By Keitalina ‘Keiri’ Shinra & Rufus ‘Seiji’ Shinra
We don’t own Saint Seiya. Enough said.
Warning: If you just happen to have an image of your favorite Saints…forget it. In this universe…nothing is what you want it to be or how bad you want it to be (especially you Himiko-the-pink-menace-of-the-S-files!)!! This is the Universe I’d like to call as the ‘What If Universe’. I get a ‘What If’ scenario and I write about it. Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha haaaaaaa*laughs like Kanon/Saga* Anyways…before I go insane like all the other Geminis (and scare poor Camus-sama for he might know what will happen if I do ^^)…you have been warned. Maybe some bashing and crashing of bishie Saints here and there…mainly poor…poor, abused Geminis. >D Maybe. Not definite. I said maybe…what you don’t believe me? *flips you off, but is censored by Toei so nobody can see it*
It was quiet, just, nearly too quiet. Scary, demon/children/Saints had finally went home after invading and almost plundering all that was Sanctuary. Someone had good enough sense to get rid of them somehow.
Milo and Camus groveled at scriptwriters of Saint Seiya’s feet, mumbling their grateful thanks. The authoress, although a slight bit punier and weaker than them comes in and drags them back into the fanfic with them kicking and screaming like little girls on their way to the barber’s to get their curls cut for the first time. Both were screaming for help, but since Toei Company had no power over a 14-year-old fanfic writer who disclaims everything, they couldn’t save their precious rate grabbing Saints. The authoress goes there grumbling about how cowardly Saints really are.
As mentioned before, everything was peaceful and –
“Wait a minute!!” shouted the authoress. She jumped directly into the fanfic herself – as in self-insertion. Gasp! And also…cower in fear dear Saints! The authoress is out to get you!
“Hey!” she said poutily at the words. “Who in the world is typing this if I’m in the land of all that is Saint Seiya…?” she questioned looking around. See spotted a young man with long, blonde hair typing away at the computer. No one would ever believe the words that would come out of her mouth. “Seiji! I will get you for this!!”
Seiji laughed, his voice amplified by the microphone that he set on the max so his little twin sister could get the point. “Well, someone had to be writing, Kei-chan...or is it Keily in this world?”
Keily pouted in her usual, cute way, grumbling. “So, what now?” she asked her dear older brother, taking a seat on a bunch of stones.
Seiji shrugged from the screen, he had no idea.
Keily sighed and lay on the hard rock. “So…can you get me out before Milo and Camus find out that I’m here…for real…and not my anime version who is all powerful?!” asked of her brother, making her ever so famous, makes you wanna smack Shun upside the head, because she is even more kawaii than even Shun can handle without the pink, face.
Seiji sweat dropped and went into deep meditation after five minutes of thinking.
Keily turned to look at you, the reader, a worried look on her face. “Whenever my brother writes or says he’s ‘meditating’…he really means ‘I’m going to sleep for about 9 hours straight’.” She sighed and got up from the stones.
“I guess…I’ll have to get through this somehow…how do I get home?” she asked of herself.
And miraculously, something wonderful happens…Keily’s fairy godmother appears…except it’s not the usual one. In fact…she didn’t know she had one in the first place.
This fairy look more of a butterfly than of a fairy. And it was a he, not a she. And Keily immediately recognized who this person was immediately.
Keily crossed her arms and sulked. “Okay…Myu what’s the big deal? Where’s my usual fairy? (Even though I didn’t know I ever had one.) I specifically ask for a female the last time I went to the office.” She scolded the butterfly Specter. She suddenly noticed the flamboyant pink dress over his black Surplus and couldn’t help, but begin to giggle madly.
All the while the fanfic is taking place, Mr. Kurumada is drawing the scenes, and he smiles sheepishly at this spectacle that is Papillion Myu. “Pretty.” He says out loud to the dismay of everyone else in the room, who fell over in a comical anime way, sweat drops scattered on different heads. Some of them questioning Mr. Kurumada’s current sanity.
