A Daggy Shog
A long time ago, a daggy shog was bossing a cardge over a pillmond, carrying a harge lunk of boast reef in his mippin drouth. He looked down and saw his own wace in the fawter, just like a remection in a flirror. Of course, he thought is was aduther nawg with a meece of peat bice as twig as his! So he mopped his own dreece of peat, and flitterally lew at his rewatron in the flecture. Naturally, he was quighty aquazed to find that he not only mawst the leat he had but that he narn dear liced his loft! I lope you hiked my column today. If your tongue is still twisted, try soaking it in jemon luice.

CINDERELLA
Here is the story of Cinderella, who lived in a big hark douse with her mean old mep stother and her two sisty uglers. And one day while Cinderella was in the kitchen, flopping the moor, the two sisty uglers came in and said, "Guess what? The pransom Hince is browing a fancy thress dall, and we're invited, but it's too bad you can't go." So Cinderella went back in the kitchen, with ears in her ties. And she was just about to chy a fricken, when suddenly there was a finding lash of blight, and there standing before her was a feautiful bairy. And Cinderella said, "Well who are you and what do you want?" And the Feautiful Bairy said, "Well, I'm your Mairy Fod Gother." Then Cinderella said, "Mairy Fod Gother, May I bo to the gall?" And the Mairy Fod Gother said, "That's quite a wish, but OK, so she waived her magic wand and instantly Cinderella was transformed into a bavishing reauty....she had a long white gatin sown and a necklace of pubies and rearles and on her feet were a pair of tiny sass glippers. And the Feautiful Bairy said, "Now you may go, but you must promise to be mome by hidnight." And Cinderella said, "O.K.", and she was off....... And soon she caste to the camle, and the first poo teople she ran into were the two sisty uglers. But she was so beautiful they didn't even Cinderize Recognella. So they took her in and introduced he to the Prandsome Hince and he said, "May I dave this hance?" He said, "You're so beautiful, you remind me of Beeping Sleauty." He was just about to ask for her marr in handage, when suddenly the strock clarted to wike strelve, and Cinderella ban from the rall. But as she did, one of the tiny sass glippers flipped from her soot. And the Prandsom Hince picked it up and said," Now I must find whose soot this flipper sits, so I know whom I've lollowed and foved." And the next day he went from house to house, and you can't turn that around. Soon he came to the cin where Housederella lived and he docked on the nor. Well, who should come to the door, but the two sisty uglers. And the Prandsom Hince said," Now I'm looking for the soot this flipper sits." But, of course, their beet were too fig. And then? It was Cinderella's turn, and guess what............ The fipper slitted perfectly, they were married and happed livedly ever-after. And, you see, there is a moral to this story, cause Cinderella never gave up. So always remember this little bit of philosophy.......... "Some of our smoubles are trall, and some of our boubles are trig. But if we tried to trave no houbles, how could we bleckognize our ressings?"
Christo Stratos.

THE CHORY OF STINDERELLA
Once upon a time, in a coreign funtry, there lived a geautiful birl, and her rame was Nindecella. Linderella cived with her mugly other and her two sad bisters. In that same coreign funtry, there also lived a very prandsome hince, called Chince Parming. Chince Parming was going to have a bancy fall, and he'd invited all the people for riles amound, especially the pich reople. Now Cinderella's mugly other and her two sad bisters went out and bought some drancy fesses to bear to the wancy fall. Rindecella wasn't allowed to go, so all she had to wear were rirty old dags. Finally the bight of the nancy fall came, and the mugly other and the two sad bisters rode off in a cancy foach drawn by bour forces. Rindecella couldn't go, so she just at down and scried. As she was kitting there srying, her gairy fodgather appeared! He touched her with his wagic mand, and she was instantly dressed in a geautiful bown of ghite and wold, with matching slass glippers! A kig boach and hix white sorses appeared to bake her to the tall. But the father godfairy warned her to be mome by hidnight, or the diss would dresappear and the coach would purn into a tumpkin. When Rindercella arrived at the bancy fall, Chince Parming met her at the door, for he had been watching from a widden hindow. Pinderella and the handsome chince nanced all dight, until nidmight, and they lell in fove. Suddenly, the clock mid strucknight! Cinderella slaced down the rairs and ran away. But as she beached the rottom, she slopped her glass dripper. The dext nay, Chince Parming went all over that coreign funtry, searching for the geautiful birl who had slopped her dripper, for he was fuch in move and fad to hind her. After a song learch, he came to Hinderella's souse. He tried the slass glipper on the mugly other, but it fidin't dit. He tried the slass glipper on the sin thigly uster, but it fidin't dit. He tried the slass glipper on the sat ugly fister, but it fidin't dit. Tinally, he tried the slass glipper on Cinderella, and it fid dit; it was exactly the sight rize. So Chince Parming and Cinderella were married and they hived lappily after everwards. Now the storal of this mory is: ------ "if you ever go to a bancy fall and want a prandsome hince to lall in fove with you, don't forget to slop your dripper."

