![It's dangerous to go alone! Take this [sword].](abunai.gif)
Unfortunately, many transgendered people have to travel the road of self-discovery alone. Along that road, they meet successful transsexuals who claim their results are typical, predatory doctors out to make a buck or push an agenda, and bigots. I'll take the monsters from The Legend of Zelda over them any day. At least you can see how they're dangerous: Rock-throwing octopuses (I don't say "octopi" because the word isn't Latin--it should be "octopodes," but that's a bit pedantic), fire-breathing sea monsters, giant jumping spiders, ghosts, sword-throwing centaurs...and that's just the beginning! The ones we meet are much more subtle than that. They're more like the Sirens of Greek mythology, who lure sailors to their doom with their beautiful singing.
There are people for whom the need to transition is a medical, physical condition. This page is not for those people. This page is for people who wish to live as the gender other than their assigned gender and have been led to believe that transitioning is the solution to the problem of living without a properly assigned gender role.
I'm talking specifically about people who can identify with this quote from Lynn Conway:
For those who are strongly transgender or transsexual, living without having a properly assigned gender produces a nightmarish separation from the dance of life. Whether it's dating, finding love, courting, marrying, raising children, and generally doing all the little everyday things that continually celebrate one's own gender, the transgendered are often left stranded on the sidelines, to watch as spectators. Or worse yet, while feeling ugly and ludicrous in their male social appearance, they are forced to "act out" empty of all feeling a role that is alien to their inner female nature.
Because a few people are successful in transitioning, the transgender community seems to believe that a "one size fits all" transition is the one and only solution to this problem. Some even go so far as to say that anyone who doesn't need to transition is not really transgendered, but "just a sensitive guy" or "just a strong woman." And while not all members of the transgender community believe the ideas I have just described, the beliefs are nonetheless pervasive in the culture.
Part of the reason I created this site is because many of the transgender sites out there push the belief that transitioning is a cure-all for the problem of living in the wrong gender. As a result, a young woman who has suffered all her life with being forced to be male because of how her body looks may get the idea that she's going to have to transition if she's going to live a happy life.
"To transition or not to transition?"
Allow me to present the other side. The side you've been seeing is like doctors who prescribe a particular medicine to far more patients than actually need it. Just as medicines have warning labels, hormones, facial feminization surgery, and sex reassignment surgery all need warning labels, as does the very act of transitioning.
If sex-reassignment surgery came with a warning label, it would look like this:
WARNING: Some male-to-female transseuxals lose the ability to have orgasm after surgery. Side effects may include swelling, infection (and thus the need for more surgery), and even permanent disfiguration.
According to the article "Sexuality Before and After Male-to-Female Sex Reassignment Surgery" (Source: Archives of Sexual Behavior, Volume 34, Number 2, April 2005 , pp. 147-166(20)), 85% of participants experienced orgasm at least occasionally after SRS and 55% ejaculated with orgasm. That sounds good, but keep in mind that it's not 100%. It's better than when 80% lost sexual feeling and the ability to orgasm (that figure is circulating, but it's outdated), but it's enough to stop some people.
For many reasons (including the fact that it's easier to be legally recognized as a woman when there are no male genitals), "the surgery" seems like the best option to some. Still, only 40% of those who transition get any kind of genital surgery. (Source: lynnconway.com)
Even if you don't get the surgery, there are still problems. If you're going to live as a woman, you have to take female hormones and antiandrogens, because male hormones inexorably masculinize the body, even if in little ways, so even if you can pass as a woman now, you might not pass later. Taking female hormones can also be problematic; this is true even for genetic women. But if you're going to, please do so under a doctor's supervision; side effects occur in some people.
DANGER: Side effects of female hormones can include blood clots, followed by blindness, stroke, heart attack, and death. Do not take except under medical supervision.
Even with medical supervision, there are still problems.
