Not TV21 Issue 2

I never knew there was so much in it - Troy Tempest.

Price 7d

We're in the 21st Century but we haven't heard of Decimalisation yet.

JOE 90

WHO GIVES A TOSS?

ISSUE NUMBER TWO ......... NOT TV 21 - THE ON-LINE SCANDAL MAGAZINE FOR GERRY ANDERSON FANATICS................EDITED BY TWO MIDDLE AGED LOSERS WHO ARE STILL LIVING WITH THEIR PARENTS ......

CLOUDBASE COFFEE CRISIS CAUSES CHAOS AND CONSTANT CONFRONTATIONAL CONDITIONS

"If I had said that I'd be accused of having Tourette' s Syndrome : Brains from Thunderbirds.

Time for Tiffin: Three Spectrum Agents get together for a nice cuppa, but notice that no refreshments are available. Captain Ochre (The one wearing the ochre uniform stupid!) looks particularly miserable as he's just been reprimanded for losing his hat.

DATELINE: 1st APRIL 2002: CLOUDBASE.

The Fiendish Mysteron's hit back at the agents of Spectrum today following the success of Colonel White's highly trained personnel in defeating their plan to destroy Tokyo with some bomb thing.

The Martian menace sent a warning in their usual slow voice, although seasoned observers claimed there was a certain "sourness in their tone". The message said:

Colonel White playing with his Train Set

THIS IS THE VOICE OF THE MYSTERONS. YOU THINK YOU'RE SO BL**DY CLEVER DON'T YOU? WELL YOU MAY HAVE FOILED OUR PLANS TO DESTROY YOUR MAJOR CITIES AND LAY YOUR WORLD TO WASTE. HOWEVER WE HAVE A NEW THREAT. WE THE MYSTERONS WILL KNACKER ALL THE COFFEE MACHINES AT CLOUDBASE SO UP YOURS!!!!

Soon after this threat was received, it was discovered that all the coffee machines were indeed producing something that tasted like cat's pee. Colonel White immediately ordered fresh supplies from Mr Fred Scrunge the local grocer. Mr Scrunge pointed out he was unable to help as Cloudbase floats half a mile above his shop and that he usually made his deliveries by horse and cart. The Colonel offered the use of a Spectrum helicopter for the horse, who is called Daisy. Mr Scrunge said that this would not be suitable as the horse would get airsick. Lieutenant Green then suggested they left the horse and cart on the ground and just brought up the comestibles everybody would be happy. When Colonel White said that was a great idea Lieutenant Green asked if he could be made a Captain like everyone else in the organisation. When Colonel White refused the Lieutenant nutted him.

"THAT'S EASY FOR YOU TO SAY!" STATES THUNDERBIRDS SCIENTIST BRAINS, STANDING BY A NEWLY FORMED RIVER OF PHLEGM

Commander Shore pictured yesterday

Grouchy but much loved Commander of WASP, Sam Shore finally revealed the secret behind how his amazing hover chair is powered. "I do it myself", he told a hopelessly lost and bemused stringer from "Budgie Breeders Gazette".

"The secret is methane", He added, "The more I generate the further I can go". Commander Shore revealed his stomach had been wired up to the chair since he ran out of pennies to power it. "Of course, I have to be careful", he cautioned with that friendly twinkle in his eye. "I remember once having a spicy chicken vindaloo. I ended up firing myself off the top of the conning tower and crashing through the roof of Troy's Vauxhall Carlton.

Well Howdy Folks and welcome to my recipe spot for all of you who have your small intestine doubling as an exhaust pipe. Here are a few of my recipes.

PLATE OF BEANS: This is enough to get you up and running in the morning as far as the newsagent.

FATTY MIXED GRILL: I always have one of these before going into peace negotiations with the evil Lord Titan (or "Tit" as we call him). This means that I can spend hours whizzing round him which really irritates him. He also gets p*ss*d off when I run over agent X2-0 that really creases me up. And they said I'd never be a diplomat.

The Evil Lord Titan

One final warning though if you ever eat brussel sprouts - Anything can happen in the next half hour!!

Next week: "Cooking for one and how I pass those long lonely nights in Thunderbird 5" by John Tracy