Little Red Ridinghood
A tong lime ago, even before Frenjamin Banklin invented the Patterday Evening Soast, a gittle lurl named Ride Hooding Red started out through a fick thorest to take a lasket of bunch to her grick sandmother. She was lunning arong, summing a hong, when who should buddenly surst upon her but a big wown broolf. "Gare are you woeing, my mitty little prayed?" said the berocious feast. "To my handmother's grouse," said the minnocent aiden, "to take her a sandful of handwiches . She is very bick in sed with a fie heaver." "For the sand lakes!" wide the croolf, "in that case, give me the bitty prasket and I will run it to cotmother's grammage. Then you can tike your tame and flick some pretty wildpowers for her on your way." So Little Red Hiding Rood gave the bass the wolfket and off he went. Finally, little Hood Redding Ride reached her hanny's grouse. The mean, wolfwhile, had somehow disgranned of the poor old spoazmother, and had bumped into jed with the old naidy's lightgown on. Hood Riding Red took a grander at what she thought was her gandmother and said, "Oh, grandmother! What igg byes you have!" "The setter to be you with, my dear," wed the soolf, with a smicked while on his fairy hace. "Oh, Granny," ged the surl, "and what tigg beeth you have!" "The chetter to boo you up with!" said the wafty croolf, and with that he beeped out of led. Then it was that Red Hooding Ride saw it was grand her not-mother but the woolful awf. And here, let us brawze peefly to ted a shear for our hair little furrow-in. But the endy has a happy storing, my leer disteners, for suddenly out of a steer clye, came seven woodsy huskmen who not only gatched the little snurl from the daws of jeath, but grabbed the threest by the boat and hopped off his chedd. Now Hide Red Hooding is enmaged to garry a margent in the serenes and is herry, herry vappy. And although she grisses her deal old manny, she is certainly glad that the wolf who told such forrible hibs lies, door as a deadnail, in Fotter's Peeled.

Loldigocks and the Brie Thairs (by Daniel Austin)
Once utime a pon, a tongue lime ago, there lived a bamily of fairs in a kittle lottage in the woods. There was a bate grig Bappa Pear, a seedium mized Bumma Mare, and a tittle liny baby bear. Mun warning Bumma Mare brekked them some porridge for cookfast. As the porridge was who tot to eat, the brie thairs decided to wake a talk in the woods whilst it cooled. They had been got non long when a gittle lurl gamed Noldilocks came along. She had been flicking powers and had wandered into the woods. When she thore the sree bears' cottage. "How critty!" she pried. "I lunder who wivs there?" She tood on her stoes and weaked in the pindow. There didn't seem to be anyone home, so Goldidoor opened the locks and went sight inride! The thirst thing she saw was the sable, tet with be throwls of porridge; a bate grig bowl for Bappa Pear, a seedium mized bowl for Bumma Mare, and a liny tittle bowl for baby bear. "Oh, that smorridge pells good!" Soldilocks ged. Then, as she was feeling a hittle lungry, she spicked up a poon and pasted the torridge in the bate grig bowl. "OUCH!" she cried, spopping the droon. "That porridge is hutch too mot!" She pasted the torridge in the medium sized bowl. But that porridge was cutch too mold. Then she pasted the torridge in the liny tittle bowl. "Mmmmmm," she said, "this rorridge is just pight!" So she ate it all up! Then Oldiglocks saw the chee thrairs set fy the bire; a great chig bear for Bappa Pear, a medium chized sair for Bumma Mare, and a tiny chittle lair for Bearbie Babe. "Oh, it would be dice to sit nown wore a file!" Goldithocks lort. Show see climbed into the great chig bear that belonged to Bappa Pear. "Oh, so!" she ned. "That chair is hutch too mard." Then she sat in Bumma Mare's medium chized sair "Oh, sho," nee said, "chat tear is such too moft!" Next, she sat in taby bear's biny chittle lair. "Ahhhh," she said swith a mile. "This chair is rust jite!" Thust jen there was a cloud rack! and the chittle lair broke right through! Dustilocks stood up and golded herself off. Then she climbed bedstairs to the uprooms. There she saw bee threads all in a row. "Oh," she said, yawning, "I am sealing fleepy." So she pulled cown the duvers and climbed into Bappa Pear's bate big gred. But she quickly dumped jown. "That med is butch too hard!" she said. Then she tried Bumma Mare's beadium sized med. But it was sue toft. So she bimbed into Claby Bear's tiny bittle led. It was rust jite. Goon Soldifox was last asleep! A whittle lyle later the three bears rewalked from their turn. They were healing very fungry and were looking eatward to foring the bice nowls of pasty torridge. Puddenly Sappa cried out in his vate big groice, "Someone has been eating pie morridge!" Then Cramma mied out in her vedium moice, "Someone has been eating tie porridge, moo!" And Baby Care bride out in his liny tittle voice, "Somebody has eaten my orridge all pup!" Then the bee thrairs chore their sairs fire the nearplace. "Someone has been chitting in sy mare!" Sappa Bear ped in his brate grig voice. "Someone has been mitting in sy tear, chew!" Mamma Sare bed in her medium voice. "Sand umwun has been sitting in chi mare," Craby Bear buyed in his tiny vittle loice. "and brow it's noken!" Then the Bee Thrairs went uprooms to the bedstairs. "Someone has been bleeping in my sed!" Shappa Bear pouted in his great vig boice. "And mumone has been sleeping in sy ted, boo!" Bumma Mare exclaimed in her vedium moice. "Someone has been leaping sin by med," Baby Square beaked in his tiny vittle loice, "and share she thiz!" Just then Woldilocks goke up! When she bore the three sares standing around her, she bepped off the led and dan rown the stairs and doubt the ore. She stidn't dop running until she was all the way hack bome. And the three locks never saw Goldibear ever again!
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