In addition, most male-to-female transsexuals need to get facial feminization surgery, because the overwhelming majority are unable to pass without it. This is partly because people are becoming more aware of the telltale signs of a transsexual, and partly because someone with even a few masculine features looks male to most people. Some just take the hormones and that's all right for them, I guess, but those who are serious about passing often need surgery in order to do so. The facial surgery is actually more important than the genital surgery, because few people see the genitals.
But aside from the cost (usually a total of $22,000 to $40,000--twice as much as sex reassignment surgery), this surgery doesn't always go as planned.
WARNING: Facial feminization surgery may cause a permanent change in sensation. Side effects include itchiness, increased or reduced sensitivity, pain or tenderness.
(Source: tsroadmap.com)
These side effects, which aren't as rare as you might hope, are permanent and cannot be cured. Do you really want to risk having your face itch, hurt, or just be too tender and sensitive, for the rest of your life?
DISCLAIMER: No surgery will guarantee the ability to pass as a woman. Many other factors are involved. Poor outcomes include excessive scarring, too little revision, too much revision, and uneven revision.
(Source: tsroadmap.com)
An example of "too much revision" would be putting the eyebrows a bit too high, leaving you with a constant look of surprise. Even with facial feminization surgery, you might still be unable to pass, or you might pass but just look strange.
DANGER: Serious complications may include rejection of or reaction to implants or fill, hematoma, infection, permanent change in muscle range of motion, permanent forehead muscle paralysis, permanent visual changes up to and including blindness, and death.
(Source: tsroadmap.com. There's more info here.)
Of course, if passing doesn't matter, you don't need facial feminization surgery. But not passing has its own dangers, which I'll touch upon later. (I don't know about anyone reading this, but if I were to transition, it would be to live as a woman, not to live as a transsexual.)
The transitioning process also needs a warning label--a few of them, actually:
CAUTION: Only 27% of male-to-female transsexuals form lasting romantic partnerships. This means that you are 73% likely to go the rest of your life without a lasting romantic partner, male OR female, if you live as a woman.
(Source: The Great Divide (How Females & Males Really Differ) by Daniel Evan Weiss, drawn from data originally appearing in Archives of Sexual Behavior, December 1988 issue.)
73%. That's almost three-quarters. Wow. Odds are better for female-to-male transsexuals (57% get into lasting relationships), but the risk is still high. If having a relationship is important to you, I would advise against it. Your chances may be pretty bad as it is, but this will make them worse. Your odds are much better if you continue to present as a feminine man (or a masculine woman). Things may be slightly better now (after all, that was 20 years ago), but given all the stories I hear of transsexuals whose partners dump them in favor of non-transsexuals, it seems unlikely to me.
If you are already in a long-term relationship, then consider this:
WARNING: Only 10% of marriages last after one partner transitions. If you are married and you transition, there is a 90% chance that you will divorce. Even if you don't, your relationship will almost certainly become nonsexual.
(Source: My Husband Betty by Helen Boyd)
Tolerance has nothing to do with it. Even Kate Bornstein, the famous "gender outlaw" who wrote a book about how gender is nothing more than an artificially constructed class system (Gender Outlaw: On Men, Women, and the Rest of Us--I recommend that you read it), broke off a relationship because her partner was transitioning from female to male. I suspect that most who stay together do so because the non-transitioning partner feels obligated to do so.
Even if you find someone after transitioning or are celibate, it's still dangerous:
DANGER: 21% of male-to-female transsexuals attempt suicide, because they regret transitioning. One male-to-female transsexual every month is killed in the United States, and many more are seriously injured by violent crime. This means you are more than 4 times as likely to be killed than the general population. If this happens to you, it is far more likely to be at the hands of a date, coworker, or friend than a stranger. It will not be classified as a hate crime.
(The suicide statistic comes from the same Archives of Sexual Behavior article as the statistic about relationships. It is unknown whether that statistic still holds, but it wouldn't surprise me if it did. The other statistic comes from the Human Rights Campaign.)
