and other doggie humour
The Chihuahua Pledge:|
I, __________, on may honor, do promise to stand up for all Chihuahuas and honorary chihuahuas, big and small. I promise to protect the littlest, and respect the oldest. I promise to stay out of the street, and always watch out for danger. I will fight for the dignity of all small dogs. I will try to be obedient, and will always be loyal and faithful to my human family (and other pets including the C-a-t). I will do my best to teach humans the importance of vaccinations, spay/neuter, and Chihuahua Rescue. I will do my duty to share noselicks, tailwags, and wriggles with all who love me. When I "rumble" with my pack, I will be kind to all my brothers and sisters.
I am now, and will always be, PROUD TO BE A CHIHUAHUA"!
To know me is to love me Chihuahua Dictionary How to Wrap Presents with Doggies in the House Chihuahua Joke # 1 Mind Games Dogs Play With Humans
I just thought I'd share the rules of life that my parents explained to me when I was real little -- just so there's no misundertandings!
First and foremost: To know me is to love me!
- If I like it, it's mine.
- If it's in my mouth, it's mine.
- If I can take it from you, its mine.
- If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
- If it just looks like mine, it's mine.
- If I saw it first, it's mine.
- If you are playing with something and put it down, it automatically becomes mine.
- If it's broken or quits squeaking, it's yours. Unless I want it, then it is mine.
- If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.
And here's a dictionary of terms that all chihuahuas (and the people they own) should acquaint themselves with.
A strap which attaches to your collar, enabling you to lead your person where you want him/her to go.
- DOG BED
Any soft, clean surface, such as the white bedspread in the guest room or the newly upholstered lounge in the living room.
Is what you do when your person has food and you don't. To do this properly you must sit as close as you can and look very sad (your eyes are a natural for this) and let the drool fall to the floor or better yet, on their laps.
A social custom to use when you greet other dogs. Place your nose as close as you can to the other dog's backside and inhale deeply, repeat several times, or until your person makes you stop. Then give your person a big lick across the face.
- GARBAGE CAN
A container which your neighbors put out once a week to test your ingenuity. You must stand on your hind legs and try to push the lid off with your nose. If you do it right you are rewarded with margarine wrappers to shred, beef bones to consume and mouldy crusts of bread.
Two-wheeled exercise machines, invented for dogs to control body fat. To get maximum aerobic benefit, you must hide behind a bush and dash out, bark loudly and run alongside for a few metres; the person then swerves and falls into the bushes, and you prance away.
This is a malady which affects dogs when their person wants them in and they want to stay out. Symptoms include staring blankly at the person, then running in the opposite direction, or lying down.
This is a signal that the world is coming to an end. Humans remain amazingly calm during thunderstorms, so it is necessary to warn them of the danger by trembling uncontrollably, panting, rolling your eyes wildly, and following at their heels.
This is a dog toy filled with paper, envelopes, and old lollie wrappers. When you get bored, turn over the basket and strew the papers all over the house until your person comes home.
Are to dogs like napkins are to people. After eating it is polite to run up and down the front of the lounge and wipe your whiskers clean.
This is a process by which the humans drench the floor, walls and themselves. You can help by shaking vigorously and frequently.
A very good response to the command "sit !", especially if your person is dressed for an evening out. Incredibly effective before black-tie events.
The best way to get your human's attention when they are drinking a fresh cup of coffee or tea. Just don't get too close or you'll get scalded.
- GOOSE BUMP
A manoeuvre to use as a last resort when the Regular Bump doesn't get the attention you require.....especially effective when combined with The Sniff. See above.
Is a feeling of intense affection, given freely and without restriction. The best way you can show your love is to wag your tail. If you're lucky,a human will love you in return.
Above information (slightly modified by me) has previously been posted on a number of websites, original author unknown.
HOW TO WRAP PRESENTS WITH DOGGIES IN THE HOUSE
From: Nancy, author unknown
- Gather presents, boxes, paper, etc. in middle of living room floor.
- Get tape back from puppy.
- Remove scissors from older dog's mouth.
- Open box.
- Take puppy out of box.
