Relationships as we get older...
When the husband finally died, his wife put the usual death notice in the paper, but added that he died of gonorrhea. No sooner were the papers delivered, when a good friend of the family phoned and complained bitterly, "You know very well that he died of diarrhea, not gonorrhea." Replied the widow," I nursed him night and day so of course I know he died of diarrhea, but I thought it would be better for posterity to remember him as a great lover rather than the big shit he always was."

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An elderly couple was on a cruise and it was really stormy were standing on the stern of the boat watching the moon, when a wave came up and washed the old woman overboard. They searched for days and couldn't find her, so the captain sent the old man back to shore with the promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something. Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the boat. It read: "Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife dead at the bottom of the ocean. We hauled her up to the deck and attached to her butt was an oyster and in it was a pearl worth $50,000, please advise"

The old man faxed back: "Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap"

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A professor of mathematics sent a fax to his wife:
"Dear Wife: You must realize that you are 54 years old, and I have certain needs that you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as a wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive this fax, I will be at the Grand Hotel with my 18-year-old teaching assistant. I'll be home before midnight."

When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed letter waiting for him that read as follows:

"Dear Husband: You, too, are 54 years old and, by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Breakwater Inn with our 18-year-old pool boy.  Being the brilliant mathematician that you are, you can easily appreciate the fact that 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18. Don't wait up!"
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