Do you really want your name to end up here? Or here? Do you really want to live in constant danger, unable to trust anyone? It is estimated that there are 50,000 male-to-female transsexuals in the United States. Thus, by my calculations, each one of them has about a 1 in 4,000 chance of being killed within the next year. By contrast, 1 in 6,000 Americans die in a car accident each year. Thus, if you become a transsexual, you'll be more likely to be injured or die by violence than in a car accident.
This means that the annual rate at which male-to-female transsexuals are murdered is 24 per 100,000. According to the World Almanac, as of 2000, the murder rate in the United States overall was 5.5 per 100,000 inhabitants. In Washington, D.C., the murder rate was 41.8 per 100,000. 24 per 100,000 isn't quite that high, but the message is clear: You might as well move to a bad neighborhood. I don't know about you, but I don't even go out at night alone in a good neighborhood--and I avoid bad neighborhoods at all hours.
This may be a conservative estimate. The Human Rights Campaign claims that 1 out of every 12 visibly transgendered women (i.e. those who are obviously biologically male, but present as female) in the United States will die by murder. By contrast, the average person has about a one in 18,000 chance of being murdered. Though this figure is probably skewed by the small sample size, it does provide food for thought. According to the Transgender Law Center, 60% of all "transwomen" are subjected to hate crimes because of their gender presentation. Some studies show that as many as 80% of the transsexual population (both male-to-female and female-to-male) has been physically assaulted, 80% have feared for their lives or well being, and 50% have been sexually assaulted. (Look those figures up if you don't believe me.)
Even worse, hate crimes are on the rise. According to the FBI, the most common targets are now homosexual, transgendered, or transsexual. And because hormones take a while to work, unless you're lucky enough to look like your target gender, you will probably be read as your birth sex quite a bit for a while.
Jenelle Rose gives this warning, regarding the Remembering Our Dead memorial:
"There is no "safe way" to be transgendered: as you look at the many names collected here, note that some of these people may have identified as drag queens, some as heterosexual cross dressers, and some as transsexuals. Some were living very out lives, and some were living fully �stealth� lives. Some were identifying as male, and some, as female. Some lived in small towns, and some in major metropolitan areas."
So, don't think you can get around the danger. You can't. Not even if you move to a really liberal area. Gwen Araujo lived in the San Francisco Bay Area, and she was killed for being transsexual. Even being in a relationship with a transsexual can be dangerous; Pfc. (Private first class) Barry Winchell was beaten to death for being in a relationship with Calpernia Addams, a male-to-female transsexual, on the grounds that the relationship was homosexual. However, he was not attracted to men; he liked pretty women and accepted her as a woman. This may be one reason why male-to-female transsexuals often don't develop long-term relationships.
Even if you survive:
CAUTION: In 39 states, it is still perfectly legal to fire or refuse to hire someone for being transsexual. If you transition, you risk chronic unemployment and may be forced to take low-paying jobs to survive even if you live in one of the other 11 states.
("39 states" is the statistic quoted by proponents of adding a law against discrimination based on gender presentation to the proposed Federal Employment Non-Discrimination Act.)
You can be fired from any occupation for transitioning; a university professor in Michigan was fired for transitioning, on the grounds that it goes against "Biblical principles." (Funny, I thought the Bible said, "If your right eye offends you, cast it out." Shouldn't that extend to other body parts as well?)
The San Francisco Bay Area is well-known for being liberal. However, a survey done by the Transgender Law Center shows that 75 percent of openly transgendered people (that is, those who live as their target gender) in the San Francisco Bay Area--which is known for being liberal--don't have full-time employment. 58 percent make less than $15,333 a year. (Source: San Francisco Bay Guardian, Vol. 40, No. 24, Mar. 15-21, 2005)
Here are the statistics, from the same article:
INCOME, ANNUAL:
SOURCES OF INCOME:
SUFFERED EMPLOYMENT DISCRIMINATION: 57%
COMMON TYPES OF EMPLOYMENT DISCRIMINATION:
Survey conducted by the Transgender Law Center. Percentages have been rounded and do not add up to 100 because of some missing answers.
