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US troops are on the run?  The infidel is being kicked out of Baghdad?  Is this clown for real?  Who IS his optometrist?  Who says war doesn't have its  humorous side? 

Can't you hear him saying, "AMERICAN TANKS?  WHAT American TANKS?  We don't need no stinkin' American TANKS.  There AIN'T no American TANKS.  Those Americans are LIARS!  Their President BOOSH is a LIAR!  BOOSH is using fake TANKS.  BOOSH blows them up.  They're really just balloons.  You know, like my girlfr . . .  uh . . . Those Americans are all LIARS.  I LOVE Saddam!  I don't have a girlfr . . .  uh  . . .  See how those American infidels LIE??!!!" 

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The Peaceniks Need YOU!
Who cares what Saddam does to his own people? 
It's not our problem!
These two Kurdish rebels had it coming, right?

News media talking heads gleefully announce that millions of peace protestors around the world oppose President Bush's unilateral, immoral war against Saddam Hussein.  They say that they're not traitors and rebels, they're just speaking their minds.  We have no moral right to attack Iraq.  Saddam's victims, between 100,000 and 500,000 dead Kurdish men, women, and children aren't worth consideration.  After all, no one is quite sure how many Kurds died, so what's the fuss?  The peace protesters say we shouldn't care if Saddam tortures and murders HIS people.  It's an Iraqi problem, not ours, right? 


Never mind Saddam's connections to international terrorism, Bush is starting this war for oil.  Never mind that he has permitted and supported terrorist training camps in northern Iraq.  The UN weapons inspectors have found no "smoking gun."  Well, they really weren't looking for one, and they knew they couldn't find one in the first place.  Saddam is too good at moving the evidence.  Who knows, he could have used up all of his chemical weapons on those Kurdish rebels, those terrible men, women, and children.  But all of that doesn't matter, does it?  The Bush Administration is just lying about Saddam Hussein to justify taking the Iraqi oil fields, right?  It has to be right, protestors say so.  Never mind that environmentalist extremists and their shills in Congress have prevented drilling in the ANWAR (Arctic National Wildlife Refuge).  We're going into Iraq for oil so George Bush can become a very rich man (like their beloved Bill and Hillary Clinton and the other Democrat Party fat-cats).   The Republicans deserve to get rich preying on poor people too, don't they? 


Operation Iraqi Freedom is really an economics-driven war isn't it?  Who needs domestic oil when you can make a 22,000+ mile round trip to purchase it at the price OPEC dictates?  Who needs domestic oil when you can spend $80 billion on a war to take Iraq's oil?  Why drill in the ANWAR when we drive our economy into a deeper recession taking Iraq's oil, right?  A deeper recession will make Bush richer, right?  We have to protect the environment, so why not use environmental damage as an excuse to have a nice, big, non-polluting war in Iraq, right?  Never mind that caribou use the much-hated Alaska Pipeline to stay warm.   Why, we might warm-up a caribou or two if we drill in the ANWAR, and that would be man-made, not natural.  Everyone knows that man is evil and not part of nature.  Man is -- uh -- supernatural -- uh -- unnatural -- uh -- didn't evolve -- uh -- did evolve -- uh -- well -- man isn't part of nature, everybody knows that!  Better a frozen, dead caribou than one huddling against an unnatural, man-made pipeline or an unnatural oil derrick.  Yeah, that's it!  Those oil derricks are unnatural!  They're not made of materials taken (stolen, right?) from nature!  Man creates them from -- uh -- steel, and iron, and wood, and other unnatural stuff.   Yep, we're invading Iraq for oil and driving our nation into a deeper recession even though we have more than enough right here in the ANWAR.  And, and, and everyone knows that oil is bad and unnatural, right?  It comes from -- uh -- the ground, and man takes it out of the ground, and -- err -- uhh -- that makes it, like, unnatural, right?


