| Manos: The Hands of Fate (1966) |
| Rating: 2 Severed Heads |
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| Synopsis: Here it is guys and gals.... Internet Movie Database's #1 Worst Movie Ever Made! Not for the faint of heart, Manos has achieved cult status and is a favorite among the MST3K crowd. But watching this movie un-MST3K'd is something close to insanity! But because we are insane... A family (Mike, his wife Margaret, and their daughter Debbie) travels down a backwoods road to find a house that has mysteriously appeared out of nowhere and it's bow-legged caretaker, Torgo, who possess giant knees and no tact with the opposite sex. Rather than ask for directions, Mike decides that the best thing for his family is to spend the night with the creepy stranger. .... Am I really writing this? I still can't believe that this is the plot! But the family is in danger of loosing their very souls to The Master and his legion of undead wives, as The Master awakes and summons the dark god Manos (I think he's the god of Bad Movies) and goes out lookin' for a new wife for his collection. And what's with the teen couple who make out in their car through the whole movie? And be prepared for an actually fairly good ending! But a really really bad soundtrack! This film literally has to be seen to be believed. For those of you out there who still regard Plan 9 From Outer Space to be the worst film ever put to celluloid, the first six minutes of Manos will make Plan 9 look like Casablanca! Even a girl-on-girl nightgown wrestling match can't save this movie! Torgo steals the show on this one, bumbling around and striking out with the ladies. Come to think of it, I think we all have a little Torgo in us... While regarded by some as the worst movie ever, we actually got a real kick out of this movie, and I could imagine a movie much, much worse than this... remember, it's still not Dustin Hoffman in a dress! |
| What Has This Movie Taught Us? -Moths are attracted to bright things... like say, movie lights -Poodle vs. Demon Hell Beast = predictable outcome -Just blame it all on Torgo -Motels put Gideon's Bibles in the rooms probably so people know that they're not run by satanists |
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| Memorable Moments: 00min- Faster, faster... you're holding up traffic! 03min- Driving scenes are usually kind of boring... but this... this takes the cake... 08min- Look honey, a Miner '49'er! 12min- Torgo has his own song for when he shuffles around 14min- I hope he goes where the master goes... in the porta-john down the road 20min- Torgo didn't get asked out much in high school 22min- The Master's Amish? 26min- They didn't see the giant satanic altar the first time they looked through the door? 32min- Just in case you forgot... the guy in the picture... remember? 34min- Is he reciting Aleister Crowley, or Black Sabbath lyrics? 40min- Girls wresting in nightgowns should not be this bad 45min- Oh I see, Torgo's not good enough for you 50min- Sissy slap him to death! 53min- My hands are crispy, crunchy, and I cook them using eleven herbs and spices 57min- Man, you guys are the laziest cops ever! |
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| Don't Quote Us On That: Torgo: "I am Torgo. I take care of the place while the Master is away." Torgo: "There is no way out of here. It'll be dark soon. There is no way out of here." Torgo: "There is nothing to fear madam. The Master likes you. Nothing will happen to you. He likes you." Margaret: "Likes me? I thought you said he was dead." Torgo: "Dead? No madam, not dead the way you know it. He is with us always. Not dead the way you know it. He is with us always." Torgo: "But Master, you have six wives. Why can't I have one for myself?" |
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