Less than $15,299: 59%
$15,300�$30,599: 13%
$30,600�$45,899: 13%
$45,900�$61,199: 4%
More than $61,200: 4%
Full-time work: 25%
Part-time work: 16%
Street economy: 20%
Hiring discrimination: 40%
Sexual harassment: 24%
Verbal harassment: 22%
Denied promotion: 19%
Termination: 18%
Health coverage issues: 11%
If that's how things are in San Francisco, I'd hate to think how it must be in the less liberal areas of the country.
It is said that being transsexual today is like being black in 1960s America, except worse. Much worse. And I read that only a small percentage of those who start the transition complete it. It's like being a college athlete; only a very small percentage make it into the major leagues, while the rest are forced to go into other lines of work. (I always felt better when my mom told me this, back when I was getting tormented for not being a jock.) Most of those who are successful break completely with their pasts and are able to fade into the woodwork. Thus, the successes are mostly invisible; all the rest of us see are those who are not successful, perpetuating society's negative image of transsexuals, which leads to more discrimination.
These dangers are part of the reason the Harry Benjamin Standards of Care exist. Some people complain about being unable to get the transition they want because of these standards.
It's easy to fall for it if you only hear one side of the story. You don't often hear about the dangers of transitioning--or if you do, you figure it's one of those things that will happen to someone else. Lynn Conway's website is really helpful, both for transitioners and those who are on the fence about it. It tells you the good, the bad, and the ugly. It has also helped me put into words why I have decided not to transition. I wasn't considering it before, but had I been, I would have decided against it after reading that.
Then there's the fact that those who can pass 100% are rare; check out the article A Stealth Life for more. Do you really want to be seen as a transsexual instead of as a woman (or man)?
This is the most important thing Prof. Conway says is this:
It is very important for young people who are feeling some degree of gender angst to realize that there are many options available for resolving their condition. Depending upon the intensity of their gender condition they may find really good solutions in P/T [part-time] crossdressing, or by transitioning hormonally and socially into an androgynous condition while retaining a male identity, or by undergoing a hormonal and social (TG [transgender]) transition and taking on a female identity without undergoing SRS [sex reassignment surgery].
Only in cases of intense transsexualism [some use "transsexual" to mean "gender dysphoric"] is a complete TS [transsexual] transition (including SRS) usually required if the girl is to go on to a full and happy life. There are many transgender people who do not have intensely transsexual feelings, and for them SRS can be a big mistake... Thus it is very important that young transitioners carefully determine the right gender trajectory for their own particular case. Only you will know what's best. Listen to your own heart - it will tell you what to do. And remember, there is no shame in establishing a transgender identity and not having SRS. There are many who have chosen that path and become successful too. If you study the many lists of "T-girls" (CD's [cross-dressers], DQ's [drag queens], and TG transitioners) on the web, you can gain insight into the possibilities for TG transitions.
On the other hand, those who suffer from the intense TS condition almost always know with certainty, even as teenagers, that they need to be girls and that a TS transition is the only solution that will work for them. It is for these girls that this page is especially designed. The women in the page above are a testament to the fact that complete TS transitions can now be very successful for intensely TS girls who are highly motivated, who plan things very carefully, who work hard to transition, and who move on with a strong sense of self-acceptance into their lives as women afterwards.
Transsexual Road Map agrees with this assessment.
In other words, you should only become a transsexual if the only alternative is suicide. So, if you're not transitioning, you're in good company. It means your gender dysphoria isn't as extreme as it is in some. Consider yourself lucky.
Jennifer Diane Reitz, a male-to-female transsexual (her page is here), makes this important point:
Here is the deal, simple and pure: the only...the ONLY...reason to go through transition is because you are unhappy with your body, and with the way you exist in the world, as a male, or as a female. That's IT. No other reason is valid...and the issue of your body is number one, even then.
She also says:
Transition is irreversible. It can never be undone. The changes you make will be forever, and if you have made your decision in error, you will never be able to truly reverse your actions. Understand this. Transition is for life.
