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I have collected many Odds & Ends.
For years, I kept these writings in several notebooks
and decided that others might enjoy them as well..

Here is a collection of Christian one-liners that I recently got as an email.
Anyone who thinks that old age
is golden
must not have had a very exciting youth..


Some people are kind, polite, and sweet-spirited-until
you try to sit in their pews.

Many folks want to serve God, but only as advisers.

It is easier to preach ten sermons than it is to live one.

The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose,
but mosquitoes come close.

When you get to your wit's end,
you'll find God lives there..

People are funny, they want the front of the bus,
the middle of the road, and the back of the church..

Opportunity may knock once,
but temptation bangs on your front door forever...

Quit griping about your church;
if it was perfect, you couldn't belong...

The phrase that is guaranteed to wake up an audience:
"And in conclusion."..

If the church wants a better preacher,
it only needs to pray for the one it has...

God Himself does not propose to judge a man until he is dead.
So why should you?..

To make a long story short, don't tell it.

Some minds are like concrete,
thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.

Peace starts with a smile..

I don't know why some people change churches;
what difference does it make which one you stay home from?.

A lot of church members who are singing "Standing on the Promises"
are just sitting on the premises..

We were called to be witnesses, not lawyers or judges..

Outside of traffic, there is nothing that holds
this country back as much as committees..

Be ye fishers of men. You catch them - He'll clean them..

Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous..

Don't put a question mark where God put a period..

Don't wait for 6 strong men to take you to church..

Forbidden fruits create many jams...

God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called...

God grades on the cross, not the curve...

God loves everyone, but prefers "fruits of the spirit"
over "religious nuts!"..

God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage...

He who angers you, controls you!..

If God is your Co - pilot - swap seats!..

Prayer: Don't give God instructions - just report for duty!..

The task ahead of us is never as great as the Power behind us...

The Will of God will never take you
to where the Grace of God will not protect you...

We don't change the message, the message changes us...

You can tell how big a person is by what it takes to discourage him...

The best mathematical equation I have ever seen:
1 cross + 3 nails = 4 given.

"Father, bless this person in whatever it is that
You know he or she may be needing this day...

A Mother's Prayer

I wash the dirt from little feet,
And as I wash I pray
"Lord, keep them ever pure and true
To walk the narrow way."

I wash the dirt from little hands,
And earnestly I ask,
"Lord, may they ever yielded be
To do the humblest task."

I wash the dirt from little knees,
And pray, "Lord, may they be
The place where victories are won,
And orders are sought from thee."

I scrub the clothes that soil so soon,
And pray, "Lord, may her dress
Throughout eternal ages be
Thy robe of righteousness."

E'er many hours shall pass, I know
I'll wash these hands again;
And there'll be dirt upon her dress
before the day shall end

But as she journey's on through life
And learns of want and pain,
Lord, keep her precious little heart
Cleansed from all sin and stain.

For soap and water cannot reach
Where Thou alone can see.
Her hands and feet, these I can wash-
I trust her heart to Thee.

If you always think
What you always thought
Then you will always get
What you always got
Change your thoughts,
and you will change your life.

The Rose

It is only a tiny rosebud -
A flower by God's design
But I cannot unfold the petals
With these clumsy hands of mine

The secret of unfolding flowers
Is not known to such as I,
The flower God opens so sweetly
In my hands would fade and die

If I cannot unfold a rosebud
this flower of God's design
Then how can I think I have the wisdom
to unfold this life of mine

So I'll trust in him for His leacding
each moment of the day,
And look to Him for His guidance each step of the way.

For the patheway that lies before me
my Heavenly Father knows
I'll trust Him to unfold the moments
just as He unfolds the rose.