- Remove tape from older dog's mouth.
- Take scissors away from puppy.
- Put present in box.
- Remove present from puppy's mouth.
- Put back in box after removing puppy from box.
- Take scissors from older dog and sit on them.
- Remove puppy from box & put on lid.
- Take tape away from older dog.
- Unroll paper.
- Take puppy off box.
- Cut paper being careful not to cut puppy's foot or nose that is getting in the way as it "helps".
- Let puppy tear remaining paper.
- Take puppy off box.
- Wrap paper around box.
- Remove puppy from box and take wrapping paper from its mouth.
- Tell older dog to fetch the tape so he will stop stealing it.
- Take scissors away from puppy.
- Take tape older dog is holding.
- Quickly tape one spot before taking scissors from older dog and sitting on them again.
- Fend off puppy trying to steal tape and tape another spot.
- Take bow from older dog.
- Go get roll of wrapping paper puppy ran off with.
- Take scissors from older dog who took them when you got up.
- Give pen to older dog to hold so he stops licking your face.
- Remove puppy from present and hurriedly slap tape on to hold the paper on.
- Take now soggy bow from puppy and tape on since the sticky stuff no longer sticks.
- Take pen from older dog, address tag and affix while puppy tries to eat pen.
- Grab present before puppy opens it and put it away.
- Clean up mess puppy and older dog made playing tug-of-war with remnants of wrapping paper.
- Put away rest of wrapping supplies and tell dogs what good helpers they are.
Chihuahua Joke # 1
Note: You must read the last line with a Spanish accent!
The Taco Bell Chihuahua and a few of his canine stars took a trip to Tijuana. They went to a doggy bar and got a bit drunk. As they crossed back into the United States, the border guard stopped them.
"Nationality?" he said to Lassie.
"Aamerrricannn," slurred Lassie.
The border guard waved Lassie through.
The guard asked each of the other three Hollywood dog stars the same question and waved them each through. When it was time for the Taco Bell Chihuahua to pass, our little star showed the guard his green card while wobbling from side to side. The guard studied it carefully and asked some questions of the tipsy star.
The border guard was still suspicious so he said, "I'll let you pass if you can use three words in a
"No problem, senor." our little star replied.
"Okay, use green, pink, and yellow in a sentence."
The Chihuahua thought for a moment then said, "The phone, it goes green, green, green, I pink it up, and say yellow!"
Mind Games Dogs Play with Humans
- After your humans give you a bath, DON'T LET THEM
TOWEL DRY YOU! Instead, run to their bed, jump up and
dry yourself off on the sheets. This is especially
if it's right before your humans bedtime.
- Act like a convicted criminal. When the humans come
home, put your ears back, tail between your legs, chin
down and act as if you have done something really bad.
Then, watch as the humans frantically search the house
for the damage they think you have caused.
(Note: This only works when you have done absolutely
- Let the humans teach you a brand new trick. Learn it
perfectly. Then the humans try to demonstrate it to
someone else, stare blankly back at the humans.
Pretend you have no idea what they're talking about.
- Make your humans be patient. When you go outside to go
'pee,' sniff around the entire yard as your humans
wait. Act as if the spot you choose to go pee will
ultimately decide the fate of the earth.
- Draw attention to the human. When out for a walk
always pick the busiest, most visible spot to go
'poo.' Take your time and make sure everyone watches.
This works particularly well if your humans have
forgotten to bring a plastic bag.
- When out for a walk, alternate between choking and
coughing every time a strange human walks by.
- Make your own rules. Don't always bring back the stick
when playing fetch with the humans. Make them go and
chase it once in a while.
- Hide from your humans. When your humans come home,
don't greet them at the door. Instead, hide from
them, and make them think something terrible has
happened to you. (Don't reappear until one of your
humans is panic-stricken and close to tears).
- When your human calls you to come back in, always take
your time. Walk as slowly as possible back to the
- Wake up twenty minutes before the alarm clock is set
to go off and make the humans take you out for your
morning pee. As soon as you get back inside, fall
asleep. (Humans can rarely fall back to sleep after
going outside, this will drive them nuts!)
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