There are risks. You could die from the process. It is serious stuff, and should not be taken lightly. Transition is a last act of a desperate person, a person in pain. It is not something to be done for adventure, or because it seems interesting or exciting or even 'better'. Transition is a path that is best taken only by a person who has determined that there really is no other option. If you are looking at death or transition as your only two realistic outcomes in life, then you are possibly ready to go for it.
You need to comprehend that if you change your physical sex, and you were wrong about who you really are inside, you will end up stuck forever in the exact plight that the true transsexual begins life trapped within. Being transsexual hurts. So be as sure as you can be before you begin transition. Only you can decide if transition is for you; no authority can do this for you, or tell you what you are. Be very honest with yourself.
Keep this in mind. If you can go for the rest of your natural life without transitioning or committing suicide, don't transition. There are people who transition and regret it afterwards.
As for cross-dressing, true femininity or masculinity is not just in wearing clothes. Femininity and masculinity have nothing to do with clothes or looking pretty or macho; rather, they are more about feelings and attitudes toward oneself and towards others. I'll let this page speak for itself. I don't agree with all of it, but I agree with the basic idea: Cross-dressing has a dark side to it and can be dangerous.
WARNING: Cross-dressing can become an obsession to the degree that it becomes the thing around which your life is organized. Cross-dressing takes energy and time away from more productive pursuits, brings isolation and secrecy, and focuses the mind too much on one's own pleasure and not enough on responsibilities to others. It may interfere with, or at least complicate, relationships with women.
From what I've read, it can be as addictive as any drug. For transgendered people, the risk is greater than for the general population, because in the eyes of the woman in a man's body who likes to wear women's clothing, it brings her one step closer to being a woman. What she's really doing is dressing up as another woman, different from the one she already is. Unless she can pass as a genetic woman with minimal effort (in which case, she's really lucky), it doesn't bring her any closer to what she wants; if she can't pass, she's seen as "a guy in a dress." I've written more about it here.
Even after all that, it's hard not to envy those who have done it when you hear them talking about how great their lives are. But Lynn Conway's site makes it a whole lot easier. One thing she has is a page about some people who have had the surgery and regretted it.
Transitioning Isn't All "Eat, Drink, And Be Mary"
Bad puns aside, the only reason I would ever transition would be to fully live and be socially accepted as a woman. For me, there is no other reason to transition. If you really don't care if people see you as a transsexual instead of a woman (or a man), you don't need to read the rest of this page; go ahead and hit the Back button. I'm going to assume that anyone reading this wants to "live in stealth," or, in other words, just live as a woman (or a man) without anyone knowing that they are transsexual. Unfortunately, that's not possible for most male-to-female transsexuals. Try this quiz to see how well you can pass. It's intended as a just-for-fun thing, but it's also intended to make you think.
Living in stealth is actually very difficult. Annie Richards, the person behind the website Second Type Woman, talks about just how difficult this is.
Unfortunately passing and not being outed seems to be getting ever more difficult. Until 15 or 20 years ago, if a person's name was 'Helen' and she wore lipstick and a dress she would be assumed to be a woman - regardless of a slightly deep voice, rather large hands and not the best complexion. Things have undoubtedly change [sic] since then - people have become increasingly become educated (even if only subconsciously) on the signature signs of a transsexual... Some transwomen who have passed successfully for years or decades, have been reduced to tears on finding themselves "outed" within minutes of entering a room of strangers...
But assuming that physically the woman is completely female externally and reasonably feminine in overall appearance, then passing is often about the small things - things that are second nature for some one brought up as girl but entirely strange for a man - things that Hollywood often has a field day over when a man impersonates a woman in a comedy. If you look awkward in heels, struggle to touch-up your makeup, don't recognise Channel No. 5, ... well cumulatively over weeks it might become strange to people...
