Title: Achieving Grace

Author: Moonshayde

Category: Tag for "Grace"

Season 7

Spoilers: Grace, Fallen/Homecoming

Pairing/Character: Sam/Daniel (friendship). Includes opening and closing scenes with Jack and Teal'c

Summary: Sam and Daniel discuss her ordeal on the Prometheus while they tackle the negative and embrace the positive aspects of their friendship.

Rating: PG  

 

Disclaimer: Stargate, Stargate SG-1 and all of its characters, titles, names, and back-story are the property of MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, Gekko Productions, SciFi Channel, and Showtime/Viacom. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author. This story cannot be printed anywhere without the sole permission of the author.  Realize this is for entertainment purposes only; no financial gain or profit has been gained from this fiction. This story is not meant to be an infringement on the rights of the above-mentioned establishments

"I don't know what to say. This is all so wonderful."

 

"Say thank you," jested Colonel O'Neill with a smirk.

 

Samantha Carter reciprocated with a grin of her own, her blue eyes twinkling with amazement and joy as she beamed at her teammates.

 

Her friends.

 

The colonel hadn't been kidding when he had told her Teal'c and Daniel had been planning a party.  First, at the SGC, and now here at Jack O'Neill's home.

 

And what a spread.

 

All different types of food littered the foldout card table in the colonel's living room. Dips, breads, something she didn't recognize--this didn't even include the main courses that were laid out on the table back in the kitchen. Or the kitchen counters. Or...

 

She smiled again, filled with a special kind of warmth. She rubbed her stomach.

 

Samantha did not believe she would be able to eat for days.

 

"And before we end our little soirée, I believe a toast is in order," O'Neill said brightly.

 

"I am unfamiliar with this term, soirée," Teal'c stated, a frown creasing his forehead.

 

"It essentially means party," Daniel explained. "A gathering. Social event.  It's French for..."

 

"Okay, we get the point," O'Neill said sharply, turning to ignore Daniel's blank expression. He rolled his eyes at Sam. "Now, onto the champagne?"

 

"I'll get the glasses," Daniel offered, squeezing between the colonel and the card table.  He quickly disappeared into the kitchen.

 

"So, have you had enough to eat?" O'Neill asked, waving his hand over the banquet.  "'Cause if not, I'm sure we can force feed you some more."

 

"Oh no, I couldn’t eat another bite," she replied, grinning happily.  "You did such a great job. Thank you."

 

"You are most welcome," Teal'c said evenly, despite the smile poking at the corners of his mouth.

 

"Jack! You've moved the glasses. Where did you put them?"

 

"I didn't move anything," he called back in reply, shaking his head.  The colonel rolled his eyes again and muttered under his breath.  "For crying out loud…" Gesturing with his finger to wait a moment, O'Neill turned and walked towards the kitchen. "I didn't move 'em.  You just forgot!"

 

Samantha couldn't help but chuckle. These were among the moments she had missed the most.

 

Suddenly, she felt somber, feeling a wave of nostalgia hit her.

 

Not just nostalgia. Daniel's return and their reintegration as a team had brought so many other emotions to the surface.

 

She couldn't really identify what she was feeling, whether it was sadness, remorse…almost as if she was craving something that wasn’t there.  Or should be.

 

Maybe something she wasn't meant to have.

 

Or something that she was.

 

"Major Carter, are you unwell?"

 

Samantha blinked, nearly jumping as she broke from her thoughts.  Smiling, she shook her head. "I'm fine."

 

She regarded him thoughtfully, allowing her smile to break into a grin. As he stood there, she felt herself drifting back to the events on the Prometheus.  Even though it had all just been in her mind, with only bizarre hallucinations as her company, Sam felt grateful knowing Teal'c had been there.  His strength, his warmth, his reason, his protection.

 

"Thank you, Teal'c.  Thank you for always being there for me. You're a good friend."

 

 Teal'c cocked his head, raising an eyebrow as he regarded her gently. "As are you," he stated evenly. "I am honored."

 

 Her grin broadened.

 

"Okay," O'Neill started, re-entering the room, Daniel alongside him.  Both held glasses in their grip, one already pre-filled.  "Now that that's all set…" He handed Teal'c the filled glass before heading to open the champagne. "Water for Mr.T and…"

 

Sam shifted uneasily as the colonel struggled to open the bottle.  "You know," she said at last, "you don't have to open that on my account.  I can't drink anyway. I'm still getting over this concussion."

 

O'Neill seemed to ignore her as he fought with the corkscrew. "Well, I want some." He twisted at the cork again.  "Dammit!" he shouted.

 

"Jack, let me try it."

 

O'Neill shooed Daniel away from him.

 

"Maybe you're doing it wrong." Daniel hovered over the colonel now, freeing himself by handing the remaining glasses to Samantha. "Twist it this way."

 

"Daniel…"

 

"No, try this."

 

"Daniel…"

 

"Maybe…"

"Daniel, go away."

The linguist stopped in his tracks, then shrugged, moving to stand over near Samantha.  He exchanged a knowing glance with her, leaning close to whisper into her ear.

 

"This may take awhile."

 

Teal'c soon joined them and they spent the next five minutes watching the colonel shout, holler, and swear at the obstinate champagne bottle. After that, Samantha attempted to help Daniel clean up the living room, but he wouldn't hear it, instead motioning her to sit and relax.  He and Teal'c effectively and efficiently made light work of the messy room, swiftly moving into the kitchen. She could tell Colonel O'Neill wasn't impressed with the message they were sending him, but he wasn't about to let the champagne bottle beat him.