Grandma's Special Book

It lay on a table
In Grandma's front hall
And I began to leaf through it
When I was quite small

It held many wonderful stories
Of great women and men
I begged her to read them
Again and again

Grandma said it was different
From all of the rest
For it told of a Saviour
The dearest and best

He's taken her home now
Yet the Bible still stands
And I cherish each page
Made soft by her hands

Twenty years ago, I drove a cab for a living.
When I arrived at 2:30 a.m.,
the building was dark except for a single light in a ground floor window.
Under these circumstances, many drivers would just honk once or twice, wait a minute, then drive away.
But, I had seen too many impoverished people who depended on taxis as their only means of transportation.
Unless a situation smelled of danger,
I always went to the door. This passenger might be someone who needs my assistance, I reasoned to myself.
So I walked to the door and knocked. "Just a minute", answered a frail, elderly voice.
I could hear something being dragged across the floor.
After a long pause, the door opened. A small woman in her 80's stood before me. She was wearing a print dress and a pillbox hat with a veil pinned on it, like somebody out of a 1940s movie. By her side was a small nylon suitcase. The apartment looked as if no one had lived in it for years. All the furniture was covered with sheets.
There were no clocks on the walls, no knickknacks or utensils on the counters.
In the corner was a cardboard box filled with photos and glassware.
"Would you carry my bag out to the car?" she said. I took the suitcase to the cab, then returned to assist the woman. She took my arm and we walked slowly toward the curb. She kept thanking me for my kindness.
"It's nothing", I told her.
"I just try to treat my passengers the way I would want my mother treated". "Oh, you're such a good boy", she said.
When we got in the cab, she gave me an address, then asked, "Could you drive through downtown?" "It's not the shortest way," I answered quickly.
"Oh, I don't mind," she said. "I'm in no hurry.
I'm on my way to a hospice".
I looked in the rear-view mirror. Her eyes were glistening.
"I don't have any family left," she continued. "The doctor says I don't have very long."
I quietly reached over and shut off the meter.
"What route would you like me to take?" I asked.
For the next two hours, we drove through the city.
She showed me the building where she had once worked as an elevator operator.
We drove through the neighborhood where she and her husband had lived when they were newlyweds.
She had me pull up in front of a furniture warehouse that had once been a ballroom where she had gone dancing as a girl.
Sometimes she'd ask me to slow in front of a particular building
or corner and would sit staring into the darkness, saying nothing.
As the first hint of sun was creasing the horizon,
she suddenly said, "I'm tired. Let's go now." We drove in silence to the address she had given me.
It was a low building, like a small convalescent home, with a driveway that passed under a portico.
Two orderlies came out to the cab as soon as we pulled up. They were solicitous and intent, watching her every move. They must have been expecting her.
I opened the trunk and took the small suitcase to the door.
The woman was already seated in a wheelchair.
"How much do I owe you?" she asked, reaching into her purse.
"Nothing," I said.
"You have to make a living," she answered.
"There are other passengers," I responded.
Almost without thinking, I bent and gave her a hug. She held onto me tightly.
"You gave an old woman a little moment of joy," she said. "Thank you."
I squeezed her hand, then walked into the dim morning light.
Behind me, a door shut.It was the sound of the closing of a life.
I didn't pick up any more passengers that shift.
I drove aimlessly lost in thought. For the rest of that day, I could hardly talk.
What if that woman had gotten an angry driver,
or one who was impatient to end his shift?
What if I had refused to take the run, or had honked once, then driven away?
On a quick review,
I don't think that I have done anything more important in my life.
We're conditioned to think that our lives revolve around great moments.
But great moments often catch us unaware-
beautifully wrapped in what others may consider a small one.
~BUT ~
Thanks to my friend Sherri for sharing this email with me.