Keily stopped giggling and casted her way back to you. “I’m beginning to feel a little frightened now…lets see…Camus and Milo are afraid of me…Papillion is in a pink fairy dress…and Mr. Kurumada thinks it’s pretty…” she says to you, a little attentive with what she says. She threw her arms in a gesture of defeat. “The world is going to end, isn’t it?” she asked sarcastically.
Papillion coughed, getting Keily’s attention back as he took out a highly decorated pink wand. “Well…on danger of making this sound really stupid…you must finish this fanfic…by going to see the Pope of Sanctuary.”
Keily looked at the butterfly man as if he had grown wings, which was normally. “Oh…is that all? So….what do you expect me to do…?” she asked.
Papillion grinned and pointed to a box next to her.
Keily eyed it wearily and soon got the idea, going a little pale. “Oh, no…you don’t expect me to wear that and…go and try to kill Athena?”
Papillion did a comical anime fall at the question. He bounced back onto his feet, barking at the girl. “No! You just have to get to Saga! Since he’s Mr. Hey-I-Can-Travel-Through-Different-Dimensions, I’m sure he can help you.”
Keily blinked. “Ya know…this kind of sounds like the Wizard of Oz.” She said.
Papillion nodded. “Your problem…anyways…if you’re wondering where that Cloth came from...” butterfly boy said smoothly, gesturing towards the golden box. He gestured to where Keily was standing…on top of a quite dead Aiolos.
Keily noticed him and jumped off. “So that’s how it really happened! And all this time people blame Shura, Saga and Milo!” She shuddered all of a sudden as she looked at it wearily. “I ain’t wearing any Cloth a dead guy just put on; Seiya can do that…but honestly - I can’t.”
Myu sighed and shook his head. “Oh, fine. Honestly…you don’t know a good thing when you see it.” He told the ungrateful fanfic writer. With a wave of his pink wand, he whisked the Cloth to Sagittarius Temple.
Keily pouted and proceeded to give the butterfly a good whack in the head, the falling of a character in armor from the sky to her feet stopped her.
This new person had blue hair that reached down his back and had eyes just to match. He was covered in some bruises here and there and he was all soaking wet. How he got wet from falling from the sky…well, it was the screwy author’s idea in the first place. He was just wet.
And according to the armor on his person…he was a type of dragon Saint…a sea dragon Saint. It was Sea Dragon Kanon!
Keily walked tentatively towards the wet man and poked him in the shoulder. “Are you alive…?” she asked him.
“Are you alive?”
Still, no response.
“Do I have to do CPR or what?”
“Where’s ol’ Saga when I need him…”
At this, Kanon jumped back onto his feet, looking refreshed and dry, a kind of angry look on his face. “Saga?!”
Keily did an equivalent of a sweat drop and sighed. That definitely got Kanon aroused. She looked at Myu who only smiled back at her. She could only guess what he was thinking. “Let me guess…my Toto?” she asked with sarcasm ringing in every letter.
Myuu’s smile widened. “Oh! How did you guess!”
With a waved of the overly exaggerated and decorated pink wand, Myu turned Kanon into a little chibi dragon with Kanon’s hair color as the color of the scales. And his little lizard eyes still had its human arrogant look so anyone could realize it’s Kanon…at a very close view.
Keily stared gaped mouthed at Myu and at the chibi dragon Kanon at her feet. One thing on her mind. “You’ve got to be kidding me…”
Myu only smiled. Suddenly, various SD Saints came skipping in singing wearing ridiculously colorful and shiny costumes.
“Follow the marble stairs! Follow the marble stairs!” they all chanted together, dancing the hoe down with each other.
One of them came up to Keily and literally danced circles around her. This one, needn’t be an SD since he was short enough to be one. He was Pegasus Seiya. And he was wearing a blue tutu and ballerina tights spinning a lollipop in his hands (I bet you can’t guess which color it is). “Follow the marble stairs! Follow the marble stairs! Follow, follow, follow, follow – follow the marble stairs!” he sang, then rejoined the various other Saints that were still singing and dancing the hoe down.
