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Freedom Fighters Residence sketch by Mama Khandi *************** |
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| NOTE: the chant you
are listening to is me (Mama Khandi) singing a short poem i wrote while
in jail, that was/is a dedication to the sheriff deputies and other
administrators in the jail. If you get tired of listening to it, simply
scroll down to the bottom of this page and click on the OFF button on
the player icon. (Composition date unknown but was between June 13
arrest date and Nov 5, release date). lyrics are as follows:
i'm an imbecile, i'm a deputy. i'm an imbecile, i'm a deputy. Don't need to be a college graduate; no, i'm an imbecile and that's all that it take!
There is no Summer in Jail Friday, August 2, 38ADM There is no warmth behind cinderblock walls; leaks from the ceiling constantly falls; flooding solitary confinement jail cells to make a change, deputies are not compelled Iron metal beds, upon which We sleep, concrete floors, inmates pace and creep. Metal ceilings, tables, benches and stools; deputies insult intelligence & condescend as if We are fools. There is no distinction between innocent or guilt; upon corruption and oppression, this genocidal system is built. Inmates and deputies, to each other they cuss; fights, arguments, unjust treatment and fuss. A paradigm most imperialistic and strange. This place is enough to make someone deranged. It's cold in treatment and temperament alike. Lights on at all times, robs melanin battery at night. Ceretonin/Melanin imbalance is thusly enforced; acid over Alkaline, giving inmates no choice. Poor - nutrition, medical, rehab - a joke. All - so sickening, robbing body and spirit - to choke. Nothing allowed that's living can be, in anyone's cell; considered contraband - not even a shrine w/me. i trust the Almighty, in spite of all, will prevail; cause truth be told, THERE IS NO SUMMER IN JAIL!
CAGED ANIMAL 29' December, 38ADM i was lied to. Told that i was in solitary confinement to protect me from other inmates. Told that i was under "protective custody". So i asked, ok, if this protects me from other inmates, what protects me from the deputies? Of course, i got no response. i was lied to. Told that i was in solitary confinement because i am in a wheelchair and that that was where they housed disables. But when other disabled wheelchair inmates came down to the solitary holding tank to see their psychiatrists, they were told to NOT talk to me! But, while in a holding tank, awaiting kkkourt, a wheelchair sista was placed in there and she told me that she was housed in maternity and every other wheel chair inmate was housed in population. So the question was, Why Me? i was lied to. Told that deaf people's food is NOT taken into their cell but they are supposed to somehow magically HEAR or feel the vibration and wake up at 3:30AM to get their breakfast. When i began going deaf in the jail, my food was either thrown in the floor or thrown in the TRASH. As a diabetic, that was life threatening to me. i was told by deputies, that i could hear "when you want to". News to me. How convenient that would have been. When i tried to show them my medical records that along with my medical health case manager had been kept from me for 4 of the 5 months, i was told, "never mind, whatever." i was lied to. Told that only medical could help me in the shower and that inmate assistance was "illegal". But medical never helped me. Laid in my own urine for 3 days and denied my wheelchair 5 days. i was lied to. But when i read a passage from a book that was gifted to me by a supporter, it stated, "Jails and prisons are designed to break human beings, to convert the population into specimens in a zoo - obedient to our keepers but dangerous to each other. ...Angela Davis, 1974" ...and then, i remembered WHY i had been lied to and caged like an animal.
MONEY FLIP December 29, 38ADM Everybody got paid. Foster Parents, sperm donor, lawyers, case managers, counselors, deputies, jail, phone company, postal service, house arrest agency, poLICE, fire department, and others i couldn't begin to imagine. Everybody got paid, when bogus charges were brought against my Black ass and i was taken to jail.
Snagatoothed December 29, 38ADM i became multiply disabled approximately 8 years ago. A part of the multi-facets of disabilities, is TMJ which is a dysfunction of the jaw joint. It is compounded with tooth loss from the grinding that TMJ causes and 2 1/2 years of homelessness caused by a tree feld on my home during a tornado storm.. Had the jail medical department bothered to check my medical records, which i provided them with the names of all my doctors for that purpose, they would have found the TMJ. But since their objective was to kill me, deny the existence of my disabilities and not provide me with medical care, which was evident with the jail keeping my health case manager from me for 3 months, they would have had the necessary information. Adding insult to injury were the deputies, (who would confiscate my unripened fruit, that i kept, to wait til it ripened, because i could not chew hard unripened fruit with no teeth), calling any fruit not eaten immediately, "contraband". Further insult added to injury was a need to hide teeth that fell out of my mouth, while in jail, as deputies had no medical records and as such could justify mistreating me when i complained of TMJ, tooth loss or any other disabilities. They wanted to think that i was NOT disabled. Imagine: your teeth fall out, and they are considered "contraband" when you try to keep it, to place on your shrine at home, to put with your 16 other teeth that no longer reside in your mouth. sigh....
OVERFLOW December 29, 38ADM i have never been more greatful than i am right now for the ease with which poetry flows out of me, than i am right at this moment. Were it not for this fluid, mutable, liquid, ethereal, Yemanja, Osun, Dansuya, Auset, energy, tears would be my only recourse during these most difficult, stressful and life threatening times.
AND i THOUGHT HAVING A BABY KICKED OUT OF MY WOMB WAS BAD?! December 29, 38ADM i had to question and measure the catastrophic intensity of being falsely accused, charged, arrested, viciously and violently jailed, absurdly bailed vs. having the poLICE kick my doors in, come in my home on horseback, trample 3 of my daughters and me and beat me into miscarriage. Comparisons can be an over-rated experience. Sigh...
2Faced December 29, 38ADM On Jan 2nd, children services came in my home and removed my son. They accused me of abuse, neglect and dependency and denied me the right to see my son, even though the law said i could see him and speak to him a few hours per week. As of this poem, the case moving from Juvenile kkkourt to criminal kkkourt, i've not spoken to nor seen my son, in spite of abiding by the kkkourt order to see not one but TWO psychiatrists that children services did not abide by their recommendations that all parties involved not ignore the cultural issues involved and assist me and my son with my disability, income and son's behavior issues. In both kkkourt cases, the kkkourt appointed lawyers; guardians (assigned to both me and my son, who didn't know us from a can of paint, but were magically supposed to know what was best for us? and my question was, while they lied on me and my son in kkkourt, how could these white folks, who knew nothing of our culture, do that?); counselors ("don't worry [while huggin me], i'll help you no matter what, then not speaking up in kkkourt when children services lied on my ass); workers; detectives (while serving search warrants TWICE, asked for the whereabouts of one of my daughters, stating they needed her to HELP ME WITH MY KKKASE, [did my ass just fall of the damn turnip truck?] no wonder i couldn't help but think, "assholes"), deputies (who were foxes guarding the hen-house cause i submitted sometimes several PER DAY, inmate complaint forms about how i was being mistreated and NONE of them got to the Corporals/supervisors, 'cept one, 5 days before i was released from jail); administrators and other bureaucrats involved were hypocrites, liars, dishonest, criminally deceitful, dismissive, arrogant, white, disingenuous and backstabbing. And yes, i know that shit i just typed is a damn run-on sentence, but who gives a shit when you are dealing with such vile, inhumane, and debased people who represent and uphold a paternalistic superiority infrastructure of systemic oppression and imperialism?? If your ass is reading this and you got an issue with the damn run-on sentence and not with the shit they did/are doing to me in that sentence, then your ass needs to get your priorities straight. Or, in other words, to say they were all 2Faced, would be an UNDERSTATEMENT and poetically anti-climactic.
