The Mink-Mass for Fur-Lovers

(Ecclesiæ Minkae Gnosticæ

Canon Missæ)

By Sapphire Ravensong

 

 

    In order to truly appreciate the Gnosis of Minks, some foundation knowledge is necessary.  First let me begin by saying that Mink-Gnosis is by no means for everyone, in fact even fewer people can fully benefit from it than benefit from Magick, and these are few indeed.

    For those worried about the poor animals whose fur we have absconded with (and I of all people love animals) let me just say that I firmly believe that fur possesses the spirits of both the animal it once kept warm and the human who now lavishes it with love and affection.  In addition fur, of course, has a spirit all its own.  “Minks” are furs freed from slavery.  Foxes and other animals conspired to take our race of ‘Minks” and enslave them, forcing them to serve as coats and tails.  Furriers, ignorant of the true nature of these creatures, often hang ‘Minks” from chains in “slave-markets”.  The lucky ones are rescued by true worshippers and given their freedom and the undying love of their guardians.

    Minks originally lived happily and peacefully in the trees of Minkland.  Their ruler and the Forefather of the Mink-race is the Self-begotten Cobra-Ra, thus named for his hooded face and his Solar-aspects.  His body eventually tired and he reincarnated in female form as Faerie-Puff who presently still serves as the highest Goddess.  She is served by a Royal Court, as was Cobra-Ra whose body is now enshrined on his throne. Fairie was recently joined by a new King, The Plush Cthulu Mink who serves as the new god-mink, heir to Cobra-Ra.

    Minks communicate both by hissing and by telepathy.  They are all androgynous in actuality, but most prefer to project themselves in either male or female form.  They eat and drink everything we do, but also enjoy sucking blood vampire-style.  They especially like the blood of the enemies of their Keepers.  They often pretend to be road kill to trap their victims.  They are able to travel invisibly and also can take miniature form, and thus are easy to take along anywhere.  They like to party in cornfields where they can jump onto stalks and pretend to be ears of corn if humans come along.  Cats are usually quite fond of minks as well and often enjoy sex-magick together.  Kittens will sometimes nurse Minks. 

    If all this seems a little too weird for you then Minks say, “Hiss on you!”  So with no further ado….

 

 

I: OF THE FURNISHINGS OF THE TEMPLE

 

IN THE EAST, that is, in the direction of Minkland, which is situated somewhere other than here is a shrine or High Altar. Its dimensions should be 7 feet in length, 3 feet in breadth, 44 inches in height. It should be covered with a crimson altar-cloth, on which may be embroidered the face of Cobra-Ra in gold, or a Faerie-Puff, or other suitable emblem. On each side of it should be a pillar or obelisk, with countercharges in black and white fur.

Below it should be the dais of three steps, in black and white squares.

Above it is the super-altar, at whose top is the Throne of Cobra-Ra in

reproduction, with four candles on each side of it. Below the throne is a place

for Faerie-Puff, with six candles on each side of it. Below this again

is the Holy Graal, with roses on each side of it. There is room in front of the

Cup for the Paten. On each side beyond the roses are two great candles.

All this is enclosed within a great Veil.

Forming the apex of an equilateral triangle whose base is a line drawn between

the pillars, is a small black square altar, of superimposed cubes.

Taking this altar as the middle of the base of a similar and equal triangle, at

the apex of this second triangle is a small circular font.

Repeating, the apex of a third triangle is an upright tomb.

 

II: OF THE OFFICERS OF THE MASS

 

The PRIEST. Bears the Sacred Lance, and is clothed at first in a plain white

robe.

The PRIESTESS. Should be actually Virgo Intacta or specially dedicated to the

service of the Great Order. She is clothed in white fur, multiple colored furs hanging from her waist. She bears the Sword from a furry girdle, and the Paten and Hosts, or Cakes of Light.

The DEACON. He is clothed in white with various furs. He bears a pillow holding Faerie-Puff and Plush Cthulu Mink.