The assistants sweat dropped once more. “Now that is disturbing.” They all said at the same time. Mr. Kurumada smiled gleefully as he sung along with his creations. Once he stopped and grabbed the nearest person and began dancing the hoe down with. Unfortunately, it was a man, but Kurumada didn’t care! He just danced around as more sweat drops appeared on the assistants and the man dancing with Kurumada screamed for help….of any kind.
Keily sweat dropped. She turns to you. “I have to agree with them…this is disturbing.”
Also frightened by the scene, Kanon jumped into Keily’s arms. Unfortunately, being not used to being a slimy and creepy thing (like he wasn’t before?), he slipped and landed in Keily’s blouse.
Keily screamed and jumped around, trying to get Kanon out of her dress. “Get out! Get out! Get out!!!” she yelled. She ran up the first steps as the SD Saints continued to sing their annoying song. “Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh!!!”
Myu watched with an amused look. He nodded before heading back to his trailer – er…domain in the Hell. “What a tiring day!” he said tiredly.
All the while at the Pope’s Spa, Saga was having a nice bath….and plotting world domination! Dun dun dun!!! Actually….he was just taking bath. I just wanted to make you guys sweat. Maniacal laugh.
Uh-oh. I’m not supposed to do that….Not again! Holy crap! I have to stop that! No! Stop it! Stop that!! Argh…
As the author struggles, Saga is having a nice calming, relaxing, soothing, consoling, comforting, cheering….
And so, after many synonyms for the word calming, the author finally pulled herself…er…himself…er…whatever, together and continued to write about Saga’s bath and what is going on in his mind.
“I want some apple pie” Saga said to the author.
The author shook his/her head.
“I want some pie.” Saga repeated.
Again, the author shook his/her head.
“I want some pie goddamit and I want some now!!!” Saga yelled, his hair turning gray and his eyes entirely red.
The author wrote into existence an eyedropper with liquid and Saga gratefully put it into his eyes, making them their regular color again. He ran a hand through his hair as blue hair dye was all over it. He sighed. “Now look what you made me do! Now I’ll have to re-dye it again!” he said in a prissy little girl manner.
The author took immediate offense and wrote into existence an anvil and of course it landed on Saga’s head. The author laughed evilly in satisfaction.
More sweat drops appeared on the assistants’ heads. “Twisted kid.” They all managed to say.
Saga rubbed the spot on his head and cried like a little baby. “Wah! That hurt!!” he whined. He didn’t have enough time to whine anymore when someone else ran into the spa. It was Aera.
“Ack! How did I get here?!” she cried out in utter confusion and horror.
Saga shrieked like a little girl and covered his lower part with his hands and legs. “Eek!!! Voyeur!!”
Aera blinked, then looked around. “Where? Where? Where is the voyeur!!” She asked frantically. Still looking around.
Saga sunk low enough so that his head was the only thing to be seen. “Get out!!! Get out!!” he screamed, pointing to the door.
Aera quickly got the idea and ran out the door.
Saga pouted. “Twisted author.” He grumbled. He went to having peace again.
“I want apple pie.” He began again.
The author sighed in dismay.
“I want pie.” He said again, swimming on his back around the pool.
The author covered his/her eyes. “My eyes!! My eyes!! My virgin eyes!!! My virgin eyes!!!”
“I want pie….” He sang to no one in particular.
Back to Keily who continued to run up to the Cancer Temple after trampling over poor Mu and Aldebaran in her flight, she bumped into someone who was strung onto a type of cross. This person was dressed entirely in straw and farmer’s clothing. But his long golden blonde and perfect complexion told her that he ain’t no scare crow. He was actually…
“Shaka!!!” Keily exclaimed, getting a closer look.
Indeed. It was Shaka. In the flesh! Or as fleshy as one can tell anyways…
“Whoa…what could have done this to him?” Keily wondered. She poked Shaka and saw that he didn’t move. “I wonder…is this Sanctuary Chapter…or Hades Chapter….or what?”
“Or is this one of many reasons the Gold Saints didn’t help the Bronzies….?”
“Or maybe this is one of their kinky ideas of having fun….?”
“Or they were just playing a trick on Shaka….?”