AM i THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN'T WRAP HER BRAIN AROUND THIS SHIT? October 30, '38ADM i was assigned a kkkourt appointed lawyer after being in jail for 3 months. Met with this white boy only 2 times. First time he told me he had the bomb bondsman connection where the bondsman would only want $1000 of the $2000 cash and i could make payments AFTER my release. This bondsman lied. Told my sis, in philly, she would have to 1. put up her home $20,000 2. have it appraised $500 3. sign over the deed 4. come to columbus 4 classes 5. sign agreement 6. take time off from work When my sista had all this done, the bondsman said, "by the way, We don't take out of COUNTY property". Not to mention he made up his own terms because nowhere on the kkkourt papers did it say, anything about PROPERTY-$20,000. Next lawyer met w/me 1 1/2 months later, and he gave me, for the first time, my Motion of Discovery and told me that he was NOT making an offer but merely letting me know what the district attorney's office was offering. i told him, good cause if he was making the offer, i would decline it. "But i am not making the offer," came his reply. Weeks later, 28'October'38ADM, i go to kkkourt, well not IN kkkourt, but to the holding tank for FOUR hours to be told, by this kkkourt appointed lawyer, that i would be leaving that evening "as soon as the western union money comes". So i am taken back to jail, waiting for release but it never comes. Instead comes my daughter with house eviction papers saying the lawyer held out his hand thinking they had $2000 for the bail. Where'd he get that idea? He told them he got it from ME! Well i told him We had the original $1000 collected, but there was never any $2000. i couldn't help but wonder, does he make this shit up as he goes along?! sigh... Well, it gets worse, he then proceeds to tell my daughters that i am "not cooperating" and that i "refused the prosecutor's offer of dropping the kidnapping felony 1, abduction felony 3 charges and keeping the child endangerment felony 3 charges with 2 years probation and no jail time. Why'd your mom turn down this offer? i thought getting out of jail was the most important thing to her". My daughters bought into it til i pointed out to them that they should have asked what were the consequences, repercussions, and dynamics of being a woman who went from NO RECORD (not even a parking ticket) to a woman who is a CONVICTED FELON? i listed the ones that came to mind for me: 1. no vote 2. no passport 3. no right to sue 4. no subsidized housing 4. no disability income 5. no foster parenting 6. no adoption 7. no live with grandchildren 8. no tutoring 9. no mentoring 10. no home as safe house 11. son removed permanently Is this what this kkkourt appointed sphincter muscle is calling "meeting [him] half way?" or "not cooperating?" There's nothing "half way" about the loss that i would bare. i am supposed to come to grips with losing everything? my good name, my home, my son, my grandchildren, other children i provide love, housing, education to, my clean record, my menial income? Shit!!!!! i deliver babies for the last 27 years! And i question, what intelligent person takes a plea BEFORE reading their motion of discovery? sigh... At any rate, i sat in jail another week before the money arrived for the bail, thanx to my health case manager, who made it clear to the lawyer that new terms were necessary that would eliminate a bondsman and make payment straight to the kkourt under appearance bond conditions possible, or my kkkourt appointed lawyer would have a dead client.
October 28, 38ADM To the Visionary, effect often precedes its cause. And the facade of coincidence, appears in factions/fractions, as the Whole is a pattern of Omnipotence, incomprehensible in its Totality.
THERE WERE TIMES WHEN... January 1, 38ADM The best i could do was lay there in the solitary confinement jail cell and not move, physically and only my spirit could rise out of the bed and leave the jail. There was a time when i thought that only my spirit would ever leave that wicked place and that my physical body would never know the warmth of the sun on my skin. There was a time when i thought that i had held my precious grandson for the last time and would not know the touch of my children, my man, my loved ones, cept to see them thru thick glass. There was a time when i thought, death would be my only freedom and i would hear my name called as my children, grandchildren and loved ones would call my name along with all the other Ancestors. There was a time when i thought that jail, would be all there was and that even it, would be short lived; death being my liberator. Thank goodness. There was a time when i thought that i would never smile again nor have a reason to sing nor feel the moisture of rain on my skin or pray at the river or prepare a meal that was actually nutritious and chewable. There was a time when i thought that i would never taste the sweetness of spring water, sassafras, hibiscus and cinnamon herbs or eat tofu, time, plantain, soy milk, ground nut stew, baklava, tahini and samosas. There was a time when i thought that i would never smell fresh air again and that the constant fluorescent light would permanently rob me of my melanin. There was at time when i thought that jailed canned/instant-food was all that i would ever know. Thank goodness for Divine intervention. There was a time when i thought ... PERIOD
SPERM DONOR January 3, '38ADM Where does one begin a poem that begins at the end instead of the beginning and the middle is a beginning that has perpetual beginnings. In spite of that, this poem has begun. An Ancestral/spiritual reading was done to find out what the Ancestors had to say about Sperm Donor. They said, to pursue a relationship with him, that the relationship would not last and that there was much to be learned and a son whose spirit they wanted to come thru us, needed to be born. So i waited for 3 years before i got involved with this man. After conceiving this Ancestrally requested child, i found out that this Sperm Donor had a woman who was a crack-head and another who was yeast infected. i took the yeast infected woman into my home and at my own expense, taught her to care for her body homeopathically and herbally and wholistically and taught her how to prepare certain foods and abstain from others in order to cleanse herself. The only requirement beyond that was that she and he would have to abstain from "sex" for 6 weeks. She was willing but he was undisciplined and proceeded to stick his dick in yeast infected pussy. i left him because after being physically abused by him, mentally abused by him and lied to, this was the straw that broke the camel's back. Not being one to report Black men to the kkkourts, police, or various factions of the infrastructure which seeks to destroy our men, i appealed to the Afrikan men's society, Simba Rites of Passage society and the Afrikan Elders Society. They ruled in my favor and assigned a male and female martial artist to protect me from him. When it was time for the delivery, in my home, he was not invited to attend. After all, he had forfeited the right to look up my vagina. SPERM DONOR PART TWO January 3, 38ADM At the Afrika naming ceremony, the sperm donor was allowed to attend and of course he had to be removed from my home because he move to be abusive again. Over a period of time, sperm donor proved himself to be totally unworthy of the title of father or dad. Thus the title of SPERM DONOR. Because of his crack addicted child, he was in the system and they found him and brought child support payments against him. Of course he blamed me of reporting on him. But there is no precedence of such behavior on my part with any of my other 13 children. Why would i part with my principles in his case? It's illogical. i remember the all too few times sperm donor took his son for the weekend. Once he lost his son at a huge Black Cultural Festival (over 100,000 in attendance). When my son found the Lost and Found booth, he told them MY NAME and they called me over the loud speaker saying, "mama Khandi, your lost son Moussa is here. Please come to the Lost and Found." i was embarrassed. MY NAME on the loud speaker announcing i had lost my child. In 13 children, i had NEVER lost any child. When my sista Rose and i arrived at the booth, Moussa came running to hug me. i walked up to the booth and asked why i had been paged over the loud speaker and was told that it was my name that my son gave them. When i questioned Moussa, about why not call his sperm donor since he was supposed to be with him for the weekend, he said, "he'd already lost me mom, why call him so he could do it again?" Mama Rose and i looked at each other, hugged, and took Moussa with us for the rest of the weekend. Another example is when 4 of my children and i were homeless for 2 1/2 years and living with a Kenyan family in their UNFINISHED BASEMENT, Moussa went to spend the weekend after turning us down when We asked him to take Moussa until We could secure another home, saying, "no i don't want him messing up my nice home". At any rate, the sperm donor's crack addicted son, sexually molested Moussa and We found out when he did to the Kenyan family's children what had been done to him. Of course, the sperm donor denied this as if crack does NOT affect the moral centers in the Afrikan person, accusing that it must have been my virgin daughters who molested Moussa.