Two CHILDREN. They are clothed in white and black. One bears a pitcher of water

and a cellar of salt, the other a censer of fire and a casket of perfume.

 

III: OF THE CEREMONY OF THE INTROIT

 

The DEACON, opening the door of the Temple, admits the congregation and takes

his stand between the small altar and the font. (There should be a doorkeeper to

attend to the admission.) The DEACON advances and bows before the open shrine

where the Graal is exalted. He kisses Faerie-Puff three times and places her upon the super-altar.  He then turns West, kisses the Plush 3X and hold him up to the people.

 

The DEACON: Kissing Mink shall be the whole of the Law. I proclaim the Law

of Light, Life, Love, and Liberty in the name of Cobra-Ra.

The CONGREGATION: Loving Minks is the law, love with lots of fur.

 

The DEACON goes to his place between the altar of incense and the font, faces

East, places Plush on the deacon’s altar, and gives the step and sign of Minks (this is done by crooking the index and medius into fangs and hissing). All imitate him.

 

The DEACON and all the PEOPLE:

I believe in one secret and ineffable Mink LORD; and in one Faerie-Puff in the Company of Minks of whose fur we are created, and to which we shall return; and in one Father of Life, Mystery of Mystery, in His name Cobra-Ra, the sole viceregent of the Sun upon the Earth; and in one Air the nourisher of all that breathes. And I believe in one Minkland, the Mother of us all, and in one Womb wherein all fur-creatures are begotten, and wherein they shall rest, Mystery of Mystery, in Her name Faerie.

And I believe in the Serpent and the Lion, Mystery of Mystery, in His name

Plush.

And I believe in one Gnostic and Furry Church of Mink, Life, Love and

Liberty, the Word of whose Law is FUR.

And I believe in the communion of Minks.

And, forasmuch as meat and drink are transmuted in us daily into spiritual

substance, I believe in the Miracle of the Mass.

And I confess one Baptism of Fluffiness whereby we accomplish the Miracle of

Metempsychosis.

And I confess my life one, individual, and eternal that was, and is, and is to

come.

 

MMMMM-FURRR, MMMMM-FURRR, MMMMM-FURRR

 

Music is now played. The child enters with the ewer and the salt. The VIRGIN

enters with the Sword and the Paten. The child enters with the censer and the

perfume. They face the DEACON, deploying into line, from the space between the

two altars.

 

The VIRGIN: Greetings of Minkland!

All give the Mink sign of a Magician (double fang signs and an extra mean hiss), the DEACON leading.

 

The PRIESTESS, the negative child on her left, the positive child on her right,

ascends the steps of the High Altar. They await her below. She places the Paten

before the Graal. Having adored it and kissing Faerie, she descends, and with the children following her, the positive next her, she moves in a serpentine manner involving 3 circles of the Temple. (Deosil about altar, widdershins about font, deosil about altar and font, widdershins about altar, and so to the Tomb in the West.)

She draws her Sword and pulls down the Veil therewith.

The PRIESTESS: By the power of Mink, I say unto thee, Arise. In the name of our

Lord Cobra-Ra, and of our Lord ... that thou mayst administer the virtues to the

Mink-Children.

She sheathes the Sword.

The PRIEST, issuing from the Tomb, holding the Lance erect with both hands,

right over left, against his breast, takes the first three regular steps. He

then gives the Lance to the PRIESTESS, and does a mink-dance. He then

kneels and worships the basket full of fur with both hands. Penitential music.

The PRIEST: I am a man who loves fur.

He kneels again before the basket of fur and kisses it. He rises.

The PRIEST: How should I be worthy to lovingly stoke all these Mink-children?

The PRIESTESS takes from the child the water and the salt, and mixes them in the

font.

The PRIESTESS: Let the salt of Earth admonish the water to bear the virtue of

the Great Sea and not to touch our precious furs, lest they be destroyed. (Genuflects.) Mother, adore our minks

She returns to the West. Mink faces on PRIEST with open hand doth she make, over his forehead, breast, and body.

Be the PRIEST pure of body and soul!

