Revealations on my spiritual journey of recovery and healing

With the grace of God I bring you discoveries from my adventure through illness and recovery.  These discoveries come from what I believe not what I was told to believe.

In this presentation I am going to share with you how some of my inspiration came about.   I am not going to go into detail about how I became ill but I will say that I experienced physical, emotional and other abuse in my life and to my sorrow I have had to accept that I have been abusive to others as well. 

In 1991 my marriage fell apart and one night after my separation I had this vision.

I was seated on a rock on a smooth pebbled beach and the water was lapping quietly on the shore.  The sun was peeking through scattered cloud and there was a breeze blowing.   A beautiful voice surrounded and permeated me and said, ?You will come after the three suns of Iran.?

With that I jumped out of bed and raised fists in the air and yelled, ?I am over weight, in debt, divorced, a single parent what could I possibly do, but okay give me a sign!?

So that day on my way home from work I saw three suns *** in the sky, in the North they call this phenomenon sundogs.  I got out of my car and got down on one knee and said, ?Okay God, I will do what you want but in my own good time.?

After that I was laid off my job; depressive illness began to take over my life and struggling to rise above all this I went to University.  While at University studying Islam I was taught that the word Islam means submission to Allah and technically therefore we are all Muslims or in other words all people in the process of submitting or cooperating with Allah, God, The Creator. Therefore technically all beings seen and unseen are Muslims in nature as we are all trying to cooperate or submit to the wishes of Allah.

In this I believe each of us is free to choose our path as Allah guides whom he will to the right path, though we may encourage someone on a certain path the choice is theirs. In this all paths are signs of the evolution of Islam and are sent as a test.

We are tested like Moses on the Mountain, Jesus in the Desert, Mohammed in the Caves and Buddha under the Bodhi Tree in our daily lives let our legacy be as lasting and as wonderful.

Which bring me to another quote:

We are the Messiah the Prophets, the Manifestations of God and People of Spirit a Living Messiah in the Multitudes not one of us but all of us. We are all Messengers of God and we are all equally responsible for the care and well being of each other and the world.

This came to me after seeing the souls in the street people I was serving and their souls did not look too happy.

This event happened in the second year of my more serious depression.

One day I was lamenting my situation and I saw one of the central figures of the Bahai Faith pass before me and I knew I had to do something for myself so I went and volunteered and then was hired to collect donations and make soup.  Also I painted the playground in my neighborhood and murals in downtown and at a YK Housing unit and along with that I organized Cleanup Day BBQ?s and got the families involved in cleanup.  I even made a song book for the kids.

The only thing was that I was very depressed and did my best.

Then I came to Halifax and slept for five years due to eating too high a carbohydrate diet.   I realize now that some of what I thought were depression symptoms were really diabetes symptoms.

When I came back to Halifax I continued to explore religion and often went to different places for spiritual inspiration and guidance.

As far as Islam goes I believe that essentially Allah, God, The Creator gave each of us the same task before we were born and we swore our Shadah, our oath and promise to be good and do good in this world.

It is not for us to Lord ourselves over one another but share the wealth and responsibilities and duties in establishing personal and world peace on all levels of the seen and unseen.

We are free to express our submission or Islam as we will may it be in a way that brings many blessings for all beings seen and unseen.

The process of Islam is renewed each second, moment, hour and day through all created beings seen and unseen. All life is in a process of birth, growth, decline and renewal. Each of us each day renews our quest to please Allah, God the Creator and others including ourselves. Each moment is a moment we may praise Allah, God the Creator by doing good things or in other words letting the actions of our lives be a prayer answered.

This brings me to Surah 99, ayats 1-8

Yusuf Ali:

1. When the earth is shaken to her (utmost) convulsion,
2. And the earth throws up her burdens (from within),
3. And man cries (distressed): 'What is the matter with her?
4. On that Day will she declare her tidings:
5. For that thy Lord will have given her inspiration.
6. On that Day will men proceed in companies sorted out, to be shown the deeds that they (had done).
7. Then shall anyone who has done an atom's weight of good, see it!
8. And anyone who has done an atom's weight of evil, shall see it.

The way I understand this surah and believe it is being fulfilled is on 6 levels.

1. The first way it is being fulfilled is when a woman cries or speaks out about some issue and then there is a sorting out into groups for Education, Counseling and Consultation to learn skills like parenting skills, relationship skills, anger management skills, good conflict resolution skills.

2. The second way is a family to speak or cry out over some issue and then sort into resolution groups for guidance and therapy.

3. The Third way is that a Community may cry or speak out over some issue and seek guidance, cooperation and support.

4. The Fourth way is for a Province or State to cry or speak out over some issue and seek guidance and support.

5. The Fifth way is for a Nation to cry or speak out over some issue and seek guidance and support and encourage a great sorting out into Education, Counseling and Consultation Groups.

6. The Sixth way this is fulfilled is when the World Cries or speaks out over some issue that needs attention and encourages everyone to cooperate and participate in positive change.

In this great sorting out which technically is already under way, many people are learning the skills needed to be good people, good husbands, good wives, good children etc. The task at hand is to work together in community and with individuals and families and bring us all to the table as stake holders and establish who is in crisis now and bring aid to them as quickly as possible.

In this Mission we need to make a sacred Hajj or Pilgrimage to ourselves, our families, our communities, our nations and our world and see where we need assistance and who can give us that and also where we may be of assistance.

So in other words we need to assess what the situation is in ourselves, our families, communities, Nations and world and try to help in some way towards establishing personal and world peace. This could mean many things like trying to lose weight and you need to be healthier so you?ll be here longer and cost the government less in hospital care but most of all to feel better about yourself.

It could mean you need help with anger or stress management to end family violence.

But most of all what this Message and Mission Means is that Allah, God, The Creator is calling/speaking to all of us and He through the voice of the Earth Personified; Allah is asking us to cooperate and participate in positive change within ourselves, our families, communities, Nations and World. I am one voice for Her, the Earth Personified and it is time for all Men to treat all Women with dignity and allow us the equality Allah gave us as our birth right.

The Book of Life the real Quran is never ending as all our stories and lives are Surahs or Chapters in it and each day of our life is one Ayat or verse. In these Surahs, Chapters and Ayats or verses we will see the good and bad and then make a judgment and choose how best to handle our own challenges. May the stories and Surahs that unfold from this day forth be stories of wonder and glory for all beings, seen and unseen with many affirmations of Faith. Inshallah, God willing!

Over the course of my illness and recovery I encountered excellent medical care and community support.  Though I have to be honest there were a few hoops to jump through.  When I returned to Halifax and couldn?t work I went on Community Services; what they didn?t tell me was that there were various levels of support that I could apply for as a variably abled person.

What I found in Halifax was some great support networks such as Connections Clubhouse, Building Bridges from Canadian Mental Health and Mental Health Out Patients from which I am happy to say I have graduated back to the care of my Family Doctor.

Now what I am struggling with is how to regain my physical and emotional health and be happier as well as share the work I have displayed on my website   Finding balance is the key for us all and I thank you for letting me share some of my story and beliefs.

May Allah, God, the Creator Bless you on your journey.


I hope you have enjoyed my talk.


Anne Marie Elderkin Habibi
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We are the Messiah
Judgement Day
Women's Voices
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Anne Marie Elderkin (Habibi)
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