[Note: "CD" = crossdresser, "GG" = genetic girl]
One of the most frequent questions that I see asked by single guys (and sadly married ones too) is: Where can I find an accepting woman? I would have bet money that maybe two years ago Amanda was asking the same question. (I was! - AB) Most guys have a very difficult time coming out to a partner that has no idea what crossdressing or transgendered really means or is. That is not really a bad thing, but it honestly is something your average everyday woman does not ponder or think about.
This rant is going to focus on hints, tips, and ideas for finding a woman that will not just accept crossdressing, but embrace it and desire you in your male and femme form! I know that although love has to come naturally, when you are searching for someone to enjoy this lifestyle with, there are some ways to go about meeting the woman of your dreams. Believe it or not people, yes, there are actually women out there looking and wanting to develop real relationships with a male to female crossdresser.
The net! I cannot stress the importance of using the Internet to your fullest advantage. Firstly, if you have the opportunity and ability, make a webpage. This will at least get a profile of you out there for a future crossdress-loving gal. But don't sabotage yourself by being vague about your sexuality and your sexual preference. Nothing will scare off a woman faster than reading that you are not sure of staying a male. Most women that get with cd s intentionally like the soft femme things, but let's get real, we also LOVE the sexual aspect of a fully functioning male. So be clear about your intentions regarding your sexuality and gender.
On a side note, some women that do like cd s are bi-sexual, you need to figure out, before getting anything started, if this is going to bother you. If you are also bi-sexual, well, then there should be little problem, but some straight cd s have a hard time with dating a bi-sexual female.
Okay, so you have your web page up and now you start slapping pictures on it. Use some common sense. If you want to attract a heterosexual female do you think she wants you showing off your bare ass to the masses? More often than not she will wonder if your true sexual preference is really a genetic female. I am not saying don't put sexy pictures on there, but use some common sense.
My second big huge piece of advice is to be open minded about going to fetish nights, goth clubs, and any alternative music or lifestyle event. Now granted, in BFE(bum f*ck Egypt) you may find this difficult. Even if you don't live too close to a large city, taking a weekend get a-way or vacation and planning it around those kinds of events may be the way to go.
So what can you expect to find at those types of clubs as far as GG s are concerned? Expect to find very open minded women. I speak from fact here people. Yes, some of the women that attend these are into the bdsm lifestyle, and some are into femmdom, others are into NOTHING. Yep that is right, some just like the music and the clothes but are not conventionally kinky at all. (Gee, is conventionally kinky an oxy-moron or what?) Some might be slightly or very kinky, but regardless you have to go there first to see what the scene and the girls are like.
Basically you need to be brave and test the waters and just talk to people. Chances are a lot of the women that attend these things (especially if they attend alone) are just as nervous as you are. Also don't assume that just because a single woman attends these things that she is easy, a slut, or something is automatically wrong with her. Basically she too is going against what society has told us is right and wrong (sound familiar?) and is probably used to hiding this part of herself from her family or friends also. On the other hand, she might be outgoing and be open about expressing this part of herself to anyone. Don't be a wallflower and go talk to those single girls!
My third piece of advice is to use personal ads and on-line personal or alternative ads. Just out of curiosity I looked through an online personal service to see if there were any women looking for cd s and guess what? I counted about 15! That was just one source! Most major cities have an alternative paper, a lefty magazine, or some alternative personal ad section. Most of these services are free but the ones that do charge don't charge too much. Be clear, be honest, and also, don't write something that sounds like a desperate plea for help.
I can safely say that many women that want to date a cd are going to want him to be secure enough with his male side too. I mean, if we wanted someone that was all girl all the time, well we would be lesbians then wouldn't we? One thing that I love about Amanda is that we both like to have an active and healthy lifestyle that involves exercise. Don't be too freaked if you find a girl that likes to mountain bike, hike, or likes swimming. Go with the flow and give something different a try.
My next big piece of advice is hormones. If you are using them, be honest. Some women like the idea of having a guy with some breast growth. Some don't. Obviously for some, sexual function gets disrupted. If you are planning a path that involves things like this try to put yourself in her mind frame. Hormones can affect a lot of things and this in turn can affect her. Again, being vague or uncertain is not going to win any hearts...
Finding women that are into this is not rocket science. You just have to broaden your range of thinking too. I have talked to some guys that would not step foot in a gay bar or an industrial/goth club. Well, there is one opportunity blown. As far as answering personal ads and placing them, this is nothing to be ashamed of. I placed my share of personal ads out there when I was single and met some nice people. Didn't click romantically, but it was still relatively safe and harmless.
I suppose I am a big advocate of the Internet because that is how I found Amanda. I went looking through listings of TG related web sites and sent countless emails to guys that had web pages that seemed honest and fit the criteria of what I wanted in a (possible) boyfriend. I made some friends along the way and also heard countless lies and fabrications from others. In all the chaos I kept trying and hoping that I would meet someone and things would click. It eventually paid off for me.
I know there are women that like this and look for this in a mate, but it takes patience, time and a bit of resourcefulness. Most women that you meet through work, through friends, and through the drive through window at a burger place are not going to advertise that they are into this. Just like most men don't advertise they are crossdressers. Use what resources are available to you and most of all use common courtesy and be real .
Also, I would not even bother trying to find someone to justify your crossdressing. It does not matter how accepting and cool the woman is. If YOU are not comfortable with this part of yourself, finding someone to tell you "you are okay" is not going to fix your self-esteem or make the guilt and shame go away any quicker. You need to work on those issues and be at peace with yourself before asking anyone else to accept you as you are.
Would Amanda and I be as happy as we are now if we had met back when Amanda was not 100% comfortable with herself? We don't know for sure. We do know that because we both were in a place where we felt secure and loved ourselves enough that we were able to share that love with each other. It makes for a more healthy and strong foundation to build our relationship on.
Also, the worst thing a guy can do, once in a relationship with an accepting partner, is to keep playing cat and mouse . I have heard from women whose boyfriends still dress in secrecy or when they are not home. I am not sure what is going on with this. Maybe because they have found someone accepting some of the thrill is gone. Don't be a fool and take advantage of your fortunate situation. A woman that gets with a guy and knows full well about this aspect and relishes in it is not going to understand the need for secrecy or lies. Be sure to invite, include, and give her a chance to participate with you if her schedule permits.
Don't assume just because we like this in a guy that we are closet lesbians , bi-sexual, or automatically question our motives. Some of us just want this in a partner and our only motive is to find love and happiness. Pretty horrible eh? When I was single and looking I got accused of a lot of things that had nothing to do with my feelings. I think being confident, strong, independent, and mostly self-sufficient are common traits among women like myself. Is it is so bad that some of us have figured out what we want?
We basically refuse to settle for a male that is not in touch with the feminine side of his personality and we can appreciate the special bond that can occur when this is part of a relationship is fully explored. There is not much that can be compared to having crossdressing be an active and lively part of a couple's life. I guess the only way to say this is that once you go cd, you can't go back. Regular males seem so trivial and so simple compared to the immense complexity of being with a guy that can relate to female's feelings. Looking back on past relationships that involved common men; it seems like such a waste of my energy. I feel now that what I give is given back to me just as strongly and just as emotionally. It is a beautiful thing to experience that realness with Amanda.
Source: etransgender.com