Bushisms
MAKE THE PIE HIGHER
A poem of collected bushisms
This is a poem made up of actual quotes from the leader of the Free World.
The quotes have been arranged by Washington Post
writer Richard Thompson.
I think we all agree, the past is over.
This is still a dangerous world.
It's a world of madmen and uncertainty
and potential mental losses.
Rarely is the question asked
Is our children learning?
Will the highways of the internet become more few?
How many hands have I shaked?
They misunderestimate me.
I am a pitbull on the pantleg of opportunity.
1 know that the human being and the fish can coexist.
Families is where our nation finds hope, where our wings take dream.
Put food on your family!
Knock down the tollbooth!
Vulcanize Society!
Make the pie higher!
***
Bush himself has admitted that "fluency in English is something that I'm often not accused of."
'Nucular'. That's how president Bush pronounced 'nuclear'.
'terrorists' sounds like 'terrace': "We'll smoke them out, this terrace!" Strategy sounds like strategery.
"States should have the right to enact reasonable laws and restrictions particularly to end the inhumane practice of ending a life that otherwise could live."-Cleveland, June 29, 2000 (Thanks to Douglas Basford.)
"This is Preservation Month. I appreciate preservation. It's what you do when you run for president. You gotta preserve." -Speaking during "Perseverance Month" at FFairgrounds Elementary School in Nashua, N.H. As quoted in the Los Angeles Times, Jan. 28, 2000
answering a reporter's question: "You're burning up time. The meter is running through the sand on you."
"I understand small business growth. I was one."-New York Daily News, Feb. 19, 2000
"Laura and I really don't realize how bright our children is sometimes until we get an objective analysis."-Meet the Press, April 15, 2000
"We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor just like you like to be liked yourself."- Financial Times, Jan. 14, 2000
"The students at Yale came from all different backgrounds and all parts of the country. Within months, I knew many of them. "-From A Charge To Keep, by George W. Bush, published November 1999
"I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California."-In Los Angeles as quoted by the Los Angeles Times, April 8, 2000
"The most important job is not to be governor, or first lady in my case."-Pella, Iowa, as quoted by the San Antonio Express-News, Jan. 30, 2000
"I thought how proud I am to be standing up beside my dad. Never did it occur to me that he would become the gist for cartoonists."- -Newsweek, Feb. 28, 2000.
It's no exaggeration to say the undecideds could go one way or another
Bush in Romania on 25th November 2002 addresses the Romanians as Romans.
Walter Mondale: George Bush doesn't have the manhood to apologize
Bush: Well, on the manhood thing, I'll put up mine against his any time
When I was young and irresponsible, I was young and irresponsible.
I want to make sure everybody who has a job wants a job
I have learned from the mistakes I may or may not have made.
"I want to thank my friend, Sen. Bill Frist, for joining us today. … He married a Texas girl, I want you to know. (Laughter.)
Karyn is with us. A West Texas girl, just like me."—Nashville, Tenn., May 27, 2004
"I'm honored to shake the hand of a brave Iraqi citizen who had his hand cut off by Saddam Hussein."—Washington, D.C., May 25, 2004
"[T]he illiteracy level of our children are appalling."—Washington, D.C., Jan. 23, 2004 (Thanks to Lewell Gunter.)
I don't necessarily believe what I think (Bush I)
George Bush I: I have opinions of my own-strong opinions-but I don't always agree with them.
Vice President George Bush explained his secret of teamwork: "For seven and a half years I've worked alongside President Reagan. We've had triumphs. Made some mistakes. We've had some sex ..uh ...setbacks."
George Bush in 1991: "I don't want to make the wrong mistake"
From http://slate.msn.com/Features/bushisms/bushisms.asp
other great thoughts
polyticks
Ford: Things are more like they are now than they have ever been
Governor Pat Brown: This is the worst disaster in California since I was elected
Les Aspen: We will not close any base that is not needed
Governor George Romney: "I didn't say that I didn't say it. I said that I didn't say that I said it. I want to make that
very clear."
We have two incredibly credible witnesses here (Senator Joe Biden)
When he heard that the indicted Spiro Agnew was asking to have his corruption case tried by the House instead of in a
regular court, Rep. Charles Vanik of Ohio exclaimed, "He's trying to take the decision out of the hands
of 12 honest men and give it to 435 Congressmen!"
Sen. Wally Horn of Iowa commented on what size basketball girls should use: "Girls shouldn't play with men's
balls. Their hands are too small."
"The exports include thumbscrews and cattle prods, just routine items for the police," stated a Commerce bepartment
spokesman on a regulation allowing the export of various products abroad.
"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass-and I'm just the one to do it!"