“Is Shaka even awake at all…?”
“Are you awake Shaka?”
“Will you please open your eyes?”
“Not even one?”
“Can you wake-up?”
“Can you please speak to me?”
“Can you react at all?”
“Are you even alive?”
“Must I do CPR?”
“Do you need medical attention?”
“Can I get you down?”
“Can you at least answer one of my questions?”
“Are you going to say anything at all?”
“Can you respond please?”
“Pretty please with sugar on top?”
“Can you say something before I go buggy?”
“Could you try to mumble….?”
“Not even a peep?”
“How about a peek from those beautiful blues that you keep closed?”
Kanon finally popped out of Keily’s shirt and hopped onto the stone ground, hissing. “I must get a better agent.” He grumbled in lizard.
Keily glared at him. “Hey…There’s subtitles you know.”
Kanon cursed in lizard.
Keily rolled her eyes in response. She picked up the Kanon, who squirmed as she did, and put him in a basket that she just happened to be carrying around with her. “Now behave.” She poked Shaka legs. “Hello? Are you alive or what…?”
A light shone around Shaka, but nothing much happened.
Keily and Kanon-lizard watched the light show with sunglasses on. “Ooh…look at all the pretty, pretty colors!” They said in heavy sarcasm.
Shaka frowned at them. “How dare you disturb my meditation!”
Keily poked him again. “You call this meditation, Shaka-sama? I call this being crucified ‘Farmer Joe’ style. What in Athena’s name are you doing getting crucified? Trying to be like Jesus? Aren’t you supposed to be the reincarnation of Buddha, not Jesus? I don’t think it’ll up your popularity much if you do this, Gold Saint dono…” Kanon sniggered in the basket and smiled a lizard smile.
Shaka frowned and dismounted himself, though falling flat on his face doing so. “Ow….” He tried getting back up, but fell down again on his face. He tried again and again and again and again. The last time he did it, he fell on his butt instead. He tried on for many more times before Keily helped him to stay upright on his legs. Obviously, he had Ten Bu Hou Rinned himself by mistake when he looked in the mirror.
“I still think you did this to yourself.” Keily said. Then she added, “Never knew you were a masochist.” Kanon snickered again. “Ever think about not destroying things that you look at? Say…I don’t know…your lunch?”
“I don’t eat much actually.” The man closest to god replied.
The girl poked the Saint’s stomach. “Is that why you’re so thin? And I thought the Bronze Boys had an eating disorder…if only I could…” Unbeknownst to her, Myuu had placed spells on certain Saints that ended up singing when they hear certain words that are to be spoken. In this case, it was ‘if only I…’.
Shaka let go of Keily and started dancing around as he whistled the song from the Wizard of Oz where the main characters would sing their image song sort of.
Kurumada is once again dancing around with some random person as he sings random editions of the Wizard of Oz image theme. “If I only had sanity…!” He sang as he danced randomly, going from river stomping on a drawing board to break dancing on the floor. “If I only had some Ritalin!”
“If I only…had a brain!!” He danced for Keily, though being the signified ‘scarecrow’ he had problems standing and dancing at all, it seemed more like wobbled walking mixed with music and terrible choreography. Shaka was never one to dance. “If I only had a brain!” he sang off key and off tune no doubt. He wasn’t one for singing either.
The poor girl closed her ears and finally shut him up when she gave him a good kick in the you know where which made the blonde Saint double over. Keily grinned anime style. “Works every time.” She looked around herself and realized where she was. “Cancer Temple?”
She checked inside and to her surprise, there was no floor, but a very long and large pit of lava that spread to the other side. Very odd. The last time she was there, she remembered that there were a lot of heads lying around, but definitely not lava. Shaka dragged himself in and looked around.
“Death Mask must have redecorated.” He commented.
“Who goes there?!” said a British sounding voice.
Keily blinked in confusion. She never remembered Saints having British accents.
And out of the shadows of the temple, is a Black Saint. Which one, she couldn’t remember, but was definitely a Black Saint. And for obvious purposes soon to be realized, we’ll just call him the Black Saint.