THE DEVIL'S BEATITUDES about the hot seat!!!
This one will make you stop and shudder!
If the devil were to write his beatitudes, they would probably go like this:
1. Blessed are those who are too tired, too busy, too distracted
to spend an hour once a week with their fellow Christians -- they are my best workers.
2. Blessed are those Christians who wait to be asked and expect to be thanked -- I can use them.
3. Blessed are the touchy who stop going to church -- they are my missionaries.
3. Blessed are the trouble makers -- they shall be called my children.
5. Blessed are the complainers -- I'm all ears to them.
6. Blessed are those who are bored with the minister's mannerisms and mistakes -- for they get nothing out of his sermons.
7. Blessed is the church member who expects to be invited to his own church -- for he is a part of the problem instead of the solution.
8. Blessed are those who gossip -- for they shall cause strife and divisions that pleases me.
9. Blessed are those who are easily offended -- for they will soon get angry and quit.
10. Blessed are those who do not give their offering to carry of God's work-- for they are my helpers.
11. Blessed is he who professes to love God but hates his brother and sister -- for he shall be with me forever.
12. Blessed are you who, when you read this think it is about other people and not yourself -- I've got you too!
Thanks to my friend Gail for sending this one..
Beware of that old devil he is out to get us all!

As she stood in front of her 5th grade class on the very first day of school, she told the children an untruth. Like most teachers, she looked at her students and said that she loved them all the same. However, that was impossible, because there in the front row, slumped in his seat, was a little boy named Teddy Stoddard.

Mrs. Thompson had watched Teddy the year before and noticed that he did not play well with the other children, that his clothes were messy and that he constantly needed a bath. In addition, Teddy could be unpleasant.

It got to the point where Mrs. Thompson would actually take delight in marking his papers with a broad red pen, making bold X's and then putting a big "F" at the top of his papers.

At the school where Mrs. Thompson taught, she was required to review each child's past records and she put Teddy's off until last. However, when she reviewed his file, she was in for a surprise.

Teddy's first grade! teacher wrote, "Teddy is a bright child with a ready laugh. He does his work neatly and has good manners.... he is a joy to be around.."

His second grade teacher wrote, "Teddy is an excellent student, well liked by his classmates, but he is troubled because his mother has a terminal illness and life at home must be a struggle."

His third grade teacher wrote, "His mother's death has been hard on him. He tries to do his best, but his father doesn't show much interest and his home life will soon affect him if some steps aren't taken."

Teddy's fourth grade teacher wrote, "Teddy is withdrawn and doesn't show much interest in school. He doesn't have many friends and he sometimes sleeps in class."

By now, Mrs. Thompson realized the problem and she was ashamed of herself. She felt even worse when her students brought her Christmas presents, wrapped in beautiful ribbons and bright paper, except for Teddy's. His present was clumsily wrapped in the heavy, brown paper that he got from a grocery bag. Mrs. Thompson took pains to open it in the middle of the other presents. Some of the children started to laugh when she found a rhinestone bracelet with some of the stones missing, and a bottle that was one-quarter full of perfume.. But she stifled the children's laughter when she exclaimed how pretty the bracelet was, putting it on, and dabbing some of the perfume on her wrist. Teddy Stoddard stayed after school that day just long enough to say, "Mrs. Thompson, today you smelled just like my Mom used to." After the children left, she cried for at least an hour.

On that very day, she quit teaching reading, writing and arithmetic. Instead, she began to teach children. Mrs. Thompson paid particular attention to Teddy. As she worked with him, his mind seemed to come alive. The more she encouraged him, the faster he responded. By the end of the year, Teddy had become one of the smartest children in the class and, despite her lie that she would love all the children the same, Teddy became one of her "teacher's pets..." A year later, she found a note under her door, from Teddy, telling her that she was still the best teacher he ever had in his whole life.

Six years went by before she got another note from Teddy. He then wrote that he had finished high school, third in his class, and she was still the best teacher he ever had in life.

Four years after that, she got another letter, saying that while things had been tough at times, he'd stayed in school, had stuck with it, and would soon graduate from college with the highest of honors. He assured Mrs. Thompson that she was still the best and favorite teacher he had ever had in his whole life.