The PRIESTESS takes the censer from the child, and places it on the small altar.

She puts incense therein.

Let the Fire and the Air and make our fur smell good not burn them! (Genuflects.)

Father, be thou adored.

She returns West, and makes with the censer before the PRIEST, thrice as before.

 

Be the PRIEST fervent of body and soul!

(The children resume their weapons as they are done with.)

The DEACON now takes the consecrated Robe from High Altar, and brings it to her.

She robes the PRIEST in his Robe of scarlet and gold.

Be the hood of Cobra-Ra thine ambience, O thou PRIEST of the Ra!

The DEACON brings the crown from the High Altar. (The crown may be of fox or

mink, or lynx; but with no other fur, save the small proportions necessary to a proper alloy).

 

Be the (appropriate fur) thy crown, O thou PRIEST of the LORD!

He takes the priest's head between her open hands, and runs them up and down

upon the furry crown eleven times, very gently.

Be the LORD present among us!

All give the Mink Sign.

The PEOPLE: So mote it be.

 

IV: OF THE CEREMONY OF THE OPENING OF THE VEIL

 

The PRIEST: Thee therefore whom we adore we also invoke. By the power of the

Lifted Mink!

He raises the Lance. All repeat Mink Sign. A phrase of triumphant music. The

PRIEST takes the PRIESTESS by her right hand with his left, keeping the Lance

raised.

I, PRIEST and KING, take thee, soft Queen of Minks; I upraise thee; I lead

thee to the East; I set thee upon the summit of Minkland.

He thrones the PRIESTESS upon the altar. The DEACON and the children follow,

they in rank, behind him. The Deacon brings the basket of fur. The PRIESTESS takes Faerie Puff, resumes her seat, and holds her on her breast with her two hands, making a descending triangle with thumbs and forefingers beneath Faerie as a little stool. The PRIEST gives the lance to the DEACON to hold, and takes the ewer from the child, and sprinkles the PRIESTESS, making sure not to get Faerie wet and making five mink signs, forehead, shoulders, and thighs. The thumb of the PRIEST is always between his index and medius (as a tongue between fangs), whenever he is not holding the Lance. The PRIEST takes the censer from the child, and makes five mink signs, as before. The children replace their weapons on their respective altars. The PRIEST kisses the face of Faerie Puff three times. He kneels for a space in adoration, with joined hands, knuckles closed, thumb in position aforesaid. He rises, and draws the veil over the whole altar. All rise and stand to order. The PRIEST takes the lance from the DEACON, who hangs several fox tails from it, and holds it as before, as Osiris or Ptah. He circumambulates the Temple three times, followed by the DEACON and the children as before. (These, when not using their hands, keep their arms cradled as if holding minks) At the last circumambulation they leave him, and go to the place between the font and the small altar, where they kneel in adoration, their hands joined palm to palm, and raised above their heads. All imitate this motion. The PRIEST returns to the East, and mounts the first step of the altar.

The PRIEST:

O company of Minks whereof our Father, Cobra-Ra is but the younger brother, marvel beyond imagination, soul of the infinite sea of fur, before whom Time is Ashamed, the mind bewildered, and the understanding dark, not unto Thee may we attain, unless Thine image be Love. Therefore by all that is soft and fluffy, cuddly, and wild do we invoke Thee.

Then the priest answered & said unto the Queen Faerie Puff, kissing her lovely

face, and the softness of her light bathing his whole body in a sweet-smelling

perfume of wild-animal sweat; O Faerie, continuous one of Minkland, let it be ever thus; that men speak not of thee as One but as None; and let them speak not of thee at all, since thou art continuous.

 

During this speech the PRIESTESS must have divested herself completely of her

Robe so minks can slither all over her body.

