Going Nowhere Fast

Producers: Tad Stones, Alan Zaslove, James T. Walker

Written by:  Gary Sperling

Animation Company:  Sunwoo Animation

Voice Actors:  B. Scott Bullock, Bill Callaway, Jim Cummings, Christine Cavanaugh, Katie Leigh, Terry McGovern

Who's in it:  Darkwing Duck/Drake Mallard, Gosalyn, Negaduck, Launchpad, Honker Muddlefoot, Tom Lockjaw, angry mob

Plot summary:  While opening an account at the bank, Drake and Gosalyn are caught in the middle of a bank heist by the dastardly villain Negaduck!  Darkwing makes his entrance, and gets zapped by Negaduck's portable particle accelerator.   Negaduck makes away with the loot, and Darkwing is left in an angry mob of bank customers.  Later at home, Drake spies Gosalyn in peril, falling from a snapping tree branch.  He rushes to rescue her, and discovers that it wasn't just the adrenaline--he has been given a superpower--speed.  One costume coated in non-stick later, Darkwing is on the streets of St. Canard using his new power to fight crime, show off, and be "helpful" to the citizens.  He speeds to catch up with Negaduck after another bank heist--but his superspeed comes with a price.  Darkwing gets older every time he accelerates, and his accelerated age puts a major cramp on his crimefighting style.  

Old man Darkwing stays in his home, reading books, knitting, and napping on a rocking chair, given to him as a present by Negaduck.   Gosalyn is convinced that her father still has some good innings in him, and can't let a little thing like age prevent him from stopping Negaduck's bank heists--which have numbered to ten by now!  The panic and mayhem Negaduck causes on the evening news is successful in obtaining protection money from the citizens of St. Canard(in exchange, Negaduck will leave them alone and give them a 'cheap lapel pin').   While Darkwing Duck dozes, Gosalyn, Honker and Launchpad go to Negaduck's hideout, illuminated by several big signs, in an attempt to swipe the accelerator to get DW back to normal.  However, Negaduck is ready for their arrival, and they are forced to run in a giant exercise wheel.

Darkwing sees Gosalyn yelling to him for help on TV, and he creaks over to Negaduck's lair.   Negaduck, ever amused by DW's decrepit state, takes great pleasure in tormenting him, and can't resist snapping a picture of his vanquished foe. Ironic timing would have it--his camera's out of film.  He runs out to buy more, when Honker remembers a theory of Einstein's:  walking backwards regains one's lost youth.  Darkwing does so, backpedals around the entire city until he's at his proper age.   The youthful DW confronts Negaduck, who zaps him once again with the accelerator.  Gosalyn and company, fearing the worst, come across a pile of Darkwing dust.  But Darkwing is standing a few feet away, alive and well!  He explains how he did it:  As he was being zapped by the accelerator, he ran backwards into St. Canard University, found the cure for his superspeed, gathered some dust, and planted it where he stood, all moments after he had been hit.  And as for Negaduck, a slow motion potion Darkwing discovered transformed him into a nice pigeon statue at the park.  

Darkwing entrance lines: I am the Heimlich maneuver for the choking victims of crime!

Negaduck:  I am the screeching fingernail on the chalkboard of justice! I am the sour ball in the candy jar of goodness!  I am Negaduck!

Interesting facts: Darkwing has a double major in molecular biology and chemical engineering.  Well, at least we know he could always get a job if the whole crimefighting bit fell through. ^_~

Honker names his age in this episode--nine years old.  This means that his birthday party in "Life, the Negaverse, and Everything" is most likely his tenth.  

Zehra's review:  I got a lot to say here. *everyone leaves* No, no come back, it's meant to be provoking and insightful! :) One is the ever-interesting relationship between Darkwing and his daughter.  The two play a role reversal at times--it has been seen in many episodes where Gosalyn is fiercely protective of her father when he is incapacitated in some way, and has strong faith in him when he gives up on himself. (Duck Blind, Dead Duck, and Days of Blunder are other instances where we see this protectiveness.)  The reason I find this so interesting is how this aspect of their relationship contrasts and clashes with so many others, as they are often portrayed as highly competitive or so similar that they can't get along kind of thing.  But episodes like these show that there is a great deal of care on both sides, and the contrasts between their bond can be attributed to different writer's takes, or an attempt to convey a realistic relationship on the show.  This is a rather touchy-feely episode, so those with an affinity for the DW/Gos dynamic should be satisfied here. ^_ ^  But this isn't my Darkwing/Gosalyn essay, I could go on for pages about that(and the link to that little essay will be posted soon! ;))  

Another interesting aspect of this episode is seeing how Darkwing handles getting a wish of his--a legitimate superpower that's not his "witty repartee!"   It's really too bad that DW couldn't keep his superpower without ramifications, but DW just wouldn't be DW if he weren't just an average joe with an above-average intellect.   I'm not particularly a Negaduck fan, but I found him pretty hilarious in this episode--especially his little "leaving the heroes alone while I go steal film to capture this kodak moment" bit.  Negaduck is pretty dopey here, actually.  He becomes defeated way too easily, actually drinking the slow motion potion DW offers him.  But hey, that's why he's fun.  Launchpad proved himself completely useless yet again.  Don't get me wrong, I love LP tremendously, but sometimes I wonder if he's just a part of the background.  Gosalyn lead the rally for her father, as well as the charge to Negaduck's lair as LP and Honker followed.  

A little bit of continuity(which we LOVE to see!) was in this episode as well--the bag of vacuum cleaner dust Darkwing gathered was charmingly procured from vacuuming Gosalyn's room; Darkwing has often berated Gosalyn for the mess in her "organized chaos."  Also, at St. Canard University, Doctors Alan and Geric make an appearance--we've seen them before as poor Dr. Reginald Bushroot's tormentors in "Beauty and the Beet."

Finally--an interesting thought occurred to me while watching "Going Nowhere Fast"-- maybe this episode can help the age continuity that this fandom has so relentlessly debated. ;)  You know, the whole is Darkwing 28, 30, 35, 40 he was going to his 20th reunion and he graduated in the 70s ORDEAL?  Well, with this ep, fans can now make Darkwing whatever age they want, and say he added/subtracted time from his age using his superspeed in this episode.  Who knows, DW could now have the body of a 21 year old college guy!  Which is allrighty for this reviewer... ;)

Oopsies:  In the third act, Gosalyn says in the wheel: "If there was just some way to reverse the process."  For the first part of this line, Gosalyn's mouth isn't moving.  In fact, her mouth is animated to only say "the process."  

Quotes:  Drake: "Why can't you you just keep your money in a piggybank, like other kids?"  

                 Gosalyn: "Piggybanks don't compound their interest daily."

                 Drake: "What an ego. Have you ever seen anything like it?"

                 Honker:  "Look, Gosalyn, I'm only 9 years old.  Molecular biology is a little over my head!"

                               "Well, I guess particle beam physics is more my speed."

                 Honker: "Actually, Einstein advanced a controversial theory of walking backwards as a way of regaining one's                                   lost youth!"

                 Gosalyn: "Why didn't you tell us about it earlier?"

                  Honker: "Well, Einstein said it during his later years, when he wore wristwatches on both ankles and claimed                                     Abe Lincoln was a martian."

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