"Next one attacks 'laughing boy'."
- Yogi, after the above line
"Well, you wanted to get head."
- Dan, to Marie, after Melane (her character) beheaded an opponent
"I don't want something sucking on me."
"He forks you for four points."
"I think I'll have a conversation with the flavor
"They should have a saving throw versus player
"You use the power, and your pants fall down."
"Are you going to pull up your pants, please?"
"How many hours has it been since my pants fell
"Teb, Are you ding-dong-ditching?"
"When she gives a fondly remembering look, it's
time to go to sleep and have a dream where you go to school naked and haven't
studied for the test and can't find a number two pencil."
- Marie (who plays Melane) to Mike (who plays Ed)
"Ooh, we finally are taking damage. What are
"He remarkably sounds just like the bell..."
- Yogi, after a strong character picks up another character in plate mail and shakes him vigirously.
"When Precious attacks, next on Fox!"
"Hit me! Hit me!"
"Looks like fun... Maybe I'll throw a tiefling
out a window too..."
- Phil, for A.J.
"What do I do? Point and Laugh at him."
- Rob, for Teb
"I'm rolling against flavor text."
"Can you unheal him?"
"I couldn't stab myself for enough damage."
- Tommy, talking for Quell'Ath trying to survive on the positive energy plain
"I want two magic missles in my face... I mean
the one in front of my face!"
"Put the ring of regeneration on the cat!!!"
"Cool, I want to puck again!
"I can't do anything with your spellbook except
- Morningstar, the psionicist
"Her favorite cat is... not quite as stoned."
"Oooohhhh... I might want to heal myself one
of these days..."
- Mike, for Ed
"Hey, how did the southern good-ol'-boys get
on to this plane?"
- Nick, commenting on the GM's attempt with using more voices.
"It's easy, just find someone else who's dead
- Quell'Ath, on how to find the murdering visage
"Danger is coming, but my dagger really likes
"I describe it as the...ohhh f*ck!"
- Phil, as his finger dislocates.
"Try disbelieving." "Oh, that might help..."
- Teb, then A.J.
"He's pulling out his crossbow? I'll detonate
it so it will do less damage to him."
- Dan, talking about the crossbow-fumbling A.J.
"How many visages are in the city?" "The number
of the counting shall be three, no more, no less." "...and then I'll go
- Ed (casting augury), with the DM response and Ed's added thought
"Oh, it's dead?!? So, which one of my party members
did I just kill?"
- Phil, while the player knows his character's isn't seeing the truth
"Provayer of the face of death."
- Dan, about Teb
"The verbal component of feather fall
should be "Oh sh*t!"
"You got your spell reflected? You mean your
god didn't make them good enough already?"
- Morningstar, to Ed
"Awwww, it's a little baby evil thing."
"Just attack the crossbow and break it, so he
can't hurt himself anymore."
- Teb, talking about the fumble-prone A.J.
"No, because that guy could kick all of our asses."
"That would be a good experience."
- Teb, then A.J., the sensate
"I'll not give my cat a toybox of whips and chains!"
- Marie, for undisclosed reasons
"I'm putting my cursor over him. Does he have
a name?" "We are not playing Torment!"
- Nick, upon the party meeting an NPC, then Yogi
"Woo-Hoo! We killed a god!"
- Teb (of course, they weren't completely accurate)
"I'll pull my sword in a non-threatening manner."
- Corey, about a very large weapon
"Too bad that bat hit him..."
- Melena, when her player botched and knocked out a fellow adventurer
"Can you use baatorian green bass as daggers if you
- Rob, randomly
"Oh, there's his butt..."
"Ah, but I'm a sexy hoe."
- Merissa, after being called a hoe
"You're a him again!"
- Yogi, after Teb reincarnated a second time, back into a male halfling
"I still miss my happy-fun balls..."
- Nick, reminiscing about past magic items
"I'd kill him on principle."
- Merissa, after the rest of the group decidied to attack the Harmonium bully
"Can you protect me now?" "Huh, I thought you
said can you attack me now."
- Millet and Teb
"I'll parry for him."
- Corey, for Merissa, protecting the person he wants to one-on-one kill
"You follower of a wuss god of love and passion!!!"
- Wheelwright's Dagger of Hiding (intelligent dagger following Brandobaris, halfing god), to his halfling owner Teb, who reveres Selune, goddess of the moon
"I'm better than you..."
- Phil, Nick, and Corey, singing, playing one of Teb's intelligent daggers when it hit when the other one missed
"Oh, everyone knows Captain Kirk! He's that Faerunian
- Mike, realizing he was talking in character accidentally again
"I will NOT touch that cow's ass." "I will!"
- Kali (Phil), then Melane (Marie), who has a crush on the minotaur
"Ring of Chastity +2, +4 vs. piercing."
- Merissa, "identifying" a magical ring
"I'll cast minty fresh breath."
- Keon (Mark), with an interesting use of the Cantrip spell
"Umm, but you blocked to door..."