Keep on protesting for peace!  Never mind the corpses of our innocent citizens from the World Trade Center, the Pentagon, and the three hijacked jets.  They're dead, and it's too late to do anything about it, right? I mean, like, starting a war with Saddam won't bring them back, will it?  Never mind that Saddam and his supporters gloated and danced in the streets of Baghdad while America and the world mourned.  There were only 3,000 dead when the World Trade Center collapsed.  That's not many; there could have been a lot more had it not been for those warmongering American cops and firemen who died there, too.  After all, Saddam Hussein gassed hundreds of times more of his own people.  The World Trade Center deaths weren't that bad, right?  And after all, the anti-Muslim American infidels had it coming, didn't they?  Compared to Saddam, his friends the hijackers didn't do that much damage on 9-11, now, did they?  We should forgive and forget, right?  The terrorists are just misunderstood.   They only want to convert the world to Islam, and barring that, their faith requires them  to send their enemies to their graves.  They aren't like us.  They don't fight wars for oil while pretending to fight for the freedom of enslaved and tortured people, do they?  They don't want to force their beliefs on anyone who doesn't want to be Muslim.   They just mercifully end all opposition with a bullet, poison gas, or the edge of a sword.  After all, you can't force your beliefs on dead people, can you?  That's fair, isn't it?  We need to talk to Saddam Hussein and his Muslim friends, don't we?   If we just let him alone, he and the Muslim terrorists he supports may not kill any more Americans, right?  Oh yeah, Saddam makes threats, but he really doesn't mean it.  Oh, yeah, sure, you're thinking about those dangerous Kurdish families again, huh?  They had it coming, didn't they?


Why not just shut up and accept peace?  Join with the peace protestors and forget about the  Kurds and Iranians that Saddam massacred.  They don't matter.  They're maimed or dead.  War won't bring their dead back; war won't heal their scars,  and war might result in more death, even Saddam's.   How horrible to make war when there can be peace.  How bloodthirsty can the United States be? 


Oh, and let's not forget the USS Cole.  Only a few nasty ol' warmongering American sailors were killed in that Saddam Hussein-linked attack.   And don't forget the first World Trade Center bombing, the Beirut Embassy and Marine barracks bombings.  Let's also remember the cruise ship Achille Lauro hijacking and the murder of the dangerous American in a wheel chair, Leon Klinghoffer, and the bombings of the U.S. embassies in Kenya and Tanzania.  And of course, the American warmongers got what they deserved when TWA flight 847 was hijacked by Saddam's friends.  Never mind the brutal execution of another American sailor, 23 year old U.S. Navy diver, Petty Officer Robert Stethem.   He had no business being aboard flight 847, did he?  And look what our violent culture has done.  We've named a guided missile destroyer, the USS Stethem, DDG 63, for Petty Officer Stethem.   Isn't it about time for protesters to publicly air their opposition to that decision?  So what if the USS Stethem was commissioned during the Clinton administration, Bush is at fault for not changing its name, right? 


Saddam must have been very angry with his friends who did the killings.  Why, he might have even called them (shudder) bad names if they acted without his giving the order.  Why dredge-up ancient history like the Khobar Towers bombing in Dhahran, Saudi Arabia?  Only 19 Americans died there, and only 500 were injured.  The passengers and crew of Pan Am flight 103 shouldn't have been flying over Lockerbie, Scotland, should they?  If our government hadn't been so bloodthirsty, the flight might have arrived safely, right?  Peacenik protesters know that dead Americans don't matter.  The dead can't be brought back.  War with Saddam won't bring them back, and the wounded have fully-recovered from their wounds . . . well, probably most of them have recovered.  Never mind their families.  Peace matters, and we deserve peace, don't we? 


Bush and his administration complain that thousands of innocent people have died at the hands of Saddam Hussein and his allies.  What innocent people?  The peaceniks know they weren't innocent!  The protestors say that they all had it coming, and the peace protesters are right, aren't they?  Bush is only using the victims of U.S. imperialism as an excuse to go to war, right?  Oh sure, the victims were on vacation, or they were invited to help the countries where they died, but they had no business being there, right?  They were meddling American capitalists trying to oppress people of the Third World by feeding, clothing, and teaching them how to take care of themselves.  How dare those warmongering Americans stick their noses into another country's business?  And look at what happened when they did!  They got themselves killed.  If they had been born somewhere else, they might not have died.  How dare they be born in the horrible, warmongering capitalist United States?  They were Americans, and they got what they had coming, didn't they?  


The peace protestors know what's true, and they're going to keep on hammering the point home while silencing people who don't agree with them and exposing the world to the truth, that their conservative opponents are the real Fascists.  Well, never mind that the conservative capitalist warmongers never silence speech, never shout down the opposition, never disrupt their opponents' meetings, never invade their offices, and never throw blood, urine, and feces on their opponents or spit on them.  The peaceniks know they want to do those things.  That gives them all the right and reason they need to assault their opponents, doesn't it?  It's self-defense, isn't it?  Everybody knows that, don't they?  The capitalist warmongers are thought-control Fascists because the peacenik protesters say so, and they're never wrong, are they?  If you dare to accuse them of silencing their opposition, they have the absolute right to shut you up.  It's not Fascism, it's self defense, right?


