FITTING ROOM

Since the experience of trying to get into the leather scene which in the end he did get into, he has had to fight other issues in society.

"Hey dear, I need to go buy some more jeans."

"Go ahead Shil, I mean Tom, sorry."
I still have trouble even after six months.
"Why donít we go together because I need to pickup a night gown. The one that I have is falling apart."

"Have you thought about getting one that is kind of, you know dear, something other than that my granny would wear?"

"Ya Shil um Tom, and you will do a 360 when you see me in it."

"Good, that is more like it.

The two of us go to the department store and split up agreeing to meet back at a certain time and location. When I go the lingerie department, I find a one-piece gown that is made out of shiny material. I think it was rayon, I am not sure. I really donít know fabrics. I mean I know whether to wash them ect., but I donít know anything else about them. Sometimes when there is not a tag on them, all I do is take them to the dry cleaner and spend the big bucks to have them wash it.

I come over to the menís jeans section to see how Tom is doing. I find him having a conversation with the sales clerk and another guy. I hurridly walk over to the three of them wanting to know what is going on. As I walk over there I hear the sales lady saying to Tom that women are not allowed to be in the menís dressing room. That he should have asked for permission before going in. He made the point of that since he didnít really look feminine and he did not completely look masculine, where does he place. She did not really say exactly, but motioned the menís section was not for him. The man who confronted Tom was happy with the out come. He had a big smurk on his face as though he had won the battle, that is never ending for Tom. I know that Tom will have the same problem in times to come.

We get home and I try to get Tom to open up.

"Why did you chance it by going into the menís dressing room?"
I ask Tom.

"Because I did not feel comfortable using the womenís. Yes I know it is not allowed, but it is kind of traumatizing to use the womenís when you donít identify as a woman."
Tom exclaimed.

"I guess that I do see how it is traumatizing, but I donít know how you would want to chance it knowing that you have been beatup before. Come on Tom. . . ."
I try to plead to get him to never do that again.

I donít think he will listen or do what I say when it comes down to gender and issues like that. For example what bathroom he uses and being careful. I think that he is too rebelluous I have to say.

"Listen Jamie, you wonít be able to understand what I am going through until you have actually had the feelings that I have had over gender and done the meditating. I mean serious meditating. Meditating where you endup crying your eyes out and wanting to cut your arms up because no one understands and you unable to physically pass how ever much you do to do so. If anything, you are normal and normal people just donít get it however much they try."

"OK Tom! You have made your point very clear and I guess that I am going to have to do some soul searching like you have done to figure it out how I fit gender wise. Would you agree that it is a feeling and either you have the feeling or you donít have it when it comes to your gender?"

"Well ya, Jamie it is a feeling and it is hard to explain because either know if you are trans or queer in general by having the feeling. With me I was exposed to it when I was younger and I just let it bottle up and then it exploded all at once."

"Back to the issue with the jeans could we make a deal and have it so that I go into the womenís section with you. Because Tom, I donít want you to get hurt nor do I want you to get into trouble with the law.

"Fine. . . I will do that. You have a point or worse case scenario I will just mail order clothes. Thatís it I will do it that way."

"Tom you canít do it that way always, and you know it."

We ended the night in a peace that was exciting, but soothing at the same time which was a nice way to do things. Now I wonder what the next battle will be.

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