SPERM DONOR PART THREE January 3, 38ADM While homeless, a man came into Moussa's life who took Moussa as a son and mentee and gave Moussa something none of us had, a home. A year later, i married this man. He was/is a Viet nam vet, which basically says it all. But We will continue this poem. Over time, his post war psychological damage made living with him unbearable. So i left him. But Moussa remained with him as We had agreed that as long as he was a good father to Moussa then he could have him especially since his son had been killed by Agent Orange poisoning from the war. My ex, returned Moussa to me in May, like he was yesterday's garbage. After 5 years of living with him, he returned him saying, "no pussy, no son". sigh... Moussa returned to me and i phoned 3 of my adult sons and they came in June, to help with their brotha. They kept him for the summer and returned him to me in September. i went to California on health issues in Sept to October and returned in October to continued unacceptable behavior on my son's behalf. By this time 9 years had passed with NO WORD from sperm donor and not a dime received in child support payments. SPERM DONOR PART FOUR January 3, 38ADM Over the years i had solicited the assistance of the Afrikan Men's Society, the Afrikan Rites of Passage Society, Afrikan Drum Society and other individuals and conscious brothas to assist in Moussa behavior and some of those brothas have submitted documents to that affect for the kkkourt record (Motion of Discovery). In January, when children's services kidnapped my son out of my home, and a series of interview sessions with various children services and OYAP (ohio youth advocate program) councilors began, i informed them of the sperm donor's existence and whereabouts. But when i finally read a copy of the Motion of Discovery, the children services notation read, "father has come forth and made his presence known." How exactly did he do that? Especially since he also claims in the same documents, that i "kept Moussa from [him]". Maybe it's me but it would seem that even while We were homeless for the 2 1/2 years, had he kept in touch with the child support people and made his payments, he would have had our whereabouts since in order to get child support, the whereabouts of the child must be known. So that lie shines bright along with all the others.
SPERM DONOR PART FIVE January 3, 38ADM During the 6 months of the Juvenile Kkkourt hearings (from Jan 2 to June 12), the sperm donor came but laid back saying, "i have a ten year outstanding warrant for non-child support payments". He only spoke with me once. After that, he always sat at the prosecutors table and i was told, when i questioned it, that it meant nothing and that there just wasn't any room for him to sit with me. Come to find out, when i read the papers he submitted, requesting CUSTODY, he stated that he "loves Moussa and that he mother lock he in basement and chain he and get him in the system. i want him to live with me." My mouth fell open. He never spoke to me about it. Just bought the prosecutions lies. Anigmatizing. Of course i was denied the right to fight the custody because i was sitting, dying in a solitary jail sell and left to go into diabetic stress attack, sitting in a cell, not given anything to eat for SIX hours and never taken to kkkourt. Twice i was denied to go to juvenile kkkourt to address this issue of a sperm donor having child that he never did anything for. They gave this man my child. A sperm donor with the following parenting history: 1. dead son 2. son in jail for murdering his brotha 3. crack addicted son and they gave this man MY CHILD? sounds like a design for guaranteed failure of a Black man child to grow into something other than dead, jailed or addicted. As a parent of 13 other children, i have no such parenting history. And the plucker? My kkkourt appointed lawyer says, that the sperm donor can request child support FROM ME now that he has custody. humph... at least it would be deducted from what he already owes me. i guess that is consolation. A small one but one none the less. COINTEL-PRO IS STILL ALIVE AND WELL AND LIVING IN AMERIKKKA January 17, 38ADM i joined the Black Panther Party when i was 13 years old and i became a Muur and Gareyite in that same year. Co-intel Pro attacked these and other Black Nationalist structures, organizations, governments and institutions. We were the targets. The methods?
Now.... i am experiencing 95% of these methods. As We observe what is happening to me NOW and to other brothas and sistas around the kkkountry, is not coin-telpro, alive and well and still living in amerikkka? LET'S NOT PRETEND! January 17, 38ADM Spoke to the housing lawyer 2day & she spoke to the juvenile kkkourt appointed guardian who told her that i AGREED to my child being in foster care and that i AGREED that my child go to his sperm donor. Fortunately, the housing lawyer had read the MOD and knew that i NEVER agreed to ANYTHING! So she questioned the guardian in more detail and then she admitted that i did NOT agree to anything. But why lie? LET'S BREAK IT DOWN January 17, 38ADM Let's be specific. It is clear that i am being subjected to cointel-pro tactics. What is required? That everyone pretend that cultural imperialism, white supremacy, and something as vague, nebulous and ambiguous as racism is not a part of this society's structural foundation. With this element of historic and contemporary fact, denied, those of us who are Black Nationalists are restricted in showing that these are the elements for which We are being indicted. When told that my section 8 could be taken from me because of the "role i played in the grand jury finding enough cause to indict me", this denies that white supremacy, cultural imperialism and racism are the reasons and that Black Nationalism is the crime. As such, Section 8 is justified, in their view, in taking the housing subsidy from me because for them, the grand jury is justified in the indictment and the incarceration; and incarceration is a violation of section 8 rules and lease. But in reality, Black Nationalists are always being and have been arrested and indicted and what ever the bogus charge to justify the arrest, is a part of the structure that "criminalizes our race."
