FLO FLEA'S WILD RIDE




Flo flea had been down this road before. Old dog was to get a bath and brush out, and Flo had to get her youngins off to a safe place afore Old dog left for the grooming. Dag nab it anyhow, Flo thought as she started to collect her offsprings, all 427 of them.

There was Hester who liked to stay in the left ear and Bernard who liked the right ear. Then, oh yes George, Sam, Burt and Myrtle, who thought that real living was to live as close to the tip of Old dog's tail as was possible.

"Momma, it is one swinging place to be, always moving, never knowing what is going to happen," was Myrtle's comment when Flo tried to talk her offsprings into living in some more mundane place.

Now Old dog just happened to be stretched out sleeping on his special rug beside the computer chair of the old man. He was dead to the world dreaming a great dream, a dream in which he had just caught that durn pesky Jack rabbit which he had been chasing off and on for three or four years.

Durn that Jack could really run and Old dog kept getting slower each year. His reason for getting slow was mostly due to how he ate. But this was his crowning moment, for he had just caught Jack!

His triumph was short-lived though, for just then he heard the rattle of the garage door opening and knew it was going time. He jumped up and headed for the back door, then out through the doggie door to the back porch. Then off the back porch and into the courtyard, a hard run, and over the courtyard fence, around the wall to the driveway where the passenger door to the old Yellow truck was open awaiting him.

He leapt up, onto the seat, and the man leaned over and pulled the door closed. The man hooked his seat belt, put the old yellow truck into gear, and started chugging down McAllister Lane toward Powderhouse. "You surely do need a bath Old fellow," the man said as the large dog turned and stuck his head out of the back window, which just so happened to be open.

Old dog loved to ride in the truck. Didn't make any difference where they were going, he was ready willing and wanted to go.

It didn't take but about ten minutes for the old man to pull the yellow pickup into the grooming place. Old dog immediately recognized it and shucks he sort of liked the way they washed, brushed him, and trimmed his toenails. The man reached under the seat and found the leash and hooked it on Old dog's collar. Flo nearly panicked because she knew what was coming.

As the man led Old dog to the door, out came Joe Harley all decked out in his levis, chaps and leather vest. Joe had a beard that was longer than his hair and that came to his waist.

"Why, howdy old man. Hey there Old dog. Going to get a bath and brushing huh?" Joe knelt down and started to pet, and of course, hug Old dog.

"Quick children, abandon Old dog, abandon Old dog," Flo screamed in her loudest flea talk. And all at once Flo and her 427 youngins all quickly fled Old dog and into Joe's beard.

"Durn Old dog, you make me itch. What you doing giving me, your fleas?" Joe laughed, stood up, and put his miniature poodle inside his vest, heading for his bike.

There was a big roar as Joe's bike and straight pipes fired off.

Flo and her family were under Joe's chin and as the bike hurled into the street and toward Stink Bug, a local Biker Bar, they held on for dear life. George, Sam, Burt and Myrtle all headed around and found Joe's pigtail, and that's when the fun began. The vibration was something Flo had never felt before, but she, like her family, hung on.

Flo slid down onto the Poodle, but someone had sprayed it with an anti-flea spray, so she went back to Joe's beard. Heck Flo was already full for she had eaten leftover beans, hamburger and three lemon tarts. Seems Joe was not the neatest guy around.

As Joe walked into the Stink Bug, his old lady was waiting and put the Poodle in the car and then the two entered. As Joe stepped through the door he was struck by a pitcher of cold beer. For Zam had heard that Joe won the Lottery, well the Stink Bug lottery and he wanted to greet his friend.

"The winner's bath" Zam said.

Flo received a big splash of beer in her face and it knocked her loose from the two whiskers she was holding on to and she started to slide down, down. And just afore she was about to slide out the bottom of Joe's beard, she grabbed a hold. "Mercy me, mercy my," Flo said as she inhaled so beer. "Hmmm, doesn't taste bad," she thought.

Joe received the splash of beer, and as he wiped the beer from his dark glasses he let go a right hand and Kerpow! He hit Zam in the face knocking him over two tables. "Yeah man, howdy Zam, you buying?"

Zam had been hit before but dad burn it when he went over the second table, the guy hit him on the head with a beer bottle. Zam stood up, looked at the young punk who had broken the bottle over his head, "Why you do that mutha?" Zam yelled.

As soon as Joe saw Zam bop the guy, Joe just automatically stuck his shades in his pocket and hit the first man closest to him. Kerbam! And the guy staggered back hit the wall and fell to the floor.

Well, the man's old lady was just coming from the little girl's room when she saw her old man get whomped, so she picked up a bar stool and with all of her 283 1/2 pounds drove the stool down across Joe's shoulders.

Flo was shaking and shimmying, while her four who had taken the pig tail, were having the time of their life, because Joe's head was going one way then the other. "Hang on kids, hang on, " Flo yelled.

Joe's old lady was just entering after putting the dog in the car, when she saw the lady whomp Joe with the bar stool. So she reached down, picked up a chair, and broke it across the other woman's head. Needless to say the brawl was on.

About an hour later, Flo, still in Joe's beard, was thrown into a holding cell at the county jail. And boy did she, Joe, and everything thing else stink. "Ok Joe lets go," a burly Deputy Sheriff said as he opened the cell. He took Joe to the decontamination station and had him take a shower before he was issued orange jail coveralls.

The Deputy had a German shepherd with him so again Flo screamed and got herself and her kids off Joe and onto the Shepherd and safety as Joe was pushed into the decontamination station, where he was sprayed from head to toe with an anti-bug spray.

"Oh children, " Flo said. "Oh children, back on a real home."

But as the Deputy left Joe to shower he started back to the holding cell for another when a little Mexican decided he had enough dope to whip the Deputy so he let out a mouth full of Spanish and charged the Deputy.

The German shepherd sensed trouble and as the Mexican dove toward the Deputy, the Shepherd met him head on with his mouth wide open.

Well, the crash knock flow and 123 of her kids from the dog and onto the Mexican. "Ah ching gawa," the Mexican said as he retreated from the large mouthed snarling dog. And Poor Flo and her kids, what would happen next? Or was this family headed south of the border with the INS?

The following morning the Mexican was released to his cousin, and on the way home, they stopped off at Safeway for some groceries. Flo was really upset for she had lost nearly two thirds of her children and she didn't like her new home on this man.

As the Mexican and his cousin walked around the corner of Safeway, they had to park on the hill so the car could be bump started. They walked into the old man leading Old dog on a leash and the Mexican fell over the dog. And wouldn't you know, Flo and her family ended up back on old dog.

As the old man and Old dog cut through the VA grounds going home, the old man stopped to talk with Deputy Delaney who was a dog handler, and Deputy Delaney let his German Shepherd out to play with Old dog and guess what? The other part of Flo's family landed on Old dog. Happenstance or fate, who knows but that is how it happened.



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