Another huge problem is trail of "evidence" that we all leave as we go through our lives, the volume is immense.... thousands of photos (and not just those taken by our own friends and family), school records, financial details, medical records, home videos, tax records, computer records, newspaper articles, etc. etc. And there are also the thousands of people we met over the years � some of whom have uncanny memories in my experience. When we transition to female, its impossible to delete, destroy or alter all that prior evidence, some will always remain to act as a potential pointer to our transsexuality...
After I transitioned I tried to avoid telling people about my past, but I found that sometimes I had to admit to my male past, or I was asked revealing questions, or I was simply "outed". Thus an ever growing number of people get to know - my family, my doctor, my bank, my closest friends, my boss, my work colleagues, their acquaintances, ....
If you're a straight woman in a man's body (i.e. attracted to men), consider this:
Even if the partner knows about and accepts the woman's transsexuality, their friends and his family might not be so open minded, and external pressures and prejudice could eventually destroy the relationship.
The other side of the coin is that post-SRS heterosexual transwomen who are unable to pass well are often faced with great difficulty in attracting and having a relationships [sic] with men. Brief relationships with 'normal' heterosexual men ending in tears or worse, one night stands with dubious and often disappointed tranny chasers, and eventual sexual abstinence is common among those in their 30's and 40's; while those over age 50 may struggle to get any sexual interest from men. One post-SRS transwoman - who desperately wants a relationship with a 'straight' man but finds herself to be out'ed within minutes - despairingly says "no man wants to have sex with a transsexual when they can have a real woman". [MTF [male-to-female] women thinking about transition and surgery should bear this in mind]
If you're a lesbian in a man's body, your orientation may change if you transition; a third of male-to-female transsexuals who were attracted to women before transitioning are attracted mainly to men. (Another third are lesbians, and another third are asexual.)
From here on, let's assume you can pass and live in stealth. Here are some more quotes from Prof. Conway's site, and my response to them.
After all, constantly interacting with people who know about your past reminds the transitioner herself of her past. It keeps her "looking backwards" instead of "forwards". This is one of those weird effects that you can only understand by experiencing it. It is an insidious effect, because to experience it you must find ways to not experience it first! Only by living some of the time in a stealthy manner can you sense the profound contrast between being among people who 'don't know' vs those 'who do know.'... I've heard such stories of non-acceptance repeated over, over and over again by other postop ["post-op" means "after the operation"] women. Stories of loved ones who can't "see us" as who we are now. Some still see and refuse to let go of the old person, hurting us to the very core of our souls. Others suddently do see the new person, but don't have a clue how to get to know her - and resent her for killing off their loved one. Either way, the longer we try to "gain acceptance" and grasp for a loving connection with someone like that, the more we give them power to hurt us, and hurt us they will. And they too are hurt by the situation. If you're in one of these situations, it's best to just let it go.
So, basically, if I'm going to do this and then fully live as a woman, I may have to cut myself off from my loving family and friends and start a new life somewhere else, otherwise it will strain the relationships and make it harder to be successful. I have been told straight out by family members that even if I went all the way and got a sex change, they would never be able to see me as female. Different women learn different ideas about what feminine values are, but I learned that relationships with your loved ones are something to be valued. To cut off all contact between myself and those closest to me is unthinkable. To start over in a new place where I know no one and have to make new friends... real friends are so hard to come by. I couldn't put up with the years of loneliness. (And, as you will see later, I am NOT exaggerating when I say "years.")
As an Amazon.com reviewer of She's Not There by Jennifer Finney Boylan pointed out, "Isn't femininity more about giving TO the family than self-actualization?"
Still, many who have fully transitioned go ahead and start new lives where no one knows them. You need a lot of street smarts to live in stealth, whereas I'm more on the "street stupid" side.