The peaceniks call us to become civilized, peace-loving people like them.  Just look the other way when they assault people who don't agree with them.  Violence in the name of peace isn't violence, is it?  Everyone should  be like the peace protesters.  After they commit an assault or support a mass murderer in the name of peace, it's time to forgive and forget!  Yeah!  That's it!  Forgive and forget in the name of peace!  We didn't start a war when innocent Americans were blown to bits, so why should we start one over more recent American deaths like 9-11?  Let's forgive and forget!  Peace is what counts, isn't it?  Saddam wants peace, and so do his friends the peace-loving terrorists.  Everybody knows that.  Peace is the answer!  Protestors who march in solidarity and support of Saddam want peace.  Why cut the head off of a snake when you can negotiate with it?  Snakes have rights, too, don't they?  What's wrong with this country?  Why should that warmongering Bush administration be so upset over a few thousand dead Americans, and a few hundred thousand gassed and dead Kurdish and Iranian women and babies?  Those warmongering babies had it coming, didn't they?  Peace is what's important, isn't it?  Yes it is, and if you don't accept peace, the peaceful peacenik protestors will kick your ass!


Everyone knows that we can talk peace with Saddam and those he supports.  The more we talk, the more peace we will have, right?  The Kurds talked.  Now many of them are peaceful, aren't they?  Saddam wants all of the Kurds to be peaceful!  Saddam and his government will understand that peace is the answer!  He'll come to the negotiating table, won't he?  Oh sure, he promised he'd get rid of those weapons of mass destruction, but he hasn't had enough time.  Hans Blix thinks so, doesn't he?  Hey, twelve years isn't very long.  How can anyone be expected to destroy hundreds of missiles and huge stockpiles of biological and chemical weapons in only 12 years?  It's the warmongering Americans' fault that Saddam didn't destroy them.   He was too busy shooting at the American warmonger's planes in the no-fly zone, torturing political prisoners, building more missiles for self-defense, and working on an atomic bomb to be bothered with destroying some moldy old missiles and chemicals, right?  And, if the warmongering Americans had only let him pacify those deadly Kurdish women and children, he'd have had no more chemical weapons to destroy, right?  It's all the fault of warmongering American capitalists! 

Saddam only wants to live peacefully in Iraq.  Ask the Iranians and the Kuwaitis.  They know he really didn't mean it when he invaded their countries.   He was just acting-out because he was misunderstood and abused by the American government.  Let's give Saddam another chance to talk peace.  He won't use the time to build missiles and biological, chemical, or nuclear (Ewww! Nuclear! I typed a swear word!) weapons. 


Peace is far more important than the massacre of a few hundred thousand defenseless children, men, and women, isn't it?  In the great scheme of things, peace marches, floating peace candles down rivers, moaning for peace on hilltops, and marching for peace is all-important.  Never mind that peace protestors physically assault their opposition, it's what they call themselves that matters, isn't it?   The puny lives of a few Kurds, Israelis, Iranians, and Americans really don't mean much, now, do they?  Saddam Hussein hasn't attacked us, and there's no proof that he's involved with the terrorist organizations that have attacked us . . .  well, there's not much proof anyway, just a few little camps in northern Iraq where they could take a rest from their work.  Those camps are nothing.  They could be boot camps for wayward Iraqi teenagers, couldn't they?   Why attack Saddam for those camps?  War with Saddam is immoral.  Everyone knows that.  War with Saddam's Iraq is immoral because the protesters who have the moral high ground say it is! 


Oh yeah, sure, there you go bringing up those riots again.  They don't count!  The Bush administration caused those riots.  The peace protesters had no choice.  They had to do all that damage.  It's all Bush's fault!  And those warmongering capitalist store owners, they had it coming, didn't they?  Peace protestors are peaceful because that's what they call themselves!  How can they possibly not be peaceful?  So what if they get a little rowdy and riot?  It's all in the name of peace, isn't it? 


