is NOT a feeling,then
That's a hard one to answer..Ask any woman (it applies more to women than men) if she’s ever felt fat,and you’re bound to hear a resounding "sure" or "who hasn’t?".Now if you stop and think about it that really doesn’t make any sense, because "fat" isn’t a feeling.We can feel sad or happy or tired or nervous, but we can’t feel "fat".Only individuals struggling with weight issues would have any legitimacy in using that phrase,as they could relate to what it truly feels like to be heavy.But often,we hear this from women who aren’t overweight at ALL.
More often than not,though,we say we feel fat as a label for when things just aren’t going the way we might expect in our lives.For example,a relationship ends unexpectedly,there are problematic family issues,or school isn’t going well,just to name a few.
When we feel overwhelmed with what to do,or see no resolution to the issues that directly effect us,we begin to focus on ourselves,labeling the problem to be with "us" and "our weight" – when it really has nothing to do with weight at all!!
In fact,how you look and what you weigh probably had nothing to do with the outcome so we shouldn’t focus on it.Let’s face it:losing those five or ten pounds isn’t going to make the boyfriend come back,it’s not going to improve your grades nor will it change the family issues.
Determine what is really going on:
The next time you "feel fat", take time and ask yourself what’s really going on.
-What emotions are you feeling and why?
-Are they appropriate for what may have just happened or are you allowing your emotions to distort the event?
Take a realistic look at what you can change about the situation.Is it in your control to change the outcome –if not,then don’t spend too much time dwelling on it.Focus on what you can change –and not on changing others.And remember, the next time you feel fat,and you’re not premenstrual,don’t be too quick to start a diet – instead focus your efforts on what you can change about your situation.
BY:Vijai P. Sharma, Ph.D
A woman,highly competent and intelligent,is promoted to the position of departmental head.While congratulating her on her promotion,her boss tells her that a photographer will come the next day to take her picture for the company's newsletter.From that point on,all she can think about is how fat she feels and how big and ugly she will look in that picture.She sleeps fitfully that night.She wakes up every few minutes and sees herself looming large in the photograph.The joy of promotion is completely washed away by wave after wave of shame about being "too fat."
When someone says, "I feel fat," you know that person has been brainwashed by the "fat Nazis," that is,those who themselves are obsessed with thinness.It is all a result of mental programming.We don't feel fat in the body.The place we feel fat is in the mind.The weight loss industry and the world of fashion and entertainment have brainwashed us and created this unhealthy obsession in our twentieth-century society.
Children are born to naturally like themselves and admire and fall in love with their marvelous,little bodies.So how do some of us grow to dislike and even hate our bodies?What is responsible for this shift from body admiration to body dislike and body hatred?Answer:the sheer weight of others' opinion.We allow other people's opinion to dictate how we should feel about our bodies and therefore about ourselves.
Feeling fat or yucky about your body is not really about the body,it is about you.So,analyze how you feel about yourself.Some misguide themselves by thinking,"if I was not so fat I would feel okay about myself." Self-esteem comes in all shapes and sizes.I have seen very fat people with high self-esteem and I have seen thin people with very low self-esteem.No matter,what beauticians, bodyworks,and clothes designers promise us,they can't deliver self-esteem to us.We acquire self-esteem from within and not without.
Thinness and happiness are not synonymous.One can be fat and jolly.One can be thin and yet very unhappy.In spite of no connection between happiness and external appearance,we have convinced ourselves that pounds and inches measure our self-worth and yield us happiness.Happiness stems from within and not without.
"Because I feel fat,therefore I am," is wrong reasoning.I have seen people who are slim by social norms but they have convinced themselves that they are oversized.Some feel that a part of their body is so out of proportion that they can't feel good about the rest of themselves.
Mirrors do lie.
It depends who is looking in the mirror.Some of us are very unforgiving and critical of ourselves. "Mirror,mirror on the wall.Who is the ugliest of them all?" and mirror says,"You." Trust me,mirror is lying to you right in your face.Look at yourself with a kinder eye.Have compassion and respect for yourself just the way you are.
Bad body thoughts are your worst enemy.Here is a six-step plan to get rid of your bad body thoughts:
- 1.Spot a bad body thought as soon as it props up in your head,like you notice a bee when it is buzzing in your ear.
- 2.After you catch the bad body thought,challenge it.For example,you thought, "I have fat thighs." Challenge it right away by asking yourself,"Who says so?The fat Nazis?Thin thighs and blonde hair are just the same.Society dictates us what we should admire.I should decide whether my thighs are fat or right size for me."
- 3.Apologize to yourself for being impolite to your body.
- 4.Say something kind and positive to yourself.
- 5.Figure out what is it that you are really criticizing about yourself.Ask yourself if your dissatisfaction is about your work,relationships or some unresolved business of the past.
