PANTIES
hiding as i walk
i don’t want to be here
but
i have to
can’t i get out of it?
damnit!
i walk around them
try to avoid them
but i am unable
fuck here it comes
1 2 3 here i am
bang goes the gun
i see them
they are in my face
and i have to follow through
sort through them
find my size
why can’t i buy the other type?
i know they don’t fit,
but
do i really have
to succumb
to the agony of
having the female
side of me
thrown into my face?
this hurts
i am covered with bruises
bruises that are invisible to them,
except to me
they, the ones on the inside
the ones who live a normal life
who are not trapped in a body
that is not of their own
liking
older i get the more i get.
i have to put up
with the shit
dishedup and i eat
i don’t have a choice
because i have a body
that i can’t change
i don’t have the ability
if only i was Godly
then i could
in my dreams
in the decree
that doesn’t exist
if it did
it would allow
me to be who i want to be.
people don’t want me to be
who i want to be
they want me to suffer
be in pain
they want to torture
that is fun to them.
will i ever be in peace?
even when i am dead
will my soul
still be in agony?
of course
that is what
people want
the normal ones
who live in a world
of their own
seeing only one way
when i have seen both.