"Ok, Ok, I'll fireball the Wall of Iron I put there."
- Keon (Mark), then Teb (Rob), then Keon again
"Say 'Bitch', and picture the Lady of Pain washing
- Nick, giving the group ideas how to use the infamous Sigil Spell
"Is it a he or a she? You keep alternating!"
"Well, it's a Chaosman, so he'll be switching as you watch."
- Rie, complaining at her DM, and then the DM responds
"Being able to see an unseen servant can be useful
- Mike, plotting
"Mages and whores, that's usually the fields for beautiful
"I'll detect law." "I'll detect chaos."
- Merissa, the Doomguard, and Reebon, the Stone Champion Paladin, both realizing that the other shone as brightly as a beacon
"I've been teaching the unteachable." "It's like
being a missionary in Canada."
- Reebon (regarding teaching law to Marissa), and then Corey, trying to show how hard it is
"Are we in a big orgy?"
- Lebem, seeing the rest of the part stuck into a big pile
"We're catching a lot of looters breaking into my house,
and quite a few carrying furniture."
- Teb, explaining to the paladin why his thieves suddenly are carrying around a lot of furniture during the "Darkstorm" riots
"What's your character's name Mark?" "Stupid."
- Mike, then Mark, after Mark closed off the way to get out with a Wall of Iron
"I have been called a Femi-Nazi before." "So
- Personal thoughts of Marie and then Mark (a guy)
"He's refusing to use me, and that's what is frustrating
- Melena, complaining about Lebem, who her character now loves
"The problem is we're not f*cked up, and we'd like
to be f*cked up."
"How much is that Gothie in the window?"
- Merissa (Corey), singing in the Hive
"Mostly by bouncing."
- Rob, describing how Merissa, the comely tiefling, is bringing a crowd to a frenzy
"If you blow up the Armory, I will have to kill you.
My cat is in there!"
"I've been trying this for weeks. I can't die!"
- Nick, just before his character has his head taken off by a Sphere of Annialation
"Why the hell did I drag the body all the way up this
mountain if he's already here?!?"
- Teb, after dragging Jerico's body up Mount Olympus to Hermes's Realm
"It's a sword with a hang over."
- Phil, regarding a grouchy, intelligent scimitar
"That's right, ride the goat." "Hey, I can ride
you into battle!"
- Teb, then Merissa, after Jerico reincarnates into a bariur
"It's the 'I'm going to eat your baby, I've got your
best friend locked up in the basement, and I'm going to take over the world'
- a description of a grin by Mark
"What's that thing?" "I don't know." "Maybe
if we turn around, it'll go away." "Ok"
- Mark and Mike, talking about an evil fiend who didn't go away
"People of Sigil, gather round... I don't even remember
what the name of my group is."
- Mark, preparing for his character to make a speech for the Eschiton
"With a charisma of 16, I'm not your standard tiefling
"Minotaur is drunk, go fix him."
- Corey, to Melane
"Oh my god, I can write!"
- Merissa, after converting to third edition D&D
"I'm not stupid, I'm clumsy."
- Phil, while playing Kali a skilled elven archer
"Let's have a good contest. See, I win.
I'm going to go fight evil, and you're hiding in the forest, so I win.
I'm more good than you!"
- Merissa, to villagers frightened by something with lower-planar blood
"...and being undead, they'll rush us in a slow shambling
- Corey, after hearing the DM's description before a fight.
"We're roleplaying, but I'll see if I can wake her."
- Yogi, regarding his seemingly narcoleptic wife
"Hey, when you're a halfling, everything is cover."
- Rob, regarding his halfling Teb
"Don't worry, she can't hit worth a shit."
- Keon, "reassuring" the opponent of Merissa
"I'm about my height, and a lot sexier!"
- Corey, describing his character Merissa
"What's your modifier for throwing a sunflower seed?"
- Marie, about an insult
"I'm a little drowned rat looking." "That's the
way I like 'em!"
- Nicki, after coming in from the rain, followed by Corey
"Hey Squirrelly, want your nuts back?"
- Merissa, to a Ratatosk
"If he was standing over me, I'd kick me in the jimmy!"
- Phil, messing up his statements of combat
"I'm way in tune with your mother."
- Keon, to a now very angry Melane
"Shut up! I didn't put the dead squirrels under
- Merissa, holding up a dead squirrel and imitating its voice
"I licked, but I didn't swallow."
- Steph, a guest NPC, describing dinner
"So, the Greek are a big fan of the back door."
- Keon, regarding the constant access to the rear entrance to the Den of Hermes
"His handwriting is worse than a drunken 4 year old!"
"That came out of the paladin's mouth?!? Hey,
it's good enough to put up with Marissa."
- Melane, regarding the new paladin joinging the party (the original quote commented on is too racey to be posted here)
"How about not being crushed by boulder dice, that's
my marching order."
- Corey, regarding his miniture being knocked over by large d20s
"Now, Mr. Paladin, I thank you in your help in defeating
the evil sheep in the staring contest."
