Legal Disclaimer: I do not own Xena, Gabrielle, Joxer, Argo, - Hell, I don’t own anything having to do with Xena: Warrior Princess. How’s that? Don’t sue me, because you’d get... um... a lota pennies. Sad, huh?
Artists Disclaimer: This *cough* fan fic is my own work. Please don’t steal it, or any part of it. If you do I’ll be forced to hunt you down, and then kill you slowly and painfully with a blunt object. A very blunt object. It will take many thwacks before you die. Very very many thwacks. Please don’t risk it. I will find you. (Did I sound menacing? ^_^)
If you have a problem with Subtext (aka Lesbianism) then hit the back button on your browser right now, and let me know. I’ll send you some home made brownies, because I feel very bad for your narrow-minded conservative-ness. ^_~
Content Disclaimer: Okay, while this story does deal with subtext (it’s all I write, people!), there isn’t any graphic sex (collective ‘awwwww’). I know, I know. Maybe next time. :)
Joxer Alert!: Yes, Joxer is in this story. In fact, he’s a main character. In fact, almost all this story revolves around Joxer-y antics. Don’t let this keep you from reading (unless you are highly allergic to Joxer. In that case, I suggest running as quickly as you can to your nearest doctors office, and getting some meds so you can read this fic anyway. ^^) because I worked real hard on this baby, and I really want people to read it. Plus, there are some very cute moments. ^_^
With all that said, on to the fic!!
A Test of Heroism
By: LadyWillow
Chapter One: Firewood, anyone?
“Xena, wake up!”
Gabrielle’s frantic voice roused Xena from her almost peaceful slumber.
“What is it, Gabrielle?” Xena questioned, sitting up quickly and grabbed her sword that had been laying next to her and Gabrielle’s bed roll.
“It’s terrible.”
“What?”
“It’s awful.”
“What?!”
“You may want to throw yourself on your sword right now.”
“WHAT?!”
Familiar crunching and murmuring was heard in the bushes near the campsite.
“It’s Joxer.” Gabrielle said, her face solemn.
Xena groaned, and placed her head in her hands. Gabrielle laid a sympathetic hand on the Warrior Princess’s shoulder.
“I know, Xena. I know.”
“So then, the drunk raised his sword to kill the innocent Hestian virgin, and I leap in from of her, and took my sword, and...
HIIIIYA! POW! BANG!”
Gabrielle shook her head, and tried to keep herself from thwacking Joxer with her staff. Xena was sharpening her sword, and with each new octave that Joxer’s excited voice reached, the sound of the whetstone on the sword became faster and louder.
Gabrielle knew that if she didn’t get Joxer to stop his story soon, Xena was going to snap.
“Um, Joxer...”
“...and then the Hestian virgin leapt into my arms, and-”
“Joxer!”
“-She said ‘Joxer the Mighty, you’re so-”
“JOXER!”
“Yes, Gabby?”
Gabrielle grit her teeth , and insisted to herself that killing Joxer would be too messy.
“Um.. why don’t you go.. collect... firewood!”
“Firewood?” Joxer questioned, skeptical.
“Yes, firewood! It might be cold tonight, and you wouldn't want Xena and I to um... get cold...”
Joxer brightened.
“Oh, okay! I’ll be back real soon. And don’t worry, Joxer the Mighty will collect enough firewood to keep you two and Argo warm for the night!”
Once Joxer was gone, Gabrielle gave Xena s smug look. The Warrior Princess grinned at the Battling Bard, before she lunged at her lover.
“How long do you think he’ll be gone?” Xena asked, her voice breathy as she straddled Gabrielle.
“Oh.. for at least a... candlemark or two...” Gabrielle gasped.
“Good.”
Chapter Two: Peeping Joxer
When Joxer came back toward the camp, his arms full of different sized pieces of wood that he was sure would keep his friends warm, he heard strange noises coming from the site. Frowning, he got closer. His eyes widened as he realized what those noises were.
Joxer may be slow, but his wasn’t stupid. he had been in bordello’s before. He knew what...that... sounded like.
“Uhhhhggghhhh...” floated from the campsite, which was still obstructed from Joxer’s view, due to some bushes. Joxer recognized the voice as Xena’s.
< Hmmm... > Joxer thought to himself. < Xena must have a visitor. Maybe Hercules... > His eyes widened. < Or Ares! > Joxer immediately feared for Gabrielle’s life. Without thinking (Which was often the case for poor Joxer) he drew his sword and jumped through the bushes, just as Gabrielle decided it was her turn to become vocal.