 

"Sir, maybe you should just give up," Samantha said softly.  "The party was great, really."

 

"It's not gonna be ruined now," he growled, grunting as the cork popped.  "Ah!" he announced proudly, pointing to the bubbling bottle top. "Here we go."  He reached for a glass and arched an eyebrow at her.  "And drop the 'sir' bit.  We're off duty."

 

She smiled.  She just couldn't break that habit.

 

"Teal'c!  Daniel!  Get in here!" O'Neill called, filling his glass.  Taking a sip, testing the waters one might say, he returned his attention to her.  "So, how're you feeling?"

 

"Better. Much better."  She paused, thinking about the image she had witnessed, or conjured, back on the Prometheus.  She held onto the image of Jack for a moment, allowing herself to mull over it, finding that as time passed, it became easier and easier for it to slip from her mind.  She smiled again.  "Much much better," she assured him.

 

"Thank you for everything," she added quickly.

 

O'Neill seemed satisfied.  "Good.  That's good." He nodded to her, holding up the glass to toast her. "'Twas nothing." He turned, holding the bottle up triumphantly as Teal'c and Daniel entered the room.

 

"Good for you, Jack.  You opened a bottle."

 

The colonel scowled at Daniel, dismissing him with a wave, and placed the bottle on the card table.  "I was just toasting the young lady here on a job well done.  Anyone joining me?"

 

"Yes, of course," Daniel said, grabbing an empty glass and holding it high.  When Colonel O'Neill went to protest, Daniel shook his keys and raised his eyebrows.

 

"Already?"

 

"I've got reports to write back at the base," Daniel informed him, slipping his keys back into his pocket.  "And Teal'c needs a ride."

 

Teal'c nodded.  "That is correct.  I intend to mediate before I retire."

 

"And I'll have to leave as well," Samantha said regretfully.  "I want to check on a few things in the lab."

 

The three men glared at her.

 

"What?"

 

"Doctor Fraiser told us to make sure that you take it easy," Daniel answered softly.

 

"That means no work," stressed O'Neill.

 

Sam sighed.  Janet must have drilled those instructions into their heads.

 

"Okay, so I'll go back to the base with Daniel and Teal'c and they'll make sure I don't do anything.  I'll pick up a few items and then go home."

 

The three men appeared to agree. 

 

"Okay," Daniel and the colonel said in unison.

 

Teal'c arched his brow and nodded. "Very well."

 

She snickered. So protective.

 

"So, the toast?"

 

Teal'c also held his now-empty glass high, his face beaming proudly. "I shall join in this toast to Major Carter."

 

"Alright, so it's not what I had in mind, but it'll do," the colonel grumbled half-heartedly. All three men raised their glasses higher, their faces alight with respect and pride.

 

"To Major Samantha Carter," O'Neill announced with a smirk.

 

"To Major Carter," Teal'c stated, his face glowing.

 

"To Sam," Daniel said quickly with a smile.

 

Samantha grinned again.  She felt light, drunk with happiness, knowing how much her friends and teammates cared for her.  She clasped her hands, struggling not to tear, and thanked them again for all they had done.

 

 "We'll see you tomorrow, then?"

 

Colonel O'Neill nodded, shoving his hands in his pockets as he stood at the door.  "Yeah.  I have damn reports to write, too." He turned from Samantha to Daniel.  "You should take a page out of my book and wait to do them.  They aren't due yet."

 

"I have artifacts to catalogue.  I also want to cross-reference…"

 

"Ah-ah-ah!" He said holding up a finger to silence Daniel.  "Boring.  I told Carter here to get a life and she listened.  Why don’t you get one too?"

 

"I have a life," Daniel replied defensively.  "Maybe I find what you do boring."

 

"Never a dull moment with me."

 

Teal'c and Carter exchanged glances.

 

"I saw that."

 

Samantha laughed.  "Well, we'll see you later."

 

"Oh, yeah.  Have fun spending your night at the base. I'm envious."

 

The three of them wished O'Neill farewell, and then climbed into Daniel's jeep.  After some talk about food, the latest movies, and O'Neill, the three of them found themselves at the gates to Cheyenne Mountain.  Daniel pulled through the security, making his way into the parking area, and shut the engine. They managed to pass the next level of security and before long, were inside the base.

 

Then, they went their separate ways.

 

Samantha smiled as different personnel greeted her and wished her well as she made her way to her locker. As promised, she grabbed a few personal belongings, stuffing them in her duffel bag.  With a glance over her shoulder, she noted that she was alone.  A little trip to the lab wouldn't hurt…

 

Smiling to herself, she exited the locker room, and headed toward the elevator. A few minutes later, she found herself in her lab, sifting through some files and computations she hadn't been able to finish before she had left for the Prometheus.

 

Amazing, she thought, leaning over her desk.  She would have never imagined that the tests on the naquadah enhanced—"Um, Sam?"

 

She jumped, nearly hitting her head on the desk lamp.  She grinned sheepishly, feeling her cheeks turn red.  Daniel stood in the doorway, his arms crossed over his chest, those blue eyes of his twinkling with a mischievous glare.

 

"Hi, Daniel," she managed at last, suddenly feeling small.  "I-I was just picking up a few things and calling a cab to go home."