"Topless dancing is at the bottom of our problem!" (a San Francisco mayor)
I am opposed to abortion except when necessary to save the life of the mother or the child.
D.C. Mayor Marion Barry: "Outside of the killings, we have one of the lowest crime rates in the nation."
U.S. Senator Barbara Boxer : "Those who survived the San Francisco earthquake said, 'Thank God I'm still alive.'
But, of course, those who died, their lives will never be the same again."
"That would be like looking through a needle for a haystack."
"Let's jump off that bridge when we come to it"
As your assemblyman, I will bring real-world experience to Sacramento to fight for lover taxes.
The Oregon Republican admits he harassed women but vows not to quit.
Some of our friends wanted it in the bill, some
wanted it out, and Jerry and I are sticking with our friends.
I deny the allegations, and I defy the allegators.
If somebody's gonna stab me in the back, I want to be there.
When you're talking to me, keep your mouth shut.
I want to thank each and every one of you for having extinguished yourselves in this session.
That bill, if passed, will derail the ship of state.
The average age of a 7-year-old in this state is 13.
We have a permanent plan for the time being.
Family planning has many misconceptions.
It's time to grab the bull by the tail and look it squarely in the eye.
The people in my district do not want this highway bypass, no matter if it goes through or around the city.
These numbers are not my own; they are from some one who knows what he's talking about.
This year's grant application represents a 360-degree turn from last year
This bill will help sparsely populated large cities
In 1962, during the Cuban missile crisis, Secretary of State Dean Rusk announced, "We're eyeball to eyeball and I think the
other fellow just blinked." Soviet Foreign Minister Andrei Gromyko responded to the comment by announcing,
"I am looking forward to talking with you balls to balls."
The senator used the term the titty bill in referring to a bill that would ban nude dancing during a discussion with another
lawmaker.
For too long the Prime Minister has been sitting on the fence with both ears to the ground as part of his play-safe
political style.
New York governor Al Smith once gave an address at Sing Sing prison. "My fellow citizens.
.." he began, but suddenly remembered that convicts aren't citizens.
He then corrected himself, saying, "My fellow convicts. .." but he realized that wasn't
right either. "Well, anyhow," he said, trying to regain his composure, "I'm glad to see so many of you
here."
H. Humphrey stated, "No sane person in the country likes the war in Vietnam,
and neither does President Johnson." (Vice President Hubert)
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any vice president, and that one word is "to be prepared."
The principals deserve the right to install mental detectors in
their schools.(Boston mayor Thomas M. Menino)
" And now will y'all stand and be recognized?" asked Texas house
speaker Gib Lewis of a group of people in wheelchairs.
This is unparalyzed in the state's history.
There's a lot of uncertainty that's unclear in my mind.
This is a great day for France!
The president has kept all the promises he intended to keep.
(Clinton aide George Stephanopolous)
Capital punishment is our society's recognition of the sanctity of
human life.
(Utah senator Orrin Hatch)
Statistics show that teen pregnancy drops off significantly after
age 25.
(Mary Ann Tebedo)
I am privileged to speak at this millstone in the history of this
college.
(New Hampshire governor John King)
The Internet is a great way to get on the net(presidential candidate Bob Dole)
Things are more like they are now than they ever were before (Eisenhower)
He didn't say that. He was reading what was given to him in a speech (Richard Darmna on what Bush had said)
There are still places where people think the function of the media is to provide information (Dan Rotterberg)
I don't know anyone here that's been killed by a handgun (Avery Alexander)
The exports include thumbscrews and cattle prods, just routine
items for the police. (U.S. Commerce Department spokesman)
If English was good enough for Jesus Christ, then it's good enough for me.
(an Arkansas congressman)
The police are not here to create disorder! They are here to preserve disorder!
If Lincoln were alive today, he'd rollover in his grave. (President Gerald Ford)
I wish the Arabs and the Jews would settle their differences like Christian gentlemen.
(Arthur Balfour)
The streets are safe in Philadelphia. It's the people who make them unsafe.
(Philadelphia mayor Frank Rizzo)
A New Hampshire congressman , "What the people of this state deserve is clean, fresh, wholesome pasteurized
milk. And I'm going to the State House and take the bull by the horns until we get it."
'On behalf of all of you, I want to express my appreciation for this
tremendously warm recession. (Ron Brown)
"PACS are very circumcised in what they can do.
Er, circumscribed. Very limited." (a Wisconsin Assembly majority leader)
Spending on federal
benefit programs is growing "at an excremental rate." (a New Jersey state representative)
'Everybody who's for abortion was at one time themselves a feces.