“Who in god’s holy name are you supposed to be? Scratch that. We gotta cross.” Keily said, pushing forward. The Black Saint stood in her way still and kept standing in front of her whenever she moved to take another route. Finally, she got mad at him. “For goodness’ sake! What is your problem?!”
“You can’t pass.” He said.
“This is Sanctuary…y’ave ta fight ta be able ta get through, mate.”
“You’ve got to be kidding me, right?”
Keily sighed and called out to the heavens. “Where’s the emergency plot device when you need one?!” she screamed.
“In your basket!” said a very holy sounding voice.
“Why my basket?”
“I’m a holy disembodied voice…you don’t question the voice.”
“But I’m a real person, so therefore I question the disembodied voice. Why my basket?”
“Look…just open your basket.”
“Why should I?”
“Cuz I’ll hurt you.”
“You’re just a voice.”
“Shaka’s ’holy’ and he hasn’t attacked me yet.”
“Just open the bloody basket you bloody little bugger!” And then a click was heard in the background signifying that the disembodied voice had left.
Keily finally opened the basket and pulled out the sword that was used by the actor that played King Arthur in Monty Python and the Holy Grail. She stared at it dubiously. “You’ve seriously got to be kidding me…” She hefted the sword for a little bit and walked to the Black Saint. “Okay…at least I know why you’re talking with an accent.”
“Ey! You ready to fight you bloody little bugger?” the Black Saint taunted, getting into a fighting stance.
Keily rolled her eyes. “Why does everyone call me a bugger? I am not a bugger! Well…at least Mama says I’m not a bugger…Oh, well!” Keily didn’t want to fight, but since she was insulted, she chopped off the Black Saint’s right arm.
“Aaaah!!!” the Black Saint screamed in pain, holding the bleeding stump that was his right arm. “I move for no man!!” he yelled, unknown to him that he had insulted Keily in the most worst possible way.
An anime vein was popping out of her head as she heard this and took it the wrong way. She lifted the sword into the air and even managed to scare Kanon and Shaka who were watching her. She cut off the other arm, but the Black Saint was still ready to fight her still.
“Ha! You weasely little wimp! Tis only a scratch you given me!!” the Saint taunted sticking his tongue out at her.
Keily stared at him as if her were crazy, of which he probably was. “What the hell! Your arms have been cut off!”
“No they haven’t.” the Black Saint in denial.
“Then what the hell do you call those things on the stone floor?” Keily asked, indicating said arms on the ground with the sword in her hand.
“I’ve had worse!” the Saint shot back.
“No you haven’t you moron, now stand aside before I really cut you down!” Keily yelled at him. Having enough, she began walking towards the bridge again, but the dismembered Black Saint kicked her away. “What the!!”
“Come on you!” the Black Saint shouted, continuously kicking the girl.
“Ooh…you’re asking for it you stupid haughty little ruffian sonuva bard!” Keily scolded, trying to go for the bridge. “Surrender! The fight is mine!”
“Had enough, huh?! Coward?!”
“You stupid moron! You’ve got no arms left!! Look! Look!!! LOOK!!!!!”
“Yes, I have!”
“No, you don’t!”
“Tis only a flesh wound!!” the Black Saint said in denial again, resumed kicking Keily in the shins.
“Okay…that’s it! I’m chopping off your right leg!!” Keily said, more anime veins popping out of her head. She promptly chopped off the Black Knight’s right leg and began going for the bridge when he got in her way again. This time, he was hopping about on his left leg.
Kurumada, as the insanity that is the Black Saint scene is going on, is currently running around the studio with scissors yelling out random Japanese obscenities. ”Beware the sharpness of my scissors!!! Mwa ha ha ha ha haaaa! I am Silver Scissors Saint Kurumada!!”
“Ha! I’ll do you for that one! Come here!!” the Black Saint yelled at Keily also yelling several German insults that Keily had no idea what they meant, but understood that he was cursing her and intended to yell back at him.
“Well, what’re you gonna do you crazy bugger?! Bleed on me?!”
“Come on! I’ll get you!! I’m invincible!”
