More is what we seek, although that
isn't what we need. What we need is already here and always been and
will be. We seek in the wrong place. This might appear as mistaken,
but it might not be. Until we find, we search. In the end, we find
that which was first. The first becomes last. The fish is the
fisherman. -- PoTai
Sayings of PoTai
Sometimes we talk even
though none else are listening. Each individual is the first
listener and perhaps the first speaker as well. That's what it's
really about isn't it? Creating is meant to be for the sheer joy of
creating. Creating automatically fills it's own purpose in the
presence of the creator. We are the first experiencer. That's where
it all begins and ends.
Man is God, but God is much more than a
man. LDS cosmology claims that God has a body of flesh and bones.
Much credence is given to that and many are mislead as to what that
means. God is also without body. If you ask to meet Christ, a man
may come to you. That man will not be the true Christ because there
is something beyond that which is not seen. For one to see the
Christ, there needs to be something beyond the mere act of looking
with the eyes. There has to be a comprehension, an understanding, a
perceiving of what is there. The man who comes as Christ might even
do you a favor and kick you in the face. That happens so that you
won't be misled into believing that a God is only a man. The worst
thing that can happen by you is that you believe in him, the man.
That will be sure to bring suffering, but it works to a good end.
Either way, be thankful for it. It's something you do to yourself
that you might understand.
I am what I am, not what I was. I
won't be what I am not yet, because that will only happen the way I
am. I am change itself, yet at the same time, no more or less than
what is right now. Yesterday's memories need to be let go and the
aspirations of tomorrow forgotten. Only then do we live. And even in
the moment of now, the ego must rest upon the altar of sacrifice so
that the doer can become the done, the knower can know the known and
the seer can see the seen.
God is unknowable until something
happens, being. But, God was before that time. We might ask: What
is before the first cause?; What is before the beginning? It is
said that 'In the beginning there was God', but few ask what was
before the beginning. We concern ourselves with beginnings and
endings, but don't know what's always been. We don't know what is
Don't believe me because of these
sayings. Once we know, once we understand, there is no need for
these stupid sayings, is there? It is wisely said that a prophet is
without honor in his own country. In such a country of prophets, no
prophet is needed. That's because everyone already knows. So, the
prophet isn't special in any way. If you ever see a prophet, then
you know something else that comes with him: that country in which
he is, is suspect. That country is probably messed up, Fallen. And
the prophet is one who is probably involved in the messing of it. If
a prophet is truly in his own country, then the country is not messed
up. And when a country is messed up, then the prophet is probably
messed up too. That's why it's said to be his own country and not
When you hear someone quoting others
all of the time, you will know they have found no wisdom in
themselves. If that wasn't true, then there would be no need for
quoting someone else. One cannot shine their own light if they have
not found it. Such a one must resort to shining the light of others.
More importantly, we should listen to ourselves. That's important
to notice so that we might see our own poverty. Our poverty will
need to turn to a hunger that can no longer be filled by an
Inner space is much bigger than outer
There is this saying that what is
loosed in heaven is loosed on earth and what is bound in heaven is
bound on earth. To understand this better, think of what the words
mean. Binding is slavery and loosing is freedom. Yet, we tend to
think of that the other way around, don't we? Why? Who convinced
us that binding is freedom and being loosed is slavery? It might be
someone who can't be trusted without having some sort of contract in
place. But, if you can't trust someone without a contract, what
makes us confident that we can trust such a person with one? The
world works that way. The world loves contracts. And in the world,
contracts are broken as often as the night comes. Who is it that
needs a contract to be good, honest, and forthright? Such a person
can't be trusted. So, we might want to look at this saying in a new
way. Maybe it means something else that's more profound than the way
it is popularly seen.
Others have said that life is not a
noun, but a verb. That's insightful. So, Eternal Life is the same.
Eternal Life is not something that you get in the future, then have
it, but it's something you are doing right now. Now may not seem
like Eternal Life, but that's because we've polluted it.