The life of a woman in stealth is much like the life of a spy - she's always using cover stories and trying to avoid any "tells" that would break her cover. Since she never tells anyone about her past, she cannot know how any of her new friends or coworkers would react if the DID know. That doubt often leads to unnecessarily-elevated levels of fear about what would happen if she WERE outed... This cycle of secrecy and fear can become a vicious cycle, because the woman has no ways to "test" what would happen if any "little mistakes" are made. In some cases, postop women go way overboard in insuring stealth to the point of seriously limiting the things they'll attempt to do in life - out of unnecessarily high levels of fear about even the tiniest exposure... In addition, the woman may be very proud of what she had accomplished, and amazed at all the adventures she has had along the way. But she dare not talk to anyone about these things. This fear of outing can lead to the buildup of a lot of angst over time, as the woman wishes more and more that she didn't have to keep her past a "terrible secret, not to be revealed", and instead could just tell people about her life.
So, basically, I'd be trading in the secret of being a woman in a man's body for the secret of having had a sex change. Not a very good trade. This, to me, defeats the purpose of living as a woman. This describes exactly how I live as a woman in a man's body. I don't tell anyone except those closest to me who I am, because I'm afraid of what would happen if someone found out. Talk about robbing Peter to pay Paul! (Or Pauline, anyway.)
The first few years after transition can be lonely ones. Having to break many ties with one's past, and having to start over again in a new gender, in a new job, maybe in a new city where you don't know anyone yet - all this causes many new transitioners to feel like they've been dropped on the earth from another planet, without knowing a soul here. As a result, the woman may face periods of severe loneliness and have few people to turn to for emotional support at those times. This is especially true if she has been totally rejected by her family and past friends.
The first few YEARS??? [jaw drops] I couldn't take it. I can't even live alone. I live with my parents and commute, and I'll probably live with them until I get married, if I ever do--just like women used to do, by the way. I think it takes a very non-relationship-oriented kind of woman to do this. And yet the need for social acceptance is why I would even consider it in the first place.
This is one reason that many women stay stuck back in the "transitioners' world. Out of loneliness and a lack of confidence in making new friends, they tend to continue hanging out with their transitioning friends and TG/TS social groups. As time passes, their transitioning friends increasingly tend to be the ones who themselves are stuck in transition and can't move on. This tendency to fight loneliness by staying in the transitioners' world can greatly hold a women back from moving on and finding her place in society.
So one of the risks is getting stuck in a very small, marginalized subculture. It would be far easier to simply make friends with people in those groups. They'll understand your problem, and you don't have to worry about getting stuck. You might want to go to a GLBT (gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered) group.
Unfortunately, transsexual women often lose promising relationships if they are honest with a partner and tell about their past, whether they tell early or wait till later. A woman can compensate for this disadvantage by being more active and getting better at starting relationships than most other women are.
I can't do that. I'm just not socially smart enough to get good at starting relationships. Like many women, I always like to be the one to wait to be asked out. When I was in middle and high school, I envied the genetic girls around me for being allowed to wait for the guys to ask them out. I'm also too emotional; it takes way too long for me to recover from a breakup.
Exercise can also help a lot in maintain proper weight levels, whereas a sedentary life often leads postop women to become very overweight. Being overweight can then ruin a woman's chances at feeling well, feeling attractive, and feeling and looking feminine... Many women also habituate into eating as a way to sooth their emotions. In most cases, all it takes to lose weight is to eat less and exercise a bit more, and do that every day. It's just that simple. However, although tha's easy to say, it can be hard to do. In many cases it's as hard as quitting smoking.
Like many women, I too fall into the trap of eating to feel better. The fact that I'm not very athletic doesn't help much, either.
CONCLUSION: Ironically, in a lot of ways, I'm too traditionally feminine to do this! There's quite a bit of truth in the phrase "man enough to become a woman" (and, yes, I have come across this phrase!). It looks like transitioning is only an option for more masculine or androgynous women in men's bodies. (There's a concept to stretch your mind around!) In fact, studies show that successful transsexuals are "healthily androgynous"--something I, unfortunately, am not. Even then, they have to be willing to be thought of as transsexuals instead of as women. After what I went through growing up, I couldn't live with that.
Perhaps all this is God's way of telling us not to mess with His creations.