Never mind Iraq's ongoing biological and chemical weapons programs, programs they've agreed to shut down since the Gulf War ended in a truce.  Just give Saddam some time.  He'll get the job done.   Even if Saddam does have weapons of mass destruction, he won't use them, right?  The Iraqi government isn't a warmonger like the Bush administration.  We build our weapons with the intent to use them, don't we?  The Iraqis only want them so they can feel safe from Bush and his rich friends in the oil business.  And don't forget those unarmed and dangerous Kurdish women and children that Saddam exterminated, well, he really didn't mean to do it, did he?  Defending freedom and saving oppressed people is just a smokescreen for getting more oil that we don't need, and for using our weapons of mass destruction, right?  Cowboys love weapons of mass destruction, and Bush is a cowboy, isn't he?  He's from Texas, and Texas is all about oil isn't it?  Isn't that a big clue? 


Bush is using Saddam's weapons of mass destruction to get hold of Iraqi oil, right? Peaceniks know the REAL reason Bush started the war.   He's an oil-hungry war monger.  Why drill for oil here when you can start a war, spend $90 billion dollars on it, and get then buy the oil from Iraq?  Weapons of mass destruction is a convenient ploy to get Iraqi oil.  Everyone knows that!  The peaceniks know that!  Saddam wanted to shut down weapons production; he said so.   But he just didn't get around to it.  Well, they did disassemble a few of their missiles.  Never mind that they have hundreds more, they meant well.  Disassembling some of their missiles shows that they're peaceful doesn't it?  They didn't have time to destroy more missiles; they had too many camels and jackasses to take care of, and those horrible warmongering Kurds and dissident Iraqis to torture and kill.  And who knows, maybe Saddam will need some of those missiles to quiet the Kurds again.  If Saddam has the right tools, the job will be much neater than it was the last time.  Gas and germs are so much less gory than the machine gun bullets (Ewwww! Guns!) Saddam's troops have been using on the Kurds.  With biological and chemical weapon systems, Kurdish children can die and there's no blood and guts to make it look as bad as it did when Saddam had them shot.  Those Kurdish will be all peaceful-looking next time, not all bloody.  Peace is what counts, right?  The war is about oil, right?  So what if Bush has to send tankers on 20,000 mile round trips to get that oil and bring it back.  So what if it's cheaper and more efficient to pump ANWAR oil through a pipeline to the Alaskan coast and then and ship it by tanker a whole 1500 miles instead of crossing half of the world twice to get it and bring it back?  The point is that this war is about oil, right?  Of course it is, the peace protesters say it is!


Of course we can trust Saddam.   He won't use those weapons he's working on -- again.  He says he won't.  We can trust him.  Never mind that the weapons that we know exist haven't been destroyed.  Saddam's just keeping them around so he can feel safe from the warmongering Americans and those horrible, defenseless Kurdish families.  The Germans and French who helped Saddam develop them can't find those weapons of mass destruction, so they don't exist, right?  There's no smoking gun -- unless you count the machine guns they used on Kurdish and Iranian families, and those nasty Kurds and Iranians had it coming anyway.  Don't forget, Saddam says the chemical and biological weapons don't exist.  His word is good enough for peace protestors.  Give him a chance to prove his good intentions!  Everyone makes mistakes.  He wouldn't tell peace protestors a lie, would he?  So what if a few hundred thousand Israelis die in a nuclear or biological holocaust?  So what if he attacks American troops with weapons of mass destruction that he doesn't have?  They're all just a bunch of warmongers like the Kurds.  Saddam won't kill too many Israelis; he left a few Kurds alive, didn't he?  He's never said he wants them ALL dead, has he?


So what if there are more than four billion people alive today?  So what if the protestors are 1/2000th to 1/10,000th of the world's population?  They're right because they're loud, and because they get air time from their newsie supporters.   They stand proudly when they protest for peace, and if anyone opposes their protests, the peace protestors peacefully beat the hell out of them.  Those attacks aren't hypocritical.  They make perfect sense.  Beating up the opposition doesn't count as violence, does it?  I mean, like, peace protestors didn't beat up as many of their opponents as Adolph Hitler or Joseph Stalin did.  So, they're not so bad, right?  Oh yeah, Hitler and Stalin did kill a lot of protestors, but they've been dead for a long time, so that doesn't count.  Peace protestors aren't like them.  The Nazis wanted to silence all opposition, the peace protestors only want to silence the people who don't understand the importance of peace.   After all,  the protestors only beat the living daylights out of anyone who challenges them, they don't beat up people who agree with them.  They're defending their right to free speech, right?