LET'S BREAK IT DOWN A LITTLE MORE January 18, 38ADM cointel-pro of the 1960s was thoroughly successful in achieving their stated goals, "to expose, disrupt, misdirect, discredit, or otherwise neutralize" the enemies of the State : Black Nationalists" and because there are those brainwashed Blacks who think cointel-pro is over with. The question here would be, what would be the precedence for such convoluted thinking and conclusion? When did Black Nationalists become acceptable in amerikkkan society? The most serious of the fbi disruption programs (and truly "disruption" is an understatement) were those directed against "Black Nationalists." Agents were instructed to undertake actions to discredit these groups/individuals both within "the responsible Negro community" and to "Negro radicals," also "to the white community, both the so-called responsible community and to `liberals' who have vestiges of sympathy for militant Black nationalists simply because they are Negroes..." As such, brothas and sistas like me, are effectively isolated even within our own communities. Which might explain why NO ONE, here IN COLUMBUS, except a sista who i gave shelter to when she, her 80 year old dad and 2 teens were homeless for 3 months, not to mention she is a breast cancer survivor, helped me or my daughters when i was falsely charged and jailed. My sista in Richard Allen City (filthydelphia, Pa) who put up the majority of the bail money was thoroughly disgusted with folks in ohio; but i let her know that cincinnati and dayton rose to the occasion in ways that defied all cointel-pro efforts against me. My MOD would also imply that cointel-pro was most effective here in columbus ohio with examples sited, such as a sista (with locks) who is alleged to be Afrikan centered, and took my son to Afrikan dance workshops, stating, my son should go to public school; that that would be a good thing for him. What Black person in their right mind would choose public school over independent Afrikan schooling or home schooling? hmph... cointel-pro did a most excellent job of creating a mentacidal dichotomy that it will take us, decades, if not centuries to recover from. (In fairness to this sista, the thought has crossed my mind that children services lied on her just as they have on the rest of us; but then again, if so, why didn't she come forward to me and my family and make her support of us, known to us?) So much for the benefit of the doubt. cointel-pro does not afford it. COINTEL PRO : THE TRICK January 19, 38ADM My sista, the one who put up the majority of the money for my bail; who the kkkourt appointed lawyer's great bondsman connection, lied to her about the $20,000 property; who i did security of Queen Mother Moore over 20 years ago at a PGRNA Black government nation day anniversary; who has been my spiritual sista and kindred; who was upset with columbus folks for not being supportive of me; whose phone was blocked by the jail so that i could not communicate with her; said to me, "never thought you would be arrested and jailed on NON-political charges." But when put in it's proper cointel-pro context, the span of absurd possibilities are endless. January 19, 38ADM My son's name is the title of this scribe. Moussa means leader w/wisdom; Mazon means great grandfather's spirit returns within this child and must live up to the principles and standards of his great grandfather. Maati Ab Neter means one who speaks ONLY the truth, the word of "god".
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 Prison Song
December 28, 38ADM (02) Watched a film on BET titled Prison Song. i got exactly 24 minutes into the film and was in tears to the extent that i just couldn't watch any further. The Black family was wrecked by the violent ugliness that is amerikkka; Black father shot by kkkops, Black uncle incarcerated 25 years to life for street vending with his son and for rejecting poLICE offensive language in the presence of, to and about his son, Black 10 year old son arrested and jailed for playing with and shining a laser light pen at kkkops and kkkops lie and say the man-child "resisted arrest", and Black mother jailed in an insane asylum for trying to take her child home. A crazy idea. humph... That's as far as i could get in the film without crying uncontrollably. After all, i had just recently been released from 5 months in solitary confinement in jail, denied medical care, mail blocked, phone calls blocked, visits blocked, cursed, screamed at, antagonized, treated with contempt, food thrown on floor and in trash, them bastards tried to kill me, lied on, lied about, lied to, given a mass murders bail though had no previous record (not even a parking ticket), no lawyer for the first 3 months of incarceration, told arrested with "outstanding warrant" OVERNIGHT and released finally on house arrest. i just couldn't take it. End of Saturday nite movie, cause in prison, there is no song.
Holding on For Dear Life December 29, 38ADM When it became evident that i was going to die in jail and that i would never leave jail alive and that these kkkrackkkers were determined to kill me, i made my peace with the Almighty and i began to hold on for dear life. i drew a pix similar to the animated bar above and sent it to my kkkourt appointed lawyer. No response. And no surprises. i began praying nightly that my Ancestors would come and take me with them, (figuring what harm could it do to speed up a process that was happening anyway) so that i would not have to awaken to breakfast that had either been thrown in the trash or in the floor. But alas, my Ancestors denied me my request, and i simply resigned myself, in the face of my own inevitable death, that i would simply hold on to/for dear life.
Fire This Time December 29, 38ADM i have never been one to believe in hell and i don't plan to start now. But there is something very wicked, evil and inherently debased about the faction of the infrastructure of cultural imperialism known as jail/prisons. A contradiction abounds behind frigid cement walls and concrete floors where cold seeps into female inmate wombs and distorts menses and disrupts wombs and sets ablaze a fire that burns up one's insides. Diabolical.
December 29, 38ADM Some folks didn't get it. They thought that i was just a regular inmate. That my arrest was the "norm" if there is such a thing. That it was just-the-way-it-is, to serve a warrant that becomes "outstanding" overnight! They thought it was nothing unusual about mail that has NO RETURN ADDRESS yet is returned to the sender or mail that is returned with my name crossed out saying "NO SUCH PERSON EXISTS" or that receiving mail that had NO ADDRESS, still got to me. They thought that though other inmates get to phone someone FIFTY times before their calls are blocked, mine were blocked sometimes without me getting through even ONCE. They thought that my daughters being turned away several times in one weekend and being denied to leave me commissary money for several weeks in a row was just business as usual. They thought that no relationship with the word "alleged" was acceptable. They thought that being placed in solitary confinement and slowly and methodically murdered, was in my best interest. They thought that me being denied my Afrikan spiritual books (bibles) was acceptable and that only christian bibles to other inmates was just. They thought that the prevaricative nature of the charges against me and the prevaricative nature of the media coverage somehow justified the paradoxical diatribal bias and forbodence of violence towards me on behalf of both inmates and deputies, was somehow justifiable. They thought it was normal for children's services to lie on my children, in kkkourt and on me! What they didn't overstand was that i AM a political prisoner, a prisoner of war. Dr. Clarke said that war that Black folks are in is a war for who will control the minds of Black people (especially Black children and more specifically, Black MALE-children). A mother such as myself who decided 14 children ago, that she would birth her children at home, immunize them homeopathically herself and educate them herself, was definitely adhering to the Afrikan war drums and the call to battle. My children would not fall into enemy hands with my coop-eration. Kkkrackkkers were going to have to take them from me if they were going to get them and that's what they did. They took my son from me and built bogus charges of "she chained him in the basement for 6 months and locked him there". This is the anigmatizing new coverage i heard the nite of my arrest, while i sat in a stinking lousy solitary confinement jail cell. Anigmatizing cause not even the assholes who reported me, ever SAW my son chained and locked in a basement for 6 months! And what about the accountability of those who report Black folks to Massa? but that's another poem. Malcolm X said that the various agencies (like children's services) were never created to heal and bring Black families together, but rather to destroy them and tear them apart. And that's EXACTLY what they did. No! They thought WRONG! Which is not a surprise because, such indoctrination, amalgams, and brain washings make it clear that they are incapable of critically analyzing our condition in this lousy ass kkkountry. They never thought that i might be a criminal because i dared to be a warrior and not conform to eurocentric paradigms & constructs. i am not guilty of kidnapping, abducting, endangering my child, which are the 3 felonies i am charged with. i was merely charged with those felonies to set up the parameters that allowed them to DO to me what they were charging me with: kidnapped me, abducted me, and endangered my life in jail. My true crimes? Black Panther, Muur, Graveyite, MWM Midwest Regional Co-Chair, proactive in many national, international, organizations and Black governments, Afrikan Centered, Pan-Afrikan and embracing an Afrikan Transcending Kosmogony. No! They never thought, that since the system didn't get me back then, that they would get me NOW... a BLACKTRACK!