- Merissa, after Daelrick decided that the staring game took too long and clonked the huge sheep
"I believe he can have a god, but I don't think any
self respecting god would have him."
- Melane, speaking of Melus, her father and priest of Hermes
"It'd be really funny to see a fish who couldn't swim."
- Corey, musing randomly about the wildshaping druid
"If I try to disintegrate it, I'll die. I'm never
casting that spell again!"
- Keon, after having a disintegrate spell reflected at him
"I'll fight you like a man, with an empowered lightning
- Keon, to a fighter mocking his manhood
"Why do you think I grew up hating men?" "I don't
know... I thought you might be a lesbian."
- Melane (hating men because her father), then Keon
"Don't back up. You might step on the wrong tiles."
"I'm not. I turned around and moved back." "Oh, so you're running
away like a little b*tch." "Yes I am."
- Conversation between Merissa and Keon (Keon being the scared b*tch)
"Well Merissa has a lot of planar trivia that she doesn't
"Don't make the horse unhappy. You don't know
what he'll do. I don't even know what it'll do, so let's not find
- Mike's logic
"Behold the power of Cheese!"
- Cheese, cat reincarnated into a gnoll, after killing an owlbear one-on-one
"I'm gonna f*ck these spiders up... Where's my
- Mark (for Keon) using empowered magic missle spells
"Too bad we have to track down your silly little wizard
- Nicki, about the world destroying wizard Malakite Lumm
"Come, sit by your funeral pyre."
- Merissa, to Melane, who was newly reincarnated
"I'm the super soaker paladin!"
- Money Mike, about his character Tara using her Decanter of endless Water
"I loot my own body."
- Corey (Merissa), after being reincarnated
"We've got him when you cast sleep on him."
"He has too many hit dice to be effected by sleep."
"Well, ... if we cast big red hammer on him..."
- Rob, Yogi, and Rob again
"If you're using a machine that destroys the world,
... you DO NOT push the big red button!"
- Marie, for Melana
"It's not that Yogi. I'm chaotic neutral.
I get distracted easily."
- Corey, explaining Marrissa/Jack's motives
"Hey paladin! Would you like to go smite evil
in all its forms, even the good ones?"
- Jack/Marissa, then Tara, about hunting Illithids
"I have this thing where I have racial enemy Turkey."
- Corey, before the game session
"Awwww..... Cute little tentacle beast..."
- P-Money, after meeting the Deep Dweller, a huge being that is pure tentacles
"If I can't be paranoid about the worm beast, you don't
get to be paranoid about it reading your mind."
- Jack/Marissa after Keon tried panicing after he felt the Deep Dweller in his mind (after assuring Jack that it would be all right)
"What do they do? Maybe I do want worms..."
- Jack/Marissa on deciding to get a Malgrost join with him/her
"Will you leave a scar where you enter me?" <it
shakes head no> "Great, C'mon in!"
- Jack/Marissa talking to Malgrost he's about to join with
"I've got a chaotic neutral worm in my head?!?
That can't be good."
- Corey, for Jack/Marissa, after finding out the Malgrost has the same alignment as his character
"I don't know what Keon is doing, but Mark's gettin'
- Mark, after Yogi tried to differentiate between player and character
"Apperently the horny and irresponsible characteristics
are carried on the Y chromosome."
- Marie, after the above line
"I'd don't have much to do, so I'll just enjoy the
- Nicki, for Essyl, about where she wants to retire to (Ygdrassil)
"What a crock! I'll stay a dwarf!"
- Tara, after P-Money (her player) discovered that Polymorph spells only make you an average physical character for the new race
"Are you telling me that stealing is bad?!?"
- Corey, for Jack/Marissa, incredulusly
a dirty lizard..."
- Marie, for Melane, referring to her crush on Glaradrin
I throw an arrow?"
- P-Money, realizing for the first time that Tara (his character) carried 20 arrows, but no bow
go off and play while I'm getting eaten."
- Tara, to party members, while she kept the astral dragon busy
my god? ... Sif? ... Get rid of them!"
- P-Money, for Tara, while he hid in his coat away from the monsters
might go berserk."
"GREAT!!! Oh wait, that may not be good."
- Melane to Tara (because of sword powers), then Tara's responce
got a mirror?"
"I'm a mage. I own every useless item possible."
- Yogi, then Mark (for Keon), about his spell components
Yes, I can lead you to them, and then we can bathe in their blood. ::
- Ghostfire the sword, then Tara, the lawful good paladin
Potter must die, because the last kid who cast magic took Mark's soul."
- Corey, on why he will never let any youth cast spells within his hearing
*Tara Saves Again*
"I can't roll low enough!"
*Tara Saves Yet Again*
"Yeah! I rolled a one!"
- Teb (using a wand of paralization's power word), and Nicki (for Tara), under control of another creature
pull meditation out of my arse!"
- Merissa's reaction to a NPC telling her to relax
"I cast cure light wounds on the cat."
- Marie, for Melane