My transition and my life doing so.
Well I'm Sam and I am an FtM (female to male). I have wanted to be a guy all my life and dressing like one just wasn't enough, so at the age of 39 I am making my dream come true. To be the MAN I should have been from birth. The first of the year (1999) I went full time as a guy, and pass very well, which I did most of the time before since I have always dressed like a guy. The main difference now is I go by a male name, and I have a regular guyís short hair cut. My name change should be official by the end of April, 1999. I started taking hormones (testosterone "T") Jan, 25, 1999 by muscular injections in the thigh, which I give to myself every two weeks. I am planning for chest surgery to be done by the end of summer (99), which will be reconstruction to look like a maleís chest.

After the first month on "T" I had no noticeable changes as the changes I'm going to go through will be very slow. At two months, small changes are beginning to appear. I've noticed very light hair growth starting on my face in addition to what I started with. My belly has this increase as well, which is good for that short of time. Upon month 3, I have a little more hair than month 2. I have been able to grow a small noticeable mustache, which I will be keeping for a while. The already deep voice I had has begun to drop a little lower. My shots have been changed to a smaller dose but taken weekly; this change helps keep my hormone levels more stable. My chest surgery date has been set for July 27th, 1999, with Dr Fischer at the Advanced Center For Plastic Surgery.

Well, its been a while since I have updated so here it goes. Itís now the end of June, five months after starting T and I now have facial hair that is very noticeable and have decided to let it grow and my mustache is filling in nicely. The muscles in my body are now being more pronounced like the male structure but nothing major yet as I said before this takes some time. My blood levels are elevated so we have to start monitoring it, as this can be a problem. This is something someone on hormones has to watch for as well as other health risks. But being aware of the problems that could occur keeps me healthy. I had my hysterectomy June 17th, 1999 and I'm looking forward to getting chest surgery next month. My name change was complete in May and I have an "M" on my license.

Hooray I made it through chest surgery on July 28th 1999. I had a drain in on each side and one got removed after a week but the other one had to stay in for about 2 1/2 weeks. I sure was glad when it came out. The nipples aren't perfect as they did have to be grafted on, and I scar bad, but they still look good to me. I had a lot of tingling in my chest at night due to the nerves healing and had to sleep with a warm compress on my chest to get enough relieve to sleep. During the day I was fine and I had to wear the surgical vest for 6 weeks after surgery. Still have some swelling but it has gone down quite a bit since surgery. I will need a revision, which I plan to have done in December. This will help I hope to minimize some of the scar I got from where the drain tubes where, and any excess tissue that might have been missed. The rest of the scar isn't too bad considering how bad I do scar. Of course my chest has gotten hairier and when its done growing it will hide what scar I do have I hope. My chest and body must not deal to well with the sutures cause I am having pieces work there way out that should have been gone by now. Dr said she had never seen someone's body respond to sutures the way mine has but its not a problem other than getting little sore spots when they work there way out.

I run around now at home without a shirt and it sure feels good. Since my hormones have changed within my body from hysterectomy and continuing "T" my testosterone level had gotten a little high and I have had to cut the dose down to keep from having too high of a "T" level count. I have stopped shaving and have started to get a nice little beard. Face still has some light areas and I hope it fills in soon. My strength has increased to the point that I don't realize what strength I really have and I wind up over doing things such as I was throwing old boards an stuff in my mom's truck and oops went through the back window. In the past I was lucky just to get it in the truck but not any more. I'm sure glad my mom is trying to be understanding because she didn't kill me. She actually laughed about it later. It's also pretty kewel that I have almost caught up with my brothers in male characteristics. I'm hairier and stronger than one, about the same as another, and the one brother I have that we pass as twins well I may never catch him in strength, I say by next year I'll have passed them all for hair or be as hairy.

Some of my family is slowly starting to accept my new life. The one brother I thought would not deal at all is actually calling me Sam, which is so kewel. Mom doesn't do that yet but she does try to refer to me as daddy to a little girl who I was able to be granted custody of as a Transmen and will adopt later. Of course my older brother totally refuses to accept me as a guy and wants to keep referring to me as a female. My other brother I have no idea since I don't see him much. And dad disowned me years ago so he doesn't even know about my transition yet unless my brothers told him.

How I got custody of a child that wasnít mine was a bit tricky and would have been for anyone. I was dating this lady who was the grandmother and we were raising her cause the biological mother was young and into drugs and such. At first I didnít know that the grandmother was a drug addict as well. I cared for her very much and was willing to help her get clean and us get married some day. We went round and round with the addiction and had her being clean for 2 months when she decided she just had to have it one more time. I told her if she left to get high not to come back. Well she left and took the child with her since at that time I had no rights. One week later I get a phone call that she was in the hospital from an over-dose and that the child was in protective custody with child welfare and was asked to get her back. Well since I loved the child and I was the only daddy she ever knew I got a lawyer to fight for her. Well I did win full custody and guardianship as there wasnít any suitable family member to take her and none of them wanted to contest and fight for her themselves. The grandmother and the mother even spoke on my behalf that I would be a suitable guardian for the child. The lawyer for the state tried bringing up the fact that I was transgender but the judge didnít want to hear it, as it had nothing to do with whether I could provide a safe home for the child. Was rather kewel that the judge even said she didnít want to hear another word about it. After court was over I told the grandmother (my ex-girlfriend) that if she got clean and stayed that way that we could get back together and get married. Oh my mom was at the custody hearing also as she accepted her as her granddaughter when she first came into my life. So the child was well loved by everyone.

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