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The mMp. Ph3ar it. No, really. ^_^

DISCLAIMER: I... am *not* a crook. ^_^

  One... two... T-Minus one... two... what? You mean that's not... well, shit. ^_^
  ...Could be worse, it could be the claustrophobic stripper joke... ^_^ 
  Alright, I'm ready.


Heya, folks! I'm James Howard, The MultiMediocre Knight.

And, well, I never thought we'd all see the day.

I know none of you have the slightest clue what I'm talking about, but I'm telling you, this is a big day.

You see, today, October 23rd, 1999, is the Second Anniversary of the MultiMediocre Page.

Think about it, folks. This little nugget I pass off as a homepage is two damn years old today. Happy birthday, eh? :)

Now, in case you're wondering(and even if you aren't): The MultiMediocre Guestbook's Second Birthday is October 25th (or "the day after tomorrow" ^_^), and the Church of Kaphwan turns two on December 1st. And, oh yeah, Shizumaru Central turned one three months ago; it's just that Tripod is such a bitch to update on, I haven't had the energy to go anywhere near the damn place. That and I completely forgot about SC turning one. Oh, well, it doesn't mind. :)

So, of course, you can mail the congratulations and gifts and money to me at, and I'll be sure to give it to the mMp. Really, I will. :)

So, break out the party hats and streamers and celebrate, kids! Now, let's see if the place lives to be three. ^_^


Oddly enough, you and these two guys are the only people who came to the party today. ^_^

And now, how about a mindless diversion while the rest of the page loads?

And, in case you're wondering, this turns two on March 17th. :)

Oh, goody, what's the joke THIS time?
As you can see, one of the gifts for the mMp's birthday were Ryu and Ken Action Figures "with Real, Life-Like Cheap-as-All-Shit Vs-Series Beam-Fireball Action!". ^_^

Kim!Kim says, "Visit James Howard's MULTIMEDIOCRE SHRINE TO KIM KAPHWAN OF FATAL FURY AND KING OF FIGHTERS AS WELL AS A GUEST APPEARANCE IN SAMURAI SHOWDOWN 2, or I'll start singing 'Come On Eileen' by Dexy's Midnight Runners."
Well, it's what he WOULD say if he were here and that wasn't just a picture of his head. I'm sure it is. Really. ^_^
He'd also say "Wait a minute. I'm from South Korea. Why the hell am I speaking English? I don't know English!". He's awfully realistic for a fictional character sometimes. ^_^
And I'm sure he'd also mention that it's turning two on December 1st, if he gave a rat's ass at all. ^_^

Heeeeeeeeeeeeere's Shizu! :)Shizumaru says, "Hello, my name is Shizumaru Hisame of Samurai Shodown III and IV. I'm sure, by now, you've met the MultiMediocre Knight. Well, he's made a shrine about me and named it 'Shizumaru Central' for some God-forsaken reason, and it would make him deleriously happy if you would visit it. For some reason, however, he hasn't updated it in quite a while. You have to wonder sometimes if he'll ever get around to it."

...Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, if it were actually him and not a picture of his head, that IS what he would say. Really! When have I ever lied to you? Lately, I mean. Okay, today, than.

Kim!"Hey, kid," Kim would say, mystically appearing out of nowhere.
Shizu!"Yes?" Shizu would respond, ignoring the fact that Kim just appeared from out of nowhere.
Kim!"You're Japanese, correct?" Kim would ask.
Shizu!"Well, technically." Shizu would say.
Kim."Technically?" Kim would ask. "How the hell does that work?"
Shizu..."Well, you see," Shizu would say, "I come from feudal Japan, a few centuries back, y'see, when men were men and smelled like horses and..."

