MY BIRTHRIGHT

This is the personal page of a man with penile & testicular agenesis.  Born with no genitalia, such a birth defect features in about one in twenty million males.

Read his-story making his-tory



Hi. 

I am Willy Nilly or willynillyuk, whichever you like; John Thomas Missing, TheBoyBeautiful, Nullo or just simply me, WILL GOLDEN.

Despite what follows, I am a typically male 46,XY Karyotype. However, I was born with penile and testicular agenesis.   That is to say I am genetically void of male genitalia.... no penis, no testicles. I am visually and biologically NEUTER 

We all have gonads at the embryonic stage. These develop into testes in the male and ovaries in the female. Mutations within my delegate SRY genes prevented the gonadal ridge taking this course and rendered me anorchistic (no testes). At the same time, missing 5-a-DHT binding proteins meant no formation of the genital tubercle in the first 2 months of my embryosis was possible and are the reasons my penis failed to develop.

But I am not female, strict XY I'm afraid. Being DAX-1 gene-deficient, female genitalia could not develop so that was out of the question. I have been told there must have been AMH activity to fully inhibit female organs, as in all males, and make my masculinity unambiguous, but this is a medical phenomenon as AMH is known to be manufactured only in the testes, which I never had.

Still, the result is a perfect natural neutered male. That's me! But am I ashamed? Or am I proud?

Think of the male body in its aesthetic, athletic beauty, as pastoral as a Constable, a Spenser, a Turner. Any woman will see this. But then, plaster the foreground with a grimy factory, a smoking chimney and a couple of grain silos. Suddenly the picture has evaporated. Any woman will see this too. I have been spared the hideous, ugly additions, the chimney, the silos. In many ways I am the pure pastoral scene. The athletic male with female beauty? Maybe a little bit! Vain? I am entitled to be; I am distinctive! I believe I am special.

"How do you pee?", you ask. Well, in the typical male, the urethra is carried alongside the "corpora cavernosa" which is a cavity along the penis filled with spongy membrane which is filled by blood at erection-time. No genital tubercle meant no cavity! So the urethra which defaults towards the anal wall failed to be pulled forward. Hence, when I was born, surgeons were able to cut through the membranes in my rectum linking into my urethra eliminating risks of septisaemia, I guess. Kinda efficient ain't it; one hole to do everything? Oops, sorry!

WILL GOLDEN: MY STRUGGLE

Still, I never knew I was male until my teens.  Throughout my infancy and early childhood I was brought up as a girl.  I changed for PE and sport with the girls. 

However, when I reached my teens and there was no visible sign of mammary development, the truth was broken to me. I had always wondered why other girls had a full opening to their crotch where I had a mere hole in my rectum, unseen (like a man has at the end of his penis).  Also I had always been interested in boy-things like skateboarding, football, war games, etc (this is a hormone-thing; I'll explain later).

This was my early life in Boston, USA, the innocent years, the last period of my life that was relatively easy.

At 11 years my family moved to Britain where I could start again as a boy.  For sport I was allowed to change in privacy and it was some years before my condition came out. 

At 13 I had to change in an open locker-room.  I tried to hide myself but after a few sessions several boys spotted my condition. 

The ridicule among about 20 pubescent boys was harrowing.  I went through hell with bullying albeit only by one or two from then on.  They once stripped me naked in a crowded street.

It didn't change during adulthood. Twice I was asked to leave leisure centres due to xenophobic complaints. Only after appeal did the managements relent, in one case being decent enough to compensate with a few free tickets.

The only reason I am alive today is an accident of fate. Unable to father my own children, my life was useless. But, misister had two kids, infants. The sire had legged it and there was an opening. It was my family, my responsibility. For 20 years the immasculate uncle became a father. But the kids had to grow up. In 2007 is all had to end and I was in Limbo.


NATURISM: THE NEW LIFE

Having shut myself away all my life, I was contemplating the ultimate! Until one day, in a self-destructive act of desperation I sacrificed myself to a local nudist beach! Surprise; all the naturists welcomed and accepted me as I am, just another guy on a beach! Now naturism is my life.