Nitemares December 29, 38ADM One nite, while laying in the 4 by 5, matchbox, cement, concrete, cubical, solitary confinement cell, with toilet that backs up every time the inmate in the adjoining cell flushes, not to mention the noise of the flush sounding like a tornado is in the same room with you and you have to cover the toilet with a plastic bag because there is no lid to keep the stench from backing up into the space; i dreamed that a deputy raped me. Psychological warfare is a bad puppy. Either i dreamed i was attempting to control my dream, or i actually made a feeble attempt at really controlling the dream by replacing the white boy that was raping me with a Black man and changing the violence of the act into something passionate. He didn't speak in words, but he made the effort to not hurt me, not appear violent and to appear familiar. When i woke up, my hearing had again shut down and deafness was my companion and there was a deputy standing in my doorway, pissed, angry, screaming and hollering at me, which in retrospect was actually funny cause she look ridiculous in her animated arrogance. i'd filed a complaint against her and she didn't much like it and i didn't much care. There is something to be said for being deaf.
JAIL: A POETIC DEFINITION December 29, 38ADM A place, environment, institution where intelligence is minimally diminutive at best.
November 4, 38ADM Death is preferable to being in jail for something i did not do.
ANIGMATIZING December 29, 38ADM There was a period when i was locked down for NINETY-EIGHT hours straight. i had requested being let out of the solitary confinement cell the jail had me in, separate from other women-inmates because they were threatening to dump me out of my wheel-chair, beat me up, drag me across the floor, drop me in the shower, locked me in the cell, poured red shit under my door that i was supposed to think was menses, scream at me, bang on the cell doors so i couldn't hear on the phone, lie to deputies on me, accuse me of everything under the son, and WHY? Because they believed the privaracative media coverage that said i "chained and locked [my] son in the basement for 6 months". After all, my case was supposed to be tried in the media and not in a kkkourt of law (oxymoron that that is), like everyone else. But how absurd of me, of course these crackhead, drug attic, alcoholic, prostituting, homosexual, angry, violent, uneducated, ignorant, illiterate, women (whose idea of intelligent banter was to discuss who was screwing whom and what drug dealers they knew in common), were AUTHORITIES on my case!!!!!! The plucker? Instead of letting me out SEPARATE from other women, the deputies simply left me locked down for days at a time. And i asked the invariable question that begged to be asked, "when did being let out separate and being locked down for over 98 hours become SYNONYMOUS?"
THE DAWN December 29, '38ADM My daughters had horror in their eyes, during one of the jail visits, when i showed them how skinny my legs and arms were/are (half the size i was when i was arrested, skin hanging off my bones) and the additional tooth loss. They finally realized, their mom, really was/is dying in jail. We all fought the tears. Blessed treasures that they are, one daughter, who as an infant was a failure to thrive and is now plump more than she wants to be, made a joke: "Mom, you mean to tell me that all i had to do was come to jail cause they got the bomb weight loss plan?"
IGNORANCE ABOUNDS December 29, '38ADM i kept asking the jail medical department to either give me a glucometer to check my diabetic blood sugar levels or have a nurse on med-pass, give me the tests. After 3 months of incarceration, they finally tested me: only 3 times (once each of the 3 days) DURING THE DIABETIC SPIKE TIMES (when the sugar readings are naturally the HIGHEST)!!!!!!!!!!! i was never given a keytone test, which with an over 300 gluco-reading, was inevitably evident, nor given a diabetic food tray, nor diabetic snack. What was the point of the glucometer tests, when nothing was done about it? Might these bastards been trying to KILL ME?
SMOKE AND MIRRORS December 29' 38ADM When i first was abducted into the jail, the nurse, checked my circles (locks) and said after removing her white redneck hands from my head, "at least she doesn't' have lice". Well i won't even go there, cause that's not the point of this poem. But when i was taken to the solitary confinement cell, denied my wheel chair for 5 days, and when i was finally given it, i looked up and realized that i could not groom my own hair because the mirrors were/are up on the wall and not where a disabled wheel chair bound person could reach. For five months, i could not see to groom and remove lint from my hair. Hmph...
October 26, '38ADM i figured there would be a difference between those charged but awaiting trial and those convicted. If the right to vote was being denied those convicted felons, then the right to vote would be afforded those not yet tried or convicted? Logical? Evidently not, because as election day approached and i found myself STILL in jail after 5 months, i asked the Social Services department of the jail, who are there allegedly to help those jailed, but NEVER helped me with anything i call carded them about, i asked the jail christian minister who also never responded to my call cards about voting or my I-Ching bible, i asked deputies, supervisors, Corporals, Chiefs, lawyers, councilors, inmates and NO one could give me an answer about HOW i would be able to vote. And no inmate i asked, voted, not the felons nor the misdemeanors. Humph... i guess if you are in jail, you don't vote... guilty until proven innocent.
October 21, 38ADM My daughter, who was depending on her mother to deliver her baby at home, instead was coming weekly to jail to visit me. i didn't know that she was going home to her Guinean husband after leaving me, and crying because she could see her mom dying and she was helpless to help me. The day of her birth was fortunately, also a visiting day for me, so she went to work 8 hours, drove across town to pick up her sista and my grandson, drove back across town, stood in line for 2 1/2 hours, to visit w/me for 15 minutes, then drove back across town to drop off my grandson and daughter, then drove across town to the arms of her Guinean hubby to cry themselves to sleep. sigh...
December 31, 38ADM
The warriors who i've supported all those years, bestowed upon me the title of Queen Mother... while i sat in that stankin ass solitary cell, i couldn't resist asking myself, had this been the culmination of the dues one pays to be worthy of such title?