So what if Spain, Great Britain, and more than 35 nations are cooperating with the United States and the Bush administration in an illegal, immoral war against Saddam?  Bush is a cowboy and a loner.  Never mind those law-breaking nations,  Bush has gone to war unilaterally, and even worse, without the permission of the United Nations (as if he could hope to get it!)  Bush is wrong.  Tom Daschle, Hillary Clinton, and millions of rioting peaceniks have said so; it has to be true!  So what if the rioters represent as much as 1/2000th of humanity?  So what if the great majority of Americans know and believe that Saddam is a threat to our existence, and that war is necessary?  The French, Germans, and the peacenik rioters know better than anyone else!  The protesters are right!  The other 99.9995% of the world are stupid warmongers!  Look to the Europeans, especially the French, as an example.  Can't you see how many wars they've avoided? Why resist evil, murdering monsters when you can climb into bed with them?


Yes, by all means, let's follow the European standard.  The United States and the Bush Administration are a bunch of rowdy, bloodthirsty cowboys acting unilaterally, right?  Spain, Great Britain, and 35 other nations don't really count, do they?  France and Germany's opposition to Bush's war negate Spain and Great Britain's support, don't they?  Just ignore the other nations.  Can't you see that Bush is acting alone?  The peacenik protesters say so!  So what if the United States is an independent nation?  How dare she defend herself against a homicidal maniac like Saddam Hussein?  How dare the United States ignore orders from the U.N.?  So what if the U.S. pays the U.N.'s bills?  So what if the United States gives more aid to starving and sick people in a year than the rest of the UN's membership has given in its entire history.  The U.S.A. is a nation of hateful warmongers!   Just ask any German or Frenchman.   They know what warmongering is; they're experts!   U.S. warmongers freed France from Germany's Nazis in World War II, and then they liberated Germany.  What a monstrous thing for this bloodthirsty nation to do!  The French were happy to have the Germans governing them.  After all, just like the Kurds in Iraq, the French Jews were a great inconvenience before the Germans arrived. 


The U.N. says we can't defend ourselves; we must obey their dictates.  How dare George Bush disagree?  They have the moral high ground.  And it's fertile high ground at that.  It's been fertilized with the corpses of people the U.N. didn't deem fit to live or to be defended.  Well, the UN wasn't so bad, now was it? They strenuously objected to the genocide in Kosovo, and they objected to Saddam killing those Kurdish families, too, didn't they?  So what if there are piles of corpses in Kurdistan and Kosovo?  The U.N. has been trying to keep the peace.  Trying counts, doesn't it?  Their intentions were good.  They've given peace a chance.  Give them time, a few thousand or a few million more corpses isn't such a terrible price to pay for the UN to have a chance at creating worldwide peace.  So what if Saddam Hussein kills a few million more people?  He really doesn't mean it, and after all, it's his country. 


Then there's United Nations' efforts at creating diversity in the new global community.  Why shouldn't they be commended for making Muamar Khadafi's Libyan Ambassador Chairperson of the 2003 session of the UN Commission on Human Rights?  That's not a problem, right?  Well, there were all those terrorists Khadafi supported, and all of those victims, but that's in the past.  They're dead, and the UN says that Libya is qualified to represent and protect the rights of all LIVING human beings.  The UN can't be wrong, they're civilized.  They object to murder and massacre, don't they?  So, Libya is a good choice, right?    Any government that has violated the rights of millions and murdered thousands of defenseless men, women, and children should be an expert on human rights.  They certainly have experience, don't they?  Why shouldn't we applaud the UN's appointment of Saddam and his boys to run the Global Disarmament Committee?  They're experts on biological and chemical weapons, right?  They've had plenty of experience using them on the Kurds.   What other government has more experience in the practical application of poison gas?  Who could be a better choice?


So, go forth and demonstrate against the Bush administration's oil war while our courageous troops fight and die in Iraq protecting your right to hate this blessed country, to act like fools, and to be cowering hypocrites.  Go ahead, demonstrate your hatred for President Bush.  After all, Saddam Hussein isn't the bad guy, is he?  He needs your encouragement and support.   SADDAM AND HIS MUSLIM TERRORIST FRIENDS ONLY WANT YOU DEAD!  Who cares?  You really don't count, do you?  You're just one more meaningless person in four billion, just another warmongering American pretending to protest against the Bush Administration's war for oil.  Is it any wonder the terrorists and the Iraqi government wants to kill you and your families?  After all, you're the bloodthirsty infidels, not them!


