Kat Fighting

Garry's guide to life

Mo's words of wisdom

(Kat has bought some new boots which Mel asks if she could remove from the bar counter.)

Kat : Why? Are you superstitious or something?

Mel : No, just keeping things in order.  You don't put clothes on my bar, I won't put beer in your wardrobe

Kat (describing herself ) : I've got a job too.  It ain't easy looking this good. 

In the pub, Robbie makes a fool of himself trying to chat up Kat. 

Robbie :  What team do you support?

Kat :  Football team?

Robbie :  Yeah.

Kat :  I don't like football.

Robbie :  So you haven't get a favourite team then.

Kat :  You're sharp aren't you.

Robbie :  Yeah

Kat :  Have you come from some sort of home or something?

Kat to Beppe :   How about that for timing.  A seat by the best looking man in the place.  Mind you, there's not much competition.

Kat to Garry :  If it's not Robbie Jackson  boring the pants off me, then it's you.  And believe me Garry that's the closest you're coming to my underwear.

Kat and Lynne discuss Kat's new top

Kat :  Here, what does this do for me

Lynne :It looks like it's struggling to cope.

Mel to Kat : You know you've got lovely eyes. I wonder what they'll look like outside your head.

Charlie :  We're meant to be having a family night in, so we can  sit and chat.  Believe it or not, we used to do a lot of this in the sixties.

Kat :  No wonder everyone was on drugs,

Garry's traffic light theory

"When it comes to women there are three types of signals.  Red : you don't stand a hope.  Amber : Buy her a bunch of flowers and you might stand a chance, and you've got your green ; you are sorted."

Garry tells Robbie he has a chance with Zoe.

Garry :  Have you ever wondered how some ugly blokes always seem to pull gorgeous birds?

Robbie :  Hang on, are you calling me ugly?

Garry discusses the difference between men and women.

Garry :  Women! You are priceless.  You just can't handle it can you?  Nature.  The Nature of life

Lynne :  The what?

Garry  :  That is what life's like girl, so get used to it.  It's dog eat dog bloody and brutal.  Men are built for it  you lot just want everything to be dollies and daisies.

(Shortly afterwards Garry fainted s the girls helped deliver Sonia's baby.)

Garry to Jamie :  Find yourself a girl with a big heart, and she'll look after you.  Every-time you let her down, and you will let her down  'cos it's only natural - she'll forgive you just like that.  She'll always be there for you, just like your old mum.  I'm not saying you want them thick or anything but ... birds with brains is trouble!

Garry to Phil :  You've got to treat women like our punters.  You've got about a minute to decide whether you can get away with a full service or just do an interim.

Pat :  Look I've come over here to try to bury the hatchet.

Mo :  What the one you planted in my back? 

Mo (About Pat) :  More snout than a ruddy elephant, that woman.  Tell her it was a dung heap, Pat Harris would still be the first person to stick her nose in. 

Mo (About Pat) : Pat Harris has walked more streets than PC Plod in her time

Pat :  I'm a respectable married woman

Mo :  Blimey.  I'd like a pound for every time I've heard that over the years.  I wouldn't be wearing cotton drawers.

Mo to Ian : Oh yes you do darling 'cos I'll take you outside now and give you a good hiding. That won't do your reputation much good would it?  Being bashed up by an old lady."

Garry :  I'm a one woman man, Mo you know that,

Mo :  One at a time?"

Mo to Pat and Charlie :  Oh look.  There's the old slapper.  You won't find much business round here darling.  You want to try down by the canal.  Do you want to stay here Chaz and have a go on the old tart, everyone else has.

Mo to Little Mo as she brings towels and hot water to Sonia's birth : What am I gonna do with that?  Give her a sauna?

Mo to Jim :  I want to get some practice in too.  At stuffing a turkey.  Are you volunteering?