Once you go sober, it is very scary, how can I cope without my alcohol and alcoholic friends?
After time the fear goes away, healthy relationships reform, a new life opens unto you that you never imagined. Honestly.
Courage is resistance to fear; mastery of fear - not absence of fear.
- Mark Twain
The important thing is this: To be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. -
Charles DuBois
Faith is the bird that feels the light when the dawn is still dark. -
Rabindranath Tagore
Leave behind those who drug you down, do not worry about them, concern yourself with yourself, how can you help others if you weren’t even able to help yourself for so long?
How many times did I say I would quit? How many more drinks after that? One more, just one more party night, one more time driving drunk, one more lie as to why I could not do something I had promised. When does it end? It ends now. It takes one time, one simple rule: No matter what, do not drink or use. Simple, so simple. Easiest rule in the world to comprehend. Just don’t do it. Nope, never again. But you cannot think about tomorrow, just today, stay sober for today, suddenly it will be ten years later of sanity and clear-thinking.
8/20/03 - Day Five 4pm
Last friday night I went out with friends at work, and proceeded to lose their friendships. It all happened quickly and fiercely, and I don't remember much. I had a blackout, typical of alcoholics. I could continue drinking to deal with it, or I could learn from it and get sober. They still won't be my friends, but I suppose that is ok because one of them was the person I gave up 10+ years of sobriety for in the first place. I am not losing much but some party, false-faced bullshit "friends" as usual. Always around when times are good, leave you in the dust when the slightest thing goes wrong. So sad, do not fall for this trap. Drinking and drugs do not friendships make. When the artificialities are gone, so is the bond. Was there even one there to begin with, lol? If people so desperately need to be faded to relate to each other then what do they have anyway? Nothing much... I wrote my "friend" of 2+ years that I sit in the same office with 8 hours a day 40 hours a week and email apologizing but he won't even reply. This world is sad. He does love his drugs and drinking though, so I guess he wouldn't understand my situation one bit.
8/21/03 - Day Six 4:30pm
It's that time of day again... "Beer Thirty" I call it... when the long day is about to come to an end, I'm weary as all hell and just want to grab a six or twelve pack on the way home from work to forget all of the day's trouble and relax... seems normal enough, that's what all the beer commercials tell us... take it easy, relax and unwind... but they do not cater to those who have passed the threshold of normal drinking, they do not agree with the alcoholic, where "one drink is too many, and one hundred isn't enough."