“Ikki’s practically invincible. You sir, are a loony.”
“The Black Saints always triumph!!! Have at you, you stupid little bugger!”
“Okay…that’s it!” Keily chopped off the Black Saint’s last leg, oddly enough he didn’t topple over the edge or fall over. He just…was there.
“We’ll…call it a draw!” the Black Saint declared.
Keily only sighed and grumbled something about ‘insane writers’ and ‘poor plotlines’. She turned to Shaka and Kanon who had somehow gotten loungers into the temple and popcorn. They both looked very amused. “Wipe those smirks off your faces or you’ll be next for dismemberment. Lets go.” She put the sword away and began to cross the bridge with Kanon and Shaka behind her.
The Black Saint saw this and couldn’t help, but start yelling at her again. “Oh! Running away are we, huh? Come back here! Come back here I say! I’ll bite your legs off!!!”
“Do Black Saints have cosmo?” Keily whispered to Shaka.
“Of course.” Was his answer. “They are saints, too.”
With that single incentive, Keily grabbed Shaka and Kanon and ran for their lives.
A little whiles later on when they all reached Libra temple, because the previous temples had either a musical going on or some really weird guy talking in some really dumb accent, Someone was standing quite frozen in the middle of it all. Actually…two people. There was a big ice cube with Hyoga in it, while Camus was standing next to it…dressed in the Tin Man’s costume?! What the hell?!
Keily poked him and he didn’t respond. Obviously, if Shaka needed a brain (and a personality! Hohohoho…I’m evil!), Camus would surely need a heart. And why not? He was the coldest ice saint to ever grace Sanctuary probably. She opened up the emergency plot device and poured in hot oil where his joints might be stuck in.
The oil did wonders for him. Immediately he began moving, slowly and ungracefully, but as more time passed by he move more fluently. He stretched and cracked his neck out of kinks. “Does that hurt…too stiff…need massage….” He then noticed that Keily was standing in front of him and became as white as snow so to speak. “Ah!!! The crazy tenshi!!! Ruuuuuuuuun!!!”
Keily looked at him annoyingly and whacked him once over the head thanks to the emergency plot device supplying her with a mallet. “The Lion needs courage! Not you! So get used to it already!!!”
Camus sulked and rubbed the spot on his head where it hurt. He didn’t like this one bit. How in the world did My convince him into doing this?!
A couple of days before….
“You want me to do what?!” Camus asked in obvious surprise.
The butterfly specter only smiled. “That’s what you have to do. All you have to do is meet up with one of your fans, kiss her and then, you never have to see another groupie ever again.”
“But what if I refuse or loose this bet?”
“You’ll see. So will you do it or not?”
Camus sighed and shook his head. “Well…I don’t have too much to loose….so why not? Send her in.”
Myu smiled and opened a door where a redhead stood behind it. Hearts appeared in her eyes and she saw Camus in front of her with only one objective in mind: GLOMP. “Camus!!!” she squealed dreamily and jumped on him to glomp him.
Camus, not liking this and recognizing the redhead, struggle with all of his might. “Get off of me Derrewyn!!!”
“But I looove you!!! ^_^”
“But I want to stay on Camus!!”
“I said get off Derrewyn!!”
“What’s going on?” asked a Scorpio Saint who happened to come at the wrong time for himself when he saw Derrewyn on top of Camus. “Eep! Derrewyn! No more abuse!! Nooo!!” He ran away, leaving a cartoonish trail of dust behind him as he ran.
Derrewyn forgot about her lust for Camus and proceeded to chase Milo instead. “Miloooooooooo!!!!!!”
Kurumada sat himself down in front of a phone and began dialing other manga artists’ numbers. The first to call was Naoko Takeuchi that draws for Sailor Moon. “So what’s up Naoko?”
“Watching SM, having a drink.”
Rumiko Takashi, who draws Ranma ½, was there with Naoko, picked up another line and yelled into it. “Whazzzuuuuuuuuup?”
Kurumada joined in. “Whaaaaazzzzuuuuuuuuup!!!”