- 6.Accept yourself with compassion and work on what you are dissatisfied with.
Fat Days
What do we mean when we say we feel fat?I asked many people this question.I found few men who feel this way and few women who didn’t.Here’s a sampling of what the women said:
Jane, 5’5” 119 lbs.,knows it’s going to be a fat day if she has to wear her fat pants.She says, “I just know on that day I won’t feel good about how I look.No matter what anyone says to me,I will feel fat the entire day.I’ll feel antisocial,disgusted with myself,self-conscious and very insecure.All I’ll want to do is hide out at home and wear baggy boxers and a big T-shirt.”
Grace, 5’6” 125 lbs: “When I say I feel fat,I mean I feel gross.I feel ugly,hopeless,depressed and afraid that I’m always going to feel that way.”
Linda, 5’2” 110 lbs: “It’s hormonal for me.Right before my period I know I’m going to feel fat.Doesn’t matter how much I actually weigh.Bloated and fat for at least three days every month.Sometimes I hate being a woman.”
Why We Feel Fat
I saw something fascinating on TV recently.A swimsuit designer,who designs for regular women had a fashion show.There were women of all sizes and shapes modeling bathing suits.It was shocking!The first model was a size 10.She was wearing a bikini and,to my brainwashed eye,she looked fat.The models who were bigger than a size 10 looked huge to me.
Then they had one very thin woman,size 4,in a bikini and she looked “normal” to me.I realized that we NEVER see normal weighted women modeling swimsuits or anything else for that matter.Considering that the average American woman is 5’4” and 142 lbs.,it’s no wonder so many of us feel fat.
Compare Your Weight to These Famous Women
To get a general idea of your weight vs. theirs,allow 5 lbs. for every inch in height.For example,if you’re 5’7” and want to compare yourself to Sarah Jessica Parker’s 5’4”, add 15 lbs. to her weight,since you’re 3 inches taller.So at 5’7” you’d need to weigh 115 lbs. to be as thin.
| Sarah Jessica Parker | 5’4” | 100 lbs |
| Jennifer Aniston | 5’5” | 112lbs |
| Claudia Schiffer | 5’11” | 128 lbs |
| Christy Turlington | 5’10” | 119lbs |
| Kate Moss | 5’6” | 105lbs. |
Self-Image
What creates a self-image are the messages we get from outside of us about who we are.When we’re very young the brain tends to accept all new data as true.So,if you’re parents told you that you were smart,cute and chubby often enough,those traits became part of your self- image.If the popular girls were all tall,blonde and thin and you were a normal weighted brunette,that experience becomes part of your self-image.If all the models and actresses were significantly thinner than you,then that became part of your self-image as well.
“The self-image creates an emotional set-point in terms of body image and the belief in one’s power to regulate body weight,” explains Steven Reiter,Ph.D.,clinical psychologist in Westwood, California.When we push past that emotional set point and really begin to make changes,by losing weight or feeling better about how we currently look,the old self wants to pull you right back to what’s comfortable.It’s very difficult to change your self-image,but it is possible.
For the past eight years I’ve worked at UCLA’s Risk Factor Obesity Clinic helping people with the psychological aspects of weight loss and weight maintenance.I’ve seen hundreds of people lose vast amounts of weight.My experience tells me that it’s not just extra weight but how we feel about ourselves in general that needs to be addressed.Whether we think we’re fat and we’re not,or we really are overweight,low self-esteem tends to be at the core of it.
SUCK
Okay,okay,I admit it,fat days SUCK!But,how can we deal with "fat days" when they happen?What's the best thing to do?
Gravity has taken special interest in you today.You feel fat when you walk,when you sit,when you lay down.You wish you could just find the zipper and climb out of your body already.
Fat days have two main styles of attack. Either they form shortly before you wake up in the morning or they snag you at some point during the course of the day when you're innocently going about your business. And once a fat day has gotten hold of you, it's not likely to let go.
1. Ok,let's start with the therapists' favorite reason. You are worried, upset, anxious, (add the emotion of your choice to the list) and because it is too difficult, painful, frustrating (you get the idea) to deal with the actual cause of your distress, you instead subconciously choose to focus all your negativity on your body. The theory here is that focusing on weight and your body gives you a tangible enemy for which the solution is simple - lose weight, feel better, problem solved. Who wants to look at and deal with problems that may be beyond our control? Why not "invent" a problem such as suddenly being fat to distract ourselves from the real issues at hand. Fat Days.They are virtually inevitable.There are probably always going to be days that you just don't feel at home in your own body.Improving body image can help to decrease the frequency with which they occur,but it's probably not going to eliminate them completely.Even so-called normal/healthy (non-eating disordered) people feel out of sorts with their bodies on occasion.So,if we can't eradicate fat days,how can we get through them better?