 

"Locker room is…that way," he said, with a deliberate gesture to the hallway.  He smiled with self-satisfaction, squeezing his arms tighter.

 

She sighed, shaking her head before smiling at him.  "Okay, so you caught me.  What are you going to do about it?"

 

He shrugged.  "I could call Doctor Fraiser and have her ban you from your lab."

 

Samantha nodded knowingly.  Oh, she would do it too.  Janet might be one of the more petite of the personnel on base, but you did not get on the doctor's bad side.

 

"You would do that to me?" she asked innocently.

 

He bobbled his head back and forth, as he mulled over her question. She scowled at him, sending him a mock glare as he kept considering the subject.  Finally, he smiled and shrugged again. "I'll let it go this time. But I think it's about time you got yourself home."

 

"Right." She reached for her phone.

 

"What are you doing?"

 

"I'm calling a cab."

 

"A cab, Sam?" He motioned to her to come closer.  "I'll take you home."

 

"That's not practical," she said matter-of-fact. "You're already here."

 

"Well, you're not taking a cab," he told her.  "And we both know I have the ability to be as stubborn, if not more stubborn, than you."  He raised his head.  "Besides, I think I will take a page out of Jack's book tonight."

 

Sam grinned. She wasn't going to argue with that logic.

 

"Did you want to come in for a minute?"

 

Daniel's face was a dead give away that he was startled by the request.  As he stood in her doorway, he shifted his weight uncertainly, slowly extending the duffel bag to her.  She accepted it, unnerved by his response, but continued anyway.

 

"I'll be honest," she said quickly, leaning against the frame of her front door.  "I've been trying to get a chance to talk to you alone.  I was hoping that you’d offer to take me home tonight."

 

Daniel studied her closely, and she could already see the dozens of questions formulating in his mind. "Oh. Uh…what did you want to talk about?"

 

"Just-just come in for a minute," she coaxed, gesturing for him to follow. She slung the duffel bag over her shoulder.  "I'll make you some coffee before you hit the road again and then I can explain."

 

"You're thinking it's just the concussion talking, aren't you?"

 

Daniel shook his head, pressing his fingers together as he stood adrift in her living room. "No.  No, I never said that."

 

She chuckled, slipping into the kitchen.  Maybe it was the concussion talking.  But she might as well get this over with while she had the sense—or lack thereof—to bear her soul. 

 

"You're thinking it, though," she called over to him, adding some coffee into the coffee maker.  "I can read you like a book, Daniel." 

 

At least she thought she could.  She used to be able to read him, anyway.  So much had changed over the years, from the very first day they met, to the day that he had died and come back to them, to now, here, in her apartment.  He wasn't the same man he used to be.  Hell, none of them were the same as when they had started together. She'd changed just as much.  So had Teal'c and the colonel. Some changes were for the better; some changes were for the worst. Some changes were just, well, uncomfortable. 

 

"So, what's on your mind, Sam?" 

 

Samantha opened her cupboard, withdrawing two coffee mugs and a long flat container.  She settled the two mugs on the counter close to the refrigerator and grabbed the container, making her way to the living room.  Forcing a smile, she walked over to him, handing him the box.

 

"What's this?" 

 

"Something you like," she said softly. She chuckled as he started to shake the container.

 

"Uh-oh, I think I know what this is," he said with a smile.  His eyes sparkled from beneath his glasses. "You fiend." 

 

"I take full responsibility," she admitted, holding her hands up in surrender. 

 

"Is this a bribe?" he asked, opening the container.  He inhaled deeply, his smile broadening. "Double chocolate.  This is serious." 

 

"Very serious," she whispered, feeling the gravity enter her voice. 

 

Her tone was enough to rattle Daniel, as evidenced by his troubled expression.  Slowly, he eased himself onto her loveseat, his gaze moving to lock onto her face.

 

"What's wrong?" he asked, full of concern. 

 

She relaxed her body into a chair that was situated diagonally from him, swallowing down the lump that was forming in her throat.  Why did that always happen?  She felt like a cheap character out of some novel, about to confess her deepest desires to the hunk of the week.  She always hated those types of books. 

 

"Before-before you left. Ascended," she started, struggling to find the right words. "We used to be close.  Do you remember that?" 

 

Daniel paused, his eyes shifting to somewhere to the left before he nodded and looked at her.  "Yes…" He frowned, his tongue absently licking his bottom lip.  "We used to be?" 

 

Samantha froze, feeling some of the color drain from her face. Poor phrasing.  Really poor phrasing. She stuttered, still searching for the right words. "No, uh."  She wrung her hands. "What I mean is…we talked. About everything.  Whether it was science, or our latest mission." She allowed a short, nervous chuckle.  "Or even movies and the weather.  It could have been mundane or scholarly.  It didn't matter." 

 

Daniel licked his lip again, his frown deepening. "Yes…and we still do that, don't we?" He opened his palms, shaking his head slightly. "Unless, I've missed something?" 

 

His tone was changing. Dammit, Sam.  Why do you always screw these things up? 

 

"No, we do.  I know that. It's just…" She stopped, her face tightening as she stared at Daniel. 

 

"It's-it's-it's just?" Daniel's motions quickened, and she cursed at herself. 

 

She knew when he started to become agitated: his jerking movements, his change in tone, and the way he started to speak rapidly and stutter.  No, she had really started on the wrong foot this time. 