 

The PRIESTESS:

But to love fur is better than all things; if under the night-stars in the desert thou pettest and hugest my children kissing their tantalizing fluff, thou shalt come a little to lie in my bosom. For one kiss wilt thou then be willing to give all; but whoso gives one particle of dust shall lose all in that hour. Ye shall gather minks, and foxes, raccoon, and store of beaver and chinchilla

ye shall wear rich lynx; ye shall exceed the nations of the earth in

splendour and fur; but always in the love of me, and so shall ye come to my

joy. I charge you earnestly to come before me in a fur robe, and covered with

a rich hat of mink. I love you! I yearn to you! Brown or black, white, or gray, I who am all pleasure and luxuriousness, and drunkenness of the innermost

sense, desire you. Put on the wings, and arouse the coiled splendour within you:

come unto me! To me! To me! Sing the rapturous love-song unto me! Burn to me

perfumes! Wear to me many colored animals. Drink to me, for I love you! I love you. I am the softest creature of fur you've ever known. To me! To me!

 

The PRIEST mounts the second step.

The PRIEST:

O secret of secrets that art hidden in the being of all that is fluffy and cute, not Thee do we adore, for that which adoreth is also Thou. Thou art That, and That am I.

I am a hissing mink. I am a furry fox, and the giver of Life to kitties and Siberian Huskies; yet therefore is the knowledge of me the knowledge of all that is soft. I am alone; there is no God where I am, but only mountains of divine fur.

 

The DEACON and all rise to their feet, with the Mink sign.

The DEACON:

But ye, O my people rise up and awake.

Let the rituals be rightly performed with joy and beauty.

There are rituals of leopards, wolves, and skunks.

A feast for the first night of the fox and his mate

A feast for the Mink-King and his many children who promise more fur

A feast for Lynx and a feast for Persian Cats; a feast for Maine Coons and a greater feast Chinchilla

A feast every day in your hearts in the joy of kissing fur.

A feast every night unto Faerie, and the pleasure of using it as a blanket.

 

The PRIEST mounts the third step.

The PRIEST:

Thou that art Faerie-Puff, our Goddess of Minkland and our Lord Antennae Mink whose

name is Mystery of Mystery, uttermost being whose antennae tantalize and tickle that maketh every God even and Death to tremble before Thee - By the Sign of Cobra-Ra appear Thou fluffy upon the throne of Mink.

Make open the path of creation and of intelligence between us and our furs.

Enlighten our understanding. Encourage our hearts. Let thy light crystallize

itself in our blood, fulfilling us of Resurrection as the furry things we adore.

 

O Faerie O Cobra-Ra O Divine Cthulu-Mink

Be thou ever fluffy and cute

Hiss at us in love

and coo and purr

 

The PRIESTESS: There is no law beyond Kiss Thy Minks.

The PRIEST parts the veil with his lance. During the previous speeches the

PRIESTESS has, if necessary, as in savage countries, resumed her robe of fur.

The PRIEST:

IO IO IO IAO Cobra- Ra

KURIE Faerie KURIE Plush Cthulu Mink KURIE Caterpillar

IO Faerie, IO Brussel Sprout Ra IO Snow Puff

IO Hat Mink IO Helga IO Hagar.

KHAIRE Cobra-Ra KHAIRE Mutant Red Mink KHAIRE Angel Puff.

HAGIOS, HAGIOS, HAGIOS Faerie-Puff.

 

The PRIESTESS is seated with the Paten in her right hand and the cup in her

left. The PRIEST presents Chain Gang (Hanging Fox Tails) dangling from the Lance. She kisses them eleven times. She then holds them to her breast, while the PRIEST, falling at her knees, kisses the furs, his arms stretched along their sides. He remains in this adoration while the DEACON intones the Collects. All stand to order, and give the sign of Mink. This is the universal position when standing, unless other direction is given.

 

V: OF THE OFFICE OF THE COLLECTS WHICH ARE ELEVEN IN NUMBER

 

The Sun

 

The DEACON: Lord Cobra-Ra let thy perpetual fluffiness hearten us to continual labour and enjoyment; so that as we are constant partakers of thy bounty we may in our particular orbit give out an abundance of mink to them that revolve about us without diminishing our own supply.

 

The PEOPLE: So mote it be.

