My life has been turned upside down over the last year as I have come to terms with a diagnosis of bipolar disorder. It all started with what I regarded as a normal 'high' - something I had experienced throughout my life, and that I had come to regard as normal, and as inevitably linked with real 'downs'. I had been treated for depression as a university student but since then had been well, although looking back I had been becoming increasingly cyclothymic since the birth of my last child 11 years ago. Last spring the high was higher than usual, and when I started to spend an awful lot on clothes that it seemed I just had to have, and realised that for over two weeks I had been sleeping less than four hours each night, I thankfully took notice of a couple of work colleagues who told me that I had to slow down before I cracked up. Since then I have been seeing a wonderful Christian psychiatrist on a regular basis, and have finally arrived at what seems to be the right medication for me - in my case sertraline and amisulpride. I cannot say how important it has been to have a psychiatrist who understands that the spiritual side of life is as important as the other bits, and that one's spirituality is inextricably linked with one's mental health problems. I have also been fortunate in having a spiritual director who has been equally understanding of the impact that my mental health problems have on my spiritual life.
My message is one of hope. There is normality the other side of mania, and there is normality the other side of suicidal depression. I don't suppose that you ever stop longing for the highs of hypomania, and that is why it is so important to have a psychiatrist that you trust and cooperate with. I also know that without the prayer support of a few really good friends (and a community of nuns) I would not have come through the last year. God is unchanging and loves us throughout the ups and downs - it is just that we are not so tuned into receiving His love and hearing His voice when we are in the depths of depression. That is when we need to rely on the support of others, and to hang on to the knowledge that God is always there for us. |