 

"You seem a little distant at times."  She shook her head, rubbing her thighs.  "Or maybe it's me." 

 

"If our little interaction is making you uncomfortable-" He brought his finger to his temple, his eyes blinking rapidly. "Or-or—if this isn't what you want anymore—" 

 

"Daniel!" she snapped, her voice breaking.

 

Angry, she breathed hard, forcing herself to stand.  She rubbed her face, struggling to relieve the tension that was building inside, ignoring the astonishment in her friend's face. She yelled at him and she never yelled at him.  Dammit. 

 

"Daniel," she tried again.  "I'm not the best when it comes to this, so please, hear me out.  I'm sorry.  I didn't mean—it wasn't supposed to come out that way."

 

He was unusually silent, his gaze still fixed on her, almost as if he wasn't sure this was really happening. 

 

Samantha sighed. "You're here.  I know that's what's most important.  You talk like you, act like you, down to the little mannerisms. Everything.  But you're always so guarded.  I guess-I suppose I should have expected that since you've always been like that.  But-I don't know.  We'd lost you.  You went off and did who knows what and we were left behind."  She sucked in a shaking breath, feeling her body trembling. "We mourned you, Daniel.  We weren't sure if we had to consider you dead, or alive.  If you were on leave, or gone forever.  Or even if you were really still human somehow or something completely different."

 

She bit her lip, pushing back her emotion, reminding herself of all her military training. "You even supposedly came to visit Teal'c and Colonel O'Neill while you were Ascended.  But you never came to see me." 

 

There. She'd said it.  The resentment she's been harboring since his return.  She hadn't realized it until she had been stuck on the Prometheus alone, not willing to accept that her bitterness was that strong. 

 

Daniel remained silent. Sickeningly silent. Samantha told herself to keep quiet, to stop adding more fuel to this wild fire, but she couldn't seem to stop.  What was she doing?

 

"Why didn't you come to see me?" 

 

"I-I don't know," he said at last, his voice sounding lost. "I don't remember." 

 

She sighed loudly, curling her fingers by her side.  Of course, he didn't remember. Daniel was still struggling to remember what happened while he was an Ascended being.  So far, from what she had learned, he only could recall a few fragments, with the help of meditation, his biggest breakthrough being the memory of Bra'tac and Rya'c. 

 

"I'm sorry, Daniel.  I'm sorry."  She rubbed her temple, trying to soothe the thumping beneath the surface. "I guess I'm still trying to make sense of everything.  I missed you so much. " She sighed again. "I hate loose ends, you know.  I just wanted you back somehow." She brought her gaze to meet his, stung by the pain in his face. "Were you that unhappy that you didn't want to stay with us?" 

 

He made a sound like he was choking.  "Sam?  What? I was dying." 

 

"I know." 

 

"If I had stayed, I would have been a cripple.  I couldn't live my life that way.  Not when I had the opportunity—well, not when I thought I could do more Ascended." He pressed his lips together. "That decision had nothing to do with how much I cared for you and everyone else.  That-that never changed, Sam.  I-I-I was at a low point in my life. We had all drifted somewhat.  Things had happened.  I-" He shook his head.  "I felt this was a chance for me to do something great." He exhaled deeply.  "I know my place is here.  I know that now." 

 

"It's good to actually hear that," she said softly. 

 

He stretched his face muscles, dropping his head to stare at his hands.  What was he thinking, she wondered. Why did he constantly have to stay on guard?  Even now, she could feel her angry emotions bubbling up to the surface. 

 

"I went through an ordeal on the Prometheus. It wasn't fun. It wasn't pleasant."  She sniffled, cooling her emotions while attempting to stay levelheaded.  "You’re the only person I can talk to about something like this.  You've always been the only person."  She swallowed hard, cursing at the stupid lump that wouldn't take the hint. "You're right. We started to grow apart before you, you know," she stated, choking on the words.  "And then you were gone. Gone.  For a year.  Or over a year.  It doesn't matter; it felt like forever." He said nothing, his head still bowed. "I couldn't talk to you anymore about what was happening in my life.  I hated it, Daniel.  I hated it."  She rubbed at her nose, starting to feel silly, even childish.  But she couldn't stop now.  "Sure, Teal'c was there to support me.  And the colonel did his best, in his own way.  And Jonas was nice."  She bit her lip.  "But it wasn't the same.  I missed that so much. I just want it back." 

 

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I-I—" 

 

"We're talking again," she said, forcing another smile.  "It's not your fault that you couldn't remember who you were.  I'm not an idiot.  I know it takes time to readjust.  I'm just happy.  I'm glad you're back.  And-and, I just want things to one day go back to how they used to be.  If it's possible." 

 

Daniel said nothing, but the tension was palpable. He rubbed at the side of his head, and she knew he was thinking, considering his words carefully. After all, she'd just blurted a load onto him. "It's…been tough," he said at last, finally meeting her gaze. "I have most of my memory back.  I feel…like myself.  I think." He cleared his throat. "But sometimes…I have these doubts.  Did I say the right thing?  I wonder if I am acting the way I supposed to.  If I am meeting everyone else's expectations."  He passed her a weak smile.  "Guess not." 

 

"No, Daniel," she said with a sigh, sitting back down.  "I didn't mean it like that." Damn, this was just getting worse and worse. 

 

He let out a heavy sigh. "But no-no, you're right.  I guess I am a little distant." 

