Tomorrows news today from our team of reporters who were out getting it yesterday. |
Price 7d We suggest cheapskates try the TV Comic. |
GRANDMA TRACY: THE TRUTH ABOUT THOSE NUDIE SHOTS.
A SICK BAG IS PROVIDED FOR READERS PLANNING ON CHECKING OUT THIS ARTICLE. |
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SURVEY SHOCK |
| DATELINE: 11th MARCH 2002: NEAR THE REAL WORLD. |
| A major report has cast serious doubt about the running of International Rescue. The Report has said that the services of the humanitarian group are "inconsistent and shoddy". One insider said that the organisation could only get worse if Stephen Byers was in charge. |
NOT TV21 believes the organisation is also being sued by an innocent passer-by who claims Thunderbird 2 landed on his head.
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They are also being investigated by the Child protection agency for contravening the Children at work act 1927. This child was forced to fly a large transport plane to South America, without any supervision, or a break for meals and with no opportunity to revise for his spelling test. |
| One man complained that he had received poor treatment. "I was stuck down a coal mine, with no hope of survival", he claimed. "So I called International Rescue. Well first of all I was put on hold for 10 minutes with a tinny version of the theme from Thunderbirds playing in the background. Then I was told to press 3 if I wanted to buy some merchandise. Eventually, I got some bloke on the line and he asked me if I was his dad. I said no. He said he had been hoping that I was, because he'd been stuck up in a space station for three years and he wanted his dad to send up Thunderbird 3 and get him down. He said he was really sorry about the bedwetting and it wouldn't happen again. |
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NOT TV21 approached International Rescue and frankly we were shocked at the response. Patriarchal Jeff Tracy, said he had been through this once before with "Watchdog". He called the endangered victims "a bunch of whingeing b*st*rds". He went on to complain "I'm a multi millionaire and I'm trying to run this outfit with two aeroplanes, a rocket and a yellow submarine.... Oh yeah, plus a pink Rolls Royce... what use is that to someone trapped in a cave or an earthquake? Every body knows we can't do heavy rescues on a Thursday, that's Virgil's darts night. Mr Tracy also defended his decision to keep his son in space, claiming it was due to the cost of bed linen. |
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ISSUE 2 : SPECTRUM AGENT DENIED PROMOTION DESPITE MAKING "BRILLIANT SUGGESTION" INVOLVING A HORSE. |
| DATELINE: 23rd MARCH 2002, MARINEVILLE. |
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Marina - Watch out for the quiet ones. |
Atlanta - Uniform! Need we say more? |
NOT TV21 READERS POLL : MARINA OR ATLANTA. WHO WOULD YOU DO?
E-mail us at nottv21@aol.com |
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NEXT ISSUE: WE BRING YOU UP TO DATE ON FIREBALL XL5, THUNDERBIRDS, CAPTAIN SCARLET, SUPERCAR AND STINGRAY, BUT NOT THAT LITTLE TWIT JOE 90 (WE HATE HIM). |
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ISSUE 5 |
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ISSUE 6 |
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