Malformed's Twisted Golem Generator v1.0
The insane genius, known only as Malformed, created many magical constructs during his day. His work was highly prized by those that needed specialized guardians with a homocidal bent. Many of his golems are still functioning to this day even though the original masters are long gone.
Based on the tables below, click the button to build your own killer golem.
Malformed's Twisted Golem Generator by Todd Zircher The insane genius, known only as Malformed, created many magical constructs during his day. His work was highly prized by those that needed specialized guardians with a homocidal bent. Many of his golems are still functioning to this day even though the original masters are long gone. Golem Size: [1d6] 1. Golem is small; scary dolls, pets, hand held objects. 2. Golem is short; urns, chairs, evil midgets or children. 3. Golem is man-sized; average man or woman sized even if not humanoid. 4. Golem is larger than normal; sumo wrestlers or basketball players. 5. Golem is big; horses, kodiak bears, larger than life. 6. Golem is huge; giants, ogres, horses with chariot. Golem Movement: [1d6] 1. Flying, the golem floats just like bricks don't. 2. Flying, the golem has functional wings regardless of construction. 3. Magical, the golem teleports, blinks, flows along shadow or stone. 4. Rolling, the golem is a wheel or uses wheels for movement. 5. Walking, the golem has two legs and walks like a man or bird. 6. Walking, the golem has three or more legs. Roll below. Roll for the number of legs: [1d6] 1. Golem is a tripod. 2. Golem is a quad like a horse or tiger. 3. Golem has six legs like an insect. 4. Golem has eight legs like a spider. 5. Golem uses a mass of tentacles for movement. 6. Golem has dozens of legs like a centipede. Golem Appearance: [1d6] 1. The golem is a shiny metallic terror that looks brand new. [Armored] 2. The golem is a greasy mass of gears, steam values, and pistons. [Armored] 3. The golem has a clean non-metallic (stone, glass, wood) exterior. [Protected] 4. The golem is a dirty, grimey, blood encrusted horror. [Armored] 5. The golem can hide as a non-threatenting item, rock, or device. [Protected] 6. The golem appears to be a natural creature, human, or plant. [Unarmored] Golem Senses: [1d6] 1. The golem has one keen sense and the rest are poor. 2. The golem has two keen senses and the rest are poor. 3. The golem has normal human senses. 4. The golem has keen animal senses. 5. All the golem's senses are keen. [Use all keen senses listed below.] 6. The golem can magically sense everyone including those invisible or hidden. Roll as needed for keen senses: [1d6] 1. Golem has eagle vision 2. Golem has bat-like hearing and limited sonar. 3. Golem can detect magic. 4. Golem can track like a blood hound. 5. Golem has infra-red and night vision. 6. Golem can sense metals such as gold and is usually very greedy. Golem Communication: [1d6] 1. The golem does not speak. 2. The golem can only emit groans or squeaks. 3. The golem has slow or slurred speech. 4. The golem sounds just like a human or animal. 5. The golem sounds natural and can mimic other sounds. 6. The golem is telepathic. Golem Intelligence: [1d6] 1. The golem is pre-programmed with commands from its master. 2. The golem is remotely operated by a crystal ball. 3. The golem can perform basic tasks on its own. 4. The golem is as adaptable as a human. 5. The golem is more capable than most humans. It can use traps and items. 6. The golem is very capable and can cast spells. Golem Appendages: [1d6] 1. Golem has no extra limbs besides those needed for motion and weapons. 2. Golem has a single tool arm (pick, saw, mallet, shield) 3. Golem has two claws. 4. Golem has two hands. 5. Golem has four arms with hands. 6. Golem has multiple tentacles. Golem Weapons: Roll on table 1d3 times [1d66] (First die is 'tens, second is 'ones'.) 11. Has a nasty spike or spear 12. Has a shredding maw of teeth and mandibles 13. Has a polearm such as a glaive, naganata, or scythe 14. Has a sword (length varies with golem size) 15. Uses a crushing mace, maul, or warhammer 16. Has electrified skin 21. Can spit acid 22. Is covered in a paralytic venom 23. Uses a weighted net with sharp little hooks 24. Can dispense a slippery and very flammible oil slick 25. Is covered in sharp spikes 26. Uses a long bow or crossbow with barbed arrows or quarrels 31. Has a quiver full of javalins 32. Has a large supply of shurikens 33. Can throw boulders, rocks, or has a prod (a small stone throwing crossbow) 34. Can spit or conjure up flame 35. Can emit a stream of fire 36. Can emit a small lightning bolt 41. Has a flaming sword (only when used by the golem) 42. Has an electrified mace (only when used by the golem) 43. Has a deafening shriek that can shatter glass and pottery 44. Is covered in a noxious ooze or slime that the golem is immune to 45. Has a chilling touch 46. Can cast one offensive spell three times a day 51. Can cast one defensive spell three times a day 52. Can summon creatures or demons 53. Use giant axe (small golems will have set a trap with the axe) 54. Has giant strength 55. Has a whip-like tail that can entangle or disarm 56. Has telekinesis (and can use it while hidden) 61. Can emits a cloud of gas or steam that causes weakness 62. Has exceptional martial arts or hand to hand combat skills 63. Can project fireballs 64. Can call lightning 65. Can project a cone of cold 66. Has a poison gas breath weapon Golem Special Abilities: Roll on table 1d3 times [1d6] 1. The golem can repair itself. 2. The golem can quickly regenerate. 3. The golem is camouflaged. 4. The golem is disguised with an illusion. 5. The golem can only be harmed by magic. 6. The golem is immune to magic. Golem Power Source: [1d6] 1. Golem simply runs on magic. 2. Golem is coal or wood powered (steampunk.) 3. Golem runs on fuel (alcohol, crude oil, flesh, stolen life energy.) 4. Golem is a demonic hybrid. 5. Golem is a bio-mechanical construct (part living creature.) 6. Golem runs on electricity or lightning. Golem Weaknesses: [1d6] 1. Golem has limited reach with limbs or ability to attack to the sides. 2. Golem has a blind spot. 3. Golem has malfunctions or erratic movement. 4. The golem is insane. 5. Golem takes extra damage from one element (fire, water, acid, cold, etc.) 6. This golem has no weaknesses. (Bwah-hahaha!)