Despite the love I get from naturism, I still have to fight people who want to ruin my life because I am different. Taking to naturism has combatted my lack of confidence in my body and it has worked. But I still have hangups that grew from my knowledge of being inadequate in the perceptions of others. Many people even in the Lifestyle still feel it appropriate to abuse and ostracise. Worst among these are internet moderators too many of whom clearly only assume their position so that they can impose on unsuspecting victims their political extremism that would in mainstream society see tham arrested and sentenced.

Check these guys out: they made the difference to my life:

London Male Naturists (now history)
British Naturism
Abbey House Gardens
The Naturist Foundation
Nudity: the naked dance club
and best of all
London World Naked Bike Ride


Now I have become a factor, a contributor in the world of naturism. Well I have to put something back. I have decided to fight back against the cancer that is eroding our lifestyle, the hedonism, the sexualisation of nudism. To survive naturism has to be cleaner than mainstream society, a lifestyle fit for everyone from children to veterans, regardless of age, gender, ethnicity, creed, physical status or orientation.

I have even chased child abusers around the net. I have done vuiluntary work for the Internet watch Foundation (CEOP) and the Innocent Images National Initiative (FBI). I was key in getting one German childpornster arrested and an American incest circuit leader is under inverstigation.

Naturism will not die, not on my watch!

WHY NAKED

Why, with the potential for abuse, did I choose to take my clothes of in public with my disability?

Well, check it out! If I went out socialising with friends, I might get chatting with a female. Suppose it clicked and after a few drinks we in a blind haze chose to go back to one place or another. The inevitable would lead to embarrassment and heartbreak as soon as the kit came off. This happened to me twice when I was younger. I got drunk; so did they. When we got back; trauma! In both cases my partner was good about it but a good night's sleep wasn't what either of us wanted those nights, was it?

But..... if we are all naked to start with, my cards are on the table (a void is damn useful in bridge!). If anyone shows any interest in me, I accept it will not be sexual but it will be open and genuine. And there are no red faces at the end.

Celibacy is the fastest growing "sexual" group in society. I believe there are people out there who will not demand sex as a critical part of a relationship. Love is the one thing I have never had in my life, so I have to believe!

BE MY FRIENDS, BE TRUE, AND THE PAIN GOES AWAY

So please bear with me. Everyone has an achilles heel. Greek etymology says it stems from weakness. By now you know mine and I am growing broader shoulders against it. But there are certain things you can't do. Stuff that really hurts!

I am genitally deformed, nay, deprived and am incapable of being sexual in any medium. I have tried it (see below) but is is contrived and I am selling myself short. So, however casual, NEVER, NEVER, REFER TO MY 'GENITALS' OR TO ME BEING 'SEXUAL'. It has happened too often lately. I know where I stand and don't need reminding or taunting about it. It is like calling a speech-impaired person noisy. I would have given anything to be able to add a little hedonism to my naturism. Those 2 words, genitals and sexual(ity) are taboo! They are what make me rant and scream!

When you are my friends, you can joke about it to your heart's content, yes joke! I can give back a lot worse.

Just be a little understanding, please, try and see it from my viewpoint.


Despite everything turning out for the best in this best of all possible worlds (Thank you Dr Pangloss!), I still cannot for the life of me understand why fully developed men want to remove their genitalia.  Do they know what I went through lol?

Remedial action: Can I have surgery?
Check to Mods page........      
Mods for Will: the future

Anyway, browse my photo pages and e-mail me if you want to know more or simply chat.



GLOSSARY

SRY genes - Sex-determining Region of the Y-chromosome
5-a-DHT - 5-alpha DiHydroTestosterone; the male reproductive and masculation hormone
AMH - Anti-Mullerian Hormone; this prevents development of female genitalia
MORE ABOUT ME
Personal: Photos away from the public eye
My Personal Blog: The Highs & Lows of Naked Freedom
Name and Shame: Scum who discriminated against me
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