Jessie Wallace: Eastender Kat and the mother of all secrets
My Private pain over Kat's tragic family secret

In just five months as one of Eastenders' infamous Slater sisters, Jessie Wallace has already noticed eerie echoes of her own life in that of the hard-bitten, man-eating Kat.  And none more so than in filming this week's explosive storyline in which we discover that Kat is not Zoe's big sister at all... but her mother.

This shocking revelation comes as Zoe celebrates her 17th birthday and Kat is overcome with emotion.  In a tearful confrontation with dad Charlie, she admits she resents the fact that Zoe was taken from her at 14 and brought up as her sister.

Although Jessie was thrilled to be handed such a storyline, filming wasn't easy.  Poignantly, it brought back sad memories of her own childhood, growing up without her mum.  Talking for the first time about those days, Jessie, 29, reveals that her parents divorced when she was three.

"All I know is that mum and dad separated," she says.  "There wasn't anyone else- she just wasn't happy with my dad.  So he looked after me and my big sister, Joanne.

"Dad was brilliant- he was both parents rolled into one.  He worked flat-out as a Telecom engineer, made sure neither of us went without, and was always there for us.  I don't ever remember coming home from school to an empty house.  Whatever hobby I wanted, dad supported me.  He took me to swimming lessons and when I wanted a guitar, he went out and bought me one- although two weeks later I got bored and gave it up.  That's the sort of horrible child I was.  I saw mum at weekends, but I was a real daddy's girl."

Her mother Annette has since re-married and Jessie has a 17 year old step-sister, Danielle.  Dad James, who runs The Leather Bottle Pub in Ingatestone, Essex, also re-married a few years ago.  And her sister Joanne, 33, lives in nearby Romford with her husband Mo, 31, and their five children.

Today, chatting over a cup of tea in a trendy North London cafe, the room is bustling and I have to strain to hear Jessie who is far more softly spoken than the raucous Kat.  She is talking about her love for her late grandma, also called Jessie, who was a bright spot in her young life.  Just like Ma Mo, Kat's formidable gran and the matriarchal figure who rules the Slater family, grandma Jessie mothered the lonely girl.

"I loved nan to pieces and was so proud to be named after her," says Jessie.  "She was my idol because she was so beautiful and glamorous and such fun.  She had the most wonderful jet black hair which was natural, unlike mine, and piercing blue eyes  And even if she was just cleaning the house, she would have lipstick on.  She was immaculate.

"She lived near us in Manor House so I saw her quite a lot.  I'd sit and listen as she'd tell me all these stories about life in London during the War.  It all sounded so romantic.  She'd kept lots of her clothes and let me try on all these tailor-made coats and furs.  I still love 1940's fashion.  On Saturday afternoons I'd sit by her chair and we'd watch old Hollywood films together.  She was so loving and always there for me.  She used to tell me, "You can be anything you want".  It was what I needed to hear.

"Eastenders is the best thing that's ever happened to me, or is ever likely to.  And nan's death was the worst," adds Jessie, whose grandmother died from cancer seven years ago, aged 72.

"She was such a bright spirit.  When she was in hospital dying, this doctor came in.  He was gorgeous and nan went, "Look at him.  Isn't he lovely?"  She was like a young girl trapped in an old woman's body.  I wish she'd lived to see me get this part.  She's have been so proud."

Although certain aspects of her life may mirror Kat's,  Jessie's personality couldn't be more different from her go-getting, confident alter ego.  \for years she suffered from crippling insecurities and her self-esteem was so low  that she was written off as a no-hoper at her school, Kingsmead in Enfield, Middlesex.  Convinced she was stupid, she was so worried about making a fool of herself in front of her clever pals she stopped trying in lessons.  Instead she became a trouble-maker.

'There was a lot of attention seeking," she admits.  "I was terrible at school.  I had no confidence whatsoever and never tried because I just thought I'd fail.  I was really horrible.  I hated the whole world.  If anyone asked me anything I'd simply snarl back, "You what?"  I left at 15 without a single qualification.

"After that I drifted from one job to another.  I worked in endless shops and even had a stall in Greenwich for a while, making my own jewellery.

"Then when I was 21, I went to Portugal for seven months to join some girlfriends.  It was the pits.  There were seven of us paying £10 a week for a two-bedroomed apartment.  I had bar jobs but I was always getting sacked.  One day the only way I could afford to eat was by nicking a potato from a shop.  I was so scared that I went round this shop for 30 minutes, working up the courage.  I was just desperate for a jacket potato.

"It was a horrible, scary time.  We lived in a really rough area of the town.  I'd walk home late at night from my bar job and all these pimps would be out.  I was terrified.  I was desperate to get back to England but I didn't have the money."

As she watched her friends drift from job to job, Jessie decided to make a fresh start.  She borrowed her fare, came home and blagged her way into the college of East London in Tottenham, to study theatrical and media make-up. "I don't know if I should say this," she giggled nervously, "but I lied about my qualifications.  It was the only way I could get in.  I'd always been quite artistic and interested in make-up.  When I was ten I got a horror make-up kit because I loved all that blood and gore."

