One fine day Bumblebee awoke from his rest cycle and stretched
out, thinking of all the fun he would have. He got out of the
recharging berth and went down the corridor to Skids' quarters.
He rapped on Skids' door, which, for some reason, was now black,
and called out, "Skids! Hey, Skids, wake up!"
There was no reply. Bumblebee was getting worried. He knocked
harder on the door. "Hey, Skids, come on! Get up!" There
was still no answer. Bumblebee pressed a button, which was also
black, and the door whooshed open.
Skids lay on the recharging berth, still unconscious. The berth
used to be tan, but now it was black! Bumblebee went over and
shook his friend. Suddenly he recoiled in horror. Skids was all
black! He was a black doll!
Bumblebee knew all about the Black Doll disease. It happened
whenever Kup, or any other ancient Transformer, neglected to keep
up with their hygiene and cleansing rituals. They began to produce
rust spores, which become airborne and infect both organic and
inorganic matter, making everything inert and lifeless. So far
the only cure has been to play "The Touch" at universe-shattering
Bumblebee ran out of the room. He burst into Cliffjumper's room
and stopped short. Cliffjumper was sitting in his chair, which
was now black, staring blindly at the wall. He had become a black
Bumblebee panicked and ran to the recharging chamber. He gasped
in shock. The chambers were occupied by black dolls! Not only
that, the energon flowing into them was black as well! The occupants
just lay there, staring at the ceiling.
Bumblebee forced himself to calm down and think rationally. Optimus
Prime would know what to do. The Autobot leader was not only the
biggest and strongest of the Autobots, he was also the smartest.
However, Bumblebee was the only Transformer who didn't realize
that this was just a bunch of apeslag Autobot propaganda for them
to become more popular, win the war, sell many comics (and for
Prime to get the girls). Thus reassured, Bumblebee headed for
Teletran One's control room.
Bumblebee peered into the cavernous room cautiously, having the
strange feeling that something was not quite right. The major
clue was that Teletran One was all black. Bumblebee spotted his
leader seated facing the mammoth console.
Bumblebee said timidly, "Prime? Uh, something's really wrong
around here." There was no reply. He walked slowly forward.
"Prime?" Still no answer. He turned Prime's chair around,
and in it was... a big, black Prime doll!
Bumblebee screamed shrilly. Sirens wailed, and Teletran One said,
"Decepticons! Decepticons! Decepticons!"
"Alright, already!" Bumblebee cried. "Decepticons,
Decepticons," Teletran repeated until Bumblebee gave it a
good, strong kick. "Ouch," Teletran muttered. "See
if I let you in the base again."
Bumblebee was really scared (no, not of Teletran!). The Decepticons
were attacking, and he had to face them all alone! It was up to
him to defend the base, his friends, the Earth, the universe,
and his secret collection of Playbot magazines.
Suddenly a light came on in his head. It was rather dim, but
it was better than nothing. "Gotta get this light switch
fixed," he muttered and turned it off, not realizing that
the light was a figure of speech. His brainstorm hit him. "Ow,"
he muttered, rubbing his head and looking around suspiciously.
His optics focused on Prime's inert form. Bumblebee was positive
his leader was smiling under his battle mask.
"I suppose I can always try to fool the Decepticons into
thinking Prime's about to attack," he murmured to himself.
It was a long shot, but it was the best he could think of. He
pulled Prime out of the chair and dragged him outside. Prime left
a trail of black behind him. Boy, was he ever heavy! "Gotta
cut down on the forty-weight, big guy," Bumblebee grunted.
He stumbled outside with his burden and stopped short in amazement.
The Decepticons had all turned into black dolls! Bumblebee heaved
Prime through the air at Megatron. Prime struck his enemy's form,
and they both tumbled to the ground, Prime pinning his enemy underneath
him. The spot they were laying on turned black.
Bumblebee knew he had to escape quickly, before the black doll
spores infected him. Just then he heard the familiar sound of
a shuttle engine igniting. He remembered that Ironhide was going
to Cybertron that day for a shipment of Cybertonium. The Autobots
wanted a copious supply, just in case. He shouted, "Ironhide!
Wait up!" and ran towards the spaceship. Suddenly, the ship
turned black! The door closed behind Bumblebee as the spaceship
"Thanks, Ironhide," said Bumblebee gratefully. There
was no reply. "Oh, no!" he groaned and looked at his
friend. Actually, Ironhide hated Bumblebee and thought he was
a worthless piece of scrap, but that's beside the point. Ironhide
was a black doll! Bumblebee threw Ironhide out the door, where
he landed on the peak of Mount Everest far below. The mountain
Bumblebee flew on to Cybertron, relieved that the shuttle still
functioned. He entered Cybertronian airspace cautiously, waiting
for Deception tri-fighters, which looked like they were made out
of oragami. Nothing happened. He set his shuttle down right outside
the Decepticon base. Still no reaction. Nothing stirred, no alarms
sounded. It was much too quiet! Maybe the Decepticons were planning
Unable to stand the deafening silence a moment longer, Bumblebee
walked up to the base, and the doors opened wide. Trembling with
fear, he stepped inside. He jumped as they clanged
shut. Inching along the corridor, trying to make as little noise
as possible, he made his way to the main control room. He knew
where it was because he had a map he had bought for a haypenny
in human currency.