 

Samantha grimaced.  He appeared increasingly uneasy.  Daniel, the great listener, but the big enigma when it came to his own emotions.  "You don't have to talk about it if you're uncomfortable, Daniel." 

 

He shook his head. "No. No. This is good." He pressed his lips together and passed another weak smile. "Uh…well, when we're off on a mission, it feels right.  I feel right. I know this is what I am meant to do. But on-base?" He shook his head again.  "As soon as I stop moving--I feel out of place at times.  Like I am tagging behind. Or-or, that people walk on eggshells around me.  Teal'c watches me. Follows me around sometimes. Jack—something is off with him sometimes, too.  He agrees with me a lot more, like he's afraid if he voices his opinion…" Daniel's voice trailed off, his jaw hard, his gaze distant. "Then it's hit and miss with you too. Sometimes…" He scratched his head, frustrated. "And when I go home? I've missed an entire year.  Everything is so different. I feel like I am out of the loop, Sam." 

 

"We don't want to pressure you, Daniel," she said gently.  She recalled how withdrawn he was when they had been reunited with him. Hard, cold, not wanting to be touched.  It hurt.  It had cut through her deeply. "We wanted you to have enough space to find your place.  We all knew you'd find it eventually.  We knew it would take time." "But I'm here now," he stressed. 

 

"Whatever happened, happened.  I have to be treated like me.  I just want to be me. Sometimes I'm--I can't."  He sighed again, shaking his head angrily.  "How sad is it that I need that reassurance?" 

 

"Not sad," she said, reaching over to place a comforting hand over his.        

 

We're always here for you, she thought, squeezing his hand.  I wish you could have seen that. 

 

"I, uh, well I don't mean to be distant," he said at last, adjusting his glasses with his free hand. "I just don't want to do the wrong thing, or say the wrong thing.  I've still lost an entire year and those memories just don't want to come back. I'll try not to worry about it as much. Sorry." 

 

He's backpedaling, she thought.

 

"I guess I didn't notice." 

 

"Didn't notice?"

 

Samantha leaned forward a little more while stroking his hand softly. "We've been busy on different missions and you seemed to have adjusted so well, when we're off-world.  I guess I just didn't stop to think how-how this could still be affecting you." 

 

He chuckled, dropping his head to look at his feet.  "It's nothing.  It'll all come back in time.  I hope." 

 

Samantha set her jaw, her anger flaring once again.  But this time it was directed at herself.

 

Damn, she could be so selfish sometimes.  Here she was, feeling sorry for herself, lost in her own miseries because Daniel wasn't meeting her own expectations.  He had gone through hell, dying from a lethal dose of radiation poisoning, ascending to a higher plane where he felt helpless to do anything, lost his memory after having retaken human form, and now here he was struggling to reclaim himself and she was moaning about how unfair it was on her. 

 

"I'm so sorry, Daniel." 

 

"What?"

 

She gazed at him, fighting back tears that threatened to flood her face.  The guilt rattled her system and she closed her eyes, forcing herself to see the hallucination on the ship.  She had scowled at him, thrown out sarcastic remarks, when in truth it had been through her representation of Daniel that she had finally been able to start to tackle her inner demons.  She had chosen Daniel to be the voice, her guidance to truth, no matter how much she didn't want to face it.  Face him. No words could describe how deep and symbolic her connection and discoveries were that day. The repercussions continued to ripple in strong waves, changing her, bringing her back to herself. She blinked at Daniel, her eyes wide, no longer embarrassed as a tear fell down her cheek. 

 

How do you tell a person that it’s through them you've found grace?

 

"Sam," he said firmly, but with a hint of apprehension. 

 

Blinking again, she pulled herself out of her thoughts. "I'm sorry, Daniel. So sorry." 

 

She sniffled, standing, before she rushed into the kitchen. Stupid, she thought.  This is not how she wanted the night to be. Irritated with herself, Samantha slammed down the mugs, waiting impatiently for the coffee to finish brewing.  She muttered to herself angrily, feeling more disconcerted as Daniel quietly entered the kitchen.   

 

At first, he said nothing.  He was watching her.  Just standing there, watching her. She couldn't take it. Strumming her fingers on the countertop, she swore at the coffee maker.  Never would she buy such a crap machine again.  Talk about inefficient. 

 

"Sam."

 

"Look, the coffee is almost ready." 

 

"Sam…" 

 

She sniffled again. "I said I was sorry, Daniel.  I didn't want the night to go this way.  I just wanted to talk." 

 

"You don't have to apologize.  You don't have anything to be sorry for," he said gently, from somewhere behind her. "We're talking." There was a curt laugh.  "Though, I don't know why I have to be the center of attention here. We shouldn't be talking about me. You have the concussion.  You get first pick on the topic of choice." 

 

She turned her head, glaring at him over her shoulder. 

 

"Didn't you know?  It's in the handbook. Whoever gets the latest off-world related injury gets to be the star for the evening." 

 

She couldn't help but smile. "Is that why you're so popular?" 

 

"I wouldn't use the term 'popular.'" He chuckled, sliding up beside her.  "You feel like doing a study on my injuries and it's affects on the space time continuum?"

 

"I don't know if you can handle the added publicity," she added dryly. 

 

He smiled, his eyes shining once again. "I don't know.  Maybe you're right.  But even a star such as myself needs to take the night off once in awhile."  He nudged her teasingly.  "Your turn." 