POOR VISION GIVES BIRTH TO BULLSHIT? (or is it the other way around?) December 31, 38ADM Once i had been released from jail, i logged onto the internet. i could count with less than 10 fingers, those who i had known online, who dared called themselves my family and with whom i'd accumulated years of family-hood. At least that's what they SAID. What i found instead of internet family consciousness (which they prided themselves in egomaniacal title), was arm chair revolutionaries who would, if i permitted it, take the credit of the work i had done and the sacrifice i had made, while simultaneously bullshitting me into thinking that my eyes deceived me and their non-support was not really what i saw. i got, "well i don't do support any more", "i heard you took children over state lines", "i am too tired to be supportive", "thought there was a fraud being perpetrated", "sis you know i am there for you" and a host of other weak ass excuses for being non-supportive. i told them that all they had to do if there was some question to my authenticity of need, was to communicate with my family, lawyer, me or others who were working on my case. And i also told them that if they had genuinely tried to help me or gain access to knowledge of my case, then i would not have sat rotting in that jail cell for so long and if others who did support me hadn't, i would either still be in jail or DEAD. Of course, in response, i got either, "seen", silence, apology or non-response. Needless to say, My present online communications are limited to those who were supportive of me while my need was the greatest. The rest, i leave to their own devices. They will need them.
SERVING FOOD ALA TRASH November 1, 38ADM Last nite, i dreamed a guard raped me and when i awakened, i found that my food/breakfast (served at 3:30AM; go figure), had been thrown in the trash! AGAIN! The comment was, "she refused". My question is, when did, hearing loss and atrophy from dementia, become synonymous with "refuse?" When a female deputy returned, i called to her. My hearing was still failing me so i wanted her to be where i could see her lips. She kept walking away, out of my sight, so i kept saying, "EXCUSE ME," so she would come back. When she walked away the final time, i called out to the women-inmates, asking them to tell me what she said, once my hearing popped back, so i could piece it all 2gether. By the way, hearing loss is on my jail-admission records, in my Motion of Discovery. At any rate, i said to the deputy, "i need a calling card because my food was..." she cut me off saying, "sergeant/corporal was down here and we tried to wake you & you wouldn't wake up." Now, it was an ASSumption on their part, that i was asleep, rather than in pain, couldn't hear or couldn't move (due to the dementia). Not to mention the disorientation of coming out of a rape dream. (i was raped twice at age 13 and 16; w/no counseling). Also, during this conversation with this lower form of intelligence, i was laying down on my stomach and could only move my head around and not the rest of my body. Also, the same male deputy who'd thrown my food in the trash several times before, without reprimand, SAW ME trying to get up once, looked me in the eye as i pulled myself up on my wheel chair and THREW my food in the trash. Wickedness on 2 legs. But i digress. At any rate, the women inmates said, combined with what i could put together from the woman's lips, that the female deputy said to me, "you can hear and move WHEN YOU WANT TO, but not when we want you to; you are not fooling anybody." (this is an ironic [at the least] statement considering i am a diabetic and the last thing i need to do is miss meals). i said, "i have my medical records". Deputy response, "yeah, whatever." Also the women said that "the deputies lied and no sergeant/corporal came down here!" The metaphor in it all? While in a holding tank, waiting for kkkourt, out of a population of over 3,000, i was joined by a deaf woman and a wheel chair bound woman who both admitted to NOT being mistreated as i am/was. humph... seems the ammunition needed is being compiled. Justice is at hand.
January 1, 38ADM In Dayton Ohio (Montgomery County) there is a family, according to NAACP sources, where there are DEAD CHILDREN as a variable, yet the parents have not been arrested, and they are allowed to see their children weekly that were taken from them. In Olentangy/Washitaw (columbus) Ohio, there is a white alcoholic father who left his child in the car all nite in 90 degree weather and couldn't remember where he left his child; he was never charged. A few days ago, a white couple were arrested for filming TEN YEAR OLD children in porn films, they were arrested, given ONLY $300,000 bond and were released in a matter of a couple of hours with paid lawyers. i, on the other hand, am accused of major distortions of our Afrikan cultural practices, given an initial MASS MURDER'S BOND of $850,000, jailed in solitary confinement for 8 days short of SIX MONTHS, released on house arrest. Is it me? Or is it obvious to anyone else that there is something drastically wrong with how so-called justice, in a white paternalistic superiority complexed society is disproportionately dished out?
January 1, 38ADM While i was in jail, in solitary confinement, my aunt relapsed into cancerous Alzheimer's and was dying. When i was released, she was getting closer to death. i phoned my house arrest councilor and asked what are the rules for going to philly to see my aunt before she died. NO RESPONSE. While on house arrest, my aunt DIED. Her funeral was this past Saturday. i told my house arrest councilor and of course, there was NO RESPONSE. While i was home on house arrest, my mom had a heart attack and i phoned my house arrest councilor and asked what are the rules for me to go to philly to help my mom. NO RESPONSE. While on house arrest, my daughter is pregnant and i am her midwife. What will be the house arrest councilor's response when i phone to say i am leaving to go deliver the baby? NO RESPONSE? While on house arrest, there are those of you who've told me that "being in jail is over with Khandi, so move on with your life", think again. HOUSE ARREST IS JAIL!
WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE? January 2, 38ADM For the past 5 years, i've had a neighbor, who's home i've never been in; who's never been in my home; from whom i have NEVER borrowed even a cup of sugar nor leant one (don't eat that crap); who is 3 times my size; who's given my son pork and other foods We don't eat, when he was not supposed to be in anyone's house, and she didn't bother to ask me if it was ok to give it to him; who cusses, screams and hollers at her children and beats them; who asked me to tutor her son, but never followed through on the request.. The nite of my arrest, from the solitary jail cell i was placed in, i heard, on the news, this woman-neighbor's voice saying, when asked about me and my incarceration, "well, you never know who your neighbors are..." What's wrong with this picture?
STOLEN SPONTANEITY January 2, 38ADM House arrest is a cruel joke that ain't funny. It robs one of the reality of freedom and replaces it with the illusion. You can't make plans and you can't go anywhere you have no permission to go. Family members are born and die and you can not be a part of what is a human right within which to participate. It prevents the natural flow and fluidity that one has with their Ancestors, when they are instructed to do a ritual of crossroads, or railroads, or rivers, or... can't go; on house arrest. Can't go for a walk in the wee hours of the morning or for a drive to clear one's mind. Can't go to Florida compliments of your extended family brotha, to recapture the summer of healing, you lost sitting in a cold solitary jail cell. Can't go spend time in your daughter's home. Can only sit in your own home, alone. Can only go shopping, "religious functions", pay bills, legal appointments and health appointments. Not allowed to even go to the library or to rent a video or sit in the Indian or Ethiopian restaurant during all-u-can-eat-lunch-time. House arrest is the myth that you are no longer in jail. But nothing could be further from the truth. It is a prison of invisible walls. But no less impenetrable. PSYCH EVAL January 3, 38ADM Today i received a notice for a psychological evaluation as ordered by the judge in my kkkourt case. There are several dynamics to this. 1. i've already had TWO psych evals done; one being a neurological psych eval which makes no sense because the kkkourt never took into consideration the recommendations of the first two which stated, according to my Motion of Discovery, that my culture should be taken into consideration to aid in any decisions, assistance, or judgements were to be brought against me. Of course, nothing the psychologists recommended were taken into consideration. 2. i received the appointment letter this AFTERNOON as if i can magically appear considering i am multiply disabled and need to ask folks to take time off from work IN ADVANCE. Since anyone that i would have asked to help me, was already at work and not available for me to ask for help and there is no time to give advance notice to the jobs, i phoned the psych office in frustration stating that it would take a miracle to get me to the appointments with such short notice and that in the future it might behoove them to contact me in advance, giving me more time to be considerate of those who assist me. The saga of bullshit continues.