“Gods Xena! PULLEZEE!!”
Joxer stood, dumbfounded, as he saw Xena and Gabrielle in a rather... suggestful position. Xena looked up from her... ministrations when she heard Joxer enter the camp. Gabrielle appeared to be in some kind of trance. Her eyes were closed and she seemed to be mumbling incomprehensible phrases. Xena let out an animalistic growl, and got up from the bedroll.
Joxer gulped audibly, and took a few steps away from the very brassed off Warrior Princess. He stumbled, and fell back onto his rear. Xena followed him until he fell, and then she smirked. Towering over Joxer, Xena didn’t want to have to do this, yet she knew that she had no choice. He had saw them together. This must happen.
“I’m sorry Joxer, but this has to be done.”
Joxer was sure that he was about to met his end. And sure enough, he was.
“Oh Gabrieellleee...” Xena said in a sing-song voice. The bard opened her eyes, and gasped.
“It seems that Joxer walked in on us...” Xena said. She gave Joxer an almost apologetic look as Gabrielle struggled to put her clothes back on.
“Joxer!!” Gabrielle yelled, as she took her staff and charged at the peeping Tom.
“I got the firewood!” He said in defense. “I’ll go get it right now!” He took off for the bushes where he had replaced the firewood with his sword.
“Don’t you dare go anywhere!!” Gabrielle shouted, enraged. Joxer took off running into the trees, and Gabrielle began to chase after him.
“Gabrielle.” Came Xena’s soft voice. The bard stopped dead in her tracks.
What?” She asked, turning around.
“He’ll be running for candlemarks. Is it really worth it to follow him all that way, when there are much more... interesting activities to take part in?”
A sultry look had come over Xena’s face, and Gabrielle smiled, and walked to her lover.
“Hmmm... you have a good point, Warrior.” Gabrielle whispered suggestively as she planted a gentle kiss on Xena’s lips.
Xena gave a blissful sigh, before she scooped Gabrielle into her arms and carried her to the bedroll once again.
Chapter Three: Things That Go Bump in the Night
Joxer was sure that he had been running for at least two candlemarks. He was exhausted. Finally, he slowed, and then stopped running. Gasping for breath, he dropped to the ground, and blissfully sighed.
Joxer then sat up, and looked to the direction from which he had been running. He didn’t see Gabrielle anywhere.
< I think I’ll be okay here tonight.> He thought to himself, and he began to set up a small camp.
< I can’t believe that Xena and Gabrielle are... together. I never would have thought... so that’s why Gabby could resist my charm...>
In the middle of the night, Joxer woke up to strange noises. He quickly sat up in his bedroll, and looked around. His campfire had dwindled down to just glowing embers. The moon was waxing, and the sky was cloudless. the stars were twinkling exceptionally bright that night, and after scanning the area a bit, Joxer didn’t see anything out of the ordinary. He was just about to go back to sleep, when he heard the noise again. Joxer frowned and stood up. He started to walk to the bushes where he thought the heard the noise coming from. He then doubled back, and picked up a piece of firewood, and placed it into the embers. After a few minutes it lit on fire. Joxer smiled to himself, and went toward the bushes, once band holding the torch, and the other resting on the hilt of his sword.
Joxer stepped into the bushes, and saw a woman kneeling down. He drew his sword, and the woman look up at him. She had tears streaming down her cheeks, and she fixed Joxer with an incredibly pathetic look.
“Are.. are you a hero?” She asked, sniffling.
Joxer grinned.
“Well, I suppose you could call me that. I fight evil in the name of innocence, I slay dragons, defeat warlords, even challenge the Gods themselves!”
the woman's eyes widened in admiration.
“Oh please, help my village! We’ve been attacked by a warlord, named Zangious. He threatened to kill us all, even our children and burn down our homes if we do not give his army supplies. We have been helping him as long as possible, but now were almost out of food and other things that Zangious’ army needs. We’ve been going without food in order to meet Zangious’ demands, but we still don’t ‘have enough. Just yesterday Zangious and his army burned down three homes and a barn in out village, just to show that he isn’t lying!”
Joxer was shocked. He had no idea what to do. While he wanted to help these people. he knew deep down that he was no hero.
< What would Xena do..? > He asked himself.
“Please take me to your village.” Joxer said gently to the woman.
“What’s your name?” She asked Joxer curiously.