 

Samantha grinned, feeling some of her tension melt. In fact, she couldn't feel any tension between them, or hanging over Daniel either. Just the two of them, having a good time.  Just like it used to be. 

 

"Let me get you some coffee, Doctor." 

 

"That would be wonderful, Doctor." She laughed, pouring him a cup. "Doctor." 

 

He hadn't called her that in ages, it seemed. 

 

"Hey, do you remember what you used to call me when we first met?" she asked, excitedly. 

 

Daniel thought for a moment as he accepted the cup.  Then with a grin, he chuckled, nodding his head. "Oh…I was stupid." "Captain-Doctor," she stated, struggling to keep from breaking into giggles. "I didn't know what to call you.  Jack kept calling you Captain.  You kept calling yourself Doctor…Sounds childish when you think back to it, doesn't it?" 

 

She shook her head, filling her mug.  "No, I actually thought it was kinda cute."

 

"Really?" He seemed to consider this as he sipped his coffee.  "Well, I can't do that anymore. Major-Doctor doesn't have the same ring to it."

 

"You're right," she agreed. "Besides, I like what you call me now."

 

 He feigned seriousness as he regarded her.  "Oh, I don't think so.  That would be very inappropriate for me to say in public.  We should just stick with Sam."

 

 "Jerk," she muttered, punching him in the shoulder.  She had no idea what term he could be pondering, but it was better left unsaid.

 

 "Ow," he moaned. "Another injury."

 

"I see you stardom has come to claim you once again. Choice of topic is yours."

 

He shook his head, waving his index finger at her.  "See, no. Concussion rules over bruise on the arm. Besides, it's not an off-world related injury. Choice of topic remains with you."

 

"You neglected to say that was part of the rules of the handbook." "You didn't ask." They both laughed, taking another sip from their coffee mugs. Neither one of them spoke for the next few moments, both simultaneously absorbed in aroma of their beverage.

 

Daniel was her true coffee soul mate. "Hey, let's go back to your living room," he said at last, breaking the silence. He placed a hand on her back, guiding her out of the room. "I think I need a cookie." "After you, Doctor." "No, no.  After you, Major-Doctor."

 

The two of them sat on the floor, surrounding her coffee table, chewing on double chocolate cookies and drinking coffee, discussing anything ranging from the temperature outside to the latest movie that she was dissecting. It was nice.  It felt…good. 

 

"So," Daniel said, after a few more moments of silence.  His forehead wrinkled, like it usually did when he was entering his database of a mind. "What was it you wanted to talk about?" 

 

She frowned, poking at some crumbs in her Tupperware container.  "What do you mean?" 

 

"About the Prometheus.  You asked me here because you wanted to talk about that, right?" 

 

Shit, he remembered. She had nearly forgotten.  They were having so much fun, she almost had forgotten all about the Prometheus. 

 

"It's okay, Daniel.  I'm having a nice time.  We don't have to talk about it." 

 

"Who says we can't still have a nice time and talk about it?" he questioned her, sipping his third cup of coffee.  "It's important.  You brought it up.  So it's important to me," he said firmly. 

 

She bowed her head, swallowing back that dreaded lump again. He never missed a beat.  At least when it came to her emotions. 

 

"Something about hallucinations, right?"  Daniel slid off his glasses and placed them on the coffee table. "You were alone on the ship and hallucinating."  He pointed to her head.  "How're you doing?" 

 

"Good," she replied, touching her head.  Janet had told her she was healing well.  "Good.  I'm in the clear.  Or at least that's what they've told me."  She paused, taking a moment to gather her thoughts. "Are you sure you want to talk about this?" 

 

He nodded.  "Of course." 

 

"You’re not angry?" He frowned, blinking at her with confusion. "Angry about what?" 

 

She rolled her eyes, feeling her cheeks flush.  "You know.  My outburst before. I'm really sorry.  I know you didn't need that." 

 

He smiled, cocking his head to the side as he regarded her gently. "It surprised me, but remember what I said about walking on eggshells?"  

 

She chuckled.  He was right.  Out with it.  Keep it honest. If not, the divide would grow, she realized.  That just wasn't acceptable anymore. 

 

 "I was hallucinating.  And I knew I was hallucinating." 

 

"That must have been…different," he stated carefully. 

 

"Different? Try confusing.  Nothing made sense." 

 

"I can relate to that," he said jokingly, shifting his body to move it next to hers. "Granted, I wasn't all there the time I was hallucinating.  From what I hear, you held up pretty well." 

 

She smiled.  "Thanks.  Though, my hallucinations were a pain." 

 

"Never met a delusion that wasn't." 

 

She jabbed him, smirking.  "Stop it."  She cleared her throat and continued. "I was seeing images of you, my father, the colonel, and Teal'c and this little girl." 

 

"Jack would probably make a Wizard of Oz reference right now, if he were here." 

 

Samantha rolled her eyes. 

 

"Oh yeah.  He already did.  Twice."  She pointed her finger at him.  "You hang around with him too much." 

 

He sighed, arching his back and he leaned into the side of the loveseat.  She thought she saw him try to hide a yawn, but he spoke too quickly for her to ask. "The damage is done.  It's too late for me now."  He grinned, taking another sip from his cup, urging her to continue. 

 

"Well, these hallucinations." At least she thought they were hallucinations. They could have even been an influence from the cloud they were trapped within. "They each served a different purpose.  All were to help me, but in different ways.  Even some images were just an extension of my own consciousness, I think, trying to guide me in different directions. But eventually, all for the same goal." 