DRESS REHEARSAL January 3, 38ADM When one of my extended family sistas in Australia noticed that i had not been online for a while, she asked me where i'd been, i told her in jail, solitary confinement and the kkkrackkkers almost KILLED ME over the issue with my son, she rendered the following reply: i responded with: i did
the rites of passage Ogun chain and bead ritual with my son because he
needed a rites of passage ritual done immediately due to his behavior
and because he did the following: Her resonse was: Sista Khandi It is most unfortunate that your "interactions with [me] rendered such mis-innerstanding. i can not speak to your "belief system" as you have not shared that with me. You perceive me telling my son to go to the basement and think of his behavior as "discipline?" and me chaining him as i've done with all my other children and has been done with me and others in our culture as some type of "discipline" that "clashes with yours on a fundamental level?" My next question was, in light of other parents, especially Black ones whom i have told my circumstance, saying that i should have beat his little ass, what on earth was WRONG with doing this ritual and telling him to go to the basement and THINK about his behavior? i got no further response. But in retrospect, i owe her a debt of gratitude because she prepared me for much larger objections that will clearly be based on much larger misoverstanding. So, thanx sis, for the dress rehearsal.
HARD HEAD MAKES A SOFT WHAT? January 3, 38ADM As many of you know, who are reading these poems, i have receive-issues and i've been working on them for quite some time now. Though it's not occurred to me to ask, there is someone dear to me who would be more than willing to take my trash out. So, about an hour ago, i took the trash out the back door and fell down, face first on the concrete ground and almost busted my head on a tree stump, i cut my hand, twisted 2 fingers, swollen arch, bruised ankle because of the house arrest anklet, cut knee, cut hand, skinned my elbow and other thangs i've not yet felt the pain to know exist yet. And these folks expect me to go to a pysch appointment without help? And i can't even take the damn trash out without falling? i don't think so. sigh...
8 DAYS SHORT OF 6 MONTHS January 10, 38ADM The jail had a commissary store that We were allowed to buy a seriously limited amount of items from. We were only allowed to spend $30 per week and it was considered contraband if you had more than a weeks worth of edibles in your cell but you could have as much toiletries in your cell if you liked. The food cell-ection consisted mostly of CANDY and sweets. The only real food, if you can call it that, was crackers and tuna fish in pouches. Well more to the point, you could BUY a personal razor but you could not keep it in your cell, and there were specific days and shifts on which you could request it. Conversely, there were NO toe nail clippers for SALE. Each solitary confinement cell block, allegedly had it's own toe nail clipper! But i don't believe that. Considering the disgusting conditions of everything else in the institution, i would not be surprised if the clipper were used by the entire 3,000 inmate population. At any rate, everyone in the solitary cell block USED THE SAME CLIPPER and the deputies NEVER WASHED IT! They CLAIMED they sprayed it with disinfectant. Now tell me this is not disgusting!! Needless to say, my toe nails had not been cut for EIGHT DAYS SHORT OF 6 MONTHS.
IS IT IS? OR IS IT AIN'T? January 10, 38ADM i've not written a poem in this series for 7 days, since the 3rd of January. And i can't help but wonder is it the healing that's taking place? Is it the fact that on the 6th i got an eviction notice to move by the 8th and now every time i hear any type of noise that sounds like someone trying to get into my home, i get all unsettled inside and off balance and jumpy. Cause after all, even though the law says they can't just come in here on me and throw me and my things out, folks adhere to the law when it suits them. Or is it the numbness, from all the shit i am going thru that simply, absolutely and finally SHUT ME DOWN? sigh...
OUR CULTURE AND LIFE STYLE ON TRIAL January 10, 38ADM 2day, a sista who is assisting me in my case, only read this series of poetry and 2 documents from the MOD, and with only that as ammunition, she concluded, YOUR LIFE STYLE IS ON TRIAL HERE SIS. And i couldn't help but think back to one of my daughter's statements that in affect, came to the very same conclusion. My daughter's questions were simple, "how can you people come into our home and tell us our culture, our ways and our beliefs are not acceptable to yall? Isn't this amerika? And why can yall's poLICE lock my brotha up for stealing and sexual misbehavior, but We can not?" Because after all, what is a paternalistic superiority complex for, if it is not for the purpose of controlling people's lives by telling them what to think, what to feel, what to do, what to understand, what to wear, what to like, what to believe in, how to raise their children, what to teach, what ideology to embrace, and who to love? 2day, a sista who
is assisting me in my case, only read this series of poetry and 2
documents from the MOD, and with only that as ammunition,
she concluded, YOUR LIFE STYLE IS ON TRIAL HERE SIS. January 14, 38 ADM 2Morrow is m kkkourt date. 2morrow is my daughter's birthday. Last year on this day was my daughter's birthday. last year on this day, on my daughter's birthday, i was dealing with juvenile kkkourt. This year, 2morrow, on my daughter's birthday, is the criminal kkkourt date. What a hell'a'va way to celebrate. hmph... POUTY FACE January 14, 38ADM period. end of story.
FIGHTING THE GOOD FIGHT January 14, 38ADM Hmph... speaking of Oxymorons!? is there such a thang? sigh...
