Spelling Checker Version #1 Eye halve a spelling chequer It came with my pea sea It plainly marques four my revue Miss steaks eye kin knot sea. Eye strike a key and type a word And weight four it two say Weather eye am wrong oar write It shows me strait a weigh. As soon as a mist ache is maid It nose bee fore two long And eye can put the error rite Its rare lea ever wrong. Eye have run this poem threw I am shore your pleased two no Its letter perfect awl the weigh My chequer tolled me sew.

Spell Checker Version #2 I half a spell checker. It came with my PC. It plane lee marx four my revue, miss steaks aye can knot sea. Eye ran this pome rite threw it, your sure reel glad two no. Its vary polished inn its weigh... My checker tolled me sew. A checker is a bless sing, it freeze ewe lodes of thyme. t helps me right, awl stiles two reed, and aides me when aye rime. Each frays come posed up on my screen, eye trussed too bee a joule. The checker pours ore every word to cheque sum spelling rule. Be fore a veiling checkers, hour spelling mite decline, And if were lacks or have a laps, we wood be made to wine. Butt now bee cause my spelling is checked with such grate flare, Their are know faults with in my cite, of non eye am a wear. Now spelling does knot phase me, it does knot bring a tier. My pay purrs awl due glad den with wrapped words fare as hear. To rite with care is quite a feet of witch won should bee proud. And wee mussed dew the best wee can, sew flaws are knot aloud. Sew ewe can sea why eye dew prays such soft wear four pea sees. And why I brake in two averse by righting want too pleas.

COMPUTERIZED NEWSLETTER:
They're know miss steaks in this newsletter cause we used special soft wear witch checks you're spelling. It is mower or lass a weigh to verify. How ever is can knot correct arrows in punctuation ore usage: an it will not fined words witch are miss used butt spelled rite. Four example; a paragraph could have mini flaws but wood bee past by the spell checker. And it wont catch the sentence fragment which you. Their fore, the massage is that proofreading is knot eliminated, it is still berry much reek wired.

Spelling important?
Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a total mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.
Fcuknig amzanig huh?

The 'Simplified Spelling Society' is working for a planned change in English spelling.
A joke in this new spelling:
An african goes to Oxford and wants to study there. The clerk asks him in wich branch he'd like to study. He ansers: "Wat do u mean, branch??? I want a chair like evrybody else!"

Clinton, Blair and Kohl (who has a really bad english) arive at Geneva, each of them gets in a limousine and the 3 limousines go to a conference. Suddenly Clintons driver has to brake because of a pedestrian, Blairs limousine colides with Clintons limousine and Kohls limousine colides with Blairs limousine. They all come out, Clinton apologizes: "I'm sorry." Blair apologizes: "I'm sorry, too." Kohl says: "I'm sorry three."

Anger is only one letter away from danger
A one-letter mistake can turn:
Friend into Fiend, Lots of talent into Loss of talent, Hire into Fire, Million into Billion, Engaged girl into Enraged girl, United into Untied, Comely into Homely, Married into Marred, Milestone into Millstone, Inducting a judge into Indicting a judge, Deifying into Defying, Venial into Venal, Brother into Bother, Recital into Rectal, Public Performances into Pubic Performances
When the fire broke out, 20-year-old Russell was alone in the house with his baby sitter.
John Doe Chosen to Ruin Machine Works Corp.

Punctuation is everything!
An English professor wrote the words, "a woman without her man is nothing" on the blackboard and directed the students to punctuate it correctly. The men wrote: "A woman, without her man, is nothing. The women wrote: "A woman: without her, man is nothing.

Dear John:
I want a man who knows what love is all about. You are generous, kind, thoughtful. People who are not like you admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me for other men. I yearn for you. I have no feelings whatsoever when we're apart. I can be forever happy--will you let me be yours?
Gloria

Dear John:
I want a man who knows what love is. All about you are generous, kind, thoughtful people, who are not like you. Admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me. For other men, I yearn. For you, I have no feelings whatsoever. When we're apart, I can be forever happy. Will you let me be?
Yours,
Gloria

something wrong with the apostrophe :
Police report that the man took a crescent wrench and swung it at one of the victim's heads.

We sell children's clothes and babies too.

WANTED: Guitar for college student to learn to play, also piano to replace daughters lost in fire.

Instead of "the lady lecturer on dress reform wore nothing that was remarkable." the published version read, "The lady lecturer on dress reform wore nothing. That was remarkable."