 

"This is all so fascinating," Daniel chattered eagerly. "That-that your mind would chose to reach out to you, yourself, through people you see everyday.  In different ways." 

 

She grinned, knowing she had made the right decision.  Daniel couldn't stay away from anything this intriguing. Neither could she. "See, I knew you'd understand." 

 

"Yeah, but well, I don't mean to downplay the seriousness—" 

 

"No," she stated quickly, touching his shoulder.  "You aren’t.  It was hard and I came out better for it.  I just wanted to share it with someone who would be…" She paused, searching for the right words. "Open to it." 

 

He nodded while taking another sip from his cup.  "Thanks." 

 

She chuckled. "I should be thanking you." 

 

"You can make it up to me with more cookies," he commented, motioning with his mug to the empty container.  He grinned.  "Why don't you continue?" 

 

She smiled again. "Okay. Teal'c was supportive. My father—" Her face broke into another grin.  "He, well, acted more like a father should." He smiled back at her. "And the colonel was—" She grimaced, thinking of his image once more, satisfied how quickly it dissipated.  "The colonel helped me get past some issues." She frowned, her head throbbing slightly as she thought longer, harder, about her time of the Prometheus. "I didn't seem to really enjoy your company much." 

 

Daniel put his cup down, surprise entering his face. "You-you didn't?" 

 

"No." She gazed at him, her face tight.  "Not at first." She rubbed her legs, stretching them parallel alongside Daniel. Urging him to push over, she wriggled her way to lean against the loveseat with him.  "You got on my nerves, actually." 

 

"Me?" 

 

She nodded, smiling, stifling a yawn.  The tension was truly gone, and she felt relaxed, peaceful.  Daniel's face lacked any animosity, any anger or sadness. He just waited, patiently, curiously, for her to continue. 

 

"You were forcing me to think and I didn't want to deal with that.  You kept pushing me to think beyond what appeared to be the obvious and to look at different alternatives." 

 

"Well, I can see how that could be annoying," he stated, his gaze rolling up to the ceiling as he rested his head on the loveseat cushion. "I was a little more than annoyed," she admitted, resting her head beside his. "But you told me something important and that's why I wanted to talk to you." 

 

He pivoted his head and raised his eyebrows. "You pointed me back to a piece of me that I had been missing.  That part of me that was so excited when I first went through the Stargate." 

 

"The little girl?" 

 

She smiled softly, her head buzzing. She knew she could never have this kind of conversation with Teal'c, or the colonel, or Jonas.  And even though she was extremely close with Janet, she could only get so far before her friend blew into a full medical analysis. No, this was the right decision. She vowed one day to thank the powers that be for returning Daniel back to them. 

 

"Daniel…"her voice dropped to a whisper. "You…I-I think I lost myself somewhere along the way." 

 

"Not lost," he said softly, gazing at her tenderly.  "Just waiting to be found."

 

Just waiting to be found…she liked that.  It rung true somehow, fitting into the haze that was her experience of the Prometheus.  That little girl was just waiting patiently, waiting for someone to find her.  All this time, Samantha had turned the other way, ignoring the child, abandoning her to the wind.

 

"You always this philosophical when you're tired?" she asked him, teasingly. 

 

"Why do you think all my breakthroughs come at night?" he answered with a question, smiling. "I can't be flaky all the time, right?" 

 

She chuckled. "You're not flaky. A little passionate at times, but not flaky." 

 

"Not sure about that," he joked at his own expense. 

 

She jabbed him again. 

 

"Well," he stated, closing his eyes. "Based on what you're telling me, doesn't that mean that you lead yourself back to you?" 

 

"Uh, yeah, I guess so," she said slowly, her thick head muddling through his words.  She yawned, suddenly realizing the extent of her fatigue. 

 

"So, there you were, alone in space on the middle of a ship, with a head injury, and you had yourself an epiphany." He smiled, and then yawned, his eyes still shut. "That's pretty amazing, if you ask me." 

 

She felt her cheeks blush at the compliment.  Turning to look at the ceiling, she smiled. She knew full well what Daniel was doing, as he had tried this many times before.  He had always been the one to keep her spirits high, and to keep her determination and faith in herself at full momentum. What was it she had told him once?  She couldn't remember exactly, nor did she feel like revisiting that awful place just before Daniel's death.  But… she had commented about his effect on people, and how he had the ability to make them better people. 

 

That was amazing, really. 

 

Why had it taken so long for them to sit down and talk?  The time that he was gone, she ached, wishing that at any moment he would walk back through the door, into her lab, and start on some rant about a new dialect he'd learned, or a new culture he had unearthed. She would counter with comments of her own, linking some technological understanding to his social skills.  They would both work together, finding a common solution and creating a much grander discovery. She'd longed for it, and once he returned, she had partially shut him out. And despite it all, he still was the one that had managed to help her find her way. 

 

"Daniel," she whispered, "I don’t think you ever really knew how much you meant to us.  To me."

 

Hearing no response, Samantha turned her head back to Daniel, feeling another soft smile tug at her lips.  He was out cold, his mouth slight agape, his head slowly sliding against the cushions until he rested on her shoulder.  Exhaling slowly, she curled up next to him, letting her own mind drift and closed her eyes. From this point onward, she promised herself that he would understand.