Oh, before I forget!  Get this straight, you loathsome, detestable, puerile, vacuous, inane, filthy, traitorous, violent, peacenik protestor bastards: You make decent, God-fearing, freedom-loving Americans sick to their stomachs.  Do our country a favor.  Follow the example of the dishonorable traitor, Hanoi Jane Fonda.  Take a vacation in Baghdad before Saddam and his friends pay for their crimes.  Can there be any doubt that they'd welcome you into their midst?  They need more human shields now that our troops are in the city.   You're the ideal candidate for the job.


To all loyal, courageous, God-fearing Americans:

Please join in prayer with me and other loyal Americans who support Operation Iraqi Freedom, its courageous soldiers,  and our morally upright President, George Bush.

O LORD, we pray Your protection for our troops.  Set Your guardian angels to watch over, sustain, and protect them.  Bless them with superabundant courage and faith.  For those who are in the hands of the pagan barbarians, we pray that You will shield them from those who torment them.  May each of our soldiers, those in captivity and those who are fighting, anchor their courage in You.  May they fight bravely.  May they resist their captors.  May they show Your mercy to the enemy when mercy is warranted, and Your righteous anger when anger is necessary.  Bring utter confusion upon the pagan barbarians and their supporters.  May they be scattered in terror.  May the irreversibly wicked among them be utterly destroyed.  May our behavior on the battlefield and in victory show no weakness.   When You deliver the enemy into our hands, open their eyes to our motives and Your incomparable mercy. 

O LORD, You have taught us, "Greater love has no one than this: that he lay down his life for his friends."  Give comfort to those who mourn the loss of their courageous loved ones who have died in the service of this nation.  Let those who remain at home and in captivity find assurance in Your promises.  Let them know that the loss we all have suffered is not in vain.  Their loved ones and their companions in arms are risking and have given their lives for us and for an enemy who hates them.  May You accept  into Your presence those who have laid down their lives for their friends.

O LORD, expose the enemy among us.  Open closed eyes and ears.  Overwhelm our enemies with confusion, shame, and disgrace.  May their motives and hypocrisy be exposed and their methods be despised.  May our enemies and the fools who support and comfort them, mouthing their lies, be held in utter contempt.  May those who attack us, who seek to divide us, who malign our motives, and who attempt to discourage us, those who support and give comfort to Your pagan enemies, be brought to justice.

O LORD, answer the prayers of Your servants and grant all of us wisdom.  Give our leaders a blessing of insight that is far beyond their mere human ability.  May they understand our enemies and expose their lies and deceptions.  Unveil with Your inescapable light of truth the dark falsehoods, vile schemes, and devious distortions of reality that are concocted by those who oppose us, who seek to confuse us, and who work to divert our attention from our high purpose.  Let no one but Your enemies be deceived and confused.  May we not be deterred by any kind opposition, be it spiritual or the product of wicked men.  May we always keep our eyes on Your prize.  AMEN!!!



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On March 16, 2003, an arrogant, brain-dead, mass-murder supporting, homicide bomber- loving, peacenik named
Rachel Corrie, 23, of Olympia, Washington, whom I will nickname "Bonnie Rubble" for the purposes of this column, stood her ground and then became part of it.  She was protesting and attempting to block an Israeli bulldozer as it was tearing-down another Palestinian terrorist hideout.  A wall fell on her.  She was killed.  This should be her epitaph:

Here lies poor Bonnie Rubble
Head empty as a bubble
Acting like a stupid fool
Took herself from the gene pool

'Dozer driver take our thanks
Next time you should use a tank
Peacenik Bonnie in a trance
To you we say, "Good riddance."


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Saddam As the War Ends

Henchman  Tariq*: "Saddam! Saddam!  The Americans are here!!  What are we going to do?"

Saddam:  "Fight the pigs, Tariq.  Give them the mother of all battles!"

Henchman Tariq:  "Yes, sir.  We've already done that.  Your army, well, it isn't.  And your Republican Guard, well, they aren't!  They're all learning to eat Big Macs.  You and I have a big problem, Saddam, sir.  I was told that the Americans use pig fat and pork products as a source of nitrogen for their munitions."

Saddam:  "What?  Why wasn't I told this before?  If they blow us up with that stuff, we'll go to ..."




Saddam:  "What IS that smell?  Were we hit? Did they blow up the garbage pit?  Have we been hit?  Hey, look! Over there! It's 72 virgins waiting over there!  We made it. Tariq!  We're martyrs!  We're in paradise!"

Henchman Tariq:  "Yes sir, but the big one is no virgin.  HE looks meaner than you! And he is eyeing YOU, too!"

