My Experiences With The Moonies
A Need For A True Family
~My experiences... I do not know - I have been trying to get rid of them so
desperately, trying to block even the most innocent thought that now when
you ask me to share I can hardly come up with anything.
I wasn't living together with my family at the time I met Moonies.
Actually... to understand why I ended up in this sect it is needed to go
deeper in my background and life back in my childhood.
~I am the only child
in my family. Everybody says I am intelligent and even talented a bit. I
have never had trouble learning. I was reading fluently at the age of 3,5
and since then I was to be found with a book in my hands somewhere together
with my dog... There were no kids to play
with, so all my early childhood I spent together with my grandparents...
Then at the age of 6 I was sent to school although it was one year too
early, normally kids went to school at the age of 7. I was the best in the
class and learning was fun. But at the same time we moved from grandparent's
house into our own. Father, mother and myself. Everything seemed fine for
~Nevertheless all my weekends and holidays I spent at my
grandparent's house... My mom had many brothers and sisters and at that time my favorite uncle just got
married and this new family lived together with my grandparents, I have
always been too comunicable and thus I was always to be found together with
someone... Home... I didn't like that new home. Somehow. My father started
to drink more... I do not really know the problems he seemed to be facing
but I think he just had too weak character. Couldn't resist temptation to
drink. Mom was not the mom that would care much about me. I was never hugged
or kissed and I was pretty independent. She was a strict mom and I always
feared to disappoint her. Not that she would hit me... Nobody did that, but
I was scared to death when the shouting started.
An Abusive Father
~Bit by bit and I was
growing.. Father's constant drinking turned into agressive and cruel
nightmare. He came home in the middle of night swearing and yelling, waking
everybody up... when I was 12 or 13 he tried to rape me for couple of times.
He never really succeeded to do that... but... you can imagine what came
next. I felt enormous hate towards him and absolute dislike. He started to
become more violent. Coming home in middle of night, marching himself in my
room and beating me just for nothing. I had become too nervous and too
scared and at the age of 15 I moved away from this house. Luckily. I just
graduated from junior high-school and moved to a different village to live
at mom's sister. Together with her family. I was accepted as a daughter
there, a big sister to my little cousin, she is several years younger.
A Dream Come True?
had a normal family and peaceful life but longing to be loved and cared for
never left me. I finished high-school and moved to Riga to enter the
University. At the spring of my second year in Riga I met Moonies. That was
kind of interviewing for going to USA, I never dreamt I would be chosen
but... I have no idea why, but there I was. It seemed too nice - all those
words and all those promises. I never imagined it would have anything to do
with religion at all. None of us knew. We were put in groups and we found
out the reality only on the first day of the workshop. I didn't see anything
A Pleasant Beginning
~I was brought up with a conviction that God exists although you could
got sent to Siberia in those times - Soviet Union didn't believe God
existed... I had read Bible occasionally... what really got me in - was the
talking about spirit world. Either I am too sensitive or it is some kind of
gift but I could see and hear things, or even have visions...
I have not even a single bad thing to mention about those workshops I went
to as a participant, student. We had the most caring group leaders who spent
all the time making us feel comfortable. I had many good friends there and
that time was the best in my whole life. I was needed and cared for... even
The Beginning Of Trouble
~In the autumn I (together with my best friend and one boy) moved in the
centre to live together with The leader, his wife and their little
daughter. Also that time I can remember without any complaining. All
started when the leader had to take care of new members in other cities alongside us. He was more travelling between the cities
than being there for us. But we sure needed him. At least I needed. Then trouble came... young American guy, around 30... We had met in summer
and in USA and every time I met him I thought to myself that never in my
life I had met anyone as crazy as him. He was so full of energy and so
demanding, so big boss... In a way I can understand the reason, he grew up
in the family of 12 children... Since the leader was away a lot, this new young member from America had decided
that he would be the boss for us, disregarding the leader's wife and started to do all
as he liked... well, that was something awful.
An Abusive Church Leader
~He had met a girl from
Lithuania in our summer camps and obviously fallen in love with her. His
voice completely changed into soft purr when he talked to her over phone
while terrorizing all of us as the worst members he had ever met. He even
punched me couple of times because I wasn't obedient enough to his mind.
That was the breaking point for me. The former leader and his wife, considered moving to
Moscow. As for the young American, his new girlfriend would join him... and we all moved out. He always accused us
that we are too lazy and too spoilt - perfect fallen natures... All of a
sudden he reminded me so much of my own father and all the nightmares I had
gone through that I simply couldn't force myself to be there anymore. His
words were 100% opposite to his deeds.
Escaping Abuse, Finding New Fears
~None of his deeds was according to
Principle... But I believed that the Principle could make the person better.
I was confused and hurt. I was lonely and deceived. I was followed by him
all the time and accused.. Once he even said that Moon will not let me go so
easily... I can avoid all of them, earthly people, but not Moon who is
Spirit of Spirits... in a way he was right... I had never felt completely
free... there came all kinds of bad things happening to my family and to
people dear to me... my most favorite uncle died in a car crash... I was so
deep in the Principle and in living the right way of life that after leaving
them I felt like the most helpless person in the world. I feared all the
people around me, especially men. I had no friends (and I still do not have
them). It was like being doomed... And the thought that I am the reason of
all the bad things happening never left me... I failed and I am being
~Now I think I have finally got this feeling of constant fear and
guilt out of my mind. I do keep in touch with my parents, I have never
stopped doing that. But I never talk to my father. I really do not think I
am being punished by Moon. He is just a man, but maybe there are some other
forces which cross my life now...
~I do not know what you can use from this... since my experiences are not
that much connected with Moon himself. The young leader treated all girls like the worst
creatures in the world... but he was American. And it is just because of
him we left. By saying we, I mean all my friends there.
None of us who were
the first had stayed.
© 1999 Sveta