Sometimes, that which has the least
value is what we value the most. Although it goes unnoticed by us,
that is what leads to our suffering. It is said that money is the
cheapest thing that one can have. Yet, this cheapness is what is
sought at great effort. There are a lot of people with money who are
poor and a lot of people without money who live rich lives. Money is
related to the ego. One might say that the value of money rises with
the ego. I once asked a Christian friend a question: “Jesus
said that it is 'easier for camel to enter the eye of a needle than
for a rich man to enter heaven'... so, why is it that we want to be
rich?” My friend was taken aback for a moment, but then
recovered like a professional. He began explaining that money isn't
bad because it can be used to accomplish good ends. In that answer,
there was a great poverty being revealed that he didn't notice. This
was despite his own possession of a lot of money.
Be yourself. Happiness happens when
we are ourselves. Suffering comes when we try to live as someone
else. All of the great men in history lived as themselves. They were
creators, not copiers.
Our prayers are
always answered, but not how we speak them. We don't get what we
want, but rather what we ask for. For example, when we ask for
happiness, we might find that we run into a lot of frustration. We
don't understand what's happening to us, but our prayers are being
answered nevertheless. We might desire more money, recognition, and
leisure, that we believe will bring us happiness. When we don't get
these, we become frustrated. So, instead of receiving what we
wanted, something that at best will bring a temporal counterfeit of
happiness, we experience a great crisis so that what's needed for
happiness might enter. Ask for holiness and you might get crucified.
But, the crucifixion will bring holiness with a resurrection that
rises out of that. So, we don't really get what we want, our desire,
but we get what we hope for. Desires are often carnal and what binds
us. Hope brings freedom. Our problem is that we don't really know
hope until our desires have passed into oblivion. Rejoice in
frustration and be hopeful in suffering. Death is meant to bring new
life. Death is not an end, but a step into a new life. These are
not bad things, but are good. That is a difficult idea to comprehend
when our minds are wrapped up in the carnal world. But, when the
carnal mind dies, the true consciousness rises up to take it's place.
The mind remains; It doesn't really die; It's changed. An
obsession with carnality dies, but the mind remains. Then there
emerges a new experience of life.
It is said that ignorance is bliss.
However, such a bliss is counterfiet. All that ignorance can bring is
a counterfiet bliss. It's exists like a house built upon sand. When the
storms come, the bliss will not only crumble into the sandy foundation, but will plumb the depths
of misery to the same degree that it appeared to rise above it. Man cannot find true happiness in ignorance.
Knowledge and ignorance are not opposites, but synonyms.
Understanding is what disperses ignorance. Moreover,
understanding comes from the soul rather than the mind. One can have a
lot of knowledge and be ignorant at the same time. Computers can
store facts, but have no understanding. It's much worse when a
human acts out the way of the machine. It might be said that he
loses his soul when this is done.
LDS scriptures say that intelligence cannot be created or made.
That would mean that all the intelligence that exists, already is.
The funny thing about that is that carnal man has a difficult
time fathoming infinite intelligence that already is. This is
despite it being behind all forms, all images, all objects, all beings,
and all experiences of them. It might rightly be said that
intelligence is in front of all these things, but the madness that
comes upon carnal man places it last. Man vainly seeks
intelligence and believes he can gain more of it. The truth of it
is that carnal man fails to see what already is. When it's
uncovered, intelligence makes a magical transformation. It turns
into comprehension. We sometimes experience that during an
epiphany or sudden realization of meaning. It's the moment when a
joke is gotten and then laughed at heartily. It's a real
experience that rises from the gut and is wonderful.
It's said that the glory of God is intelligence. That's right,
it's one thing appearing by two names. The problem is that carnal
man thinks of glory in terms of blazing lights, sirens, beating drums,
parades, and great spectacles. As a result, the coming of Christ
is expected to be a grand show accompanied by all of these things.