GUARANTEED 2 OFFEND YOU OR NO MONEY BACK January 17, 38ADM i went to kkkourt for the criminal case at 9 AM in the morning on the 15th of January. My health case manager came to take me. We got there on time. My kkkourt appointed lawyer who i'd neither seen nor heard from since October 28th while i was in jail, came about a half hour late, asking me how i was doing. i told him, my aunt died and i was unable to go see her before she died and my mom had a heart attack and i was unable to go help her. And THAT was HOW i was doing. He said he would try to get my bail requirements adjusted to allow me to help my fam. He got the kkkourt case continued, AGAIN; besides the judge was trying another murder case, AGAIN; he tried to get me to sign papers saying that i "did not make the kkkourt ordered psych eval appointment." i refused to sign it, telling him it was UNTRUE. He mentioned speaking to my legal aid house eviction lawyers. i left kkkourt and upon arrival at home, there was a letter from the kkkourt in reference to the eviction. Kkkourt date jan 30th w/the property owner's lawyer's name being Lamumba Toure which is my daughter's name who gave birth to her daughter on Jan 16, 12:27AM. i got a call from my legal aid housing lawyer who said, the guardian from the original juvenile kkkourt case said, i was never contacted in August while in jail, in reference to the custody of my son. i faxed the housing lawyer the kkkourt papers and she called saying she couldn't see the date, but she did see the address was to me at the JAIL and not at home so she realized something was amiss and contacted the guardian again and questioned her til she admitted that she lied about my AGREEING to custody, by saying, "oh i didn't realize what you meant". What IS the point of dealing with any of these lawyers? But the plucker? It doesn't matter if it was settled in April or August cause she said they would not represent me in kkkourt cause i would lose. Well i've lost anyway, cause innocence or guilt is NOT the yard stick by which i am being measured. All they need to justify denying me my section 8 subsidy is the "grand jury indicting me", which says to them, that i participated in the reasons for the grand jury finding they had enough to indict". Of course there is no consideration that i was indicted for culturally imperialistic, white supremacist or even nebulous, vague and ambiguous reasons like racism. Just, indictment, thus eviction and loss of subsidy. The legal aid lawyer also says she's concerned my kkkourt appointed criminal lawyer has no strategy for my defense. But of course he does. Plea. It just happens to NOT be MY strategy. Then the legal aid lawyer says i could just "bounce around from one family member to another" since i would not be able to live with anyone in my family who was on a housing subsidy nor be on the lease. But there are only 2 daughters who live IN COLUMBUS! Everyone else in the family lives OUT OF TOWN and of course those options, while under HOUSE ARREST are not options. Sounds like this crap is all happening by design. euro-cointel-pro-design. hmph.... Then as if this one day did not hold enough horrors, i get a call from my daughter who is in the HOSPITAL instead of at home having her baby in the Afrikan tradition, for which she was born, all her siblings were born and several hundred other Afrikan children were born that i have delivered over 27 years. The reason she was in the hospital? cause these crackkkers jailed her midwife. ME! and there was no way to know if i would ever get out to deliver the little one. And just as We knew they would, these crackkkers began to go to work on my daughter with their negativity. "The baby's heart beat is low. You need to take a contractions-inducer. You need to think about taking an epidural, it's natural." Natural? umph... You need to take this pain killer and that spinal drug and NEVER once did they tell my daughter the side effects of any of this stuff. She was just feeling helpless and vulnerable. i came with herbs and homeopathics, loaded for bare. In spite of the fact my daughter told me to NOT bring anything because the hospital would NOT approve. But i didn't approve of the hospital so i came ready to help my daughter reconnect with her spirit, her Ancestral inheritance which is the source of her power, with her baby, with her soul and with OSUN. After all, She is OSUNkemi and she is Olowatoyin. Both are spiritual guardian energies, one that governs child birth and one that is the Almighty. There was this one nurse who thought she was qualified to tell ME what my role should be. i ignored her. She told my daughter EVERYTHING that was the OPPOSITE of what her body was telling her; the opposite of what her spirit was telling her; was the opposite of what i was telling her; was the opposite of what her womb was telling her. But in the final analysis, when they told my daughter to lay in an anti-gravitational position, she stood straight up with the contractions. i was so proud of her. She drank 2 1/2 quarts of herbs and homeopathics, while the nurses were out of the room. Nurses were noted commenting that they had NEVER seen anyone handle the pain like my daughter did without medications. i made my qualifications known to the delivery team. There was so much wrong with that whole experience with those crackkkers, that is not being noted in this poem, but in the end, there was my daughter, and my grand daughter, 7 lbs, 15.6 ounces. And i had the placenta and the umbilical chord in our possession. Nothing else mattered. i was proud of her. She'd made it through 2/3 of this experience without me. And when she wasn't looking, i cried for her. i cried for my grand daughter. i cried for me. Because so much had been denied our family by various factions of this lousy ass system. Here We were, in an environment, none of us agreed with. An environment guaranteed to offend and no money back guaranteed.
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My
question though still remains, is it me? am i the only one who can NOT
wrap her brain around all this loss? sigh.... 
i
WAS JUST SITTING THERE IN JAIL AND IT CAME TO ME (OR
SUBTITLE: A KHANDI PROVERB)
Why
is this significant? because my son, has performed on the Kennedy Center
stage in Bannaker City (washington, dc), Martin Luther King, Jr Center
stage in Olentangy/Washitaw (cols, ohio), various tv shows, various
radio shows, numerous newspaper interviews, for dignitaries such as
Nelson Mandela, Bishop Desmond Tutu, Queen Mother Moore, Empress Verdice.
My son has been an Afrikan master drummer and dancer since age 3, won
scholarships because of his talents for piano and tap. He has performed
with many Afrikan dance ensembles, known world wide. He has performed
with his mom's theater company, Khandi & Friends and worked with
her, co-facilitating many workshops in libraries, community centers,
elementary, junior and high schools; universities, museums, churches,
various Afrikan, cultural and community festivals, yearly Kwanzaa
events, and a host of other events. Moussa is one of the youth who held
picket signs, boycotting Nationwide's economic criminal misappropriation
of the local public school system funds, even though he has never
attended public schools. Moussa has had a brochure
promoting his talents, since age 5. 
Moussa
has various years in a row, performed a spiritual ritual dance of
tribute, that he choreographed specifically for the Washitaw Mounds,
where We'd gather with other conscious Washitaw citizens for prayer,
tribute, invocation and ritual to those buried there. Moussa is also
initiated and qualifies to assist other children and adults in their
rites of passage into certain spiritual domains which he has achieved.
Ironic, that such a rites of passage ritual is being distorted to such
an extent, that a grand jury who is totally ignorant in these matters
would bring charges against his mother for doing so.
Now
for the question, who do yall, who are reading this, think is
responsible for Moussa's talents and creative, cultural, political,
historic and spiritual experiences? Should Moussa's mom allow him to
dismiss his incarnative objective divined life path, for instead
thievery, lying, sexual abusive behavior, pulling knives on folks,
pushing children down steps, almost killing children, leaving home
without permission or supervision at age 9 after midnight, eating foods
that are not good for his body's development, drinking alcohol, smoking,
and hanging with youth who do those things? 
There
is a photo rich site about Moussa and his family and activities at: 
BLACKTRACK
HOUSE ARREST
BOX KNOCKED ME OFFLINE
TRUTH
IS
DON'T INMATES
VOTE?
HOW
MY DAUGHTER SPENT HER 22ND BIRTHDAY
STRUGGLE
GIVES BIRTH TO THE TITLE OF QUEEN MOTHER? 
AIN'T IT OBVIOUS?
HOUSE ARREST IS
JAIL