When my older daughter Chelsey was born 11 years ago, I was a 24 year old woman going through a divorce. I had no internet (no computer even), and tho I visited the library often most of what I did, I did by instinct. Well, most of Attachment Parenting IS instinct. One thing I did that I thought was horribly wrong was... I slept with her. (gasp!) She'd fall asleep nursing and I'd leave her there. I thought I was a horrible mom for doing this and kept my sordid secret from all those who knew me.

When Zoey was born I started reading. The US and Britain are pretty much the only countries in the world who have a separate nursery for the baby. In most European, Spanish and Asian cultures the family bed is the norm. Another interesting thing I read is that humans are the only mammals who make a separate nest for their offspring. And I read..and I read..and I read some more. And I realized that my "sordid secret" about sleeping with my first daughter was actually a terrific idea.
For those of you who are saying, "yes, but the Consumer Product Safety Commissions says babies are only safe in cribs", read this response from the editor of Mothering Magazine. She let 'em have it with both barrels. It's called "Get out of my bedroom".

When we came home from the hospital with Zoey, I looked at my husband and said "would you mind if she sleeps with us?". He didn't need to read the hundreds of articles on co-sleeping that I'd downloaded to prove that it was okay and safe. He knew it was. He said "where else would she sleep?". I mentioned the fact that we own a crib and a bassinet and he laughed. We agreed that yes, she'd nap there on occasion, but we both wanted her in bed with us.

So we bought a king sized bed, a side rail and put the monitors away. Who needs a monitor when you're with your baby at all times? If the two dogs could sleep with us, why not our beautiful baby girl? The dogs took their place at the foot of the bed, and Zoey took hers next to her family.

I love rolling over to nurse at 3am and not getting up to go into her room. I love that she doesn't ever cry because she's alone and hungry at night, because I'm right there to feed her, sometimes before she's even fully awake. I love knowing she's warm and feeling her breathing.  I love waking up to her smiling face in the morning. There are studies that say that co-sleeping reduces the risk of SIDS as the baby attunes her breathing to that of mom, and that mom sleeps lighter knowing baby is in bed and therefore can hear anything strange that might happen with babys breathing. I love that too.

In answer to the many questions I am asked :
*No, I'm not afraid one of us will roll on her. Unless you are heavily medicated, drunk or on drugs..it's not going to happen.

*No, I'm not afraid she'll suffocate. We've taken precautions by removing heavy comforters and pillows from her "area"and our bed is not against a wall.

*No, I'm not afraid my marriage will disintegrate because theres a baby there so we can't make love. Um, there are other places a couple can be intimate other than a bed, ya know?

*No, I don't believe co-sleeping leads to sexual depravity (someone actually asked me that?!).

*No, I don't think I'm starting a bad habit and I'll have trouble getting her out of my bed someday. When Chelsey was 2 she told me she was going to her own room cuz "you snore mommy". She's 11 now and sleeps in her own room, in her own bed...she does know however that she can come to our bed anytime she needs/wants to. She told daddy the other night "i might come into your bed tonight". He asked her why and she responded much to my delight "because I"m always welcome".
   Of course she is.

I guess I knew instinctively with my older daughter Chelsey and now with Zoey that I want to be a parent not only between the hours of 7 am to 8pm, but full time - 24 hours a day 7 days a week. Just because the sun is down doesn't mean my baby doesn't need me close. And for my husband who works a zillion hours a week so I can stay home and raise our kids... sleeping with Zoey, 'non quality' time gives him an opportunity to hold her even if she's not fully aware he's doing so.

Some great links to articles and resources on the family bed :

 Ten reasons to sleep next to your child at night.

 The Family Bed: An Experts Opinion

 Co-Sleeping : Another Way to Promote Infant Health

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