Saddam:  "What IS that smell?  Camels?  I LOVE camels!  Paradise doesn't smell like brimstone, does it?  It smells like camels.  And those virgins, OH brother!   Are they EVER ugly!  The Imams didn't tell me that Paradise virgins were so damn UGLY!  Wait a minute!  Hold the phone! Are you SURE this is Paradise, Tariq?"


Henchman Tariq:  "I'm pretty sure this is Paradise.  Why are you concerned about camels, sir?  We have virgins -- UGLY virgins, yes, -- but they ARE virggins.  Oh, I forgot.  It's that preference thing.  I'll ask the big dude over there if they have any camels."

Host:  "HELL-LO Saddam!  I'm your host.  Welcome, Tariq!  The *ahem* "virgins" and I have been expecting you.  We're holding a banquet in your honor." 


Saddam: "How did he do that?" 


Henchman Tariq: "How did he do what?" 


Saddam: "Put quote marks around virgins, of course.  Do you know why he did that?" 


Henchman Tariq: "No, not for certain, but get a load of 'em.  They're uglier than pigs.  That might have a lot to do with it." 


Saddam: "Now I'm feeling better, Tariq.  I don't see any Israelis or Americans.  This has to be Paradise."  


Host: "Just don't PIG out.  There's lots of PORK for everyone!" 


Saddam: "But we're Muslim, Tariq and I.  We can't eat pork.  It will send us to hell, my friend!" 


Host: "Not to worry, friend.  The hell issue is resolved, you were both killed a minute ago.  You can eat all the pork you want.  The virgins eat pork all the time, and so do I." 


Henchman Tariq (whispering): "They eat pork in Paradise?  Is there something wrong with this picture, sir?" 


Saddam (whispering): "Shhh!  It's Paradise already!  No Israelis or Americans.  Don't upset our host.  He hasn't introduced himself yet.  He could be allah.  He already brought you some virgins -- some very UGLY virgins, yes -- but virgins nonetheless.  They have to be virgins, just look at them!  Who would want to marry those ugly sows? If you get him mad, he might not bring me some pretty camels."


Host: "By the way, let me introduce myself. (He holds out his LEFT hand -- the one Muslims use for "personal hygiene" purposes.)  I'm Satan."


* This Tariq isn't the pseudochristian, mass murderer-serving Iraqi, Freak Disease . . . uh . . . I mean, Tariq Aziz. 

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Squawking, cowardly traitors, progressive liberals (read "communists"),  Socio-Fascists (Nazis were and are socialists), and their gullible dupes, these are the human debris that comprise the peace movement.  Are they REALLY for peace? Absolutely not.  They clamor for our defeat and surrender.  They riot and assault the real peace makers, the police.  They are not peace protestors, they are the "Hate America First Crowd,"  a pack of mindless wolves led by the enemies of freedom.   They demand that we surrender our freedom, our honor, and our independence to a worldwide Socio-Fascist United Nations dictatorship.  If they were to get their way, if they were to have this nation become a puppet of the United Nations socialists and international communists who run the so-called "global community," our enemies would enslave the United States of America including their supporters, the peacenik lunatic protesters. 

I say "peace" on them and all who think like them.  "Peace" on the United Nations, too!  This page is a memorial to the peacenik's sophistry, ignorance, and endless knee-jerk exercises in stupidity.  It also documents atrocities committed by the people the peace-at-any-price crowd aids, abets, and gives comfort and support with their protests.


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Comments?  Send
* your hate mail to: Deke The Patriot


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?Vive ud. en Los Estados Unidos?  Aqui hablamos Ingles.  !AQUI NO HABLAMOS ESPA�OL!  ?No lo gusta ud.?  Devueltase a Mexico, PRONTO!

English translation:  "Do you live in the United States?  We speak English here.  We DO NOT speak Spanish here!  You don't like that?  Go back to Mexico, PRONTO!" 

I don't speak any of those other languages that are linked to this editorial, so if you've clicked one of those links and you can't read or understand English, maybe you can read one simple, good ol' American word:








To the rest of you who don't like what I've written in Spanish, or to those of you who know what the Arabic and Farsi script means: Who cares if I did or didn't use correct Spanish grammar or that the Arabic or Farsi script means nothing?  I sure as hell don't!  If someone who lives in MY country is too lazy or arrogant to have learned English before reading this page, let them learn English or LEAVE!  I don't need to know Spanish, Farsi, Arabic, or Lower Slobbovian.  YOU MUST LEARN ENGLISH!  That goes double for those of you who live in the State of California.  ENGLISH has been the OFFICIAL LANGUAGE OF THE STATE OF CALIFORNIA SINCE 1986, thanks to the efforts of professor and California State Senator, Dr. S.I "Senator Sam" Hayakawa.


