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Nov. 29, 2002

There is such a profound sense of anger, sadness and frustration
inside me. I have always wanted to learn martial arts ever since
I was very little but I was never allowed. It was only after high
school, when I turned 18, that I was told I could take up any
martial art I wanted. But by that time I had other things to do
and could not either find the time or the money to learn wushu.
I finally found the time and money in January 2001 but I only
learned for three months. I had crashed my car so I had to take
the bus. But they went on strike so I couldn't go. I didn't have
a job from January to July. In August, I got a job and a car
and the bus company went back to service. I was pondering whether
I should go back or not. I wasn't sure if $75 a month was really
worth what I got out of there. If it took three months just to
learn the simple X __, then how much money will I need to spend
to get to the more advanced forms and weapons?? Yet when I see
those champions who are so good at what they do, I want to be like
them too!

I would like to give it another try despite the fact that the price
has gone up to $85 a month. I hope I will get a better job around
February 2003 and then I will go back. I just love wushu too much.
I could've gone to community centres or find some other teacher
but I don't trust those. I rather not learn at all than to learn
from a crappy "master". At about the time I heard that Sifu got
selected to a national team or something for the 2008 Olympics,
the fee went up. No surprise there; it's probably about time anyway.

I could've also been practising what I learned already all this time
but I often just feel so mixed up about it. On the one hand, I want
to practise. But on the other hand I just feel so upset that I
couldn't learn more and start a lot earlier. This is one of the
major reasons why they say that you should learn wushu when you are
about six years old - you have all the time to commit the training
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