I would just like to thank all the dear friends and loving family of my mom ďCAROLĒ for joining us on this deeply sad yet blessing day, for today we donít just say goodbye to a wonderful woman, friend and mother, but we also get to do something for my mom thatís truly unselfish.

We get to do for her something that sheís done for each and everyone sheís ever touched in her life, we get to give her the unselfish act of putting her needs and wishes before what we feel we need.

 Ever since I can remember my mom would always be there to lend a hand when someone needed a little help or just a word of encouragement, she never put herself before others no matter what the cost to herself. I can remember even through her fight with the totally unrelenting cancer that was tormenting her day and night, she would so unselfishly give any amount of love, understanding and even time, (which to her was the most valuable thing she had besides her family), I donít think there was a single time I called upon her for help or assistance in my life that she wasnít there for me, and thatís just what a good mother does. You would never hear her say ďwell I really canít because Iím busyĒ, no, not her, she would gladly lay down her responsibilities and daily chores to make sure her family had everything in their lives to make life as smooth as possible.

Now as we let her go it will do nothing to make our lives smooth and comfortable to live, but this is what we have to do for her, itís what we have to do to put her needs before our selfish hearts, I donít think there is a person in the world who wants to say goodbye to their mother, but when you see her struggling day to day, just trying to be strong for you and keep you comfortable with the realism that she has to live with every minute of her precious time with you, you have to make the decision that has been taught and re taught so many times through out your life, you have to make the choices that benefits no one but her.

I canít even imagine how long it will take for the pain to subside in our hearts; my mom was such a huge and important part of each and every one of our lives, we needed her for almost every little trial that we had to deal with and it seemed that just about everything in our lives revolved around her.

 A lot of times people take the allowed time at someoneís passing to reflect on the personís struggles and how they are at peace now, and then just leave it at that, well Iíd like to go further if I could and talk a little about what we all need to be thankful for during this time.

 My mom might not have had a lot of worldly possessions; she pretty much lived with the bare minimum to ensure that her children and grandchildren would have happy and fulfilling birthdays and Christmasís. But I think that some of the things we need to reflect on are the things that people take for granted every day, while others live with the reality of them their whole lives.

First off, my mom got to watch all of her children grow up healthy and happy as one by one we all started our own lives and raised our own families with the knowledge she instilled upon us through the years, and after seeing each and every one of her children grow up to be outstanding adults and some exemplary parents, she got the god giving gift of watching each of her grandchildren coming into this world healthy and happy. Not all parents or grandparents get that privilege, now donít get me wrong they are no less content as other parents are, but they have so many personal battles within themselves to face before the have the luxury of simply being parents.

And then there are those parents who have the unexplainably horrific task of seeing their children in misery or going to their Childs or grandchildís funeral

My mom never had to deal with these personal battles, all she had to do was live and love as each one of us kids grew up, had families and they grew up. And what more could a mother/grandmother ask for?

I think that in some way thatís why she never wanted anything for herself, she knew how truly lucky she was and she wasnít willing to jeopardize it in any way shape or form by being overly selfish.

 The only thing I wish the lord would have granted to my mom was his permission to be with us at the arrival of my sister Barbís baby.

This is Barbs first child and I know from watching my other sisters bring their babies into the world that itís the most important time for a woman to have her mother there for all those little questions and helpful advice.

But Barb; in a way I think I do understand why she was taken before your baby came.

       You see, I think that it would be too hard for her to leave us if she was able to see the baby and see one of her youngest children being a new mommy, I think that it would make her journey home with the lord too difficult to make, so Barb please try to understand for momís sake.

She would never have been able to live with herself if she seen you with the baby and then had to say goodbye. I really think that it would have hurt her more than anything in the world.

I think that we need to say goodbye to her while she still has the comfort of knowing she has been there for the most important parts of her childrenís lives.

 I hope that I am half as great as my mom through the rest of my life, and I say hope because as of now I just canít seem to be, I just want her back laughing and being herself  sitting there at home as one by one we show up for a holiday get together, and I know that itís so selfish knowing what she has been battling through her last weeks with us, but I just donít care I want her back and I can feel so much anger looking for a way to be released and show the world how I feel about my mom being taken away from me when I need her most.

And I know that there is never a good time for someone to leave you. And thatís the knowledge that I hope comes to me, thatís just one of the many truly amazing qualities that my mom had and I hope that I will have someday.

So in remembrance and in appreciation I would like to say ďMom, thank you so very much for every little thing you have done for us and for everyone you have touched, we will never forget you and we promise to stick by one another through hard times and disagreements as well as good times. We will make you proud mom I promise..)

In finishing I would like to reflect once again with a few verses of a poem that I wrote for my mom a few days ago.


                               ďHAND AND HANDĒ

I can remember growing up and never having doubts,

As to what the future held or fearful of its routes.


 I had a wonderful mother, who would always take a stand,

 And lead me towards my destiny by walking me hand and hand.


 She would give so unselfishly to make sure I had all that I needed,

 And I just wish that I knew then that it was her soul that was being depleted.


Every obstacle was overcome and questions were made to understand,

 By simply leading me towards my destiny always hand and hand.


There was never a time I remember that she put herself before me,

 Instead sheíd sacrifice anything and demonstrate how to give unselfishly.


Even through her battles with making ends meet and being held together by a strand,

She was always able to be there and walk with me, hand and hand.


And now in her worst trial yet itís funny that all she does is want,

 But not for herself, itís for me to be ok through this jaunt.


Her walking is done for now, sheís done all that she can,

And now waits for you oh lord, to walk her home hand and hand.


God bless you mom, I love you so very muchÖBilly




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