To those among you who are native-born or naturalized U.S. citizens, those politically correct slack jaws among us who call yourselves "Iraqi-," "Mexican-," "Iranian-," "Indian-" (East, that is), or some other off-brand, hyphenated American, as opposed to plain ol' red-white-and-blue "American," get this straight:  You are NOT citizens of those countries, you are U.S. citizens.  If you think you belong to Iran, Iraq, Turkey, Mexico, or any other foreign country, renounce your U.S. citizenship and get the hell out of our country!  My loyal American, Operation Iraqi Freedom-supporting, President George Bush-admiring son, Moose, said it so well: "You can kiss my red-white-and-blue ASS!"


To those in the Mexican-American community whose love of the racist "La Raza" organization gives them a false sense of power:  Do you support the farcical "reconquista," the hypothetical (read "Mexican fairy tale") invasion and retaking of the U.S. Southwest?  How pathetic, inane, and laughable you are if you think that such an endeavor will result in anything more than Mexico's destruction!  The 1991 Iraqi Army, the one we defeated in two weeks, could beat the snot out the 2003 Mexican Army in two days.  What chance do you think your "army" would have in a war against the United States of America?  Mexico LOST the Southwest and  Oregon Territory -- to name only part of that LOSS --  in the Mexican War of 1846, FAAIR AND SQUARE.   We came, we saw, we kicked their ass (thank you, Ghostbusters).  California's first elected governor, a former Mexican citizen and a  gentleman of the highest quality, General Vallejo, had enough sense not to go back to Mexico.  Were he still alive, he'd laugh at your ignorance! 


The western United States WAS NOT stolen from Mexico.  When Mexico LOST the 1846-47 war that THEY STARTED, and then lost California to the rag-tag heroes of the Bear Flag Revolution, Mexico had two choices: (1) Sign the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo (1848) and cede the territory they weren't capable of holding anyway, or (2) have their corrupt country, Mexico, become a U.S. territory.  The crooked Frenchy Frogs who were the LEGITIMATE ruling authority in Mexico in 1848, decided they'd rather be rich and independent bloodsuckers draining the life from the Peons rather than have their territory subject to United States law.  They ceded the territory and Mexico remained corrupt and "independent."  Neither the French nor Mexico have changed their corrupt character one bit in more than 150 years.  Why would any sane person want to waste their lives fighting for or living in Mexico?


If Mexico or any self-appointed or native-born Mexican thinks that they can take back the land they lost in 1847 by slow-motion invasion or by military invasion, let them try.  Mexico will either be a new U.S. State or it will be an uninhabitable night light for the next 10,000 years.  Your slow motion invasion is already doomed.  You are being absorbed into our North American culture as I write this.  In a generation or two your children will have no more relationship to Mexico than they now have with the Man in the Moon.


To the rest of you race-baiting, America hating, traitorous, ethnically-hyphenated Socio-Fascist (Hitler was a Socialist) bums:  Stick your despicable anti-Christ opinions wherein the sun shines not.  You are a blight on this nation.  You are a disease.  You are an overpowering stench in the nostrils of every human being who yearns to breathe free.  You deserve to live in the squalid, dictator-ridden, backward, ignorant, countries you support.  Why don't you seize the final opportunity to visit Baghdad before our troops arrive?  Do some good for the country you liars claim to protect.  Swap your worthless asses for some decent, courageous, honorable (a word you can't grasp) American soldiers, POW's who have risked their lives that slavering imbeciles like you won't be bombed or gassed into the hell you so richly deserve.  Saddamned Insane's people will welcome you with open arms . . . and open cells . . . and open torture chambers.  Who knows?  You might even manage to contribute to their war effort!  If you're a PETA or ALF whacko, you might just manage to spare the lives of some innocent animals who would otherwise be used to test chemical or biological weapons.  What a noble way for you to help rid this blessed nation, this United States of America, of your parasitic carcass! 


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� 2003, Deke (a pseudonym)

04-01-03; 04-05-03, 4-08-03;9-10-05


*Notice to  all leftist traitors: If  you think I'm foolish enough to give you my real Email address after your pervert-supporting peacenik buddies tried and failed to send me multiple E-mail viruses last year, you're more brain-dead and/or infantile than I thought.  By now, several of those religious hate criminals might even be out of jail.


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