Sheila's Top Secret Report

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These reports are derived from some very entertaining Top Secret role-playing sessions. We are among those die-hard fans of the game who still gather regularly to try our hand at super-sleuthdom. Our characters have lives and personalities of their own, which makes for interesting interaction between player and non-player characters alike. Some of the references are inside jokes, but many of them can be enjoyed by the population at large. If you've never role-played, you may be confused by the references to die rolls and fortune points. In a nutshell, most rolls in Top Secret are based on a 100 point scale. The rolls are made against a character's trait scores and abilities. Fame and Fortune points may be used to achieve success where the character would otherwise have failed - or worse.

The Reports Maps of Mayhem Nickname Reference Page
A chronological list of all available on-line reports, including, as I am an equal opportunity report provider, those by other agents Maps with links to the reports detailing our disasters in various parts of the unsuspecting world. For those who are nickname impaired or just plain confused!
Chez Sheila A Tribute to the GM Sheila, on Everybody's abilities
An experience in fine dining! A Tribute to the GM Who better to describe any team member's abilities than team leader Sheila?

Team Equipment
Famous Flubs/New Innovations Character Generation
Equipment of the Agents Famous flubs and inside jokes that have led to much merriment and the creation of new innovations! Top Secret Character Generation
Dead Drop Disclaimer
Contact the Operative No venture into the world of fantasy role-play would be complete without one!

For Visiting Agents:

Sign the Visiting Agents' Log
Peek at the Visiting Agents' Log
View the Archives This is easier to view than the guest book!

Important Links
Wizards of the Coast
The Order of St. Dismas: Our Role-Playing Group's Home Page Click here to find out more about our group and our mishaps - I mean - adventures!
Spies-R-Us: All of the information you could ever want about Top Secret ... and more!
RPG Games: More Top Secret links and resources

A Few Notes from the Report Writer

My name is Sheila Lysniewski. Don't try and pronounce it, Lord knows the GM can't. Anyway, the business of reporting what goes on during our slapstick missions had to fall to someone, so here I am. Armed with a bottled beer, I sit the day after our exploits and attempt to accurately record the events. Those who make me mad will feel the wrath of my pen (actually it's my ink jet printer, but the ink jet printer is mightier than the sword doesn't have the same ring).

There are some who feel I may be slightly prejudiced in some of my opinions, but I tend to think I portray the events as they actually occur. According to some, I may also tend to embellish some events. I think there is little validity to this rumor. It's all in the perspective. After all, a small amount of vomit on my shoes was a HUGE catastrophe to my wardrobe, and I felt my report should reflect that. Of course, the same critics that accuse me of hyperbole also feel that certain events are glossed over. I personally feel that 'unfortunately (Up)Chuck fell out of the car, fortunately Aida Gallo broke his fall, unfortunately, she died. We realized that we had picked up road kill,' said it all, and the nit picky details of how the door came to be open, what street we were on, how they wound up falling out together, and how/why they both ended up back in the car were unnecessary details.

The Grammar Police and Prepositional Phrase people keep a careful watch over my writings, and frequently issue warnings regarding run-on sentences, however, I find that those are my favorites when the fit hits the shan. Apparently, I am also partial to prepositional phrases and parenthetical remarks.

I am very fond of nicknames, although there are agents who tend to dislike some of the names they've acquired. To me they always make sense, for instance when a character develops a severe case of le mal de mer and used the alias of Charles (I swear) at some point, (Up)Chuck is a valid nickname. When your name is Jack and you make critical error after critical error (and I always criticize his errors), Cracker Jack is fair game. When Paris keeps going to Paris, it is just less confusing to say Paris, the agent, not the city, goes to Paris, the city, not the agent.

No Game Master should be exempt from some report ribbing, especially if he/she's been drinking and says things like he's fondling his Smith and Messon. If your GM has trouble pronouncing some ethnic names, dream up some doozies. It's the gift (of laughter) that keeps giving.

At times I give out awards and training recommendations. These are always crowd-pleasers. The more idiotic the award, the more inane the training recommendation, the more they like it.

Occasionally, some game characters discover the existence of my reports. When this happens, I simply tell them the truth - the reports are business oriented, and in no way tempered by my personal beliefs or prejudices!


All persons and events portrayed in the reports are fictional. Any similarity to real persons or events is absolutely coincidental! This site is for entertainment purposes only. Remember, it's only a game!

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We are always pleased to hear from other would-be spies. All inquiries and observations will be treated with the utmost secrecy and respect. Advice, comments and suggestions will be taken under consideration - and quite possibly discarded - if you choose to Contact the Operative.

Mission Report Database Updated: 11/18/2006

All material property of the Report Writer, 2000 - 2006. No material may be used or copied without the written approval of the Report Writer and maintainer of this site.

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