DREAM GIRL
It may have been because I went to California two (or was it three) times in the 80's. One was 1984 and the other was 1987. I'm not sure if I went in 1989; I may have gone to Seattle instead.
It may also have been because I hung out in the Burnaby North/East area quite a bit when I first came to Canada. My Aunt Marie lived on Lakedale. My Uncle Bunny lived nearby. My Aunt Antonia lived around the Curtis & Duthie area. Later she moved to I think around oak St. area in the west end but she came back and lived in the co-ops on Duthie. She has also lived on Blaine which is near that area as well but that was in the 90's. I remember Audrey, Ben, Elaine and I used to get rides from Aunt Irene to CG Brown Pool where we took swimming lessons.
Anyway, the thing is I may have been influenced by images of living in Burnaby and going to California for fun. It may also have been a time when I got dream-visions running thru my head. So they all fused together and was profoundly stuck into my mind.
Of course, my dream-vision also involves sharing these vital experiences with a girl. I call it vital experience because they were like a forecast to my life. It gave me something to look forward to. It gave me a purpose to go on. What I saw was so real that it was as if I have already experienced it - except that it was in the past life. But I don't/shouldn't believe in a past life. Yet it was so real that if I took a step forward I could almost touch it. I mean, I saw me moving into a new place and establishing a family. I saw me going to Disney for trips - possibly a honeymoon. There we were having fun on the roller coaster and walking towards the Castle.
So when I saw first saw her, I had such a massive feeling running through my whole person that it was simply amazing and awesome. Why? Because she looked so very much like the girl in my dream-vision. It was as if my dream-vision was starting to unfold before me. And yet perhaps I wasn't ready yet. I was dumbfounded. Everytime I saw her, I get that such a special feeling. Was I ready to meet the love of my life?
But in 1995 and onwards, I lost that feeling. I remember that, for once, I didn't get that feeling when I saw her on January 8 after church when she and a guy called Jacky Hui had their arms around each other's waists. I remember also seeing her on April (9 and 23?) by herself and I got that feeling again. But it was no more ever after, even now.


DISCOVERY
I first heard of the term "information superhighway" when I was around grade 9 (or 1991?). I thought it was an interesting idea - that it would mean virtually free access to information for all. It would provide for better communication and promote constant learning. These in turn would improve people's ability to adapt to ever-changing situations because they are more knowledgeable. It would also improve productivity and business process efficiency. Obviously, I wasn't able to word it like that back then but at least some hint of these thoughts ran through my head. Unfortunately I did not retain these thoughts at the conscious level for very long - maybe only for a few seconds. I was too unfocused with reality and too distracted by other things to be worried about these things - things that would be considered by many adults, I'm sure especially business and computing experts, as reality and practicality.
Nonetheless these ideas never died in my head. Yet they never resurfaced - or at least my cloudy mind never allowed them to surface.


FRIEND
Although it wasn't as dramatic as other people's stories may sound, I was attracted to the internet. My first encounter was in the PC Labs downstairs in UVic's Clearihue Building. I used to spent quite a bit of time clicking at everything and just exploring and getting a feel for the internet. Although at first my eyes would get tired and I would get bored of clicking things and getting the same sort of stuff all the time, I never lost the attraction to the internet. Instead, my interest grew steadily. Later, I was being challenged by Protestants regarding my Faith and I found that the internet offered many answers to questions. Before long I was on almost everyday and I even created my first homepage. I was taking CSC 105 in the September 1996 term and I continued with html practice by creating a page on Angelfire. Later, probably around March 1997, I created an account on Geocities. At that time, Angelfire only offered 200k while Geocities had I think 2mb. Or maybe it was 1mb and later became 2. Later became 5. And then the 10 that is offered even now. (Or maybe it is 15 or 20 right now??) If I had thought more seriously about the information superhighway since high school, I may have more vividly tried to find a job and save up some money so that I can buy Yahoo and Microsoft stocks!

But the computer is my friend. I get to type stuff up like this and express myself. My reading back on the monitor the stuff that I typed out on my computer creates a computer/me interaction experience that almost turns the computer into a good listener. And you also get to chat with all sorts of people from all over the world.
If nobody will listen to me, the computer will. Hence, it is my friend. Therefore, please don't take it away from me.
I realize I may be spending unhealthy amounts of time and energy doing my thing in front of it but I am a human being. A full-fleshed being who is weak and in need of support. I have spiritual support but I am also weak. I still want human support. Yes, allowing me to stay in this house and making good meals for me and paying for my university education is very much a good support and I appreciate it. In fact, they may be as sincere about it as they can - which makes them the best parents in the world. But I would like somebody in this world who will genuinely listen to me. Do my parents listen? Not really. Or at least they talk and act in such a way that I perceive them not to be. Who can I share with??


WRONG PATH?
The girl that I felt I could share so much with... I never saw her again since 1995. Yet should I drop the past and face something else now? Is it actually a "something else" now or is it simply a different way or condition of traveling the same path that's been arranged? Have I set (or been set) on an entirely different road than the one I envisioned to be on? Do I have faith to let go and jump? Will I lose all that is dear to me if I jumped? Or will I actually get something better? If things have changed, why did it have to? The vision was awesome. Since I only have one life, can it not be enjoyable and fulfilling? Religiously thinking, surely I can still get it without compromising an everlasting afterlife.


Last Updated: 7:37 PM 5/16/2003
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