He cried out instinctively when he beheld the sight in front
of him. All the Decepticons had turned into black dolls! Shockwave
was in the middle of giving an order, no doubt to some hapless
recruit to fetch some more of his Enerweed. Bumblebee snickered
loudly. He had always thought Shockwave had looked stupid with
a gigantic light bulb for a face. Shockwave had secretly bought
stock in G.E. on Earth. The light bulb was now black!
Bumblebee wanted to break Shockwave's light bulb, but then he
wouldn't have anything to laugh at. Besides, he was getting a
little lonely. Sure, it was great being the bravest, strongest,
(only) Transformer active, but he had no one to intimidate. He
searched around. The item had to be somewhere- most likely in
Shockwave's quarters. Luckily, it was marked clearly on the map.
Bumblebee followed the map's directions to Shockwave's quarters.
The security measures outside had been deactivated when the black
doll spores had infiltrated, so the door stood wide open. He stepped
inside and gaped. The room was a holding pen for swine, as he
put it. There were data pads and empty Enerbeer cans strewn all
over the place. Bumblebee could see a corner of Machobot magazine
poking through. Revulsed, he stepped carefully around the mess
to the rack that held the CD collection in the corner. (Yes, CDs
have made it to Cybertron.)
"Where is it?" he muttered. "Metallica, Alice
in Chains, Snoop Doggy Dogg, Kiss... what does this guy listen
to? Ah, here it is!" He proudly held the CD aloft. Emblazoned
on the front were the words "Transformers: the Movie soundtrack".
"It's my favorite. In fact, it's everybody's favorite. It's
been number-one on the chart for over ten years. Of course, that
may be due to the subliminal lyrics that command everyone to buy
ten copies." I guess I'd better play this and save civilization
as we know it, he thought. But before he left the room he stole
Shockwave's Enerweed stash and hid it in his subspace pocket.
He carried his prize back to the main chamber and loaded it into
the mega sound system that was used in "Blaster Blues".
(Thought I wouldn't remember, didn't you? :P) Actually, it was
Soundwave's originally, but Starscream used it to play the soprano
operas that he sang until Megatron threatened to slag him unless
Bumblebee switched on the system and turned the volume to the
"universe-shaking" mark. Soundwave used this volume
during his wild parties. Bumblebee shut down his audio sensors
The entire base shook around him as "The Touch" blasted
from the speakers and out into space. Since there is no air in
space, nobody could hear it, but the soundwaves traveled to the
atmosphere of the surrounding planets. Once there, it could be
Bumblebee watched in fascination as the pervasive blackness began
to fade away. He breathed a sigh of relief, then realized that
Transformers don't breathe. He felt very foolish.
"Hey! Where'd that Autobot come from?" Bumblebee turned
to see an oragami jet pointing a weapon at him. Just then, the
base let out an ominous rumble and the support joints began to
weaken. The sheer concussive force of the music was tearing the
A chunk of the ceiling broke loose and fell between Bumblebee
and the Decepticon. Bumblebee took his chance and dashed outside.
He ignited the shuttle's engines, which was no longer black, and
took off back to Earth, praying that Stan Bush would save the
Ironhide was just reactivating as Bumblebee flew by. The stranded
Autobot yelled, "Hey! What on Cybertron am I doing up here?
Wait! Wait for me! Aw come on, I'm sorry I called you a waste
of scrap metal. Pleeeease?" Bumblebee smiled nastily and
The little Autobot arrived back at Autobot headquarters, where,
to his relief, everyone had returned to normal. He smiled as he
watched everyone running around in confusion.
Optimus Prime found himself flat on his tailpipe on the ground.
"How did I get here?" he wondered.
Megatron roared, "Never mind that! Get your fat weight off
of me so I can pound you!"
Prime snickered. "Hm," he murmured, "it's such
a nice day out, and I'm really comfortable here. I think I'll
lay here awhile." He smiled to himself as Megatron thrashed
beneath him, trying to get free.
Ratchet ran over to his leader. "I think I know the problem,
Prime. Kup has been neglecting to take his oil baths again. His
rust flakes must have produced black doll spores, turning us into
lifeless black dolls."
Just then the geriatric Transformer wandered outside, talking
to himself. "Y'know, sometimes I wish I were human. I could
have dentures and Depends. I would try out that warrior's drink,
prune juice. But for some reason I hate baked potatoes!"
He stopped short when he noticed everyone standing around looking
at him. "Oh no," he wheezed. From out of subspace, everyone
pulled baked potatoes, even the Decepticons, who hated Kup too.
"Noooo!" he gasped as the potatoes struck his chassis
and broke open, steaming. The Aubotots and Decepticons ignored
their battle for the moment in their effort to herd Kup towards
the oil pools.
Bumblebee smiled to himself in satisfaction. Today had been a
great day. He had gotten to be the only Transformer functioning,
and since he had shared "The Touch" and its subliminal
message with the surrounding planets, the movie soundtrack was
sure to become number one in the universe. Feeling content, he
turned towards his quarters to smoke his newfound Enerweed.