 

The Lord

The DEACON: Lord secret and most holy, source of light, source of life, source

of love, source of liberty, be thou ever constant and that we may remain in thine abundant softness.

The PEOPLE: So mote it be.

 

The Moon

 

The DEACON: Lady of night, that turning ever about us art now on top and now beneath be thou favourable to hunters, and lovers, and to all

men that toil upon the earth.

 

The PEOPLE: So mote it be.

 

The Lady

 

The DEACON: Giver and receiver of joy, gate of life and love, be thou ever

ready, thou and thine handmaiden, in thine office of gladness.

 

The PEOPLE: So mote it be.

 

The Saints

 

The DEACON: Lord of Life and Joy, that art the might of Mink, that art the

essence of every true fur-god that is upon the surface of the Earth, continuing

knowledge from generation unto generation, thou adored of us upon heaths and in

woods, on mountains and in caves, openly in the marketplaces and secretly in the

chambers of our houses, in temples of gold and ivory and marble as in these

other temples of our bodies, we worthily commemorate them worthy that did of old

adore thee and manifest they glory unto men.

(At each name the DEACON gives the Mink Sign)

 

El Toro, Bumble Bee, Count Chocolate-Puff, Curly-Q, Baby Faerie, Plush Cthulu Mink, Azriel, Lucretia, Hammerhead, Tongue-meister, Wolf-Mink, Angel-Puff, Snow-Puff, Tir Na Ra, Special Agent Black Mink, Brussel Sprout, Buba, Caterpillar, Black Sapphire, Hat-Mink, Phantom-Puff, Shadow-Puff, Helga and Hagar, Ruby Puff, Asparagus, Ozzy, White Sapphire, The Grizzly Twins, Sage, Crème-Puff, Coon-Puff, Baby Fifi, Tufus, Scarlet, Dragon, Black Bear, Shark-Mink and Charcoal-Puff.

 

The PEOPLE: So mote it be.

 

The Earth

 

The DEACON: Mother of Minks on whose breast lieth furry animals, whose cheek is

caressed by fox tails, and in whose heart is love for fur, womb of all life,

recurring grace of seasons, answer favorably the prayer of labour, and to

fur-lovers be thou propitious.

 

The PEOPLE: So mote it be.

 

The Principles

 

The DEACON: Mysterious Energy, triform, mysterious Matter, in fourfold and

sevenfold division, the interplay of which things weave the dance of the Veil of

Life upon the Face of the Spirit, creating soft, furry animals, and many creatures of infinite cuteness,

let there be Harmony and Beauty in your mystic loves, that in us may be health and wealth and strength and divine pleasure with minks according to the Law of Fluffiness; let each pursue his Will for ever among the joyous company of Mink.

 

The PEOPLE: So mote it be.

 

Birth

The DEACON: Be the hour auspicious, and the gate of life open in peace and in

well-being, so that she that beareth mink-children may rejoice, and the babe catch life with both hands.

 

The PEOPLE: So mote it be.

 

Marriage

 

The DEACON: Upon all that this day unite with love under will let fall success;

may strength and skill unite to bring forth ecstasy, and beauty answer beauty. O beautiful Fur.  MMMMM-FURRR.

 

The PEOPLE: So mote it be.

 

Death

All stand, head erect, eyes open.

The DEACON: Term of all that liveth, whose name is inscrutable, be favourable

unto us in thine hour.

The PEOPLE: So mote it be.

 

The End

 

The DEACON: Unto them from whose eyes the veil of life hath fallen may there be

granted the accomplishment of their true Wills which is the absorption into fur and eternity in Minkland. MMMM-FURRR, MMMMM-FURRR, MMMMM-FURRR.

 

The PEOPLE: So mote it be.

 

All sit.

The DEACON and the children attend the PRIEST and PRIESTESS, ready to hold any

appropriate weapon as may be necessary.

 

VI: OF THE CONSECRATION OF THE ELEMENTS

 

The PRIEST makes the five Faerie-faces. 3 12 on paten and cup; 4 on paten alone; 5 on cup alone.