“Joxer the Mighty.” He replied, a proud look on his face. The woman smiled.
“I’m Myrene.” She said coyly, before she lead Joxer toward her village.
Chapter Four: Xena and Gabbers’ Early Morning Discussions
“Xena, what do you think happened to Joxer?”
Xena and Gabrielle were wrapped up in their bedroll, blankets, and each other as they laid near the fire the next morning. The air was crisp and cool. Xena and Gabrielle had slept in, due to exhaustion from their activities the night before.
“I’m not sure, Gabrielle. Does it really matter? He probably went to the nearest bordello after seeing you last night...”
Gabrielle glared at her lover, and stuck her tongue out.
“I’m suprised that thing even works anymore after the workout you gave it last night.”
Gabrielle’s eyes widened, and she gave Xena a vicious shove. Xena just laughed. Gabrielle quieted her down by leaning over and giving her a huge kiss. Xena sighed, and wrapped her arms around Gabrielle’s slender waist.
They fell back onto the bedroll, never breaking their kiss. Gabrielle’s hands wove into Xena’s long raven hair, and the Warrior Princess moaned. She loved having her hair touched by Gabrielle’s enthusiastic hands.
When they finally broke their kiss, both were breathless.
“I love you, Xena.” Gabrielle said gently as she looked into the crystal blue of her lover’s eyes.
“I love you too, Gabrielle.” Xena whispered. She then leaned in and kissed her bard once again.
Chapter Five: Heroic Announcements
"Everyone, this is Joxer the Mighty! He has agreed to free us from Zangious’ hold!”
Myrene was standing up on a box, shouting to all of the villagers who were crowded around her. Joxer was standing next to Myrene, giving his best ‘fearless warrior look’, even though he was very scared.
“Are you sure this is a real hero this time?” A man from the crowd shouted.
“Yeah!” Another man jumped in. “If we have one more warrior-wanna-be come here and try to tell us he’s a hero, I’m gonna pummel him senseless. I ain’t the blacksmith for nothin’!”
Joxer gulped audibly, and his big hero poise dropped a few notches.
“Everyone, I assure you! Joxer the Mighty is the real deal! Look at his face! Does he look the type who would lie to the faces of those who are desperate and in grave danger just to feed his pathetic ego?”
Joxer felt like he was going to throw up.
< Think Joxer! How are you going to get yourself out of this mess? > Visions of bolting, only to be grabbed up by the village blacksmith flashed through his mind, and it was all he could do to keep from whimpering.
< Come on Xena... where are you when I need you..? >
Chapter Six: Relaxation At Last
“Ahhh... this is the life...” Gabrielle said, her voice completely relaxed.
“I know.. this is just what we needed.” Xena agreed.
The two lovers had found a hot spring, and were taking a well-deserved break.
“You know Xena, I can’t help but worry about Joxer... something could have happened to him...”
Xena sighed.
“I know, Gabrielle.”
They sat in companionable silence for a few minutes, and then Gabrielle stood up.
“We gonna go find him now, or eat first?”
Xena stood up too, and gave Gabrielle a defeated smile.
“We’ll go now.”
“Here Joxer the Mighty, you can stay in this hut. I know it isn’t much compared to what you’re probably used to, but...”
Myrene had lead Joxer to a quaint hut at the edge of town. It was furnished quite lavishly in comparison to the other huts in the village.
“No, this is fine Myrene, really.” Joxer said gently. Myrene smiled.
“There’s a tavern just down the street. It isn’t very big, but the cider and ale is very good. And if you need anything at all, I live just up the road. Mine is the home with the garden in the front.”
Joxer nodded mutely, and Myrene smiled at him.
“Thank you so much for helping us, Joxer the Mighty.” She kissed him on the cheek, and blushed. “Goodnight.”
And with that, Myrene dashed out the door and toward her hut. Joxer was left, his face flushed, thinking about how he could get away from the village.
Far away.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Okay, this fic is still being worked on, but don't worry. I write more on it every day, because I get really bored at school (mainly in study hall and science class) so I write. ^_^ I have a few running stories like this every year that I only work on durring the school day. It gives me at least something to look forword to at school (besides English class and band) and it also keeps me from falling asleep in the boring classes. This story has already saved me from detention at least ten times. :)
Anyway, check back in a day or so, and see if I've updated. If I have, it'll say so on the main page of my website. Have a nice day!
Onward to Part Two!
Hosting by WebRing.