 

"Good of you to grace us with your presence, Major."

 

Major Samantha Carter jogged into the Gateroom, readjusting the pack on her back. Colonel O'Neill was waiting for her at the doorway, while Daniel and Teal'c stood at the base of the ramp. Teal'c greeted her with a bow; Daniel absently waved to her as he played with a strap on his vest.

 

The colonel continued to scowl. "Little late, aren't we?" 

 

"Sorry, Sir. I wanted to finish some diagnostics in my lab before we went off-word." 

 

"I suppose we can let it slid," he commented, glancing back to Teal'c and Daniel.  He returned to face her, this time with a smile.  "Good to have you back, Major." 

 

"It's good to be back," she replied happily. 

 

"Good," Daniel said, fiddling with another strap. "Because the probe sent back some great shots." 

 

She grinned, her bright eyes sparkling as she gazed at her commanding officer. "Sir, the MALP brought back what looks like signs of both a flourishing civilization and some new technologies.  Plus, the readings we've received are amazing." 

 

The colonel rocked back on his heels, arching his eyebrows.  "A little giddy too, today, I see." 

 

"Jack, the buildings appear to be Cretan.  Cretan," Daniel stressed, as if the colonel were oblivious to the obvious. 

 

"Oh, yes.  How could I have missed that," he said dryly. 

 

Giddy?  She laughed, ignoring the confused look on the colonel's face.  "Not giddy, Sir.  Just myself." 

 

"Ah," Colonel O'Neill stated, a smile creeping onto his smug face. "Good."  He turned to Daniel and Teal'c, nodding, before once again returning to face her.  "It's good." 

 

It truly was, she mused. 

 

"I just guess I can't wait to see what P5J-589 has to offer," Samantha said excitedly, flashing a knowing grin to Daniel. 

 

"Yes, and who knows what kind of knowledge and information we'll be able to obtain from the locals," Daniel added, smiling back at her.

 

"Wonderful," O'Neill muttered, shifting his gaze between the two. 

 

"I see you've both had plenty of coffee this morning." 

 

"As have I," Teal'c proclaimed, lifting his head. 

 

"Ah," O'Neill stated again, signaling above to start the Gate.  "Any other comments before we begin?" 

 

"It is possible there are Goa'uld related technologies on this planet, O'Neill.  We should exercise extreme caution while proceeding." Teal'c said evenly. 

 

"Alright, kids, you know the drill then," O'Neill announced, starting up to the base of the ramp. The chevrons began to engage one by one. "We'll try and establish contact, but keep on guard.  The word 'technologies' tells me to stay alert." 

 

"Right, Sir." 

 

"Sure, but I have to see the ruins outside the main city." Colonel O'Neill cocked his head, moving deliberately to face Daniel.

 

"Excuse me?  Have to?" 

 

"Well, yes," he replied, scratching the bridge of his nose. "We can't just go without exploring some of the terrain.  There could be some…" Daniel's voice trailed off, his expression tightening. 

 

Samantha studied him quickly, catching a glance of the colonel to her side.  She could see the uncertainty in his features, and the hesitance in his eyes. Come on, Colonel, she thought to herself.  If you disagree with him, just say so. 

 

Samantha cleared her throat, shaking her head.  "You don't need to stay subtle on my account," she interjected quickly. She shot a look at Daniel.  "I get what he's trying to say here and Daniel, as much as I would love to explore the ruins with you, I have to agree with the colonel on this one.  We should remain careful first and then if the locals are friendly, they should let us look at the ruins." O'Neill frowned at her, questioning her with his bewildered expression.  She remained serious, but nudged him with her eyes, urging him to continue. He straightened and stared intently at Daniel. 

 

Daniel licked his lips, his gaze darting from Samantha to the colonel. "But—" 

 

"No buts, Daniel," O'Neill stated firmly, grasping his P-90. "You know how this works.  You can't always get your way."  There was a loud ka-whoosh as the Gate opened. "Just stay alert and try not to get shot this time, will ya?" 

 

"That was an accident," Daniel retorted, following Teal'c and the colonel up the ramp. 

 

"Well, then, let's make sure that there are no accidents this time, okay?"  O'Neill allowed his gaze to linger on Daniel for a moment longer, before he and Teal'c approached the event horizon. 

 

"Traitor," Daniel said under his breath, standing beside Samantha. She allowed her eyes to roll to meet his, pausing with him. He could try to hide the smile all he wanted—she knew it was there.

 

"No eggshells, remember?" 

 

"Right." 

 

"Besides, we both know you're not going to listen anyway." 

 

He flashed her a knowing grin, as he began to move forward to meet the rest of the team at the Gate. She smiled in return, shaking her head as she walked alongside him. 

 

Maybe things would start to settle now.  Maybe they were all finally locking into place. The worst was over. 

 

Her face open and her smile bright, Samantha gazed with renewed wonder at the Stargate.  Her stomach churned as she absorbed the fluctuations of the event horizon, feeling like it was her first time all over again.   

 

The first time.  Her first mission with Colonel O'Neill. 

 

The time she had her first encounter on Abydos: to meet and retrieve Doctor Daniel Jackson. 

 

But it would be different this time.  Instead of being in two different places in the galaxy, they were together. 

 

Her blue eyes mirrored the intensity of the Stargate. 

 

Yes. They were both on this journey together.  A journey to find themselves. She stepped forward, following her teammates through the Gate.

 

 

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