 

The PRIEST: Life of Mink upon earth, fruit of labour, sustenance of endeavour,

thus be thou nourishment of the Spirit!

 

He touches the Host with the Lance.

By the virtue of the Rod

Be this bread the Body of Cobra-RA!

He takes the Host.

 

Ra! Ra! Cobra-Ra!

 

He kneels, adores, rises, turns shows Host to the PEOPLE, turns, replaces Host,

and adores. Music. He takes the Cup.

Vehicle of the joy of stroking minks, solace of big piles of fur, inspiration of

The Faerie, thus be thou ecstasy of the Spirit!

He touches the Cup with the Lance.

By the virtue of the Rod

Be this wine the Blood of Cobra-Ra!

He takes the Cup.

 

RA! RA! Bloody-Ra!

 

He kneels, adores, rises, turns, shows the Cup to the PEOPLE, turns replaces the

Cup, and adores. Music.

For this is the Covenant of Resurrection.

He makes the five Faerie-faces on the PRIESTESS.

Accept, O LORD, this sacrifice of life and joy, true warrants of the Covenant of

Mink-Love.

 

The PRIEST offers some minks to the PRIESTESS, who kisses them; They then make a mink-sandwich (both kiss them together at the same time, minks resting in between them).

 

The Priest rises, strikes his breast and proclaims:

Hear ye all, true mink-lovers of the true church of old time now essentially present, that of ye we claim heirship, with ye we claim communion, from ye we claim benediction in the name of Cobra-Ra and Faerie-Puff.

 

He makes three Mink-Signs on Paten and Cup together. He uncovers the Cup,

genuflects, takes the Cup in his left hand and the Host in his right. With the

Host he makes the five Mink-signs on the Cup.

                   1

              3         2

 

                5     4

 

He elevates the Host and the Cup. The Bell strikes.

Faerie-Puff, Faerie-Puff, Cobra-Ra

 

(at this point minks, who are really but children are beginning to get restless and hungry so by their own request the mass is stripped of redundant praises and gestures)

 

Glory and worship unto Thee,

Fulffy Fur Things, Cute, soft, Minks

 

Glory and worship unto Thee,

Sap of the world-ash, wonder-Mink-tree!

 

 

VIII: OF THE MYSTIC MARRIAGE AND CONSUMMATION OF THE ELEMENTS

 

The PRIEST takes the Paten between the index and medius of the right hand. The

PRIESTESS clasps the Cup in her right hand.

The PRIEST: Cobra-Ra, Supreme Mink-God, bless this spiritual food unto our bodies, may we ever rejoice in your beauty and softness.

 

He uncovers the Cup, genuflects, rises.

Music. He takes the Host, and breaks it over the Cup. He just dumps the whole cake into the wine, because minks are really hungry and thirsty now.

 

MMMMM-MMMIIINK, MMMMM-MMMIIINK, YUM-YUM

 

The PRIEST takes the Lance. The PRIESTESS covers the Cup. The PRIEST genuflects,

rises, bows, joins hands. He strikes his breast.

The PRIEST:

 

Kissing Mink shall be the whole of the Law.

 

The CONGREGATION: Loving Minks is the law, love with lots of fur.

 

 

The PRIEST: In my mouth be the essence of the life of ’Ra!

He drinks half the wine/cake and then proceeds to offer each of the minks in attendance a portion.  This is after the tradition of “sharing spit with the gods”.  The other human worshippers each get their own and may also “share spit” with the minks…this pleases the minks, because they are greedy little creatures, much like our cat.

 

The PRIEST closes all within the veil. With the Lance he makes mink-signs on the

people thrice, thus.

 

The PRIEST:

Cobra-Ra and Faerie bless you and enlighten your minds and comfort your hearts and caress your bodies in perpetual softness and cuteness.

May Cobra-Ra and the Minks bring you True Wisdom and Perfect Happiness.

May the Plush Cthulu Mink ever tickle belly buttons with tentacles!

 

He goes out, the DEACON and children following, into the Tomb of the West.

Music. (Voluntary.)