| Clearwater (2003) |
| Rating: 4 Severed Heads |
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| Synopsis: From the mind of a modern day Ed Wood, Andy Koontz (this guy produced, directed, starred in, worked the camera, wrote the screenplay for, and did the music for this very film!), comes a psycho-killer-on-loose type film that Schlock-horror buffs have been waiting for since about the time the Jason movies got really bad. A serial killer is loose in the town of Clearwater, and he's got his hands on his next victim. But the killer might just spare her if the man he chooses can follow the murderer's clues to rescue the girl from being his next victim. A regular Scoobie-Doo mystery, with out a Mystery Mobile, or I guess that could be an SUV in this case. Still, no Scoobie-snacks... The film cost Koonitz a maximum of about $500, and it shows in a good way! If you're jaws no longer dropping for the slew of new Matrix movies, I suggest going back the basics. And this is bare-bones-no-holds-barred-shoestring-basics. For all of those who are like me and would rather see film over video, fear not. This film, while shot on video, was shot dark enough to create some nice grainy images, plus (methinks) some candle lighting tricks to produce uneven black edges. Plus it's cheap, and cheap is good. The story its self is like a bad dream, one where you have to get something done but can't. By all means check out this guys website at www.horroronfilm.com and get a copy of the upcoming DVD of Clearwater. And remeber kids, you heard it here first, I believe Andy Koontz is really going somewhere with his madness...I mean movies! |
| What Has This Movie Taught Us? -Cutting the plam of your hand may look like it hurts, but you can go right back to slappin' with it in mere seconds -Sweaters with viberant patterns give me nasuea -Always save those flyers you get on the windshield of your car -Living in California has made me unable to recognize certain objects, like coats and mittens. -Dentistry should only be practiced by a licensed professional -When in doubt, break shit |
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| Memorable Moments: 00min- He didn't even offer her any candy! She got ripped off! 00min- Meanwhile, back in the trunk 00min- "Wha? Huh? Five more minutes Mom." 00min- Here's a little somethin' for the ladies 00min- Listen to the tape? I don't listen to any tape that's not Motley Crue, dude. 00min- That's funny, that's exactly how I got my copy of Andy Koontz's Clearwater 00min- Telemarketers, they never leave you alone 00min- It seems Andy Koontz is really the driving force of this film |
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