And that includes all of you out there. You were once a feces. (Neil Bacon)
"One of the purposes of the primaries is for members of political parties to sort out their differences in areas in which
they agree." (attorney general Edwin Meese)
The only way we'll ever get a volunteer army is to draft 'em.- F. Edward Hebert
He's got a lot of depth on the outside, but deep down, he's shallow as hell.-u.s. senator.
We cannot fail to succeed.-Secretary of State James Baker
I will defend anyone's right to agree with me.- Wisconsin state senator
Former US Vice President Dan Quayle
"If we do not succeed, then we run the risk of failure."
Referring to Latin America: "The US has a vital interest in that area of the country."
referring to the collapsed section of the 880 freeway after the San Francisco earthquake of 1989:
"Well, it looks as if the top part fell on the bottom part."
"Getting [cruise missiles] more accurate so that we can have precise precision."
"We don't want to go back to tomorrow, we want to go forward."
"I have made good judgements in the Past. I have made good judgements in the Future."
"The future will be better tomorrow."
"We're going to have the best-educated American people in the world."
"This election is about who's going to be the next President of the United States!"
"I stand by all the misstatements that I've made."
- after the San Francisco earthquake: "The loss of life will be irreplaceable."
"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
"The destruction, it is just very heart-rendering." (Newsweek 10/30/89)
"My friends, no matter how rough the road may be, we can and we will, never, never surrender to what is right."
"Who's responsible for the riots? The rioters!"
"I deserve respect for the things I did not do."
"This president is going to lead us out of this recovery."
A word of advice: get a job.
"What a waste it is to lose one's mind, or not to have a mind is being very wasteful"
When he visited an elementary school, a sixth-grader wrote potato on the blackboard. Quayle advised the boy to add an e.
"Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children."
"We are ready for any unforseen event that may or may not occur"
"For NASA, space is still a high priority."
"This isn't a man who is leaving with his head between his legs."
Sam Goldwyn
I'll give you a definite maybe.
We're overpaying him, but he's worth it.
Include me out.
For your information, I would like to ask a question.
Don't talk to me while I'm interrupting.
I never liked you and I always will
I may not always be right, but I'm never wrong.
Anybody who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined.
The scene is dull. Tell him to put more life into his dying.
This book has too much plot and not enough story.
Every director bites the hand that lays the golden egg.
In two words: im-possible.
It's more than magnificent-it's mediocre.
Tell me, how did you love my picture?
A bachelor's life is no life for a single man.
Go see it and see for yourself why you shouldn't see it.
Yes, my wife's hands are very beautiful. I'm I going to have a bust made of them.
We have all passed a lot of water since then
It's spreading like wild flowers!
You've got to take the bull by the teeth.
This makes me so sore it gets my dandruff up.
If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive!
When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you.
I had a monumental idea last night, but I didn't like it.
I never put on a pair of shoes until I've worn them five years.
Colour television! Bah, I won't believe it until I see it in black and white.
We want a story that starts out with an earthquake and works its way up to a climax.
I read part of it all the way through.
Look how I developed Jon Hall. He's a better leading man than Robert Taylor will ever be- some day.
Going to call him William ? What kind of a name is that? Every Tom, Dick, and Harry is called William.
We'd do anything for each other. We'd even cut each other's throats for each other.
Our comedies are not to be laughed at.
This new atom bomb is dynamite.
Spare no expense to make everything as economical as possible.
I'm never going to write my autobiography as long as I live.
Referring to The Best Years of Our Lives: I don't care if it doesn't make a nickel. I just want every man, woman, and child in America to see it.
sports
It ain't over till it's over.
No wonder nobody comes here-it's too crowded.
If the people don't want to come out to the park, nobody's gonna stop 'em.
Even Napoleon had his Watergate.
I want to thank all the people who made this night necessary.
Half the lies they tell me aren't true.
If you can't imitiate him, don't copy him.
Mickey Mantie: "What time is it?" Berra: "You mean right now?"
Ordering sweaters: "That's the kind I want. I want one in navy blue and one in navy brown."
On receiving a check made out to "Bearer": "How could you spell my name like that?"
A story makes the rounds about the time that a waitress served Yogi pizza and asked him if he wanted it cut into four slices or eight. "Better make it four," Yogi replied. "I don't think I can eat eight pieces."
When he was asked to compare himself with his father he answered: "Our similarities are different."
"Joe, I want to thank you for teaching me that the only way to do something correctly is to do it right."
"What time is it?"
other sportsmen
Pitcher and broadcaster Dizzy Dean famous for his unruly language.
When an indignant listener complained, "Mr. Dean, don't you know the king's English?"
Dizzy reflected for a moment, then replied, "Sure I do -and so's the Queen."