This would be when Kim leaves. Got to prepare for the CoK turning two, after all. I guess it makes him feel old. Oh, dear. ^_^

Psssst. You. Come here. Wanna see my collection of webrings? No? Well, screw you too. ^_^

Fliptop?? Fliptop says, "Flip! Flip! Flip flip! FLIP! Flip! Flip FLIP!" which means "Links? You don't WANT to see the links. They're VERY OLD. James NEVER UPDATES THEM. I don't even know why I'm STILL LINKING TO THEM. They turn two on November 3rd, and they're STILL not going to be updated." How true, how true. ^_^

It may not matter a whole damn lot, but you're visitor number since October 23rd, and that's... obviously broken. Aargh. One second.

*tweak* *turn* *SNAP!* Oops. ^_^ *click*

Alright, now let's see here. *Whirrrrrr...*

I'm not the only one seeing a talking dolphin, right? *Right*? ^_^
This is an actual screenshot, from an actual game, of a dolphin wearing an aviator cap, flying a plane, and giving out his opinion on the destruction on a major city. No, I know it isn't the counter... I just wanted to point it out to you folks. ^_^ Anyway, the counter...


'Hey, I can see my house from here...'
If you drink twelve martinis and try to climb onto the top turnbuckle of a wrestling ring, THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS TO YOU. ^_^


Oww! What? What? *You* try doing it, than! ^_^

Anyway, if I remember correctly, the counter should be around here somewhere...

*Click!* *BEEP!*

And now I'm going to shine this thing up real nice, turn it sideways...
And here we see the CEO of Mastercard explaining that his card is the only way to pay someone to paint your face up real nice. Really, it is. Trust me.

...What are you staring at me like that for? ^_^

What? Counter? I don't k... oh, right! The counter! Silly me. ^_^

*click* * *MOOO!* *blinkblink* *pause* *click* *BEEP!* *Buzzzzz....*

Zap. :)
Here we see how *not* to give an electric demon rat liposuction. ^_^

Hee hee! Don't mind me. :) Now, where's that counter...

*click* *WHACK!* *SLAM!* *JUMP!* *LAND!* *KICK!* *turn*

Here we see some seriously drunk pussy, an-


Oww! Hey! Like you wouldn't have made that same joke in the first place. :)

...What? Oh, you want the *counter* now, do you? Well, I don't know... *ducks a clothesline* Alright, if it means that much to you. ^_^ Alright, let's see...


The Typing of the Dead. No, seriously. ^_^
Coming soon to an arcade near you! MULTIMEDIOCRE PAGE: THE ARCADE GAME! ;p

*Flip!* *Clang!* *Clonk.* *CLONK!* *CLONKCLONKCLONK!* *FOOOOM!* *Squeek!* *QUACK!* *PuttputtputtputtputtputtVROOMputtputtputtputt...*

There we are! So, now that we've... hey... wait a second... *Looks again at ... oh, for Flutie's sakes. It's been two years and I *still* can't get the counter to work right. ^_^ I'll just reach over here and... *Click.*

THERE we are! THERE it is! It's fixed, it's healthy, it... has over 2500 hits. Wow, that's about 1250 a year, huh? ^_^

Hey, want to sign the Infamous MultiMediocre Guestbook, which is the only thing anybody does anymore? ^_^ Or would you rather view the Guestbook? ...Spit on the guestbook? Poke the book? Come on! Do something! It's the mMp's Second Anniversary, for Flutie's sakes! ^_^

Submit your page to 34 sites for free!

Well, I THINK it worked for me. Make it work for YOU!

Oh. Canada. :)
I'm Canadian. I don't care what you think of that. And because I'm so patriotic, I'm showing you all what the Canadian flag looks like underwater. ;)

Watching over the page for me is, ladies and gentleman, The MultiMediocre Homepage Guardian,

Currently guarding, at least until someone else shows up...

An anime character with extra-baggy pants and a piano tied to his back!

Okay, I'll level with you, I have no idea who he is. He just wandered in off the street and I haven't been able to make him leave yet. ^_^

Well, if you couldn't guess by now, this page was blindly just... just... just HANDED to me by . TWO YEARS AGO. ^_^

If, like I was, you are VERY VERY bored and feel like messing around with something, you can get a Free Home Page from Geocities.

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