But, that isn't the glory spoken of. Moreover, it's not
even a good counterfiet. The glory of God can be felt with
the heart rather than seen with the eyes. It pierces the soul
rather than blind the eyes and deafen the ears. It isn't a
public show, but a personal exerience. It isn't meant to be
consumed on the lusts of the carnal senses, but rather to fill the
void, heal the wound, gladden the heart, and comfort the soul.
The wonderful experience emerges when we can see ourselves as we really
are. We are nothing. Our vanity prevents us from seeing our
nothingness. Wonder happens when we comprehend all if it,
everything that is. In a magical way, we able to comprehend all
of it, yet at the same time we can't. When we begin to see God
as being both in us as well as outside of us, then we enter into the
joy of discovery again. Discovery isn't an event as much as a
process that continually happens. Discovery is what eternal life
is about. Discovery is our destiny. It's why becoming a
child again is so important. In becoming that child again, there
is releasing of all of the old notions that we, as adults, cling to
unto death. Children do not need baptism because they are before
that. Children are before a need to be immersed in the water
because they are already living in it. Living the wonderful
experience includes a joy of discovery that happens when we live as
man lives out his life swimming upstream against a strong current.
He might gain a little by that effort, but in the end, he goes
where the current takes him. Does a fish worry about where he is
taken? A salmon, which normally lives in the ocean, will swim
upstream to spawn. For a salmon, that ends in death. For
a salmon, that's acceptable. For men, it isn't, that is, men
don't expect death to come from their great effort. Salmon seem
to want it, but men don't. Death is the last thing men will say
they want to come of their effort.
Becoming a child
again includes an unburdening of the demands of mortality that so many
of us adults worry about. Children are like birds, flowers, and
trees, who do not labor for their existence. Children leave such
labor to adults to worry about. That's a metaphor for adults to
discover the meaning. Adults, like children, need not labor or
stress about their future. When we worry about our future, then
what are we saying about our view of who we call our Father? We
labor because we believe that it's our destiny to do that. We
labor because we don't have any confidence that God is already doing
that for us . In LDS religion, there is a concept of Calling
and Election being made sure. What that's really about is
becoming a child again. It's about understanding what is going
on. It's about living again like a child, a bird, a flower, a
tree, who does not go out for labor. It's about forgetting about
the labor in seeking a reward that we never seem to find. It's
about having the reward.
(Note added after
writing some of these: I noticed that I misspelled
counterfeit several times in the above. I decided not to go back and correct the
mistake. Such events are not always mistakes. It may
offer a new meaning to the word. That is, misspelling
counterfeit is exactly that.... a counterfiet of conterfeit. So,
maybe it's best that it stands as it is)
Carnal man is an aspiring tyrant. He mistakenly sees his failure
to find fulfillment in terms of obedience. This, he
believes, includes his own obedience to higher beings as well as
the obedience to him by others who are lower than him in the
hierarchy of authority. Carnal man fails to see that his
continual experience of failure and frustration come from his own
madness. Ironically, carnal man fails to see that the real
problem lies in his erroneous point of view. In his madness,
his mistaken perspective is the last thing that carnal man suspects as
being the problem. As a result, he aspires to authority, and in
acting out that aspiration, falls into being the first victim of his
own tyranny. So, he succeeds in his aspirations and, at the same
time, fails to see what he has become. He fails to see that he is
the one who becomes bound up by his own tryanny. (note in
proof: mispelling of tyranny originally unintentional, but left
as it was written because of an additional meaning that emerges from the error)
It's said that the waters of Eternity flow from beneath the temple.
These waters are those of understanding. Carnal man is
often given childish stories that he can understand because he is
unable to understand. So, he is told to build his house on a
rock, an idea in which he can find benefit. It is rightly
said that the church is built upon a rock. But, it is also
written that a stone will roll forth from the mountain to crush all
things. Does carnal man think his precious house will be left
unharmed? A better foundation is built upon water, those same
waters of understanding that the temple is to be founded upon.