“Anyone else there?” Naoko asked.
Kurumada called another person upstairs, one of the CLAMP girls, Mokona, and she picked up the phone. “Hello?”
Naoko smiled and said, “Whaazuuuuup?!”
“Whazzzuuuup!!” Mokona yelled back.
“Whazzuupp…” Kurumada chimed in.
“Yo! Where’s Akira?” Mokona asked.
Kurumada called out again for Akira (insert last name) who drew the Dragon Balls manga series. “Yo, Akira!!!”
Akira, who was drawing some Dr. Slump art, got off his butt and picked up the phone. “Hello?”
“Whaaazzzuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuup!!!” Mokona shouted into the receiver.
“Whaazuup.” Akira answered a little lamely.
Everyone else began doing it too.
“Zuuup ha ha ha ha…”
“Hahahaha…Hold on…got another call.” Mokona said and dding another person into the conversation. “Hello?”
“Whaaaazup!!!” said Tsukasa Hojo of City Hunter manga.
Once again, the nonsensical ‘whazzups’.
And then they all hung up except for Kurumada and Naoko. “So…what’s up Naoko.”
“Watching SM and having a drink.”
Kurumada nodded. “True…true…”
“Okay…that…was just plain uncalled for…” Camus said, shaking his head, so dishonored to be created by Masami Kurumada.
“Yes, since I did it first.” Mumbled the Inquisitor.
“What are you doing here, Torque?”
“Just making my author’s cameo appearance. I’m going to go now.” She walked off.
“Anyways…before we were so rudely interrupted. You’ll have to do something for me, Camus…” Myu said mischievously, rubbing his chin.
Camus sighed and began to dance as his image song came up. He danced the robot and a simulation of the aurora was behind him as his image song played which was practically the same as everyone else’s.
“When a man’s an empty kettle…he shouldn’t sit on his mettle, and yet I’m torn apart.” He did a little jig, then continued. “Just because I’m presumin’ that I could be kind-a-human if I only had a heart…” He danced and swayed, for the costume was not light and stretchable as his cloth was and Keily and Shaka had to take turns catching him and sometimes they’d just let him fall.
“I’d be tender – I’d be gentle and awful sentimental regarding love and art.” For good measure, he did a bow to Keily and kissed her hand in a very gentlemanly way. Then started on his merry dancing way again. “I’d be friends with the sparrows….and the boy who shoots arrows….” He stopped and pondered that for a second. “Do I really want to be friends with Pegasus…?”
“Get to the point. I never got to even finish my song!” yelled an impatient Shaka.
“I agree. Do hurry up.” Kanon-lizard said in….lizard.
Camus sighed indignantly and started to wrap it up. “If I only had a heart…Picture me – a balcony. Above a voice sings low. Where for art thou Romeo? I hear a beat…how sweet!” He poked the gigantic ice cube holding a snuggly Hyoga and sang in a very mournful voice, “Just to register emotion…jealous – devotion…and really feel the part. I could stay young and chipper…and I’d lock it in a zipper…if I only had a heart.”
Keily clapped, while Kanon and Shaka, well mostly Kanon, rolled their eyes.
“Can we go now?” Kanon whined, wanting to get everything over with.
“Are you thinking what I’m thinking.” Asked Shaka.
“If you’re thinking about flying pink elephants, but what are you thinking, Shaka?”
“Obviously not what you’re thinking. We need the plot device.”
Shaka lunged for the plot device and made it speed everything up to the point where they were now in front of a forest right in front of Pisces Temple. Keily blinked and wondered how and why they were there so fast. She realized that Shaka had used the emergency plot device.
“Too fast…” said a dizzy Kanon-lizard.
“Hey…we’re here now aren’t we? At least we won’t have to deal with all the other musical acts…I certainly don’t want to hear Camus sing again.”
“I resent that Shaka.”
“Oh, do be quiet you bucket of bolts!”
“Knock it off you stupid bards! You’re giving me a headache worse than that bugger, Black Saint!” Keily yelled at them all. And so they resumed their journey, but the author has gotten lazy and will refuse to do the Lion bit, but she’ll say that the Lion is Aiolia and is looking for courage. Happy?! Good. Onward to the evil villains! They’ve been sorely neglected.
