Math Hugonut Style
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Deir-ty Girls
Just when you thought it was safe to go back to school... Send in your equations
Hugo + Bathrobe + Smirk = drool + swoon + thud
Deir-ty Contributors: Tanathir, oqidaun, Earelen, Tamaril, Wenelda, Stephenie
makes me give polyandry a second thought
Jones + Smith + Brown
Hugonut Math Equations
Laurence + Carrie-Anne + Hugo + Keanu = one damn fine movie
Seeing Smith in boxers = Good Thing
Seeing Smith sans boxers = Very Good Thing
Sex With Smith = Very Very Good Thing
Sex with Smith with the Matrix making contraception unnecessary = Very Very Good Thing with added Bonus
Any Hugo = Good Hugo
     and All Hugo is Good
Hugo + bathtub = fur
NEH = Not/Never Enough Hugo Hugo + hot and steamy = [insert Hugonut's name here] faints
Hugo + bright colors = woo hoo + thud
Hugo + red sweater = drool
Hugo - red sweater = even better
Robert Taylor + Paul Goddard + Hugo Weaving = MAJOR THUD ALERT
Agent + physicality = *THUD*
Hugo Helper contains:
98% pure Hugo
2% noodles
            *a lutefisk-free product*
Hugo + shoes = nice
Hugo - shoes = swoon for toes
naked = you don't have any clothes on
nekkid = you don't have any clothes on and you're up to something
Smith + water = lickable Agent
Smith + Elrond = mmmm mmm good (best of both worlds) Hugo + shot of chest hair = major THUD
Hugo + gratuitousness = best swoon ever
NESSS = Not Enough Smith Shower Scenes
oqidaun's dissertation on the nature of Platonic swoon

To determine the Platonic degree of a Hugonut's immediate fixation with Hugo:

Let us consider the following simplified mathematical equation:

O = Object in question (photo, article of stolen clothing, etc...) If it is an actual Hugo sighting, please disregard the entire formula and tell him oqi loves and respects him and wants to see his feet--er, sorry about that.

S = The Swoon value.  Swoon value is determined by the nature of O and takes into consideration important variables such as if his High Hugoness is fully clothed, the location of his Hugoness, and the presence of the Hugonut #1, i.e., Mrs. Hugo (this is like a wild card variable comparable to Maxwell's Daemon in Thermodynamics, the presence of Mrs. Hugo should immediately lower the swoon factor to a Platonic level).  Multiply swoon by pi.

T = Time.  Time is the differential between the individual's last viewing of a Hugoesque film and the time of day that the individual observes the object in question.  The smaller the viewing number with an earlier time (like the wee hours of the morning) produces a more favorable less Platonic figure.

Time is often coupled with the F1 or F2.  F1 being a Hugoesque film with a Hugo nooky scene or Hugo looking damn fine.  F2 is used for Babe, The Magic Pudding, and any nature documentary that his Hugoness has narrated.  There is also the S constant.  S is for Smith and the heightened deir-ty fixation with authority figures that his role in the Matrix produces.

For example let's evaluate the swimming pool scene from Bedrooms and Hallways:
O = Image of Hugo, good quality (i.e. frozen DVD screen, oqi at 2.4 inches away)
S = Very high.  Hugo not clothed.  Hugo being rather deir-ty.  No presence of Mrs. Hugo.
T = Two hours by 2 a.m. factored with a film of high F1 status.

As O has a high S value and a low TF1 value it is 100% non Platonic.
Agents + stage - superfluous clothing and shoes = Hugonut riot
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