For the first time in her life, Jessie knuckled down.  She sailed through the two-year course and got a job with the Royal Shakespeare Company.  One of the first people she worked with was Shakespeare in Love's Joseph Fiennes.

"It was almost my last job too," she laughs.  "I was curling his hair, and as he looked at me in the mirror I felt my knees go weak.  He is just so gorgeous.  Then my hands broke out in a sweat and I dropped these red hot tongs in his lap.  Mercifully he laughed it off, but it could have been really nasty."

As her confidence grew, Jessie realised she really wanted to be an actress.  Three years ago she won a place at the Poor School, a self-help drama school in London.  Partly funded by Joanna Lumley and Sir Cameron Mackintosh, it holds classes in the evenings so that students can work during the day.

Jessie graduated in 1999 and to make ends meet took a job behind the bar at her local, The Royal Oak in Loughton, Essex.  But she still had debts from her drama course and often had to make her own clothes.

Then, last year, Eastenders bosses remembered auditioning her for a walk on part as a party guest, and invited her back for a week long workshop.  Four months later Jessie was told she had won the coveted role of Kat and her life changed overnight.

"I was walking home along Loughton high street when my agent rang and told me I'd got the part.  The next thing I knew, my face was wet.  It was really weird.  It was like I had a black-out in the street.  And then I realised that people were staring at me because I was in floods of tears," she recalls.

" I was so excited my agent had to walk me home.  He kept saying, 'Keep calm.  You're nearly there.  Now put your key in the door.  Walk inside'."

 Since then Jessie has never looked back.  She now owns a car - a midnight blue Golf - and is in the process of buying her own flat in Epping.  She has spent a fortune on clothes and Jewellery.  Today she is wearing a trendy black Ted Baker jumper, fashionable Miu Miu trainers and a silver identity-style necklace from top jewellers Tiffany.  "I promised my best mate Stuart-a singer and dancer I met when I ws doing make-up-and his boyfriend Keith that I'd buy them something from Tiffany with my first wage packet.  While I was there I couldn't resist getting myself something too," she says with a smile.

These days Jessie is recognised whenever she sets foot outside the door, even thought her clothes are far more demure than the brazen outfits Kat wears.  "I don't dress like Kat-I wouldn't be seen dead in her foul leather jacket and I detest red.  I like autumn colours," she says.  "But it doesn't stop people recognising me.

"The first time it happened, I wondered if I had walked out naked.  I couldn't understand why everyone was laughing at me.  Now I know it's just nerves.  I seem to be a hit with little girls.  They love Kat because she's fun and outspoken."

A few months ago Jessie split up with her boyfriend of two years but says it's still too painful to talk about.  Anyway, she is far to busy for romance.

"Boyfriends-Bad news," she shudders.  "I've had some rotters in my time.  One was being an idiot, causing arguments over nothing.  It was while I was a make-up artist so I got these tiny hairs from a wig I'd been making and put them in his pants.  He was itching like mad and it made me feel so much better.  Now I want to be on my own for a while.  My head is stuck in work and I don't want to be sidetracked."

While Jessie might be happy to be single, that's hardly the cause with Kat.  She's already tried to get her claws into Steve Owen, in front of his girlfriend Mel.  Now she's trying to seduce the Square's dishy new doctor Anthony-to the horror of his mum Audrey.

"I could never do that.  I'm far too shy," says Jessie of Kat's bold behaviour.  "I've never asked a man out in my life."

But stepping into Kat's four-inched stiletto's has had another amazing effect on Jessie's life.  Since finding fame in Eastenders she no longer suffers from the severe migraines which have dogged her from childhood.

"I haven't had one since I got the part," she says.  "I started suffering migraines when I was about nine.  I'd get physically sick and have to lock myself away in a dark room.  The doctor did all these tests and eliminated various things from my diet-cheese, orange juice, coffee, chocolate.  But nothing helped.

"The pain was indescribable.  It was like someone digging a needle into my right eye.

"As a child I got them every few days and I'd be crying in pain.  I missed so much school and the medical room became my second home.  They eased off after I visited a faith healer in my teens.  She was brilliant.  I was going out with a bloke at the time and his mum went to see her every week, so I went along for a laugh.  She ran her hands above my head and I could feel her pulling the pain out of me.

"Then, when I was waiting to hear from Eastenders, the headaches got really bad and I started suffering from insomnia too.  I was a wreck.  Now they've just gone-I'm convinced that it must be because I am no longer under stress.  My life is just brilliant at the moment."

And who could blame Jessie for feeling  so ecstatic?  Her overnight rise from working behind a bar to soap stardom is the stuff that fairytales are made of.  So will Kat's story also have a happy ending?

"I can see this secret ripping the family apart," she says carefully.  "Zoe has spent the past year grieving for the woman she thought was her mother.  Can you imagine how she'd feel if she discovered she'd been lied to?

"I couldn't imagine doing what Kat did.  If I had a baby, I'd want to be a proper mum."