I've been a cutter for about 4 years now.I've just recently started admitting that I am.For the longest time I tried to hide it from everyone because I knew they would freak out.But I got tierd of always trying to hide it and being interagated all the time.Personally I don't see what is so wrong about it.I'm not sick,I don't have a disease this is just how I deal with things.I'm not gonna die from it and i'm not hurting anybody else.Sure its not good for me but people do stuff thats bad for them all the time.Why should this be so diffrerent?

Me cutting my arms is like someone else crying.It just lets everything go.All the uncertainty and despair for that instant disappears and for that moment I am completely grounded.Anything that might have been bothering me seems so far away because I am concentraiting on the pain.
When I first started cutting I would only do it if something really badly got to me.But after the first few times I started cutting more and more.Then it got to where anything would make me want to cut.Any reason was good enough.My scars could be a charm braclet of memories.Except I can't remember the when's or why's behind those scars.Those moments thought to be so unberable and painful are just completly forgotten.

I don't know why drawing a razor blade across my arm is the only way I can soothe my internal chaos.I don't think if I wanted to I could stop cutting.Its something I need right now.Maybe someday i'll change.I'll find a diffrent way to cope.But for right now cutting is what works.It keeps me alive.
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