1. Dress as comfortably as possible.
For those lucky few out there that have not experienced a fat day,let me attempt to describe what it is like to have one.All of a sudden,the clothes you're wearing feel too tight.You swear you can feel your face puffing up and the number of chins you own multiplying.Your upper arms seem to jiggle more and strain against the fabric of your sleeves.Your waist seems thicker and your belly has sprouted a new roll.Your thighs feel larger and can even appear to spread before your eyes.
You feel anxious and uncomfortable in your own skin.You are certain that everyone else sees that you have become a blimp overnight.You can't wait to go home and change into something oversized and shapeless to hide in.Your mind is preoccupied with thoughts of how large you are.You are sensitive and short tempered and wish everyone would just leave you alone...You should be made to wear a sign that says:
I have heard time and time again that when you are feeling fat (as in having a Fat Day - not as in the emotional sense because we all know fat is not a feeling), there is something else that is bothering you that is making you feel that way.And while this may be true part of the time even the majority of the time,I personally believe it is possible to have a Fat Day for no good reason. Here are some of my theories and beliefs as to why Fat Days happen:
2. Perhaps this next scenario has happened to you. You get up, feeling fine, having a good day, get on the scale and boom .... Fat Day. The scale says you have gained weight.Now it could be only a fraction of a pound that you gained, but you suddenly feel you have tripled in size.Had you not stepped on the scale,you would have been none the wiser but by knowing that there was some fluctuation in your weight, you are doomed to have a Fat Day.Now knowing that you've gained weight is all you can think about.It really is amazing how much power a number can have.
3.Maybe you woke up a little bloated this morning.I said l i t t l e bloated.I'm not talking about 36 lbs. of water retention,but a little puffiness for whatever reason.We tend to be highly sensitive to changes in our bodies' size.Even a small bit of bloating can be enough to sound the alarms.Although it is not noticeable to anyone else,we can *see* our puffiness...in fact we see it magnified by a hundred times at least(!!!).This distortion along with our hypersensitivity to any change in our size,shape,or the way our clothes fit has Fat Day written all over it.
Fat Days must die!How can we stop them?
If you are feeling bloated and yucky, the last thing you want to do is slither into a pair of skin-tight jeans or form fitting dress.While it's not always possible to bum around in your pajamas or swears all day,try to find something that is loose fitting and that allows you to move easily while still being appropriate for work,school,or wherever you may have to go.
2. Don't hide in your house all day.
This may go against your every last instinct,but getting out of the house can help take your focus off your body.If you are to stay in and hide from the world, there is little to distract you from your misery.Visit with a friend,go to a movie,etc.Get your mind off what you think you look like for a while and see how much your mood improves.
3. Get away from that mirror.
What you see in the mirror is not accurate anyway.Especially on Fat Days!!Our mind is a very very impressive,amazing thing!It can distort what we see to balloonous proportion!And so, the image you have conjured up in your mind of what you look like is what your eyes are going to be made to see.If you are feeling fat and are having a bad day,you are not going to project a very positive image of yourself.You will pick out every last perceived flaw and cause yourself even more distress by convincing yourself that you look even fatter than you ever thought possible.
4. Stay off that scale.
Not that you should have one in your possession anyway,but if you do,fat days are NOT the time to be jumping on one(!!!).And as we all too well know: No matter what it says:
-You are still going to feel fat and your mind will twist reality to fit the concept.
And let's admit it:You are only looking to the scale for confirmation that you really ARE too fat.
5. Continue to eat healthfully.
If you can -I know you can!-.This means doing your BEST to avoid restricting and/or bingeing and /or purging.None will do much to help you feel better for long.They may feel right initially because you will be acceding to your eating disorder,but using your eating disorder only makes you physically weaker and more emotionally unstable.
NOTE:***I personally have noticed that I tend to have more fat days whenI've been restricting regularlythan when I've been doing well with food.
6. Don't over exercise.
There is no need to punish your body.It has done nothing wrong...It's your mind that is making you *THINK* that your body has ballooned overnight.Excessive exercise is not going to make you wake up any thinner tomorrow,only sorer.
7. Be nice to yourself.
But really,if you are already not feeling so great about yourself,beating up on yourself is NOT going to help matters any better.A good thing to do are lists.Lists that can help are brainstorming ideas of things you like to do.I've tried a lot of those and it ended up being helpful a LOT!Here's my little list of the things:
We are all individual and so, we all have our own little lists of things...Giving it a shot and trying to do those things is a great way to have fun! And you can see how creative you can be and who knows, maybe end up with a new hobby!!
***Special Thanks to HOME