work," Thoth stated. "I will start with only
information you already know, so as not to go against your will. Be silent and
let me begin the blending as to not damage your mind."
I
don't want to blend with you, Daniel thought to the symbiote. I want you out of me.
"That
is not an option. There is no
time."
"Make
time," Daniel whispered.
Thoth
appeared to be in as much anguish as he was, from what Daniel could discern.
Thoth released him, muttering something, before turning to gaze at Daniel
forlornly.
"We
have only moments before I may not be able to help you," Thoth admitted,
unsheathing his knife. "But we both know the art of language and the way
of mediation. Perhaps we can come to an agreement."
Negotiate.
He wanted to negotiate.
"Quickly,"
Thoth stated, slicing through the rope that bound Daniel's hands.
Daniel
took a moment to stare at his hands, relishing in the freedom, but cringing as
the pressure continued to build in his mind.
He
glanced up, catching the pleading look in Thoth's eyes.
He
had to make a decision about what to do, action or inaction. Force or
negotiation.
Swallowing
hard, Daniel stepped forward, deciding he needed to choose now.
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