"T've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body," Winston Bennett
" Are you any relation to your brother Marv?" Leon Wood
"T've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body," Winston Bennett
"You won't find a single four-letter word in my autobiography. I don't go for that bullshit. Bob Feller
That long drive actually sailed into the second balcony and hit a fan on the fly.
Listen to that! Eighty thousand football fans, and not one of them is making a sound!
They really miss the absence of Louis Lipps
"Good pitching always stops good hitting, and vice versa."
Sparky Anderson confided, "I've got my faults, but living in the past isn't one of
them. There's no future in it."
Russ Nixon : "I feel I did everything I could do, and probably more".
"Football is an incredible game, sometimes it's so incredible, it's unbelievable." coach Tom Landry.
Bill Peterson: I'm the football coach around here and don't you remember it.
I got indicted into the Florida Sports Hall of Fame. They gave me a standing observation.
You guys have to run a little more than full speed out there.
You guys line up alphabetically by height.
You guys pair off in groups of threes, then line up in a circle.
Frank Smith announced, "I have nothing to say, and I'm going to say it just once."
During the scrimmage, Jerry Tarkanian paced the sideline with his hands in his pockets
while biting his nails.
football coach: "Well, I'd say our greatest weakness is our lack of strength. Of course I think you'll see some improvement
as we get better."
Let's hope that Steve Carlton gets his curve ball straightened out.
It's about 90 percent strength and 40 percent technique.
(Johnny Walker)
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.(Jason Kidd)
interviewer, "Have you thought about writing your autobiography?"
We have only one person to blame, and that's each other.(Barry Beck)
Me and George and Billy are two of a kind.(Mickey Rivers)
Whatever is going to happen is going to happen when it happens, regardless of what happens.(Mike La Valliere)
My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt.(Chuck Nevitt)
I think that the team that wins game five will win the series-unless we lose game five.(Charles Barkley)
I can shoot with my left hand, and I can shoot with my right hand. Damn, I must be amphibious. (Charles Shackleford)
If I had not lost, I would have won.( Serena Williams)
That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my #%@# clothes.
(Stu Crimson, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker.)
I want all the kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I want all kids to copulate me.(Andre Dawson)
I can't really remember the names of the clubs that we went to.
(ShaquiLLe O'NeaL, on whether he had visited the Parthenon during his visit to Greece)
There are some teams who will try to circumcise the rules.(Cowher )
Even Napoleon had his Watergate. (Danny Ozark)
When it rains, it snows.(Bobby Bowden)
It's the kind of book that you can never pick up once you put it down (Pat Williams)
Someone throws you a great curveball, and there you are walking back to the dugout with your head between your legs.
(Davey Lopes)
In the legendary name of the greatest hockey player in history - what's his name. ...(Don King)
He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is. (Lou Duva)
Last night in the NEA, most of the winning teams that played won.
Power forward Dennis Rodman was suspended for a low blow by the NBA.
others
I love to see an audience panting breathlessly .- Johnny Carson
Fear was absolutely necessary .Without it, I would have been scared to death. - Floyd Patterson
There are good days and there are bad days, and this is one of them.-Lawrence Welk
If we don't make some changes the status quo will remain the same
"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life." (Brooke Shields)
Hobbes:Perhaps the most cruel tragedy in the death yesterday
of Caleb Witherspoon is that had it happened a few minutes later, he might still be alive.
During the Vietnam War, a U.S. military officer explained, "We had to destroy that town in order to save it".
(The word politics derives from poly, "many ," and ticks, "blood-sucking parasites." :-))
"China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese." (Charles De Gaulle.)
When JF Kennedy spoke his famous words "Ich bin ein Berliner" he did not realize that he really said he was a doughnut.
-President Richard Nixon, while attending
French president Charles de Gaulle's funeral
"I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy - but that could change."
A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.
Yogi Berra
Sometimes you can observe a lot by watching.
Yogi Berra, "You mean now?"
If we're gonna win, we have to play up to and beyond our potential. We're capable of doing that. -Don Nelson
He slud into third base"
"The pitcher flang the ball.
"There is a long drive!
Winfield is going back, back! He hits his head against the wall! It's rolling to second base!
Arnie Palmer, usually a great putter, seems to be having trouble with his long putts.
However, he has trouble dropping his shorts.
The pitcher has a blister on the index hand of his pitching finger .
Folks, this is perfect weather. Not a breath of air.
We'll be back with the recrap after the message.
" Are you any relation to your brother Marv?"
Chris Eubank, "On what?"
"A lot of people my age are dead at the present time" -Professor Casey Stengel
"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean, I'd love to be
skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff." (Mariah Carey)
Actor Dennis Hopper, " After the eighties, the nineties will make the fifties look like the sixties."