Then four more years passed and yet another letter came. This time he explained that after he got his bachelor's degree, h e decided to go a little further. The letter explained that she was still the best and favorite teacher he ever had. But now his name was a little longer.... The letter was signed, Theodore F. Stoddard, MD.

The story does not end there. You see, there was yet another letter that Spring. Teddy said he had met this girl and was going to be married. He explained that his father had died a couple of years ago and he was wondering if Mrs. Thompson might agree to sit at the wedding in the place that was usually reserved for the mother of the groom.

Of course, Mrs. Thompson did. And guess what? She wore that bracelet, the one with several rhinestones missing. Moreover, she made sure she was wearing the perfume that Teddy remembered his mother wearing on their last Christmas together.

They hugged each other, and Dr. Stoddard whispered in Mrs. Thompson's ear, "Thank you Mrs. Thompson for believing in me. Thank you so much for making me feel important and showing me that I could make a difference."

Mrs. Thompson, with tears in her eyes, whispered back. She said, "Teddy, you have it all wrong. You were the one who taught me that I could make a difference. I didn't know how to teach until I met you! .."

(For those of you who don't know, Teddy Stoddard is the Dr. at Iowa Methodist in Des Moines that has the Stoddard Cancer Wing.)

Warm someone's heart today. . . pass this along. I love this story so very much, I cry every time I read it. Just try to make a difference in someone's life today? tomorrow? just "do it".

Random acts of kindness, I think they call it?
"Believe in Angels, then return the favor"
************************************************** "I believe that friends are quiet angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly." **************************************************

This on is from my friend Sherri, who has a heart of gold!
Thanks Sherri for sharing these..
and thank you God for reminding me that you have alloted many places on the Internet for others to see what you need them to see.

This one is from my friend Fred at church

Boodrow died and went to Heaven
When he got to Heaven, St. Peter met him at the gates
St. Peter said,"Now Boodrow, You've been pretty good,
But you've got to answer 1 out of 3 questions BEFORE
you can enter the gates"
Now Boodrow, the first question is:
How many seconds are there in a year?
Boodrow says,"Oh that is easy! There are 12!
St. Peter said,"12!" "How in the world did you get 12??"
Boodrow said," Well, there is January 2, February 2, March 2"..
St. Peter said," You missed that one."
"You understand Boodrow, you only have 2 more chances."
So think Real Hard before you answer
TRY to get this one right.
The next question is:
How many days of the week begin with the letter T?
Oh that is even easier than the last question!
I know the answer!! It is 4!
St. Peter said,"4!".. WHAT???? Where on earth did you get that?
Boodrow said,"Well there's Tuesday & Thursday & today & tomorrow
St.Peter said,"NO NO NO!! that is wrong Boodrow!."
St.Peter said,"Now Boodrow this is your last question
You MUST get it right OR you cannot enter into Heaven
Think REAL hard before you answer.
Do you understand?
Boodrow said yes he understood. The next question is:
What is God's name?
Boodrow said,"Well that is the easiest question yet!
It's Howard."
HOWARD!! WHAT?? Where did you come up with that???
Boodrow said,"Well it is written in the Bible
It says Our Father who art in Heaven,
Howard be Thy name."

Ten Commandments of Being a Good Husband

1. Thou shalt not hog the pillows and blankets.
2. Thou shalt not commit mayhem in the bathroom.
3. Thou shalt remember thy toilet seat and keep it down.
4. Thou shalt not procrastinate on household tasks.
(without good reason--i.e. taking wife out to dinner)
5. Thou shalt remember thy wife's birthday and forget her age.
6. Thou shalt not be stingy with thy hugs and snuggles
(for thou shalt get them paid back in full)
7. Thou shalt consume with relish all meals and smack thy lips
(Never saying, "I had this for lunch")
8. Honor thy bills and thy charge card
9. Thou shall give thy spouse equal time
during all football playoffs
10. Thou shalt not nag thy spouse, except when justified
(thou shalt remember it is never justified!)

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