No Arms and No Legs jokes



 

More back to the 70's jokes! I don't know how these started, but you have to give people credit for being creative! I wonder if it started with this joke, which I had heard first:

 


"Mrs. Johnson, can Johnny come out and play baseball?"
"Now, children, you know Johnny has no arms and no legs."
"We know, Mrs. Johnson. We want to use him as home base!"



 

Here are the original ones I heard:



 

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on your front door step?

MATT



 

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pot of vegetables?

STU



 

What do you call a guy with no arms & no legs that is stuck in a wall?

BRAD



 

What do you call a woman with no arms and no legs on a tennis court?

ANNETTE



 

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs that sits in your wallet (or in a bank?)

BUCK





 

These are originals, too, but have had additions:



 

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs that hangs on your wall?

ART

 

. . . what if he also doesn't have a tongue?

Tasteless ART

 

. . . what do you call his arms and legs?

Pieces of ART




 

What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other?

EILEEN

 

What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other who is Asian?

IRENE

 

What do you call her after the operation to even her legs?

NOREEN




 

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in your mailbox?

BILL

 

And the woman who puts him in the fireplace?

BERNADETTE




 

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the ocean?

BOB

 

What do you call 5 men with no arms and no legs in the ocean and a woman named Ann?

BOB, BOB, BOB ... BOB, BOB 'n' Ann

 

Hint: Say it out loud! Very clever!




 

{My sister made this one up way back when, but it was such a natural that others have also}
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves?

RUSSELL

 

And 6 months later?

PETE






 

The rest of these I gathered from multiple sources all over the Internet:



 

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs between two buildings?

ALI



 

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs who loosens hex screws?

ALLEN



 

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on two wheels?

AXEL



 

What do you call a woman with no arms and no legs stuck in a fence?

BARB



 

What do you call a woman with no arms and no legs in a bag?

CARRIE



 

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on your shoulder?
Variation: ... playing poker?

CHIP



 

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs put through a meat grinder?

CHUCK



 

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a tiger cage?

CLAUDE



 

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs sitting on a hill?

CLIFF



 

What do you call a woman with no arms and no legs hanging from a chandelier?

CRYSTAL or TIFFANY



 

What do you call two men with no arms and no legs in a window?

CURT N' ROD



 

What do you call a woman with no arms and no legs in your kitchen sink?

DAWN



 

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs who has been left out on the lawn all night?

DEWEY


 

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs under a bed?

DUSTY



 

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on your barbecue?

FRANK



 

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs under a microscope?

GENE



 

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a cracker box?

GRAHAM



 

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in your spice rack?

HERB or BASIL



 

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs flying over a fence?

HOMER



 

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs getting trampled on by a bunch of basketball players?

JIM



 

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a GMC?

JIMMY



 

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a coffee cup?

JOE



 

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs who pretends to have arms and legs?

JOSH



 

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs who is Spanish and very pale?

JUAN



 

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs impaled on a spear?

LANCE



 

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs who left a smudge on your floor?

MARK



 

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on a podium?

MIKE



 

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs who cut himself shaving?

NICK



 

What do you call a woman with no arms and no legs in a frying pan?

PAM



 

What do you call a woman with no arms and no legs between two slices of bread?

PATTY



 

What do you call a woman with no arms and no legs hanging on a clothes line?

PEG



 

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a bottle?

POP



 

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs who is covered with sauerkraut?

REUBEN



 

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs who falls into a gold mine?
Contributed by Chris LaLande - thanks!

RICH



 

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs trying to hold up a bank?

ROB



 

What do you call a woman with no arms and no legs on a beach?

SANDY



 

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs who is water skiing?

SKIP



 

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs who worked at the soda plant?

TAB



 

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a lingerie drawer?

TEDDY



 

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on the President's desk?

VITO



 

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs with pet rabbits?

WARREN



 

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs given to you by a deceased relative?

WILL







 

This is not a true example, but deserved an honorable mention!



 

What do you call two guys with no arms/legs in the water?

Swimming trunks





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