(Or: This page is a genuine request for assistance!)
Through the auspices of this erstwhile organ I, Martin J Burn - The English Atheist, am seeking the help of any passer-by who may have specific knowledge that will help me in my quest to become the ultimate Couch Potato.
Recently I was priviledged to receive as a gift from my best atheist buddy in the United States of America a parcel of goodies which contained what can only described as 'The Ultimate Snack Treat'. I have now run out of the goodies, and am putting out a call to anyone, in the UK (or orherwise), who can point me in the right direction of a retailer in the UK who sells...
Bar-B-Q flavour Fritos
These curly corn chips are quite honestly the 'doggies danglies' of savoury munchiness, and they make Cheesey Doritos look like puny little bags of festering communion wafers. If anyone could provide the URL of an online retailer, that would be brilliant, but if any reader knows of a shop in or around Cambridge who sells this manna from heaven, that would be super as well.
I have searched long and hard on the web for the said items, but to no avail. Please help to get me out of my Frito deprivation-induced hell. I tried praying, but as usual, nothing happened. I am also looking for: Jelly Belly jelly beans, Reeses Pieces and Stovetop Stuffing mix! I can be emailed here or here.
Martin J Burn - The English Atheist
Herbert, the purple hamster acolyte of Hubert the Dancing Beaver Deity, munches on a Frito.
Update February 2001:
Many, many thanks must go to Ritchie, who hails from the North East of England. Ritchie was kind enough to pick up a box of Stovetop and a big bag of BBQ Fritos for me on his recent visit to Chicago. He sent them to me at my home address when he returned from America. Ritchie is an atheist with a mega memory! And he wins the English Atheist's award for Snack Food Belevolence.
Update July 2002:
And a great big Woo hoo!, to Kathy, Billy Bee, Maggie May and Fred from America. Kathy is certifiably "off her chump", having sent a salty snack care package of BBQ Fritos to me - via air-mail! She was kind enough to include a small mountain of Reeses Peanut Butter Cups, and a half a box full of peculiar multi-coloured, crispy things. I have no idea what they were, but they are incredibly chewy and have all the gastronomic satisfaction of Polish chocolate. Kathy is a member of the Internet Infidels and a big fan of the Photsoshop thread there. Hubert the Dancing beaver Deity has awarded Kathy his Salty Snack Hero trophy.
Awarded to Ritchie from England.
Awarded to Kathy from Georgia, USA.
Update June 2001:
'Walkers' is a snack food manufacturer in The UK. They are a subsidiary company of the manufacturers of Fritos. In June of 2001 I filled in the enquiry form on their website. Here is my enquiry, and Walkers' reply (verbatim):
Will Fritos ever be available in the UK? If not, is there any way of purchasing them online from the US?
Martin J Burn
From: Thurmaston.Consumer@walkers.co.uk (Thurmaston Consumer)
Sent: Mon, 11 Jun 2001 12:04:14 +0100
Subject: Re: Walkers Web Site Contact Form
Many thanks for your enquiry via our website.
There are no plans to introduce Fritos in the UK and unfortunately,
there is no facility available to purchase on line.
We will pass your comments onto our Marketing Team and who know this
may be available in the future.
Consumer Care Team
Walkers Snack Foods Limited
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