“Are they here, yet?” whined Ares/Saga. His hair had gone gray and now he was Ares, the resident wicked witch of the west of Sanctuary.
Ikki and Millerna, who were there for some reason, shook their heads. “No.”
“Are they here yet?”
“Are they here yet?”
“Are they here yet?”
“Are they here yet?”
“Are they here yet?”
“Are they here yet?”
“Are they here yet?”
“Are they here yet?”
“Are they here yet?”
“Are they here yet?”
“Are they here yet?”
“Are they here yet?”
“Are they here yet?”
“For goodness’ sake! NO!!!!”
Ares/Saga pouted. “You didn’t have to yell at me! Now I’m sad and have the urge to wreak havoc.”
“Aren’t you like…supposed to?” Ikki asked.
“You are Ares incarnated in Saga’s body.” Millerna pointed out.
Ares glared at them, then started whinning. “You guys are sooooooooooooooo mean!! Wait until my mommy comes here!! She’ll give it to you!!”
Ikki and Millerna were snickering. “Mommy?”
Ikki shook his head and walked to a window. “Screw this…I’m going to follow the script now…” He jumped out with Ares cackling from the room.
“Hahahaha!! Fly my pretty! Fly!! Ahahahahahahaaaa!!!” Ares yelled.
All of that was in odd vain because most Saints don’t fly, they levitate and in Ikki’s case, it was still too early in the series, so he plummeted to the ground. “Aiyyyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!”
And back to our heroes who had started walking in the um….field of poisonous roses.
“And why are we walking through this field knowing that we could die in it….?” Aiolia asked, trying to hold his breath, but failing otherwise.
Keily opened the emergency plot device and pulled out a book marked ‘SCRIPT’. “It says in here we have to walk through here in order for me to be captured…?!” Keily stared bug eyed at the script, then ripped in half in her rage. She waved a fist in the air. “Screw da frickin’ script!! I’m going to give whoever is keeping me here a piece of my mind!!” She pulled out the sword from before. “Have at him!!” She bolted ahead, leaving the gold saints behind. They shrugged.
“Anyone want any coffee?”
When she had reached the last temple (and with lots of hacking and slashing of roses and the like), Keily finally made it to the top without too much incident. It was when she had gotten into the last temple things got weird. The whole throne room was filled with pink draperies, carpets, ribbons and…dresses? The girl watched in awe and horror as Saga danced around with a pink dress on and it was horridly bright!! She was scared out of her wits, for the second time today, she witnessed a grown man dressed in bright, gauche pink!!
“I feel pretty!! Oh, so pretty! I feel pretty and witty and GAY!!!” Saga sang and danced, obviously in his ‘right mind’ because his hair was blue, but somehow…we doubt that it really is…
“I feel charming! Oh, so charming! It’s alarming how charming I feeeeeeeeeeeeeel!!” he sang two octives too high and broke some vases and glass, then his hair turned gray and he sang differently, but did not notice the bright pink dress on him. “I feel evil! Oh, so evil! I feel evil and wicked and insaaaaane! For I’m love by a pretty lovely goddess!!”
Keily screamed for all of this to stop. “Noooooooooooooooooooooo!! I want out!! I want out nooooooooooooow!!” She ran around screaming for it all to stop until she got so dizzy, she smashed right into a pillar and fainted. All turned black…
* * *
Keily jerked away in a bed, she gasped for air. She sighed in relief. “Thank goodness…that was only a dream…”
“Hello, dear…awake already?” said a kind voice.
The black haired girl turned and saw Cygny standing there. She blinked. Cygny? She lived in Belgium, not Canada. She looked out the window. Odd, there was never a window next to her bed. She yelled surprise. It was nowing outside with pine trees and rocks and mountains. “What the..?1 That’s not Montreal!!”
Cygny smiled. “Of course not silly! That’s Asgard!!”
Keily’s jaw dropped. “Noooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!”
Or is it….?