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Welcome to Ask Koko...
Advice from a Cat
!
Dear Koko,

Rumor has it you are missing!  Say it isn’t so!

-Concerned in Cranston

Dear Concerned:

Rumor is true.  If you know where I am, please bring me home! --Koko
Dear Koko:

How do you keep so fit?  I am having a hell of a time losing the weight from my last pregnancy.  Any tips? 

-Overweight in Weekapaug

Dear Overweight:

Having never been preggers, I cannot commiserate with you there.  I do, however, eat a high protein diet complete with squirrels, birds, and the occasional field mouse.  You might want to try that and see what it does for you – unless, of course, you are still breast-feeding, in which case you should not be dieting at all.  Put the health of your little one before your figure!  And always consult your vet, er, doctor before starting any new diet!

--Koko
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Dear Koko:

I have never seen this problem addressed in your column before, and I was hoping you can help me!  I am a compulsive nose-picker.  I have tried to stop, but just can’t.  I hate the feeling of boogers clogging my schnozz!  Do you know of any organizations I might join to help me combat this awful habit?

-Nosey in Knightsville

Dear Nosey:

Having the world’s smallest nostrils, I am unable to get my paw up my nose…and if I were able to do that, I am sure my sharp claws would cause extreme damage…so here is my suggestion: grow your fingernails long, and file them to a point.  After one too many bloody noses, I am sure the discomfort will force you to stop.

--Koko
Dear Koko:
Will you marry me? Meow. Look at my pic, I am one cute kitty. My name is Little Kittie Big Purr. I am named that because I am a little tiny kitty, even though I am full grown, and I have the biggest purr my mommy has ever heard. I like having my belly rubbed for hours on end, following my mommy EVERYWHERE she goes, and drinking from the faucet.
-LKBP

Dear Little Kitty:

I am currently holding out for the attentions of Miss Sarah Cat (and would never stray…I am a faithful male!)  However, my new little brother Nebuchadnezzar (aka Taz) is single and looking for love…I’ll send you his pic and let you decide! –Koko

P.S.  We have both been neutered!
Dear Koko:

Fat Tony wants his money

-Freddy from Federal Hill

Dear Freddy:

Tell Fat Tony that he will get his money when the clock strikes half-past the cat’s ass!  The clock ran out in that game against the Chiefs when the Chiefs let the Chargers score that last touchdown, thus blowing the spread!!!!

--Koko
Miss Little Kitty Big Purr
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