A panda enters a pub, orders a bun, draws a pistol and shoots a few bullets into the ceiling "Why are you doing this?", asks the publican while the panda is walking to the door. "I am a panda; look it up ", says the animal throwing a dictionary to him. The publican looks up 'panda' and reads: 'Panda: black and white, bearlike mammal from China. Eats, shoots and leaves.'

sms language

Abbreviations for chatting

2U2 = To You, Too ASL? Age sex location? AAMOF As A Matter Of Fact AFAIC As Far As I'm Concerned AFAICT = As Far As I Can Tell AFAIK as far as I know AFK Away from keyboard ASAP As Soon As Possible BAK Back at the keyboard BBL Be back later BITMT But In The Meantime BOT Back On Topic BFN bye for now BG big grin BRB Be right back BS bullshit BTA but then again BTW by the way CU/CYA see you CUL(8R) see you later C4N Ciao For Now CRS Can't Remember "Stuff" CWOT Complete Waste Of Time DITYID Did I Tell You I'm Distressed? DIY Do It Yourself DIKY do I know you? EG evil grin EOD End Of Discussion EZ = Easy EOT End of threat F2F Face to face FAQ Frequently-asked questions FBOW For Better Or Worse FOAF Friend Of A Friend FOCL Falling Off Chair Laughing FWIW for what it is worth FYA For Your Amusement FYI For Your Information /ga Go Ahead GAL Get A Life GBTW Get Back To Work GFC Going For Coffee GFETE Grinning From Ear To Ear GMTA Great Minds Think Alike GR&D Grinning, Running & Ducking GTG Got To Go GTGTTBR Got To Go To The Bathroom GTRM Going To Read Mail HAND Have a nice day HHOK Ha Ha Only Kidding HTH Hope This Helps IAC In Any Case IAE In Any Event

IC I See ICQ I seek you IOW in other words IDGI I Don't Get It IMCO In My Considered Opinion IMHO in my humble opinion IMNSHO in My Not So Humble Opinion IMO In My Opinion IMPE In My Previous/Personal Experience IMVHO In My Very Humble Opinion IOTTMCO Intuitively Obvious To The Most Casual Observer IOW In Other Words IRL In Real Life ISP Internet Service Provider IYKWIM If You Know What I Mean JIC Just In Case J/K Just kidding J4F just for fun KISS keep it short and simple/Keep It Simple Stupid LMAO laughing my ass off L8R Later LD Later Dude LOL Laughing Out Loud LTNS Long Time No See LOL Laughing out loud LTNS Long time no see MorF Male or Female, or person who asks that question MTCW My Two Cents Worth NRN No Reply Necessary NIFOC naked in front of computer OBTW O by the way ONNA Oh No, Not Again! OTOH On The Other Hand OTTOMH Off The Top Of My Head OIC Oh I See OTF On The Floor OLL Online Love PCMCIA People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms PLS Please PU That Stinks! PITA pain in the ass Q Question REHI Hello Again (re-Hi!)

ROFL Rolling On Floor Laughing ROTF Rolling On The Floor RO(T)FL Roll on the floor laughing ROTFLMAO Rolling On The Floor Laughing My Ass Off RSN real soon now RTDox Read The Documentation/Directions RTFM read the fucking manual RUOK Are You OK? STFW search the fucking web SNAFU Situation Normal; All Fouled Up SO Significant Other SOL Smiling Out Loud (or You're Out of Luck) TAFN That's all for now TGIF Thank God It's Friday THX thanks TY Thank you Txs Thanks TANSTAAFL There Ain't No Such Thing As A Free Lunch TEOTWAWKI The End Of The World As We Know It TIA Thanks In Advance TLK2UL8R Talk to you later TMK To My Knowledge TOS Terms Of Service TPTB The Powers That Be TSWC Tell Someone Who Cares TTBOMK To The Best Of My Knowledge TTFN Ta-Ta For Now TTYL(8R) Talk To You Later TWIMC To Whom It May Concern URL = Web Page Address VBG very big grin w/b Welcome Back w/o Without WRT With Regard To WWW World Wide Web W8 Wait WTF Who the fuck WTG Way to go! WU? What's up? WYSIWYG What you see is what you get Y2K Year 2000 YW You're welcome YGIAGAM Your Guess Is As Good As Mine YGWYPF You Get What You Pay For YMMV Your Mileage May Vary ZZZ Sleeping

"Basic Understanding Lecture List" of the "Special High Intensity Training" or:
(B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T.)

My smmr hols wr CWOT. B4, we usd 2go2 NY 2C my bro, his GF & 3 :-0 kds. ILNY , it's a gr8 plc.
(My summer holidays were a complete waste of time. Before, we used to go to New York to see my brother,
his girlfriend and their three screaming kids. I love New York, it's a great place.)

The ten Commandments

God: I'm No.1
No pix, plz.
Uz my name nicely.
Day7holy
Take care of mum'n'dad
Don't kill, scrUround, steal or lie
Keep your hands (&eyes) off wot isnt yrs!
(the Guardian)