That's a hard idea to grasp by those who need childish stories.
The waters of life flow from beneath the temple rather than out
of it or over it. This is meaningful. It's hard for carnal
man to relate to water being a foundation, but the meaning that emerges
out the symbol of water is much higher than foundations of stone.
It is said that man's heart can be as cold as stone.
Stones symbolize death, unyielding coldness, the demands of the
law, the thief, and the church. Water means life, change, and
what came before the dry land appeared. Think upon that.
Find those waters spoken of. It's there that one finds
Everything I learned as a devout LDS was true, but the way I believed
it was mistaken. What I heard didn't change, but my point of
view changed. When we believe lies, it's not because of
something that's outside of us.
There is nothing wrong except what we believe. Wrongness is a
belief system that one falls in love with and gets mad as hell at in
the marriage. It always seems to frustrate us with it's
infidelity, but we can't seem to turn loose of it. We will give
these beliefs up, in time, because Legion and infidelity are it's
names. Our frustration will eventually lead us to that. We
might mourn for a short time, but after we comprehend what has
happened, we will be thankful it's been this way. We will
understand how we did something we didn't have to do.
Too many of us believe in belief. What we call belief brings death; Faith brings life. The first is a law
unto itself that tends towards inflexibility. The latter is
nourishing, growing, invigorating. Belief is a confidence
game. Faith is not based on confidence. Belief becomes
law. Faith is beyond law. Many who believe they have a lot
of faith, don't have any faith. Belief requires you to remember
sayings such as these. Faith allows you to forget them.
You don't stop living when you die, but sometimes it will seem like it.
The church and the law are the same thing. The restored gospel is
the restored preparatory gospel. It's been this way for a long
time and there is nothing wrong in it except our own foolishness.
We can leave the church, but that doesn't mean that we are free of the
law. The law tells us what's true, despite our error in seeing
what it means. It's like the old addage of fingers pointing at
the moon. We need to stop looking at the fingers and then look
where they are pointing. When we obsess ourselves with the
church, the gospel, prophets and all of the other tokens of the law, we
are looking at fingers and, at the same time, missing what they
symbolize. We are looking at the wrong things. There is
great wisdom in how things are. When we can comprehend the reason
for the law, then we will become free of it. It's understanding
that free's us. After we understand the reason for the law, then
there is no longer a purpose for it.
We do not become free of Babylon by fleeing it. To become free of
Babylon, we need to get Babylon out of our hearts. Then we can be
present in Babylon without being polluted in ourselves. Babylon,
with all of it's artificialness, will take on a new meaning for us.
There are no coincidental coincidences and no accidental
accidents. There is intelligence in all. And what appears
to be great tragedy and great injustice has a higher purpose which will
be understood when a bigger picture is seen. It is said that life
is unfair. But, we might see that it's earthy existence that's
meant in that statement. Yes, earthly existence is unfair.
Yet at the same time, there is wisdom in it. If it was fair, then
we would be trapped in an existence which isn't meant to be our home.
Earth life is full of injustice. That's because we fallenl asleep and
are waiting to be awakened. Injustice comes as an alarm clock
that annoys us to wakefulness. We want to turn that annoying
alarm off, but is that the best for us? Shouldn't there be an
alarm to wake us from sleep? Once we wake from our sleep, we will
see things differently. We will find amusement and amazement in
what's happened. We might even realize that it's been planned
that way. This should not be taken to mean that we are all right
with injustice in the world. There is another meaning to
that. It has more to do with opportunity than with
The Chinese philosopher LaoTsu is reported to have said that there
exists an inverse relationship between understanding and the desire to
communicate it to others. I think I am beginning to
understand. It's a metaphor. Those who want to spread the
gospel are the same who don't understand it. As one comes to
understand the gospel, one sees that there is no need to spread
it. As one comes to understand what's happened, then one can also
see what is happening. The need is a creation.