Not TV21 Issue 6

MICHAEL SCHUMACKER FAILS SPECTRUM DRIVING TEST.

"I'D RATHER DRIVE A BL**DY TRABANT" SAYS DISGRUNTLED CELEBRITY DRIVER.

NOT TV21 - THE ON-LINE SCANDAL MAGAZINE FOR GERRY ANDERSON FANATICS - EDITED BY TWO SCI-FI FANS, ONE ACTUALLY HAS A GIRLFRIEND!!

DATELINE 2nd JULY 2002: SOMEWHERE IN CYBERSPACE.

NOT TV21's offices were sensationally destroyed after an industrial dispute escalated out of control. The Comic strip Daleks were disgruntled at their lack of prominence in our publication and decided to picket outside. A spokesman for the evil tyrants explained, "Despite our popularity during the 1960's, our comic strip was always stuck on the back cover of TV Century 21. The editors seemed to prefer the adventures of Stingray and Thunderbirds to our exploits. We complained several times but to no avail, they ignored our protests about how we were the superior race and carried on featuring those stupid puppets".

At this point the spokesman's thin metallic voice quivered, "Our comic strip was a lot more fascinating. We had our own origin which differed totally from our television appearances. We even had an Emperor to guide us through our epic struggle for world domination. However TV Century 21 kept tucking us away at the back and we didn't really catch on with the readers. Eventually the comic strip was axed and we were forgotten about. Even Doctor Who fans didn't count our comic strip exploits as canonical".

The NOT TV21 team tried to reason with the mechanical pepper pots. TV Century 21 has long since folded and has absolutely no connection with this pathetic website. We were not responsible for their shabby treatment. Anyway they weren't a Gerry Anderson programme and were therefore not really in our remit.

When NOT TV21's representatives asked why the Comic Strip Daleks were protesting outside our offices their spokesman became highly agitated.

The Daleks destroy the NOT TV21 offices

"You are worse than those old hippies", The Dalek barked hysterically, "At least the TV Century 21 editors acknowledged us. This is issue 6 of your on-line magazine and you haven't even mentioned us until now. We are not the tyrannical monsters everyone thinks we are. We care about people and just want some recognition". With that they destroyed every building within a five mile radius, exterminated a few plants and sloped off in a bad mood. The dispute is now being handled by ACAS the Government's arbitration and conciliation service and both sides are hoping for an early settlement.

The scene of devastation

after the Dalek attack

DATELINE 17^th JULY 2002: LONDON, PARIS, MUNICH, EVERYBODY TALK ABOUT POP MUSIC.

In yet another exclusive NOT TV21 can reveal that Captain Black has swapped catastrophe for the catwalk. The Mysterons earth-bound agent is working as a male model.

Harmony Angel one of Spectrum’s top pilots was shocked to discover that her arch-nemesis was featured in the centre spread of this month’s “Country Life”. The publication is much favoured by Britain’s landed gentry and is widely read by the rich and powerful. “You can imagine my surprise”, Harmony said, “When in amongst all the articles about Lady Penelope and the Huntsman’s ball I spy that traitors picture - still you've got to admire his lovely bone structure though”.

Captain Black pictured in Country Life

A spokesman for the top toffs magazine was unaware of their centrefold’s plans for world domination. “We had absolutely no idea”, he said sheepishly, “Captain Black was recommended to us by good old Squiffy Johnson. We naturally assumed he was one of his old battalion chums”.

The spokesman seemed genuinely taken aback when we catalogued Captain Black’s atrocities and continued, “He had lovely bone structure and seemed a jolly decent chap. Okay he did kill our lighting director during an argument over how he was lit. He was complaining about how the harsh lighting didn’t bring out the best in his eyes but we put his sadistic streak and homicidal tendencies down to a typical public school upbringing”.

We tracked down Squiffy Johnson at his plush office in Soho. Sat behind a large oak desk, the retired Colonel turned fashion agent remained unrepentant about hiring a model with such a dubious past. “When I hire someone I don’t care what they get up to in their spare time, they just have to look good in Armani”, he ranted, “I thought he was ideal for the Country life shoot. He was ruggedly handsome with an outdoor charm that goes down well with the twin set and pearls brigade – you’ve got to admire his lovely bone structure” .

Captain Black is now widely tipped to become the new face of Estee Lauder.

Captain Black - Lovely bone structure apparently.

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